Marlien Posted August 13, 2006 Posted August 13, 2006 I broke up with the guy three weeks ago, and was just beginning to forget about him. However, upon returning home today, I saw four IMs from him. (I was set to away, too.) Wishing I had just signed off before I left, I read them. Mostly just "Hi" "Are you there" "I miss you" and "email me". He wasn't online when I got there, thankfully. Of course, it would have been nicer if he hadn't left that troublesome 'email me'. See, while we did break up, he asked to remain friends. Though I agreed, we didn't speak much. 4 IM sessions in the first week, and none until tonight. I was pretty happy about the peace and quiet, too. In a few weeks, I'm moving to the city for university, and will probably never have to talk to him again. He wanted to keep the future "open game", though I said I wouldn't promise anything. (He was an emotionally abusive, narcissistic sociopath.) I worry about him wanting me back. But I know I can say no if I ever do bump into him again. Until then, I need to cope with his possible sporadic conversations. Any advice? All I know is that it's frustrating to have such a fragile peace interrupted like that.
norajane Posted August 13, 2006 Posted August 13, 2006 Ignore the messages and block him from your IM. Don't answer your phone if he calls and don't call him back. Really. It's that easy.
Chinook Posted August 13, 2006 Posted August 13, 2006 In a few weeks, I'm moving to the city for university, and will probably never have to talk to him again. He wanted to keep the future "open game", though I said I wouldn't promise anything. (He was an emotionally abusive, narcissistic sociopath.) I worry about him wanting me back. But I know I can say no if I ever do bump into him again. Block him and remove him from your IM software. Block his email address and keep your cell phone on voicemail. By keeping him on your IM software and allowing him to see that you're still there online, that has left him with an indication that you're amenable to him contacting you. Take back your power and refuse his toxic influence in your life. Discard it. It's harsh but if you want to heal you will need to maintain your NC stance. If you give in to his stabs at communication now, he has won the first round on what I call the power yo-yo. He contacts, you reciprocate. He reels you in, you respond. The only way to avoid at all is to avoid contacting him. He's given you two weeks cooling off, time for you to miss him... now he's turning the charm back on again. See the reality for what it is. If you allow contact now, he will f*ck up any chance you have of being emotionally stable when you move for school in a few weeks time.
Author Marlien Posted August 13, 2006 Author Posted August 13, 2006 I agree with what you're both saying. Except for the 'time to miss him' part. Because the longer I go without talking to him, the better I feel. Since he's so manipulative, he's probably using the "I just miss having someone to talk to" line to heighten his chances of getting back with me. No matter how much he tries to increase his chances, it won't make a difference. They're at a negative infinity. I guess it's true. They always come back just when you start going on with life. Mind you, if he calls me occasionally, I'll be irritated... But it's not going to stop me from enjoying life. I've got less than a month left at home, and I intend to spend it wisely with my family and friends.
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