bunnee Posted August 14, 2006 Posted August 14, 2006 I have met someone who I am really into, but am wondering if he is into me as much as I am into him. We recently became involoved on an intimate level. We are at the stage where there are clothes at each others house etc. He works a crazy work schedule and is basically on call all the time. When we do talk it is for hours. But when we don't days go buy. Because of his work he hasn't really been available and I do not get phone calls, or even texts.... does this mean that he is just comfortable in the relationship???? He says he misses me, and I am so exstatic to see him that I dont even wanna say anything about it because I want to use our time to talk and hang out and not dwell on what he didnt do... aka nag.... I'm just curious if I should be wondering if there is someone else.. or just take a chill pill cause he is a busy man....????
Hitman10000 Posted August 14, 2006 Posted August 14, 2006 I get this feeling your entire post is incredibly vague which pretty much sums up your "relationship" with him. it's vague, you have no idea of where to place your trust in him. But your gut knows... Your gut knows something is up with this guy. I don't have much experience in womanly affairs but I know when something's amiss, it is.
Author bunnee Posted August 14, 2006 Author Posted August 14, 2006 Well I know something isn't quite right but I'm not sure what or even what to do about it...I do know for a fact that he is a very busy man... when we are out...his work phone is constantly buzzing... and he only answers the ones he has too, and yes he talks to them in front of me...he always asks me if he is being too clingy.... of course my response is no cause I really enjoy him as my friend... i just dont understand how 2 days can go by with no contact and then everything is ok when he does........ why men have to be so complicated..lol
Sally00 Posted August 14, 2006 Posted August 14, 2006 Hmm... not too much info here... how long have you been going out with this guy? ...
Author bunnee Posted August 14, 2006 Author Posted August 14, 2006 We have been dating for a couple of months..... he told me from the beginning that one of the reasons why his relationship never works out is that he works too much, but plans on retiring in the next 8 years and will work really hard and do what it takes to acheive it. Working hard in my eyes is something not to condemn; but to applaud. I guess a better question for me to be asking is how do I let him know that this is bothering me effectively without sounding like everyone else who he has dated who says.... YOU WORK TOO MUCH!!! I also don't wanna be dumd and naive about the situation either... I have never been in a relatiobship lke this one before, usually I can't make them leave me alone for a day and I cant stand that either. and since you wanted some more information.... I'll give some more... I know he is not married... I have stayed at his home before, and you can tell if a woman lives there. I will get 40-50 text messages one day and/or a couple of phone calls... and then 2-3 days go buy and nothing... then I will hear from him again... i usually see 1-2 times a week... We talk about anything and everything. When we are together, he cant stop touching me, and shows incredible body language that he really does like me... But I just dont understand how someone can be that way towards me.... and then I hear nothing for days...
AwkwardMan Posted August 14, 2006 Posted August 14, 2006 He's a candidate to almost never be cheating on you. If you can deal with all the hours he spends working, then he sounds like a fine guy.
Author bunnee Posted August 14, 2006 Author Posted August 14, 2006 how is he a candidate to never cheat... thats exactly what i am worried about......
Cliche23 Posted August 14, 2006 Posted August 14, 2006 In my opinion no matter how busy this guy he can always make time to call, that's my opinion. Something doesn't seem right here. And yea I agree you are a bit vague about the whole situation. Perhaps if you elaborate more I can tell you a bit more. I don't want to make any judgements yet.
norajane Posted August 14, 2006 Posted August 14, 2006 I'm sorry, but YOU are way too clingy and needy! Two days go by without hearing from him, even though he texts a million times a day when he has time, and you're worried? Even though you know for a fact his job keeps him extremely busy? *shakes head* Do you really value yourself so little as to assume if a guy doesn't contact you for two days there must be something wrong? Do you mistrust him so much you're ready to assume he's lying to you? He's been honest and told you this is how his life will be for the next 8 years. Frankly, I don't think you're are likely to be able to handle it, so it might be best to set him free now unless you can seriously get a grip on your insecurities.
Author bunnee Posted August 14, 2006 Author Posted August 14, 2006 In defense of myself, when I say he doesnt call for 2 days I am expecting it becaue he will say he will call me. I don't have the best track record of relationships and I tend to think something is wrong very quickly. This is not his fault, but thats why I am here asking if I am being stupid or if there is a reason to be insecure. I really like him but it is very safe to say that I am not clingy and or needy, but I need to know where I stand in the relationship. If I was clingy or needy I would be calling him, but I give him the space that either he wants/needs. PLEASE TELL ME WHAT KIND OF INFO IS NEEDED and I will give it so the proper judgement can be made. Thanks for all your advice positive.negative
norajane Posted August 14, 2006 Posted August 14, 2006 If you're quick to think negative thoughts in relationships, try focusing on the all the positive things instead. When you start feeling insecure, remind yourself how he texted you 27 times yesterday, and how wonderful you felt when he looked into your eyes and smiled, and how affectionate he is when you are together. Replace your worries with something positive. Look forward to your next date and focus on how great that will be, rather than sitting on pins and needles worrying that something is wrong. And of course, get involved with things that you really enjoy doing, whether that's taking a belly dancing class (so sexy!) or a writing class or anything else you've always wanted to try. It will keep you from counting the minutes until you hear from him. Accept him for who he is, and you'll find that you have nothing to worry about anymore. I say this from experience! My SO loves me to bits, but summer is a very, very busy time for him, so I rarely see him more than once a week. He's also not a phone guy, so he doesn't call unless it's to make plans. It bugged me until I realized that this is who he is and it has nothing to do with his feelings for me. Now, I don't worry at all and I'm much happier even though his actions are exactly the same.
Author bunnee Posted August 14, 2006 Author Posted August 14, 2006 I am sure you are right.. ok i pray to God you are right... I guess its just strange because it has only been two months and how can you really know somebody in such a short amount of time... and as gor finding something else to do... semester starts back up next week... ty for telling me in a nice way to shut up and chill out... its just hard to want something so bad that you have no control over.... thanks so much!!!
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