pricillia Posted August 13, 2006 Posted August 13, 2006 Hi all I have had so many things happen in my life in the past year... most of the things have been losses and I am in tears right now! I know they say that god only gives you what you can handle but I think that I am at my breaking point. So when will the losses stop? The things that I have lost were people that were near and dear... one being the death of my mother.. I used to talk to her everyday. I miss her terribly. We did not always get along but she was there for me and I was there for her. She had lung cancer and she suffered so much, that was so painfull to see her go through that. The other thing that I have lost is well just too painfull to discuss. I am not feeling sorry for myself in anyway just trying to find ways to cope with my life as it seems to be changing so fast. I am inbetween jobs now and am trying to better myself by taking studying the insurance license cram to pass the test to get my license. I would like to be able to buy a house and be able to have a relationship someday that will last and have a family. I guess that things are starting to get to me and I want to be able to get through this. I just think that things have hit me like a ton of bricks and I am very sad at the moment.
Diver012 Posted August 13, 2006 Posted August 13, 2006 Hang in there! I cant say that I have had the same loses you have, but change isnt always easy... I lost a woman I waited a long time to find, which made me realize that theres no such thing as Cinderella. My job changed significantly, I am now in charge of an IT Department, which I wasn't prepared for, and I am having a difficult time making the transition, as I have to work with my Ex as well... thank God she works in another department.. still very stressful... On Thursday I lost my cousin to a drug overdose. He was in his early 20's. I dont know what your going through, but We are all here as a result of some sort of loss. You are not alone.
mishy Posted August 13, 2006 Posted August 13, 2006 Dear Pricillia, Wow, its like I have been feeling. My dad died of cancer in April. I just want to tell you I recognise your feelings and want to tell you how I am getting through it. I also feel this huge sense of loss and am afraid of losing other things- like friends, my house burning down , losing my job etc. But i just tell myself. ITS ALL NORMAL. (relatively) I also feel this huge sense that i have to be achieving things. but I know that some people in my position are still not getting out of bed. So i concentrate on one thing at a time. Like- keeping myself well so i CAN get up and go to work (and I have a very taxing job), and i am also single and I worry that I won't meet anyone, but at the moment I am just concentrating on spending quality time with my friends, pursuing creative interests. Mainly I'm just trying to keep well. Its sort of a balance between mourning and living.
mishy Posted August 13, 2006 Posted August 13, 2006 I just want to say also is that is OKAY to feel sad- in fact it's healthy- you don't want to be barging around the place acting like nothing has happened. Also recently I felt like my friends had forgotten what had happened because i don't talk about it much because its too painful. Let your friends know how you are feeling and like i said to one of mine last weekend 'just stick with me" (because my of my behaviour) - "this is how i'm feeling - i'm sorry but just stay with me". Allow yourself to grieve. Theres a good book called A TIME TO GRIEVE- just has a few paragraohs to a page that answers a particular question or thought you might have. Be nice to yourself and treat yourself well and eat good food- thats what i try and do. I imagine how dad would want me to be living and I try and do things in his honour.
Chinook Posted August 13, 2006 Posted August 13, 2006 Priscilla, you will get through this. Loss is a very significant and important part of life. Losing your mother is a loss which is going to take you a long time to recover from, if at all. You're right you are going through alot. Losses are often overlooked from the respect of what they do to us as people. Alot of people talk about the process of grieving (google grieving process) and the varying stages that we go through. But what psychology and assorted pop-psych doesn't tell us is about the displacement we go through as individuals. We are taken way out of our world as we know it and nothing is right or normal. What's more, we feel that nothing will be right or normal ever again. How can it be...? We have lost a significant part of ourselves... something ingrained in our world which helped that world stay on it's axis. Now it's gone. Recovering from loss takes a long time. It's like getting to know a whole new person, a whole new world... working out what your thoughts and feelings are... working out your view points and your failings. It's okay to cry and to rant and rave... human beings inherently don't like change. It upsets us greatly and the trauma of change is compounded greatly when the individual has suffered a significant loss of a SO, parent or child. Add to that other losses too... and the whole thing becomes a major trauma. It is worth seeking the help of your doctor in the early stages, just to ensure that you don't become stuck in the grief process. It is very easy to do so especially where one loss compounds another. If you find within a few weeks that things are not improving and you feel pretty bad all the time, please ask your doctor to refer you for counselling. It sounds trite and it sounds like counselling is the watchword for everything these days, but in compounding losses, I believe it can be very useful. I lost my life (as it was) due to illness. I lost my partner and a baby. I wish I had sought help sooner because it has taken me 4 years to come through to where I am today and I'm not even out of the woods yet. Be kind to yourself as mishy says, eat well, sleep more and take care of yourself. Cry if you need to and talk here too. Emotional trauma is very draining so you need to keep a good sleep pattern too.
fatty Posted August 13, 2006 Posted August 13, 2006 Hey, Like all the posters said. It is ok to feel liek the world is on your shoulders. It is unbearable at times but like you said god will always give you things you can handle. Whater ever does not kill you will only make you stronger. If you feel that you are overwhelmed by all of the stress of life, try to make one day for yourself and yourself only. Cut off tv, cell phone and all contact. Sit down and just breathe, let your mind wander its problems all day until it gets tired. Keep your mind actively focused. I am university student and I always have pressure of feeling that I never have anytime to relax but the thing is we have all the time in the world we just have to learn how to make some for ourselves.
SUMMER 1969 Posted August 13, 2006 Posted August 13, 2006 Hey there, Trust me, I know what you mean by a bad year... My cat died, Got a broken foot, am out of work, and I go and get a biopsy done on Tues to find out if I have cancer.. I know you are sad now, and I know what you mean by being scared you will not be able to find anyone... I am going on 30 years old and have no kids have never been married and its very scary... But right now, its just not meant to be for me.. You will get though this, try to stay focsed on positive things right now... Get some funny movies to watch, get some junk food and take a hot bubble bath... Thats what helps me.. You will get over this hump in your life, I promise you.. Just take things one day at a time.. And It is okay to feel sorry for yourself, just don't let it drag you down to long... I would also say to maybe have a girlfriend over to hang out and stay with you for a few nights.. Good luck, Summer
AriaIncognito Posted August 13, 2006 Posted August 13, 2006 For some reason it always seems like just 1 bad thing can't happen alone. Maybe it's like when deaths occur in the celebrity world in 3's. My senior year of college, the most important where i had to perform a recital for my major, I lost my grandmother in January, my cat that i'd had since i was 7 (was 21 then) in february. I was scared to death to leave the house in march for fear of something else bad. Another instance, my step fathers father passed away, and I broke up with my then bf of 4 years. Another instance, I had to have major surgery, then got laid off from my job immediately following and feared being qualified enough to find a new one since my previous job was outside of my realm of study in college. Then most recently, my grandfather passed away and yet another man walked out. So, I guess it's a common thing, for bad things to occur all at once. I know at the times of these happening, i felt like God was punishing me, and I wondered how the heck i could stand all the pressure and get through it, but I always did, so I've got the same hopes for now... Hang in there. Take all the time you need to grieve, nobody can put a time frame on that for you. Jennifer
Author pricillia Posted August 13, 2006 Author Posted August 13, 2006 Thank-you to all who replied to me. I appreciate learning about what has happnened to all of you and what your are going through as well. I know that I am not alone. I will try to take it one day at a time. I hope things get easier for all of you as well. TY again.
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