wrangler Posted August 12, 2006 Posted August 12, 2006 I've been with Leila for 3 years-she is 21 and I am 26. Our relationship has been really dramatic at times and the emotions have been intense. We unofficially broke up about a month ago and officially this week. She said she wanted a trial separation to think things through, and naturally I pushed because I allowed myself to become consumed by selfish emotions. On a few seperate occasions I was OK with things and she felt saddened by that-maybe just a control thing I don't know! Now she says that we have to break the lease where we live because there is too much negative energy here and we should both have our own places. I agreed with that because she's really dirty, i.e. lets the dog crap and piss on the floor and will leave it there until I start getting mad about it! But she doesn't understand why I get angry????? WTF!? The bedroom is trashed, bathroom and closets SO unbelievabley messy that you can't walk in them-just insane I tell you! How does a person function like this?? Let alone live with someone who is the polar opposite?? Most of our problems stem from things like this-I don't know why she won't step up her act? It's as if she enjoys not being able to find anything or losing her keys everytime she sets them down. I've tried for so long to help her but still the same result. When we met she revealed to me that she has coped with emotional problems all of her life and has been medicated on different occasions-which I knew would be difficult to deal with. Now she wants to break-up but I just want to REALLY work the problems out which have been haunting our relationship. She has acknowledged the fact that she doesn't have any skills to deal with problems very well and is looking to get into a treatment facility and also get away from everyone. What should I do?? So many layers to get through...
Returning Posted August 12, 2006 Posted August 12, 2006 They say the way you keep your living space is indicative of the state of your head. You can't fix her, no matter how much you think you want too. You can waste your energy trying to support her and being a led a merry dance through all sorts of crap. My advice? Run, run as fast as you can in the other direction. Make sure you don't get surcharged for the state you're leaving the apartment in. Wish her well and get out, it hurts like mad but time will heal, and hey, you may even meet a woman who is more together and make you happier. Look to yourself to find the deeper reasons why you struck up a relationship with such a person in the first place.
Author wrangler Posted August 13, 2006 Author Posted August 13, 2006 She came over yesterday to get some of her stuff. She kissed me on the lips, smiled and said she loved me. I'm getting so many mixed emotions from her. aaaahhhhh.
Returning Posted August 14, 2006 Posted August 14, 2006 Hardly surprising if she's all mixed up. Trust to your gut instinct. Don't get hurt.
Author wrangler Posted August 17, 2006 Author Posted August 17, 2006 Yesterday I received a text message from her after not contacting her for two days. She asked if I wanted to have dinner tomorrow night-so I played and cool and made jokes about her just trying to get laid. She said she thought it "might be fun". I guess she is missing me after all huh? I asked if she had bad news for me or something..are you going to drop a bomb and she replied "no dear not at all." I start my first series of sessions with a therapist today, maybe that shows her that I really do want to make an effort to get things in the right place. She is also seeing a therapist for her issues-her's stem from childhood depression so they're a bit deeper than mine.
Returning Posted August 17, 2006 Posted August 17, 2006 Yep, the ole hairy lasso is guaranteed to keep you on board. I hope it all works out for you, I really do. Just be very very careful and always have your own place to live.
DeeBrod83 Posted August 17, 2006 Posted August 17, 2006 Been through this same thing!! Bad mistake. It's hard to see the forest through the trees. You're still in it, so you can't see what you're doing to yourself and to her. If she wants to change things in her life, she's got to do it on her own. And you need someone you love AS IS! You can't ever think that you're going to change anything, that they'll grow out of habits, that living together/getting married/whatever is going to make it better.... you have to love the person they are, not the person you think they should be. And though the beginning is hell and having a broken heart sucks, and staying together/going back seems so much easier, you will realize when you meet someone who does make you happy just being the person they are naturally, what you've but yourself and her through. Just be the bigger person and move on.
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