DarkMessenger Posted August 14, 2006 Posted August 14, 2006 Hi there, This is my first post and I am in need of some advice please... A little bit about my situation.. Me and my girlfriend have been living together for 1 year now and things have gone well overall... Until recently... About a month and a half ago I caught her on MSN Messenger getting guys to strip and play with themselves for her.. She was talking really dirty with them and they were (obviously) doing it back... I confronted her about this straight away and she told me that this was the first time that she'd ever done anything like this and it was just to see what it was like 'cause some of her friends told her that they did it... About 2 weeks later, on a day when I was home from work, I decided to do a bit of snooping and looked through her chat logs and recieved files.. i found that she'd been doing this for many months (somewhere between 2 and 6)... I confronted her about this when she got home too... she said she was sorry for lying and sorry for doing it... She was just "having a bit of fun".. After this incident we agreed for me to remove net access from her machine... So that's been done and all seemed fine... up until about 3 weeks ago... One night she told me that she wanted to go and say goodbye to a (male) friend who was going to live up country.. She left at around 11pm and was due to come back at 2... She did, but she told me she was going back over there to keep him company as he'd been to a party and was violently throwing up.. So I said fine... After that I went to bed... I got up at 7:30 to find that she still wasn't home.. I went over to her friends to get her.. She'd apparently fallen asleep on the sofa... but she didn't want to come home yet.. she said that since he was ill she never got to say goodbye properly... so I left her and she came home and hour later... Since that day she's started wanting to go out with some friends a LOT more than she ever did before... people who she'd previously told me were boring and annoying... These people are all males and she goes out to the pubs with them and over their house for a drink... And she's never ever been home on time.. The closest was an hour late! After we had an argument about this she decided to move out for a week to "give us a cooling off period"... Annoyingly she decided to move in with a couple of guys down the road... During her time away I pretty much left her alone like she asked, except when I'd bump into them down the pub if I went out for a drink with a friend (only happened twice)... Since then we've mostly worked things out and she's moved back in, but she now goes over to those 2 guys house for a few drinks for about 3 or 4 hours... Also, since moving back. she's told me that she wants to move back in with her mother (who lives 300 miles away) but she still wants us to be together... (She's moving back in just over a week) Last night she spent 3 hours over those guys house having a drink and tonight she's gone around there for a planned 6 HOURS!! to say "goodbye" to them... She's got a few more goodbye evenings planned for other friends and work mates... She still says that she loves me and would never cheat on me or do anything to hurt me, even though I've said straight out that I'd rather she told me now than left it until she's gone away... OK.. sorry for the long and drawn out explanation of what's happening... Now to the questions... 1) Does she really still love me? 2) Am I being unreasonable at asking her to not go out so much 3) Am I being unreasonable in thinking that she's cheating on me? 4) What would you do in my situation?
norajane Posted August 14, 2006 Posted August 14, 2006 Break up with her now. She's more into saying 'goodbye' to her friends than in saying goodbye to you. If she hasn't started cheating (big IF), she soon will after she moves 300 miles from you. End this yourself so you don't have to wonder when the other shoe will drop.
bluechocolate Posted August 14, 2006 Posted August 14, 2006 One thing I'm curious about - why aren't you going out with her? Break up with her now. She's more into saying 'goodbye' to her friends than in saying goodbye to you. If she hasn't started cheating (big IF), she soon will after she moves 300 miles from you. Agreed.
crazy_grl Posted August 14, 2006 Posted August 14, 2006 I went over to her friends to get her.. She'd apparently fallen asleep on the sofa... but she didn't want to come home yet.. she said that since he was ill she never got to say goodbye properly... so I left her and she came home and hour later... WAAAHHHH??? I'm having a hard time coming up with a reason why should couldn't say goodbye "properly" while you were there... unless it involves a blowjob... Sorry to be crude, but this this doesn't sound good at all. And if you're having these troubles while she's living with you, I can't see how it's going to work out long distance.
Author DarkMessenger Posted August 14, 2006 Author Posted August 14, 2006 One thing I'm curious about - why aren't you going out with her? That's largely for the fact that she says that she doesn't want to have to go everywhere with me... I can see that as a fair point (but not to this extent), as she's living with me she probably would need some time with friends without me tagging along..
Author DarkMessenger Posted August 14, 2006 Author Posted August 14, 2006 I'm having a hard time coming up with a reason why should couldn't say goodbye "properly" while you were there... unless it involves a blowjob... Sorry to be crude, but this this doesn't sound good at all. Don't be sorry, that's pretty much what I was thinking too... Is a shame though.. I really do love her But I guess she has other plans.
Yamaha Posted August 15, 2006 Posted August 15, 2006 The best thing you can do is break up with her. The way she is acting is a deal breaker.
rina_r Posted August 15, 2006 Posted August 15, 2006 Break up with her now. She's more into saying 'goodbye' to her friends than in saying goodbye to you. If she hasn't started cheating (big IF), she soon will after she moves 300 miles from you. End this yourself so you don't have to wonder when the other shoe will drop. I agree with Norajane. I would rather stay with my man in bed than go to say "goodbye" to some drunk guy.
john2776 Posted August 15, 2006 Posted August 15, 2006 No she doesn't really love you. Its not unreasonable for you to ask her not to go out so much, but she is never going to be the girl you want her to be. I would be extremely suprised if she is not cheating on you. If I was you, I would summon all my strength and dump her. Your relationship has zero chance of surviving long distance.
whichwayisup Posted August 15, 2006 Posted August 15, 2006 1) Does she really still love me? She obviously doesn't respect you or care enough about your feelings, because if she did, she wouldn't be lying to you....Problem is, she's convinced herself that what she is doing is OK...And it's NOT! She knows this and right now seems so caught up in what SHE wants. Very selfish. 2) Am I being unreasonable at asking her to not go out so much No, you're not being unreasonable. She is taking advantage of your trust and faith in her, pushing it to limits...She got caught, lied to you, got caught in another lie, and automatically has turned it on YOU, making it seem like you don't give her enough space or time to do what SHE wants to do... 3) Am I being unreasonable in thinking that she's cheating on me? Sorry, but if she isn't cheating on you now, she will be soon. Honestly, from what you've said and how she is reacting, something is NOT right. Listen to your gut, she's hiding something from you. It may not be sexual (yet) but it's definately emotional and she's protecting the friendship with that guy. Not a good sign. 4) What would you do in my situation? Seeing as you've only been together for a year, she has cheated on you "online" afew times, lied about how long etc, and also done many questionable things behind your back (she obviously doesn't understand committment, and the difference between right and wrong) if I were you I would end it now. She isn't someone you want to marry and have kids with. Atleast right now she isn't mature enough to maintain a serious and loving, honest relationship. I know it hurts and you're in pain, but she is causing alot of this pain for you by her selfish actions. She is CHOOSING this, so don't let her turn it all on you. Break up with her.
vi_pn Posted August 15, 2006 Posted August 15, 2006 That's her "subtle" way of showing you she wants out...strange but true.
ejc317 Posted August 15, 2006 Posted August 15, 2006 Alright read and understand what I'm telling you. While my gf didn't do ALL this my gf told me before she went out with me that she's boy crazy and that she's really flirty. When she's with me she focuses on me 100% but when she's around her friends at home, she flirts with ALL her friends. And her friends want to have sex with her and she hasn't admitted that before and now she has cuz after we broke up they all approached her about it and she ended up having sex with one of them. We were engaged and broke it off 2 weeks ago. I've sat here for endless nights not even asking why we broke up but how she can sleep with someone 2 weeks after we broke up. Break it off with her and save yourself some hurt man - you can leave me an email but i think u are in the same situataion I was in.
Hitman10000 Posted August 15, 2006 Posted August 15, 2006 All I know about unstable chicks is that they're only good for one thing: f*ckbuddies. If they really want to push forward for a real relationship, they gotta put themselves out there for *ME* , besides that every chick that is crazy I always put a f*ckbuddy flag over their head, I use my magic and make them believe I'm into them. I really am, but unless their behavior is inconsistent with a woman acting like my girlfriend, the flag stays up on her. Well you pretty much know what you gotta do, so do what you gotta do.
Adunaphel Posted August 15, 2006 Posted August 15, 2006 1) Does she really still love me? No, or if she does she has a very strange idea of "love". 2) Am I being unreasonable at asking her to not go out so much No. The problem is actually not that she goes out too much, the problem is that she can't be trusted. 3) Am I being unreasonable in thinking that she's cheating on me? No, sorry. If she hasn't, which I doubt, it's just a matter of time. Even if she hasn't cheated.... well, her behaviour is very inappropriate. Tha way she acts would be a dealbreaker for most people. 4) What would you do in my situation? Dump her, never look back, and keep in mind that not all girls are like that.
britchick Posted August 15, 2006 Posted August 15, 2006 I would say, no she doesn't really love you. You're not being unreasonable, when is she going to say goodbye to you? I would say even if she isn't cheating with with these other guys, she was cheating on MSN. Get rid!!!
corny1 Posted August 15, 2006 Posted August 15, 2006 I had a similar situation. It wasnt as extreme as yours, but it was similar. My girlfriend at the time was living with me as well. She would go out every Wednsday night and get home at 3-4 am really drunk. She also had an ex booty call that she hung out with. Not real often, but I think that when you are in a relationship that stuff like that should be over. She is either with you and should respect you or she needs to go. It's a very immature way to act in a relationship and it is totally disrespectful towards you and your feelings. I dumped my girl now its your turn. Move on to bigger and better things.
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