electric_sheep Posted August 14, 2006 Posted August 14, 2006 Last night I was talking with my girlfriend on the phone when she surprised me by telling me her ex had re-contacted her for the first time since they had broken up (via e-mail). Even more surprising, she seemed to be unsure of what to do, and whether she should contact him back or not. I've never been one to be particularly paranoid or overly jealous about ex's, in fact she stays in contact with 3 of her other ex boyfriends, but I was a little dumbfounded by all this last night for a couple of reasons. Over the course of the last year she has talked to me many times about how destructive and negative the relationship with him was, and how badly he mistreated her. She even went so far as to say she wished she had never dated him. On top of all that, when we first started dating she made a few idiotic and immature comments comparing sex with me to sex with him, and this caused quite a bit of problems between us for a while there. So ... in light of all that, and considering she tells me she loves me like she has never loved anyone before, why on Earth would she even consider re-establishing contact with this guy ? She says she feels bad about not returning e-mails, and that she likes to be "open minded". Personally, what I think is going on is curiosity, a desire for a little drama, and possibly some unhealthy desire to get into a little tic for tac with the ex, and possibly rub it in his nose that she is dating someone else now and is quite happy. None of these are positive motivations. If everything she has told me about this guy is true (and it is quite possible I'm not getting the whole story), I just don't see how anything positive can come from making contact. As for me, I feel a little hurt. Anyone have any comments on this ?
bunnee Posted August 14, 2006 Posted August 14, 2006 You have every reason to be hurt. Have you asked her why she would even want to contact this person? I understand being friends with ex's I have one myself, but I still find it odd that she would want something like that with someone who was so horrible to her. How long were they tohether? There is a good side to this situation. SHE TOLD YOU ABOUT IT!!! If she had some reason in wanting to get back with him shw wouldnt have told, and would have made contact with him to see how it would work out using you as a safety net. I am guilty of this also,... when I was younger of course. My best advice to you is to confront her, be very blunt that way there is no way for her to conjure up an excuse. Let her know this bothers you, not that your jealous, but that he was bad for her and you care enough about her for him not to hurt her again.
Cliche23 Posted August 14, 2006 Posted August 14, 2006 Why would she feel bad for not contacting him via e-mail if he done her so wrong? That should give her more reason to not contact this guy. Perhaps you guys should talk, find out what she's really feeling. She may be a bit curious to what he'd say even after all that he has put her through. But try your best to relax, I totally understand how you feel though. However if she loves you the way she says she does than this shoudln't come between you two and she wll have to make a decision. Talk to her see how she's really feeling about this. Keep us posted. I wish nothing but the best. Take Care!
norajane Posted August 14, 2006 Posted August 14, 2006 The only positive spin I can put on this is if she is hoping for an apology. Of course, she'll be sadly disappointed, but maybe she is hoping anyway. Talk to her and tell her it hurts you that she would even consider replying to him. Don't bottle up your feelings. Be honest with her. She needs to hear it.
Author electric_sheep Posted August 15, 2006 Author Posted August 15, 2006 I talked to her some more about it tonight, and eventually she said: "I don't want to have a relationship with him again, even an online one, so why contact him at all?" So, that is a relief. I must say I had hoped she would have felt more certain about it. It's possible she may even have been more certain, but just wanted to play emotional tug-of-war with me a little ... something she has been known to do, but that is the topic of another post.
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