Friend's birth control keeps 'failing' and I'm disgusted

[Guest]

I work with this girl who gets knocked up every time she turns around.

 

She has one child that she had with a former boyfriend. She was on the pill but the 'pill failed' so she ended up pregnant. Her boyfriend and she broke up. In fact, he moved to another state. This was five years ago. I guess he pays child support now but he is mostly out of her life.

 

She is pretty and dates a lot. Recently she dated a very wealthy guy. She told me she wasn't that into him, but she liked his lifestyle and it was worth getting to experience the trips he took her on. After five months of dating, she ended up pregnant. She said her birth control had failed. She showed me this letter she wrote him where she said she really loved him and wanted to keep the baby, even though they hadn't been together that long.

 

After that, he took her on a vacation to Mexico. She said it was very romantic. She told me how he told her a baby would ruin their relationship and kill the budding romance. She did go ahead and have an abortion. Then he broke up with her.

 

She was furious of course.

 

Then she dated another guy. She ended up pregnant after four months of dating him. He is planning to marry her. Oh, and the reason of course is that her birth control failed again.

 

I am so disgusted by this person I can't even look at her anymore. Is it really possible for birth control to "fail" so often? Or is she just trying to trap her men?

[AwkwardMan]

Obviously she isn't using birth control properly. But whatever floats her boat.

 

However, the rich guy is awesome. What a sweet move he pulled on her. She had him trapped for tons of money and he slips away in one piece. I guess that's why he's rich and I'm not.

[superconductor]

Sounds like she's a trap just awaiting some dude to spring the tripwire.

 

But... more to the point... why is this any of your business? If she wants to ruin her life, what difference does it make to you?

[littlekitty]

Birth control is not that ineffective unless it is not taken correctly. My bet is she's trying to trap these men.

 

There were a million women like her before her, and there'll be a million behind her. What these women ever think they will really achieve with this trick is beyond me. What a way to try and catch a man?!

 

A girl I know is pretty much the same. Had her first accident at 19 (she's now 30). Split with the father. Guy no. 2, second accident = abortion. Got married to guy no. 3, who wanted a baby. She told him she'd come off the BC Pill when in fact she hadn't. They later divorced. Meets guy no. 4, is on the BC Pill, tells his parents who are off travelling for 6 months that 'they might be grandparents' when they get back, to which they reply they hope not, as they'd not been together long. Strangely (and unsurprisingly) her BC Pill fails (the very thing she relied on last time!) and she becomes pregnant 2 months later. Has the baby, they split.

 

I just look at the whole thing with disdain.... I mean, come on now.....!

[Asafan]

The rich guy is awesome. What a sweet move he pulled on her. She had him trapped for tons of money and he slips away in one piece. I guess that's why he's rich and I'm not.

 

OH, YEAH, baby. Beautifully played. Very nice indeed.

[Adunaphel]

I can see why you are disgusted with her... it's amazing how plain stupid and careless people can be, even when they should know better out of past experience.

 

I cannot pretend I am a little puzzled, though, by the fact that you used the word "friend" in your thread's title line, and by the fact that you know so much about her life, and so many personal facts about her.

 

Unless she is one of those annoying, rude people that go into detailed accounts of whatever happens in their life with her all her co-workers, and with other people who could not care less,

I truly hope you are not pretending to be her friend and confident and allowing her to tell you such intimate things when you feel disgust towards her.

 

One thing is to be polite and civil towards your coworkers even if you don't like them.

One thing is pretending that you are someone's friend and listening to them when you actually despise them.

I just hope you don't share your views on her with your other co-workers, unless you clearly expressed to her that you are not interested in hearing about her rendez-vous and love stories and she tells the whole office anyway.

[RecordProducer]

II am so disgusted by this person I can't even look at her anymore. Is it really possible for birth control to "fail" so often? Or is she just trying to trap her men?

Any woman who gets pregnant wants the child. She will find many excuses why it's smart to have the baby if she wants it; and she will find all the excuses in the world to persuade herself how stupid it is to have it if she doesn't want it.

 

How can you accuse her of wishing to trap someone into this when she keeps aborting her children, all except the first one. Obviously she learned the lesson and doesn't want to have a fatherless child anymore.

 

I feel sorry for this girl who actually goes through the pain of aborting all her pregnancies and break-ups. I am currently pregnant from my husband who doesn't have children of his own (I have twins from a previous marriage) and he accused me of tricking him into this pregnancy. I wanted the baby and he seemed to be very open to having one before I got pregnant. He also knew I was off the pill and wanted a child with him. He ejaculated inside me without asking me which day of my cycle it was, later accusing me of purposely NOT letting him know it was my 12 th day.

 

He also accused me of having agenda hiding behind this pregnancy. It's so painful for me, because I really wanted this baby, but I feel that I have to abort it. He is 100% he doesn't want it and although he said he would support me no matter what I decide, he said this was I mistake that I should correct.

 

Nonetheless he is not sure he wants to gets snipped although he says he is too old for a baby (he is 49, I am 31). I will abort my baby that i wanted and loved and still love... because he is an ass. And I don't want a baby from an ass like him. It's not the fact that he doesn't want the baby that's hurting me - it's all the hurtful things that he said in order to make me abort it. He said he would love the child, but insist on aborting it. So be it.

 

Please don't jump into judgments against someone without knowing how they feel. the only one this woman is hurting is herself. You might as well be in the same situation some day. I never dreamed that I could have a husband who seems to want to have a baby with me, that I'd get pregnant and he would not only not want the child, but spill such hurtful things just to make me get rid of it. If he were merely my boyfriend, I would break up with him. But he is my husband and I have no place to go.

[quankanne]

sad to say, RP, there are some women who see those "accidents" as a primary means for financial security. Then there are those women who are to damned stupid to figure out that massive bouts of screwing leads to massive exposure to pregnancy. And there are the rare few, who cover both categories ... I'm aunt to one of those females, she doesn't give a rat's asterisk about the babies she's birthed though she found them the perfect tool for landing the men she wanted. It's enough to want to make you scream at the selfishness of these women. And it's enough to make you go against your moral beliefs and want to take them to the hospital to get them spayed like a bitch in heat.

 

I get the feeling that the OP's "friend" falls under the first category. Getting pregnant is a means to an end. While she might truly love her kid(s), their primary reason for existence prolly isn't because she wanted to have a baby to love in life.

 

BTW, sorry to hear that your situation is gone back to waffle mode. Be strong, kiddo, and know that things will work out for the best. Even if you have to make an end run around Mr. Stinky ...

[genegri]

There are birth control pills that men can take and they will become commercially available soon. I think it's good idea. Anyone, men or women, who honestly do not want children should have options available to them.

[HeyYouGuys]

I knew a woman whose birth control pills 'failed' three times (rolles eyes)

 

Men, if you dont' want children, wrap that rascal!

[quankanne]

or, as DH's daddy told him, "Don't take it out unless you want to support it."

 

:p

[Guest]

I can see why you are disgusted with her... it's amazing how plain stupid and careless people can be, even when they should know better out of past experience.

 

I cannot pretend I am a little puzzled, though, by the fact that you used the word "friend" in your thread's title line, and by the fact that you know so much about her life, and so many personal facts about her.

 

Unless she is one of those annoying, rude people that go into detailed accounts of whatever happens in their life with her all her co-workers, and with other people who could not care less,

I truly hope you are not pretending to be her friend and confident and allowing her to tell you such intimate things when you feel disgust towards her.

 

One thing is to be polite and civil towards your coworkers even if you don't like them.

One thing is pretending that you are someone's friend and listening to them when you actually despise them.

I just hope you don't share your views on her with your other co-workers, unless you clearly expressed to her that you are not interested in hearing about her rendez-vous and love stories and she tells the whole office anyway.

 

 

She is otherwise a nice person and a decent friend. I don't pretend to be someone's friend if I don't like them. Ijust think in one area of her life she is so desperate to have a man in her life she does things that I think are despicable

 

I don't think she is overall, a despicable person. So I am not sure what to say to her.

 

Hey, I have family members I love dearly. But sometimes they have done things in the past that disgust me (like cheat on their BF's or drive drunk). That doesn't mean I dont' care about them. Sometimes people do things you disagree with.

 

THe reason I 'm posting here is because I really can't share this with anyone.

 

There, do you feel better now?

[Adunaphel]

She is otherwise a nice person and a decent friend. I don't pretend to be someone's friend if I don't like them. Ijust think in one area of her life she is so desperate to have a man in her life she does things that I think are despicable

 

I don't think she is overall, a despicable person. So I am not sure what to say to her.

 

Hey, I have family members I love dearly. But sometimes they have done things in the past that disgust me (like cheat on their BF's or drive drunk). That doesn't mean I dont' care about them. Sometimes people do things you disagree with.

 

THe reason I 'm posting here is because I really can't share this with anyone.

 

There, do you feel better now?

 

Actually, yes, thank you for posting.

And sorry about thinking badly about you at first.

 

Perhaps you could tell her what you think about her behaviour, and tell her that you are concerned.

You'd certainly do her a favour - she might be hurt, at first, but if she is an intelligent person (it's funny how you can be very intelligent and yet do very stupid things) she will understand that you can not approve her behaviour but still find her a nice person and that you care for her.

[Guest]

Actually, yes, thank you for posting.

And sorry about thinking badly about you at first.

 

Perhaps you could tell her what you think about her behaviour, and tell her that you are concerned.

You'd certainly do her a favour - she might be hurt, at first, but if she is an intelligent person (it's funny how you can be very intelligent and yet do very stupid things) she will understand that you can not approve her behaviour but still find her a nice person and that you care for her.

 

 

 

Well thank you for the nicely worded post.

 

It's very hard to talk about because I don't think chidlren should be used to catch a man into marrying you

 

Don't get me wrong, I think she loves the son she already has. But I think she is desperate to be with someone and purposely lets her birth control 'fail'. My suspicion is that she goes off her pill. I mean how does birth control fail so often? Isn't the pill 99% effective?

 

So those are my suspicions. But now, what can I say,s he's pregnant. I dont' want to upset her when she's pregnant. But she's definitely rushing into this marriage. This guy is just blown away, so happy to be with a pretty girl but he doesn't really know her all that well. I hope things work for her, but she is pretty demanding around guys, I don't think he's seen that side of her yet. SHe is also very jealous and she told me she gave him a good chewing out the other day because she caught him 'looking' at someone. Oh Boy. He REALLY doesnt' know what he's in for.

 

She can be a very good person too; I can't tell every side to this because this post would be way too long. She's a hard worker and she's good to her son. She remembers people's birthdays. All kinds of nice, loving things. But she is very insecure and when it comes to men, her relationships rarely last because she is CRAZY jealous and insecure!

 

I've tried to gently say, "Hey look, you can't keep your man on a chain...he will end up resenting you.."

but she doesn't hear me.

[Rikka]

It sucks, but you have to let her live her life. Sometimes bad things happen to decent people, and they have to learn their lessons the hard way. Nothing you can say to her is probably going to change this aspect of her life. If you do want to be a good friend for her, be there to support her. Let her know that she will always have a friend in you.

[PinkShorts]

There are various things that can cause your birth control to be ineffective. Like certain prescription drugs and certain herbs I believe. Plus if she doesn't take around the same time every day, it might be a little off.

I think it's about time to look for another method cause this doesn't seem to be working. An IUD might suit well or a patch. It's definitely not the first time I've heard about birth control pills failing several times, even with people taking it religiously.

It's also possible she uses this as a means of attatchment and really does want to get pregnant with these men and slips up on the bc pills. I really don't think the men sound too much better though either. She seems like she has been through some hard knocks.

Why men trust odd women with their health and with a chance of becoming a father is beyond me. They should have worn some protection anyways.

[Guest]

There are various things that can cause your birth control to be ineffective. Like certain prescription drugs and certain herbs I believe. Plus if she doesn't take around the same time every day, it might be a little off.

I think it's about time to look for another method cause this doesn't seem to be working. An IUD might suit well or a patch. It's definitely not the first time I've heard about birth control pills failing several times, even with people taking it religiously.

It's also possible she uses this as a means of attatchment and really does want to get pregnant with these men and slips up on the bc pills. I really don't think the men sound too much better though either. She seems like she has been through some hard knocks.

Why men trust odd women with their health and with a chance of becoming a father is beyond me. They should have worn some protection anyways.

 

Hmmm, I didn't think about medications. maybe she is taking something that interferes with her birth control?

 

True, the men should be more careful too. I'm not just blaming her.

[Adunaphel]

Well thank you for the nicely worded post.

 

It's very hard to talk about because I don't think chidlren should be used to catch a man into marrying you

 

Don't get me wrong, I think she loves the son she already has. But I think she is desperate to be with someone and purposely lets her birth control 'fail'. My suspicion is that she goes off her pill. I mean how does birth control fail so often? Isn't the pill 99% effective?

 

So those are my suspicions. But now, what can I say,s he's pregnant. I dont' want to upset her when she's pregnant. But she's definitely rushing into this marriage. This guy is just blown away, so happy to be with a pretty girl but he doesn't really know her all that well. I hope things work for her, but she is pretty demanding around guys, I don't think he's seen that side of her yet. SHe is also very jealous and she told me she gave him a good chewing out the other day because she caught him 'looking' at someone. Oh Boy. He REALLY doesnt' know what he's in for.

 

She can be a very good person too; I can't tell every side to this because this post would be way too long. She's a hard worker and she's good to her son. She remembers people's birthdays. All kinds of nice, loving things. But she is very insecure and when it comes to men, her relationships rarely last because she is CRAZY jealous and insecure!

 

I've tried to gently say, "Hey look, you can't keep your man on a chain...he will end up resenting you.."

but she doesn't hear me.

 

It must be a very unconfortable situation to be in.

It is great that you are trying to give her some advice - even if she is deaf to it right now, perhaps it might stick and still come in useful in the future.

 

It's sad how people who are otherwise nice, pleasant to be with and responsible become totally different persons when it comes to relationships (or specific parts of their lives).

She reminds me quite a lot of a relative of my ex bf's - getting pregnant to keep a guy around.

 

PinkShorts is right about the fact that some medications can interfere with the pill, but the odds of getting pregnant in these situations usually are not high.

She could have also forgot to take some of the pills from the blister and ignored the warning that if you forget even just one the pill will not be 100% effective until you finish the blister, so you have to use also another birt-control methods until then.

 

I really hope that your friend is so lucky that she is with a guy who would have chosen to be in a committed relationship with her and have a kid with her anyway, even if this birth control accident had never occurred.

 

And again, it's great of you to be trying to kindly give advice to her.

[Road Rage]

The man is just as responsible for the pregnancy as the woman. Sometimes sex results in pregnancy. There is no way to absolutely avoid the possibility unless is is not possible (hysterectomy etc.) A woman can get pregnant if she wants too. It is only a question of morals whether she informs a man that is her intention.