SoCalCatman72 Posted August 14, 2006 Posted August 14, 2006 So I've really been putting some effort into this online dating thing, and I'm wondering why so many women don't reply to e-mails. I mean I'll put a good 10 to 15 minutes drafting a thoughtful, unique e-mail. Then I'll see that the person has viewed my profile, but they never respond. I mean it's so easy there's this little button you click on that will generate an auto-response that they are not interested. It's frustrating and disheartening, it just seems arrogant and conceited to not even reply to someone who obviously took the time to say hi. I'm so frustrated I even made a comment about it in my profile. I mean from my point of view, these are human hearts and feelings behind the profile on your screen. When someone e-mails me, even if I suspect its a scam, I always have the courtesy of replying with a not interested response.
Sally00 Posted August 14, 2006 Posted August 14, 2006 My guess is that they don't wanna hurt your feelings by saying they're not interested... so they take the easy way out and ignore you.
bunnee Posted August 14, 2006 Posted August 14, 2006 ok solution.. shorten the conversations.... or make a draft that you use for everyone as a general introduction... and look at it this way..... she didnt deserve your time... make it easy for yourself... she will show up when you are not looking
Author SoCalCatman72 Posted August 14, 2006 Author Posted August 14, 2006 so they take the easy way out and ignore you. Yeah, technology has made it so easy to be rude to others. I mean if a woman completely ignored a guy at a bar who was very politely trying to say hi to her, she would be branded as a conceited frigid b****, by most people.
Tony T Posted August 15, 2006 Posted August 15, 2006 So I've really been putting some effort into this online dating thing, and I'm wondering why so many women don't reply to e-mails. I mean I'll put a good 10 to 15 minutes drafting a thoughtful, unique e-mail. Then I'll see that the person has viewed my profile, but they never respond. I mean it's so easy there's this little button you click on that will generate an auto-response that they are not interested. It's frustrating and disheartening, it just seems arrogant and conceited to not even reply to someone who obviously took the time to say hi. I'm so frustrated I even made a comment about it in my profile. I mean from my point of view, these are human hearts and feelings behind the profile on your screen. When someone e-mails me, even if I suspect its a scam, I always have the courtesy of replying with a not interested response. It's not really rude of them to not reply. They did not solicit your particular mail. Apart from that, most of the kind of women you would write to get so much mail everyday they simply don't have time to reply to it. You're lots better off looking for gals in person. Try it sometime. It's worked for centuries...before the Internet.
burning 4 revenge Posted August 15, 2006 Posted August 15, 2006 I'm doing the same thing on a disabled dating site and I've gotten a couple of replies, but out of eleven I sent, only two have replied and four others looked at the e-mail and did'nt. Two have written me unsolicited and I deleted them. It's not rude in the initial stages. If you are not interested for whatever reason why respond? That encourages someone to continue to write. The other thing is to say you're not interested, but then you have to make up a polite reason, so f*ck it. I would encourage you not to sound bitter in you're profile, it's a turn off.
Brittanyjean06 Posted August 15, 2006 Posted August 15, 2006 Sometimes users never go back to their account, but if you can tell if they viewed your profile than I guess their account is still up too date. Would you rather these people say I'm not interested. I guess ignoring things now and days is the easiest way out of a solution. Pretty childish I know, we all do it from time to time. Someone on that site will see you and want to chat. Maybe you won't meet anyone there but meet someone out of the dating site.
serial muse Posted August 15, 2006 Posted August 15, 2006 So I've really been putting some effort into this online dating thing, and I'm wondering why so many women don't reply to e-mails. I mean I'll put a good 10 to 15 minutes drafting a thoughtful, unique e-mail. Then I'll see that the person has viewed my profile, but they never respond. I mean it's so easy there's this little button you click on that will generate an auto-response that they are not interested. It's frustrating and disheartening, it just seems arrogant and conceited to not even reply to someone who obviously took the time to say hi. I'm so frustrated I even made a comment about it in my profile. I mean from my point of view, these are human hearts and feelings behind the profile on your screen. When someone e-mails me, even if I suspect its a scam, I always have the courtesy of replying with a not interested response. This is interesting...I didn't know there was such a button. I wonder if that's true of all or most dating programs. Anyway...generally, if someone takes the time to write me a thoughtful letter that shows they've clearly read my profile and are responding specifically to it (so that I don't feel like I'm part of a mass-mailing) then generally I will reply personally as well. I'm actually surprised you'd be satisfied with an auto-response - that seems rather rude to me, but I suppose I agree it's better than being left in limbo. The only times I haven't responded were when, as another poster mentioned, I got a bit overwhelmed with emails. It's a lot to keep up with, and since I'm not crazy about the auto-response thing, I'd rather respond personally...but sometimes, time gets away from you, or it slips your mind. Of course, that's not very flattering, but I've had the "no-response' thing happen to me before, too, so I know how it feels. And the sad truth is, as we all know: no response is a response. I just wanted to add that there have been a couple of times when I've responded politely with a 'thanks for your note, but I don't think we're right for each other' type of email - and the guy somehow was encouraged by the fact that I responded politely or at all or something, and consequently would. not. let. it. go. I don't get it. I stated plainly that I'm not interested, and yet I've had more than one guy try to guilt me into dating him, by calling me close-minded or wheedling - as though that might actually work. To wit: 'give it a chance, why not, I'd hate to miss out on the right person, it's just coffee I'm not proposing or anything'...ugh. Note: you are not missing out on the right person. Because like I said, I'm not interested, which makes me not the right person. Guilt-tripping = complete and utter turnoff. whoa, sorry. end rant. Anyway, I guess what I'm trying to say is, I can sort of see why some people might choose just to ignore. Rude as it is (and I agree with you, it is). But on the other hand, there are, sadly, umpteen ways to be rude to each other, in the world.
Angel291 Posted August 15, 2006 Posted August 15, 2006 I know it comes across as rude, but here is my viewpoint as a woman. When I first got on a site like that, and started receiving emails from men I was not interested in, I felt rather bad about things no matter what I would do. I felt bad emailing them and saying "sorry, not interested" because I felt like I would hurt their feelings. Even when I am out and meet a guy in public, I find it so hard to say I am not interested because I know guys get a lot of rejection and it has to be hard to approach someone and then hear, "sorry, buddy, not interested." Usually I will be polite and talk to them and then try to find a way to excuse myself or say I have someone. It just feels so bad to hurt their feelings! Anyways, so there I was new on this internet dating site thingie and I felt bad sending an email to say I was not interested. I also felt bad that I was not replying because I knew that technically it would be more courteous to reply. I did not know what to do... So finally I decided to be polite and send very nice rejection letters. Boy, was that a mistake! The first man I send a VERY polite rejection letter to wrote me back a rude reply saying, "oh, so I am too old for you? What, am I an old pervert now? You know you will be my age someday!" (The man was like 65 and I am in my 20's!!!) I do not think I could have turned this man down any more politely than I did...and he still got mad! Then I sent a very nice rejection letter to another man, and instead of accepting it he took it as a opportunity to bug me to write him! He wrote back trying to get me to talk to him about my reasons for not being interested! I thought, "it would have been better to just have ignored him!" Anyways, I gave up sending polite rejection letters because they end up causing more problems than not sending them! It seems the men either get offended and want to let you know, or use it as a means to try and get you to talk! So I know that in a perfect world it would be nice to at least get a reply, keep in mind that there are people out there who ruin it for the nice ones who would accept a polite rejection letter and move on. Oh, and please do take anything off of your profile that mentiones your frustration. A guy that emailed me one time had that on his profile, and when I checked his profile and saw that it was SUCH a turn of. It made him sound like such a negative and bitter person. Your profile should be all positive and only positive. If you want, maybe you could type a very nice generic email to use for everyone and include a note asking whoever you have written to to please let you know either way if they are interested. But leave it at that - dont go into how it is so rude to not reply and how you are upset with people in the past who have done it. Just act like it is no big deal but that you would appreciate it. Good luck!
Pyro Posted August 15, 2006 Posted August 15, 2006 So I've really been putting some effort into this online dating thing, and I'm wondering why so many women don't reply to e-mails. I mean I'll put a good 10 to 15 minutes drafting a thoughtful, unique e-mail. Then I'll see that the person has viewed my profile, but they never respond. I mean it's so easy there's this little button you click on that will generate an auto-response that they are not interested. It's frustrating and disheartening, it just seems arrogant and conceited to not even reply to someone who obviously took the time to say hi. I'm so frustrated I even made a comment about it in my profile. I mean from my point of view, these are human hearts and feelings behind the profile on your screen. When someone e-mails me, even if I suspect its a scam, I always have the courtesy of replying with a not interested response. I have two ideas why: 1. You may have scared them with your thoughtful and unique email. Take it slow with them. make small talk and then work your way up. 2. Some profiles are not actual members but are made up and are used to show interest in other members just to keep there hopes up, so that they will continue to pay for their subscription. Don't get frustrated.
whichwayisup Posted August 15, 2006 Posted August 15, 2006 disabled dating site B4R, are you disabled?
Adunaphel Posted August 15, 2006 Posted August 15, 2006 I'm sorry to hear that rudeness is still so pupolar on dating sites, but please do not take such rudeness personally. Some of the other posters have valid explanations about why many women might not write back/let you know you are not interested. It makes sense. Do you get notified when your e-mails have been read? Many people who are on online dating websites do not check them on a daily basis, but just once in a while. So you could still get some replies.
littlekitty Posted August 15, 2006 Posted August 15, 2006 I'm sorry that it hurts your feelings that some women don't reply. I'm afraid I have to admit to previously doing the same thing myself. Trouble is, when I was Internet Dating, some days I was receiving over 100 contacts from men. I simply didn't have the time not only to review all of them, but to reply (even auto reply) to all of them. It wasn't something personal, or even that I intended hurt or rudeness. It simply wasn't possible to respond to each person that contacted me. I agree with this completely: Oh, and please do take anything off of your profile that mentiones your frustration. A guy that emailed me one time had that on his profile, and when I checked his profile and saw that it was SUCH a turn of. It made him sound like such a negative and bitter person. Your profile should be all positive and only positive. And I'd also suggest keeping first contact short and fairly to the point. No point putting in all that effort for no response eh? That probably what's frustrating you even more. First contact's are normally fairly short and light hearted. Save the nice, thoughfully written emails for after you get an interested response.
Author SoCalCatman72 Posted August 15, 2006 Author Posted August 15, 2006 Hey everyone, thanks for the honest advice. I've removed the "pity party" from my profile, but I think Tony T is right. I don't think that my most attractive features can be summed up in 2000 characters or less. I think I'm going to cancel my account and just get out there more. Thanks for all your help, u all are great.
mishy Posted August 15, 2006 Posted August 15, 2006 people are just too "busy' to reply....... look i know what you mean- i suppose they kind of think - hey i don't know him, who cares if i reply - he doesn't know who i am. You're right - ditch the internet thing- u sound like a really decent guy - i don't know which country you are i but maybe the internet site also runs 'events' where you get to meet people face to face (like a no pressure party). I have found the internet thing to be dragged out, tedious and not very "real". go and meet people face to face . Try speed dating.
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