Hanna2126 Posted August 14, 2006 Posted August 14, 2006 After reading a few threads around here...I never thought I would be like this. As cruel as this may sound, I started an affiar with my ex boss because he took care of me finanicially. We have also gone on several fun vacations togther. He even bought me a nice car....I always remember asking myself how do women get attached to married men? WELL I have just found out first hand... I just started falling in love with him. Or rather, I have just started admitting to myself that I am in love with him...I always tried to fight it. We have been "together" for almost a year now, and he really has grown on me. Its really creeps me out when I start thinking about it. I am debating right now whether I should tell him that I have feelings or if I should just leave... Please Help.
norajane Posted August 14, 2006 Posted August 14, 2006 Just leave. You won't fall in love with a single guy while you're hung up on your married ex-boss who gives you everything you want...except love.
Author Hanna2126 Posted August 14, 2006 Author Posted August 14, 2006 I know there has to be some truth to that. I have always considered myself single since we have been together, hoping that I would find something better. And I have not found someone since we have been having this affair. I remember a while back when I went through a break up with my ex, my mother told me "You cannot expect to receive anything good when you are still accepting the bad...." I just don't know even how to bring it up to him...He is actually quite the jealous type..
norajane Posted August 14, 2006 Posted August 14, 2006 If he's your ex-boss, then you don't see him any other time than when you're together. You don't need to do a big song and dance about why you don't want to see him. Just tell him your arrangement isn't working for you anymore, and you don't want to see him anymore. Period. Do it over the phone if you're afraid of his reaction. If he gets all pissy, then tell him you want to get married, and ask him if he'll leave his wife. See how far and how fast he runs then!
Author Hanna2126 Posted August 15, 2006 Author Posted August 15, 2006 Well, I tried not calling him or returning his calls and he kept calling and calling and he showed up at my house last night. I decided to take a stab at it, so I told him that it was not going to work anymore. I told him I did not want to get into details and he would not leave me alone! He then confessed to me for the first time ever, how unhappy he is with his marriage and proceeded to tell me he was going to leave his wife after his youngest graduates high school... (Next June)...Should I believe him?
freakygal78 Posted August 16, 2006 Posted August 16, 2006 Haha! Sounds like a desperate man trying to buy time. I can't believe he bought you a car and takes care of you financially. Hypothetically, I guess in my mind the emotions would have to come first. At least from the OW's perspective but I'm not judging you here - I guess I would think twice if an attractive wealthy man offered to pay my rent. Hell all I have to show from my MM is a Happy Meal Toy sitting on the table at a McDonald's where we had a chat one night which he told me to keep as a memory of the occasion! Arrogance! Now you are in love with him it's like your feet are super-glued to the floor right? You want to believe him but you know already you are getting a raw deal - I am not physically involved with my MM but I know that in addition to my increasingly obvious commitment-phobia, he has totally screwed any chance of me being 'open' to letting anyone else suitable even remotely close to my heart. I thought that dating other people would be a 'getting over him' remedy. I now realise that however long it will take to get over this guy I work with, it will take a considerable amount of time to repair the damage to my self-esteem and heart. And the push-pull dynamic you both get involved in so shoots you in the foot because while you are genuinely trying to remove yourself from the situation, most times they will just step it up and re-double their efforts to keep you or the status quo or whatever. I wish you luck in this, I think in this situation you just need to do whatever you can to look after your heart.
norajane Posted August 16, 2006 Posted August 16, 2006 Haha! Sounds like a desperate man trying to buy time. Agreed. They all say things like that, and, somehow, it's always in the distant future that they say they will leave. It's never, I'm so unhappy, and I filed for divorce yesterday. Do you really want to waste at least one more year of your life waiting to find out if he's lying and stringing you along? Do you know how much happens in a year? Even if he were completely honest (which, since he lies to his wife about you, he's capable of lying to you as well and probably is), all kinds of things can change in a year. He may change his mind about leaving, and you'll just be a year deeper in. Tell him if he wants to leave his marriage because he's unhappy, that is his decision to make. Tell him to call you when he's filed divorce papers, if you're still single then, but you just can't continue seeing someone who is married.
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