jadefly Posted August 14, 2006 Posted August 14, 2006 I am a teacher and this past year I became friendly with another teacher in the building. We would have lunch together and talk after school or during free periods, but we never took it out of the workplace environment--I think because we were both subconsciously aware of trying to keep it professional. We always found it very easy to talk to each other, and conversed about just about every topic imaginable. He told me he used to be incredibly shy when he was a kid, but came out of his shell somewhat in college. He never seemed particularly shy with me, but he's a softspoken guy and I could definitely see him being pretty timid as a kid. On the last day of school, he asked me for my number (he will not be teaching at the school next year) and said we should hang out sometime. He didn't call me for a full week. He knew I was leaving town for a month a week and a half after school ended, so we had limited time to see each other before I went away. Finally I called him the Friday before I was leaving and suggested we do something that weekend. He returned my call later that day and said he wasn't free until Monday, so he'd call me again on Sunday and we could figure something out. He didn't call me on Sunday, but on Monday early afternoon and we ended up going to a movie that evening and getting some food afterwards. We had a good time and were comfortable with each other as always. He invited me to come to a July 4 event the next day with him. I was leaving on July 5 and ended up getting swamped with preparations, so I called him the afternoon of July 4 to tell him I couldn't go (I'd already indicated the night before that it wasn't likely I could make it), but that we should get together when I got back. He agreed. I was curious about what he'd do while I was away. I felt like I had been initiating everything so far (except for his asking for my number), so I wanted to see if he'd call me, if given enough time on his own, without me starting it. Well, he didn't. The entire month. I finally called him last Wednesday, a couple days after I got back into town, and again left a message suggesting that we do something this weekend. He didn't call back until Friday, but I missed the call and he didn't leave a message. This is where we stand now: I haven't called back and he hasn't called back yet either. I really don't get it. Should I have called back, even though he didn't leave a message? Is he expecting me to call, and if I don't, he thinks I'm not interested anymore? Or is this a weird way of him saying he's not interested? Is he just pathologically shy? Is he totally inept at dating and relationships? (I do know from talking to him that he's had girlfriends in the past.) Why didn't he call me for an entire month? I know we weren't able to actually get together during that time, and the phone can be awkward, but we spent a LOT of time talking at the end of the school year when things were winding down, and we've never had a problem conversing. We had a really good time on our one "date." What's the deal? I'm sort of insulted because I feel like at the very least we can consider ourselves friends--it's not like he's just some person i met at the bar last night--so it seems kind of rude never to get back to me. He is going through some transitions in his life (moving, etc), so he could legitimately be busy, but so busy he couldn't leave me a message or call back for days at a time? I feel like he'd have to be really overreacting and taking it too far to think I'm just blowing him off now, considering I expressed that I was still interested and he didn't even leave me a message. I'm also torn because I do like him, but this is getting kind of frustrating, and even if it is just some kind of misunderstanding, I don't know if it's a good indication for a future relationship if I have to initiate everything and he's so unreliable and inexplicable. My best friend and I have psychoanalyzed this to death (he's given us plenty of time to do it!), so I'm curious to hear some other people's thoughts on what is up with this guy??? And what, if anything, should I be doing that I'm not?
norajane Posted August 14, 2006 Posted August 14, 2006 No matter how shy or inept a guy is, if he's really interested, not only will he let you know, he'll do something about it.
superconductor Posted August 14, 2006 Posted August 14, 2006 He's been away for a month. He's moving. He called but you weren't home. Relax. Stop analyzing this to death. You've both got busy lives. I'd suggest to call him one more time, and say something like, "I know it's a very busy time for you with moving and whatnot. Just wanted to say hi, and get together with a coffee or something a little stronger. If you call and I can't get to the phone, leave a message so we can work out a suitable time." This puts the ball firmly in his court. And don't be insulted. He's taking care of stuff that really needs to be taken care of. Good luck!
norajane Posted August 14, 2006 Posted August 14, 2006 I agree that you should stop over-analyzing, but I don't think there's any reason at all to call him again. He knows he called you and didn't leave a message. If he wants to get together with you, he'll call back.
magichands Posted August 14, 2006 Posted August 14, 2006 My best friend and I have psychoanalyzed this to death (he's given us plenty of time to do it!), so I'm curious to hear some other people's thoughts on what is up with this guy??? And what, if anything, should I be doing that I'm not? What are best friends for... haha. Well, I agree with norajane, really. I would have expected him to take things by the scruff of the neck. Still... I guess, in this month away of yours, that you didn't call him, either. (You had his number, right?) I don't buy the "busy lives" defence. He seems lukewarm at best. But I would (since you know he called you back, but didn't leave a message - the magic of caller ID?) give it another shot. If you're still interested, that is.
magichands Posted August 14, 2006 Posted August 14, 2006 I agree that you should stop over-analyzing, but I don't think there's any reason at all to call him again. He knows he called you and didn't leave a message. If he wants to get together with you, he'll call back. Fair enough. I have no idea why, but this reminds me a little of the movie Green Card. Where George says to Bronte something like "finally you are showing some emotion". This dude needs some ice cubes shoved down his trousers. On second thoughts, maybe I'm being a bit harsh...
Hitman10000 Posted August 14, 2006 Posted August 14, 2006 Wow, a bunch of crappy advice. Alright here's the deal, he's not interested in you. He probably was initially, but after a couple times he's not. Your gut already knows he's not into you, here's some more validation from someone who knows the real deal. Just ignore and move on. When I am interested in a girl, I send short emails once or twice 5-7 times a week. When I am interested in a girl, I call her at least 2-3 times a week. When I am interested in a girl, I will see her initially in the first 3 months, once every 1-2 weeks. And more so as the months ensue. When I am not interested in a girl no more, I will not do the above.
john2776 Posted August 14, 2006 Posted August 14, 2006 No way is the guy interested. If he is, then there is something wrong with him. Either way - move on.
britchick Posted August 14, 2006 Posted August 14, 2006 I wouldn't call him again, if he's interested, he'll call. You've done enough. It goes like this sometimes, perhaps he's just changed his mind for whatever reason. Then again, I just had a thought...he must be gay! So don't beat yourself up about it ;-)
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