confused and lonely Posted August 14, 2006 Posted August 14, 2006 I am new to this and my thoughts are all jumbled right now, so please excuse my rambling! My husband and I have been married for 3 1/2 years. At first we had a good marriage, but for the last year things have became strained. We don't have a lot of common interest, we found out we can't have children and it seems that we have become more best friends than husband and wife. We rarely have sex and when we do it's not enjoyable. We bought a house that is unfinished, and my husband has no interest in the house...he would rather spend his money on fixing up his trucks, which is not something that I care about. My family and friends all think that my husband is perfect and I am usually made out to be the bad person in the relationship. I know that I am not perfect and alot of our problems is my fault, but I am not entirely to blame. I have tried talking to my husband but he prefers to ignore our problems and I get caught up in pretending as well. About six months ago, I started a new job. A man that I work with and I have been flirting back and forth for the last six months. I used to think that I would never cheat on my husband, but I was wrong. I have been to the other man's apt a couple of times and we have not actually had sex, but came really close. This man is 38 and I am 24. He has a repuation as being a "male whore" and I know that I have no future with this man but I think I am falling in love with him! I never thought that he would ever remarry, but he is getting married in October. He says that he is not sure that he is making the right decisison, but he is getting older and wants to start a family. I know that I have no chance of a happy relationship with this man, but I can't quit thinking about him. We share alot of common interest and seem to have good chemistry. But, I constanly worry that someone will find out about him, my family is very religious and I would be disowned from the family if anyone ever found out what I did. And then there is my husband.....I still love him, but I am not IN love with him, I suppose. If he ever found out, he would divorce me, no questions asked. And I am also afraid of being alone....what should I do?
Craig Posted August 14, 2006 Posted August 14, 2006 End all non work contact with your OM.Work on your marriage with a 'we are going to fix it or break it' attitude.If you can't fix your marriage then end it. It looks like you are very much alone right now and the simulated intimacy you are substituting for the real thing with your OM is only serving to delay the inevitable. So forget about your fear of being alone, establish a support network of friends that you can get emotional support and strength from. Then if you do find yourself getting divorced at least you will not be 'alone' without support. Get your life back, you don't get another one.
john2776 Posted August 15, 2006 Posted August 15, 2006 I can understand your story. Been there done that so to speak. My advice is to do things in the right order. Especially when you have a religious family, but also because in times to come you will also judge yourself. You have to become very clear with yourself what you want. Do you want to try and fix the marriage? If so, talk to him and work on it. If you don't, then get a divorce. The world is full of men, you WILL NOT end up lonely. In the meantime, stay away from the work friend of yours. Only bad things can come of it, and you don't want bad things, you want your life to be happy. You have the power to make that happen.
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