ejc317 Posted August 13, 2006 Posted August 13, 2006 Hey guys, So I broke up with my girlfriend of 10 months 2 weeks ago and things have been hell. In retrospect, here's what I deciphered from this relationship. When we were here at school (I'm a junior and she's a sophomore), things were usually great. We loved each other and spent ALL of our time together. At times we fought over little things. 99% of thetime we fought when we couldn't get a hold of each other. The second problem are her parents. Her parents said they didn't want her in a committed relationship and in the past she told them to shove it but she's very close with her mother and things all changed this summer. This summer, she met my parents before she went back to california and it was the greatest time of our relationship. We were so happy. After she went home, we talked daily for 2 weeks and we had promised before to call each other before we slept each day. After the 2 weeks, I went back to school (summer trimester) and we didn't really talk for a week and a half. When July started, things got messy. Apparently, in the week and a half that she wasn't there and her new desire to hang out with her friends (She wanted to catch up with all her friends before not seeing them for a year or so as she'll be away - she spent all her time with them and even told me that I shouldn't have to talk to her all the time to know she loved me .... but she did the same insecure thing week and a half prior when I didn't talk to her) So the fighting // bickering begins but we'd always make up and she'd send emails and calls saying she loves me etc. However, the real problem was once again her parents and her friends. They began convincing her that I was bringing her down and ruining her independence and freedom, etc etc etc. They were like you're boy crazy, independnet blah blah, shouldn't be with just one guy. (She was the one that asked for a promise ring and we had BOTH agreed to get engaged ... and now people have convinced her that it was my idea only) So on July 24th - 2 days after our 10 month anniversary and 1 day after she had a breakdown, we got into it again and this time, I asked her like an idiot if she wanted to get it over with and she said yes and wouldn't take it back. I took it real hard but calmed down after a week. For the first week, I tried to convince her daily to take me back and apologized for all the things I did wrong ... then I realized that she was putting it all on me. Basically her friends had been filling her head with sh*t like she shouldn't do all this etc. But anyway, so I figured I can wait till she comes back this fall to see her and things will work out because we usually fought when we missed each other. Once again, her friends convinced her that missing me // wanting to be with me was bad and that to get over someone she should go out and have sex with someone else. So 2 weeks after we broke up, she ****ed some guy and when I found out about it - she was like my friends told me this and I agreed that there's a difference between ****ing and making love. And it was just ****ing, no feelings etc. And it was bad. But it made me realize what I wanted (very vague). However, she's like when you come back I want to be with you - if anything at least a few more times (sexually) and I was like so you just want to **** and she's like no with you it's always making love. But then to muddle the waters, she's like I can never love you the same way ... and then again to muddle it more, she says it can get better but we won't go back to the way we were or something - which was my idea cuz I didn't want to fight anymore. I wanted a working relationship And the back and forth continues. Sometimes she seems to want a relationship and just fix the problems (the problems was simply comunication and trusting each other more and just talking) and most other times she just wants to run away and not talk about her feelings. Her new thing is "I want to live in the present and enjoy it" and when I ask about her feelings she's like I don't want to define things etc. I just figure she doesn't want to commit to anything and if she defines anything she will. And she doesn't want to discuss her feelings etc. At the same time she's like you're my best friend and we have to be friends, etc. So here's where I stand now. 1) No matter what it is, I always understood that sex meant something to her. (I'm the 2nd, or 1st real guy she had sex with b/c she regretted losing her virginity but now all her friends are egging her on and she's like having this rebellious thing to be super independent. For example, every time i say sure you can do that, her response is "Yes I can do that because I'm my own person") so how can she have sex with this guy? Even if she's like "it's lust" or "It's always love with you" 2) Should I even bother giving it a chance? I mean I see her in 25 days - (I was supposed to pick her up at the airport) and while she denies seeing me will change her feelings I and many of you would agree that it would change at least what people feel. I mean just to be able to tell someone something over the phone vs. in person and being able to hold them and kiss them again. 3) If we have a relationship - I need closure on a) Why this happened this summer so badly b) why she had sex with someone else c) if it's going to happen again Maybe I'm making excuses for her but it just seems to me like she's on this constant struggle to be rebellious, prove to herself that she's indepenent and just go overboard with it all. Finally, EVERYONE who saw us was like you can do better (physically and intellectually and emotionally) cuz they're all like she's immature but I do't care what other people think. However, she's like calling me immature now for "not living in the present" which I see as an excuse to shed responsibility and admit her feelings. And I just feel like it sucks because she was the more insecure // clingy one and now she's making it seem like it's my fault that this happened and for caring The bigger issue seems to have been that we spent all of our time together and now it's like u need to go out and expreience life. I do admit I was a bit insecure and I've definitely changed a lot this summer and I just want to start fresh I figure other than knowing her you guys can speculate at best but some answers would be helpful.
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