London Girl Posted August 14, 2006 Posted August 14, 2006 I dated my ex for two years. He broke up with 8 months ago but during that time we still saw each other on and off including sleeping together. However, we did have 2 months of no contact. He has not been with anyone else - he says he has not met another girl in the same league as me and is not the type of character to sleep around. I met up with him yesterday. After spending the evening together including sleeping together, I had to ask him where I stood with him. He tells me that he is really physically attracted to me, we get on, he looks forward to seeing me and was actually quite nervous/and excited about seeing me, acts all lovey dovey and affectionate towards me BUT he feels that it just doesn't feel right with me, but cannot explain why, he said "if the feeling for him had gone when we were dating - if he gave us another go, it's hard to get the same feeling back when it's already gone ..." He tells me that perhaps he is just not ready for a serious relationship with anyone and needs to feel 100% with someone to be in a relationship with them. Do you think there is any hope? Can the feeling come back if it's already gone? I just don't understand it. If the feeling is gone, why does he still find me really attractive, enjoys my company, misses me etc. He also said he does not know how he would feel if I dated someone else. I was wondering whether the fact that his ex-wife left him (he does not have any feelings for her whatsoever) has anything to do with it. May be he is looking for a perfect girl in his head, he's picking on things really minor and instead of working on it he rather give up the relationship. He admitted that he wants to feel sure about someone completely as he does not want to go through another divorce. I'm really devasted as I do feel that we are so compatible in many ways/want the same things and that we could really have a good future together but he is throwing it all away without trying and not giving us a chance. When we said goodbye he said he will call me to arrange meeting up again. He has already called me after I left his place this morning to see whether I got home okay. I'm so confused. Help!
superconductor Posted August 14, 2006 Posted August 14, 2006 Basing a relationship on feelings is bad news. Nothing could be more transitory. The fluttering feelings and heart palpitations are supposed to go away. That's when you find out if your relationship is based on something other than physical attraction. Now, if you're interested in continuing an FWB relationship with the guy, then fine. But if you're looking for a commited partner, you're out of luck.
ImmaBeAlright Posted August 15, 2006 Posted August 15, 2006 BUT he feels that it just doesn't feel right with me, but cannot explain why, he said "if the feeling for him had gone when we were dating - if he gave us another go, it's hard to get the same feeling back when it's already gone ..." And there you have it folks! I believe that sleeping with an ex is one of the biggest mistakes that anyone can do in a breakup, especially when they still have hope for a reconciliation. Of course he is gonna sleep with you. You were together, he loved sleeping with you and that doesn't necessarily stop because of the break up. And you are making it easy for him, you are available. I'll be blunt: How does it feel to be demoted from GF to FB. Not good? Then stop it! If you want some nookie, and I know the need for nookie after a breakup because you have been getting it on the regular. Then grab someone else, no strings attached, well, if you are so inclined.
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