CIE Posted August 14, 2006 Posted August 14, 2006 Hello all, I'm not a a big poster, i just like reading posts most of the time, so i will try to keep this short and to the point I'm terrible at reading body language when it comes to finding out if a person is interested in me. To make matters worst, I'm just bad at talking to women I am interested in. My previous relationship was a LDR wich ended about 4 months ago. Last Saturday I met a nice woman, she's the friend of one of my friend's girlfriend. I've heard her and some of my friends talk about her before and how she's a really nice person over the past few months, but this is the first time i have met her. She seems like a very warm person, always smiling and willing to talk with anyone. We really talked alot while we were at the restaurant, and nowhere in those few hours did I ever feel unconfortable or uneasy, was just having a good time with her and my friends basically. Turns out we have the same birthday, although I am two years older than she is. Long story short, I'm not sure if I should ask her out. She's a really nice person from what i've seen so far and would love to get to know her better but I dont know if she would be interested in dating me. For all I can figure out she's just a really friendly person who's very social. I've never been anti-social but I've always been shy, although I have been trying to work on that, and my current job has helped me alot in that respect. The reason i'm not sure is that she is attractive, and although people think "[i'm] Cute", I do have a few extra pounds that just wont go away no matter how much i work out or what diet I follow. It sounds like I need more self esteem, and I probably do, but I do look like i have a few extra pounds. To give you an idea I am 5"8' and weigh 200lbs. So though i'm not really huge or anything, i do have a little extra coating. She on the other hand is about my height as well, but probably weights half what i do. My friends did tell me she doesnt have a boyfriend, so I do want to make a move the next time I see her. I didnt want to go too quickly and ask her out right away, as that's also been one of my problems in the past. Thank you for reading and thank you for any advice you can give me, or just any plain old kick in the butt to get me going
bunnee Posted August 15, 2006 Posted August 15, 2006 Don't be a wussy... lol.. I am a very social person myself and if I didnt want to talk to someone... I find ways around itb (bus she DIDNT).... and believe it or not women do not tend to be as shallow as men... ok I know that was a rude genraliztion, but for the most part its true... confidence is sexy.. so go and ask her out... and gl....
Author CIE Posted August 15, 2006 Author Posted August 15, 2006 But just because you talk to someone from the opposite sex doesnt mean that you are interested in dating them. Any pointers to see if she is giving me any signs and maybe help me read her body language would be appreciated.
john2776 Posted August 15, 2006 Posted August 15, 2006 Woman like confidence, not wuss bags, and sorry dude but you sound all wussy! Yes girls prefer guys with great bodies, but still date guys who look like **** when they have super personalities. So show her what a fun confident unpredictable guy you are. Body language? This is a tip I have picked up elsewhere and have a lot of fun with: try touching her hair and running it through your fingers. If she doesn't flinch and freak out when you do it, but looks at you with a sparkle in her eye, you can be sure that she is into you and that if you try she will let you kiss her.
Angel291 Posted August 15, 2006 Posted August 15, 2006 Women are all really different. My friend who is the same age as me has never outgrown her high school pension for dating good looking men. She will base an entire relationship on a mans looks! As for me, I got over that when I was in high school. I dated the good looking guys, and they were ALL JERKS. I grew up and started looking to what is inside of a man. You sound like a really nice guy. Here is some advice that works wonders on a woman if done correctly. A man used it with me and he was overweight and not appealing looking at all, yet I eventually dated him and so did many of the women he persued. (And I am by no means ugly. I have been told many times that I look like Marilyn Monroe, a femme fatale, a movie star out of the 1940's, etc. In other words, this man really had the magic touch!) He always acted secure, even if he did not feel secure, he forced himself to think confident. Then he turned all of his attention on the woman, a technique I later learned is what they teach men in dating seminars! He basically made the woman feel like she was the most fascinating person in he had ever met. Like she was incredibly interesting and unique. He would ask her all kinds of questions about herself, talk about the things she wanted to talk about, etc. And he REALLY LISTENED! A person call tell someone who is really interested in what they are saying and really listening. He listened! He made himself a great person to hang out with, and gave no signs he was interested in dating at first. He just came across like he wanted to be friends. He would suggest just hanging out and doing something neat that other men would never do. For example, to get a girl to hang out with him for the first time he might find out what she is really interested in. So if a girl really loves the Opera but no one would go with her, he might say "hey, there is this amazing opera playing in the next town. I was going to go with this girl that I like but she is not really into it. I have two tickets, would you like to go?" He made himself a buddy and then began to slip in a romantic edge, slowly at first. He would slip in little cute things, like copying a love poem from a book that only slightly hinted of being a love poem, or writing a cute letter and leaving it on my car window. He would think of a adorable way to say my name, and then go around humming my name or saying it to himself in a silly little way like it was the most fascinating thing to him in the world! He would bring me little suprises like a certain cookie I loved from a certain store. He made me feel special and important and unique during the pre-dating phase in a way that no man since him ever really has! I often find myself comparing things men do to what he did and saying, "they are not doing what he did! I wish they would." Anyways, this technique worked on all the girls he dated as I know from the ones he dated before me telling me and the ones he dated after because I watched the process unfold. Eventually he would manage to prove what a great, fun, unique guy he was. He thought of places to take girls that other guys didn't. He did things other guys didn't. Then he had this one move that was so great. It still gets me because he used it on me and the girl after me and it worked on us both! He had this romantic movie that was a great movie. It was about this girl who was engaged to one man but really felt she might love another...but the other man was not the type of guy she would normally go for. He was a bit odd, and socially not very acceptable, yet beautiful on the inside and wonderful and passionate all the same. So this guy I knew would tell me all about this movie, and how the girl in the movie reminded him of me, and how it was so wonderful and that I really should see this because the girl was so special and beautiful and it was so sad how she was trapped in this mindset where she could not let herself love the man she really loved...and he did this all by basically using a technique where he got me to think what he wanted me to think by making me think I was thinking it myself. I hope that makes sense! At the right moment, usually after months of hanging out, he would have the girl watch this movie...it was not long after that the breaking point came! He was smoooooth. Problem was, he was ALL about the chase. Once he got me, he still continued to be great for awhile...but then he turned into this couch potato who never wanted to go nowhere or do anything! It was such a shame. I had to break up with him. The girl that dated him after me had the same experience to. Anyways, that is a lot of advice I know! But it sure works. Good luck!
britchick Posted August 15, 2006 Posted August 15, 2006 If you're really nervous about asking her out, how about getting one of your friends to feel out the situation (in a subtle way). I wouldn't care if a man was short, tall, fat, thin, whatever, there are more important things to look for.
Author CIE Posted August 15, 2006 Author Posted August 15, 2006 Thank you for all your replies. john2776 - I was thinking something a bit more passive. But thanks for the input I guess I am a little wussy when it comes to that. I use to be alot worse however. Angel291 - Sounds like a good perspective, unfortunatly I dont really see her on a daily basis. We work at different places and go to different universities, only times i see her is when we go out with our friends. I'm not all about the chase myself, i'm willing to have something serious, and I am interested in what she has to say, just not enough time or opportunity to listen and exchange ideas. britchick - Testing the water is good, but i dont want the word to get out too quickly either. Once again thanks to each of you for taking the time to reply to me!
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