Fluckedup Posted August 13, 2006 Posted August 13, 2006 I have been with my girlfriend now for almost 6 years. I am 22 and she is 21. Obvioulsy we started dating at a very young age and are high school sweethearts so to speak. She was my first love and my first sexual partner. She has had 2 partners before me. Are relationship is absolutely amazing and she is amazing as well. I fell in love with her very early in our relationship and I knew that she loved me more than I loved her for the longest time. When I was 19 my father died who was basically my best friend and whom I lived with. She was there for me through some of the hardest moments of my life and I cant thank her enough for it. I was preetty messed up when he died and drank pretty hard for about 1 year. In that year, which would have been year 3 of our relationship I cheated on her 2 times. Both times meaningless drunken cheating. I tried to have sex with them, but couldnt perform because I thought of my girlfriend and so I just left. I pushed these moments to the back of my mind and never thought about them until recently. I am in the process of quiting smoking and I havent had one for a month exactly. In this month my emotions have been going crazy and I feel so guilty about those 2 times. Being as I am older now I truely feel that she is my soulmate. I am more mature now and not some young buck that feels he is invincible anymore. I am trying to cope with the guilt but it is literally eating me alive. I feel like I am going insane, crying all the time and angry with myself. Just this past week I went on a fishing trip with 2 of my close friends and completely broke down in front of them. I am not one to show emotions in front of people but I couldn't hold it in anymore. Apart of me says the withdrawls of quiting smoking is bringing my emotions out. The other part of me says, its just plain old guilt. I can't lose her. I need her and I love her more than anything in the world. I am also a fairly well educated young man, currently attending university to become a registered nurse. I had this big plan for me and her but I am being ripped apart at the seams. I have no idea what road to take. Whether I should tell her and hope she forgives me (which I know is of course slim) or I should just suck it up and continue on (hoping the guilt will lessen over time). Any advice will be appreciated as I currently have no ****ing idea of what I should do. Maybe I'll just propose to her and start fresh
megnog Posted August 13, 2006 Posted August 13, 2006 You seem sincere when you speak of how much you love your girlfriend. I think you need to be honest and tell her what you did. It would hurt her, yes, but you can't hold this in forever. Like you already said, its going to eat you alive. I don't know how to tell you how to tell her.. because its complicated. You don't want her to leave you so its going to be hard. Just be straight forward and honest. Remind her it was a rough time and even though she was so supportive, you f*cked up and are extremely sorry. I guess basically tell her what you said on here. You were younger then and stupid and it was the only time (I don't know if the two were around the same time or not??). Tell her you love her and you don't want to lose her but if she needs time apart, tell her you understand. I don't know how else to help you out here. but I can tell you this - I'm a girl and extremely jealous and I was upset when I read about guys cheating on their lovers.. but in your case, I think you sound sincere and I believe that you would do anything to change what happened. Also, as a girl, I should tell you - don't give any details unless she asks. she might also ask were these girls prettier than her - obviously thats a no. I don't know.. I'm sorry man Let me know what you decide to do and what happens. Its been a while since you've done that so maybe it wont be as bad. but then again... she might see it as you've held that in so long.. maybe theres something else that you aren't telling her. this will probably cause her to lose trust.. but I still say you need to tell her. its important to be honest.
superconductor Posted August 13, 2006 Posted August 13, 2006 Sleeping dogs, my friend, sleeping dogs.
britchick Posted August 14, 2006 Posted August 14, 2006 Normally I would say you should tell her, but I don't know. You were going through an incredibly emotional time and you seem to genuinely regret what you did. Do you think there is any chance of her finding out? If there is, then tell her before anyone else does. Otherwise, I'd keep quiet. Make a promise to yourself that you will never do anything like this again and treat her really well.
Guest Posted August 15, 2006 Posted August 15, 2006 Even if you do genuinely regret what you did, you need to tell her. I guess imagine it the other way. If she were to cheat on you with two guys a few years back do you think it would be important for you to find out or that it would be saving the relationship if she didn't mention it? Thats a serious question I think you should consider because its hard to decide whether or not you want to tell someone that you love something that could break you up.. but at the same time you feel terrible and keeping it from her makes you a worst person.
Guest Posted September 2, 2006 Posted September 2, 2006 Well, I told her. This is the first time that I read the replies and megnog I am sincere about this. She has decided to stay with me and work things out because we are such a huge part in eachothers lives. We basically watched eachother grow up from being kids to adults. She has asked details and I told her. The trust obviously is going to be hard to earn and is going to take time but I am willing to give it every last drop of blood I have to keep her. She is my everything. There were stipulations of course in which I have to abide by (no partying and what not) which is totally understandable. So far our relationship is going awesome and we have grown stronger towards eachother. I hope all works out for the best. As some of you may know its hard to lose the one you love and I hope that I never have to experience that. I do understand that she may not be able to deal with it in the long run but as long as we gave it our best shot to work through this and to try to save something sacred, thats all I can ever ask for. Thanks for the replies I really really appreciate it.
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