SoCalCatman72 Posted August 14, 2006 Posted August 14, 2006 Hi everyone . Ok so most of you know about my situation with my roommate from the "WTF is wrong with me" thread. As most of you know, I confessed that I had some feelings to her, which she said she didn't return, and we decided to pretend that the whole thing never existed. Ok, so it's been about a week since that all came to a conclusion, and I'm doing fine. Still a little bit of heartache, but keeping busy, and actively looking around for nice women, but I am wondering about something. Ok, a little background. I am by nature, an easygoing person. I don't really argue unless I am deeply offended or standing up for something or someone I truly believe in. I am generous with my posessions, try to be a good Christian, to love my neighbor (and roommate:p) as myself, and live a life of unconditional love as a reflection of God's grace. Well, from the beginning, I have stated that she is more than welcome to help herself to my food and stuff if she needs it. As time went on, I began to start making sure that the stuff she liked, i.e. cheese, chocolate, peanut butter, were all in good supply. Ok, so anyway, when she told me that she wasn't interested in me. I told her that it was ok, and that who I am and how I act were not going to change. Well lately events over the past few days have had me wondering if I am being a doormat, or just a good friend. I guess the questions in my mind are; 1. If I still buy chocolate bars and keep them in the fridge, where I know she will see them, am I allowing myself to be a doormat? Should I be keeping the chocolate in my room? 2. I found a bite taken out of the cheese. (I mean like with teethmarks and everything right out of a corner of the block of cheese, she's done it once or twice before and I used to think it was cute, but now I'm wondering if I should feel disrespected. Just some random monday morning musings.
norajane Posted August 14, 2006 Posted August 14, 2006 The chocolate? Do you eat it at all, or is it just for her? If you want to continue being nice and it's not a financial hardship for you to stock your house with her favorite things, then I guess it's not a problem. Does it make YOU feel like a doormat? If so, then stop. The cheese? Ick, ick, ick! Ask her to please stop taking bites out food and then putting them back. That's just gross. Does she drink out of the milk carton or orange juice, too? Gross, gross, gross!
Author SoCalCatman72 Posted August 14, 2006 Author Posted August 14, 2006 We both eat the chocolate, and the cheese. Admittedly she eats more chocolate than I do. The only thing I really go out of my way to pick up is her diet iced tea, and I've already determined that if it's convenient for me, I'll grab a gallon for her, but I'm not going to worry about it otherwise. It doesn't make me feel like a doormat, but after reading so many articles and threads about the "nice guy" AKA "doormat", I don't want her to get the impression that I am being a doormat, or that I'm pining away over her or any really stupid or silly notion(s) some women get when a guy they rejected continues to be nice and/or thoughtful to them. I'm a nice guy, but I refuse to be taken for granted or taken advantage of.
Green Posted August 14, 2006 Posted August 14, 2006 She needs to do something to make it up to you if you are just friends because you dont feel good about whats happening!
norajane Posted August 14, 2006 Posted August 14, 2006 Does she ever reciprocate and stock up on the chocolate and cheese for both of you? Does she pick your favorite beer/soda/whatever even if she doesn't drink it? If she never does, then yes, she's being selfish and inconsiderate. She's not taking advantage of you, though, even if she never reciprocates. You're giving it to her.
Author SoCalCatman72 Posted August 14, 2006 Author Posted August 14, 2006 Well, occasionally, she'll get some chocolate. I know she's not taking advantage of me, I just don't want her to think that she can for any reason. I guess the question should have been, should I keep being a friend, or given the circumstances do you think this particular course of action causes disrespect or contempt (the "oh he still likes me, he'll do anything I want" attitude) to build in a girl's mind. I just want to make sure that I'm not fostering the growth of ideas or attitudes that are going to cause me to have issues. I don't like being a jerk, but trust me, I can be the king of all jerks to someone if I want to be.
norajane Posted August 14, 2006 Posted August 14, 2006 Clearly, it's on your mind and it's bothering you. How about this? Why don't you just do it occasionally, when you feel like it? Don't make it a regular thing so she expects it. Keep your chocolate in your room if you want it, and sometimes put it out for both of you. It might ease your mind.
Author SoCalCatman72 Posted August 14, 2006 Author Posted August 14, 2006 Excellent idea norajane, be consistently inconsistent. That sounds like the perfect answer. This is why I love ls soooooo much
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