ALLALONEAT35 Posted August 14, 2006 Posted August 14, 2006 I did the most stupidest thing last night... Picture this, my husband lives at his parents house with his kids, me and my three kids (who are not his) live at our house.... Yesterday, I made plans to spend the night, yes I said to spend the night with my husband. What a fool I am... I planned a real special night, well the longer I was there I felt strange, it wasnt the same for me, I cant even explain it... But for the first time since he has been gone, I am not so sure I want to be with him.... The night consisted of him doing his own thing like usual, he enjoys looking at his fish tanks for a long period of time, I know kinda of strange. I spent most of the night talking to his mother about the things going on in the world, not about him or I... Well as the night progress, it was finally bed time.... I had planned on seducing him with a sexy teddy, special oils, you name it I probably thought of it or did it. My plan was to show him what he was missing, I did things to him that I hadnt did in along time... I most admit it was nice... But after, I dont know how to say it, except for what did I do, and for why... The first thing that came to mind was my kids, who I must tell you spent the night at my moms house.. I just keeped thinking "wow these kids deserve so much more from me, why am I wasting my time with this loser". I lefted by 11:00 the next day, I kissed him on the lips and said call me... I can admit this time we had sex I didnt feel cheap, like the time before.... When I left I didnt have any feelings at all, no hopes of him returning home, no thoughts of living my life with him, no feelings of any kind... you can say "it was just sex." You know the sad part about this situation I am in, even tho I do love my husband I would like to work things out, I know there is no chance. He is very content where he lives now.... I dont feel like his wife, just a good friend with fringe benefits.. hmmmmmmm, what was I thinking, I sound so stupid... There is one thing I just dont understand, and that is why is it ok that I go to him, I can be there everyday if I wanted, I can call everyday if I cared too, I can stay the night, I can hang out just like a couple, but he can not do the same for me.. I mean come to me, call me, spend the night with me... Here he has been a step father to my kids for 10 years, and he just doesnt seem to care about them.... Life sucks right now, I am full of confused feelings... Any suggestions, any hope, or am I just as stupid as I sound.........
Gunny376 Posted August 14, 2006 Posted August 14, 2006 attempted reconcillation, and what usually happens is what happened to you. Most attempts at reconcillation aren't successful, but they do occue often enough to where they give the other 90% hope. What happened is that your starting to see through the "fog of love" and see your H for the self-absrobed, person that he truly is and probally always has been. He sounds like Don Knots in the movie Mr. Whimppett. Self absorbed with his fish. Its a personality type ~ think Mr. Spock of Star Trek. I'm even willing to bet he's a science fiction buff, and thinks Spock is cool. IMHO, your wasting your time with this guy. He lives in his own little world ~ and your not part of it.
Author ALLALONEAT35 Posted August 14, 2006 Author Posted August 14, 2006 Gunny, you hit it right on the nail: he has always been selfabsorbed, he never ever put me first.. I was always in line for his attention, he just never noticed, you know the more I think about it, I should of been the one leaving him, but even though I had thought about it, never would, I think it is the wedding vows, or something.. I just wish I knew what it is that keeps pulling me back to him, it isnt like anything is going to change... I often wish I could find a male friend or something that would block him right out of my mind... But even that sounds cheap... Alot of people suggest I should go out and enjoy myself, but really I just cant see myself in a bar trying to pick up the first thing that notices me. I just dont want to settle for less anymore, I deserve so much more...
Lor Posted August 14, 2006 Posted August 14, 2006 There is one thing I just dont understand, and that is why is it ok that I go to him, I can be there everyday if I wanted, I can call everyday if I cared too, I can stay the night, I can hang out just like a couple, but he can not do the same for me.. I mean come to me, call me, spend the night with me... Here he has been a step father to my kids for 10 years, and he just doesnt seem to care about them.... Life sucks right now, I am full of confused feelings... Any suggestions, any hope, or am I just as stupid as I sound......... Why is it okay for you and not for him to reciprocate? Why should he bother--you're doing it for him. He doesn't have to lift a finger to even try; he's got Mommy to take care of him, feed him, I bet babysit for him, and you for the affection side. I'm envisioning a shiek reclining on a chais lounge being fed grapes..... And you're not stupid. Quit calling yourself that--you've done it in the other threads, too. All you want to do is save your marriage and there is nothing stupid or wrong in that. What pulls you back is the consistency of him. You know what to expect and are probably afraid of trying a new life without a man in it. You don't need someone like him and neither do your kids. You had to send yours to your Mother's? If his Mom didn't want to see them and if he didn't want to see him, tell them both to kiss this. He may have been around for 10 years of their life, but how of much of that was a warm body and how much was as a husband and father. That's not saying much about him if he spends more time with the fish than you. Go cold turkey, if you want him back, strictly NC. See if he pulls his head out of the tank then. It'll be hard for you but its what you need to do. And you don't need to go out to a bar to have fun. Join your church for activities (if that's your thing), see what community events are going on, get together with friends for dinner at someones house, etc etc. Sounds like you don't want to be alone, but that may be the best thing for you so you can get your self-confidence back up.
Recommended Posts