TD7797 Posted August 16, 2006 Posted August 16, 2006 I sympathize with your pain, but you’re handling this poorly. Here’s a helpful “check list” to get your life back on track and stop being such a needy individual. 1.) Stop being so freaking needy. Believe me, when my first gf dumped me two years ago, I was in the same “poor pitiful me, i know if i say just the right thing i can win her back, blah, blah *sob* ” mode, you’ve gotta snap out of that. Start working out. Compound lifts three times a week, and diet according to your somatotype. Works wonders for confidence. Pick up a new hobby, harmonica, guitar, wood-carving, anything that will help get your mind focused on something else. Get a tan. If you’re fair skinned, gradually soak up the rays, being exposed to sunlight helps lift one’s mood. If your teeth aren’t already pearly white, consider investing in some Crest white strips, relatively cheap and help brighten your smile GO OUT WITH YOUR FRIENDS, seriously, just hang out with your buds and get some quality bonding time in with your close friends, helps a whole lot. Embrace the reality of the situation. She WILL NOT get back together with you. NEVER. Your delusional “will work out in the end. I don’t care what I have to go threw” needy desperate mentality must stop, she will be screwing another guy and happily involved in a new relationship before Halloween hits while you sit at home and "wait" for a chance that wont come, there’s no reason why you can’t get back in the game as well. She obviously dumped you because you were either to boring, clingy, or a better prospect came along and she’s trying to spare you “pain” by dodging the truth. Reevaluate what you did with her. Did you hang out too often? Not do anything new and exciting? 9 times out of 10, a women isn’t going to dump you because she’s “cold, or confused, or sad” or whatever excuse gets thrown at you, it’s because she’s BORED, and no longer feels any sort of positive emotional attraction towards you. Learn from your mistakes and move on Cut off all contact. None, zero. Not through phone, text, myspace, nothing. If she wants to leave, that is her choice and you should give her two thumbs up, but you’re going for a fresh clean start and you don’t need any emotional baggage following you to your next relationship, let her forever consider her choice with silence on your end. Hope that helped bro, not trying to be harsh, just trying to be honest. I went through the same thing you did, but my ex left me for another guy. Two years and 3 relationships later, I’m currently dating one heck of a cool gal whose loads of fun, so things will get better. Wish you best of luck.
dprelz Posted August 16, 2006 Posted August 16, 2006 Best.Post.Ever. I sympathize with your pain, but you’re handling this poorly. Here’s a helpful “check list” to get your life back on track and stop being such a needy individual. 1.) Stop being so freaking needy. Believe me, when my first gf dumped me two years ago, I was in the same “poor pitiful me, i know if i say just the right thing i can win her back, blah, blah *sob* ” mode, you’ve gotta snap out of that. Start working out. Compound lifts three times a week, and diet according to your somatotype. Works wonders for confidence. Pick up a new hobby, harmonica, guitar, wood-carving, anything that will help get your mind focused on something else. Get a tan. If you’re fair skinned, gradually soak up the rays, being exposed to sunlight helps lift one’s mood. If your teeth aren’t already pearly white, consider investing in some Crest white strips, relatively cheap and help brighten your smile GO OUT WITH YOUR FRIENDS, seriously, just hang out with your buds and get some quality bonding time in with your close friends, helps a whole lot. Embrace the reality of the situation. She WILL NOT get back together with you. NEVER. Your delusional “will work out in the end. I don’t care what I have to go threw” needy desperate mentality must stop, she will be screwing another guy and happily involved in a new relationship before Halloween hits while you sit at home and "wait" for a chance that wont come, there’s no reason why you can’t get back in the game as well. She obviously dumped you because you were either to boring, clingy, or a better prospect came along and she’s trying to spare you “pain” by dodging the truth. Reevaluate what you did with her. Did you hang out too often? Not do anything new and exciting? 9 times out of 10, a women isn’t going to dump you because she’s “cold, or confused, or sad” or whatever excuse gets thrown at you, it’s because she’s BORED, and no longer feels any sort of positive emotional attraction towards you. Learn from your mistakes and move on Cut off all contact. None, zero. Not through phone, text, myspace, nothing. If she wants to leave, that is her choice and you should give her two thumbs up, but you’re going for a fresh clean start and you don’t need any emotional baggage following you to your next relationship, let her forever consider her choice with silence on your end. Hope that helped bro, not trying to be harsh, just trying to be honest. I went through the same thing you did, but my ex left me for another guy. Two years and 3 relationships later, I’m currently dating one heck of a cool gal whose loads of fun, so things will get better. Wish you best of luck.
Guest Posted August 16, 2006 Posted August 16, 2006 TD7797, what an incredible and insightful post. Too bad it's going to fall on deaf ears. We've lost this kid to "true love." On the bright side, after going through this mess I think he'll be better equipped for future relationship issues.
Author Thursday_le Posted August 18, 2006 Author Posted August 18, 2006 Im not going to wait 40 years. Thats stupid....Im not waiting at all. I dont even want anyone at all right now. Im just saying that Im not going to give up on her. THATS ALL. If nothing happens...well at least ill know. Theres nothing wrong with that. And Im not sobbing and crying and letting this take over my life. Recently I admit its bothered me but in a few days ill be fine again. I kind of dread the next time she talks to me..but at the same time I dont think about it. But everyone listen...I found out that her mother advised her to take a break from a relationship so she wouldnt want to do this later on down the road....or have any regrets. Im kinda pissed in a way because she uses my mom as a way to check up on me. But why does she care. Why did she talk to my mom about her older sister breaking up for a year with her now husband of 13 years? I probably wont ever know these answers as many people never find out. Like everyone else ....I think my situation is a bit different. Just because of her family history. Even her mother did the same thing to her dad. Its almost like a family tradition...lol. I dont know....whatever happens...happens. Im not going to think about all this anymore. Im focusing on college and work right now. When( And I know it will happen) she contacts me again...ill take it from there. Ill leave it at that.....Its done for good. If she wants me again...well, at that time ill take it from there. Im not gonna say what I will or wont do. Just kinda leaving it out there. Now everyone tell me how stupid I am agian....lets hear it.
Author Thursday_le Posted August 18, 2006 Author Posted August 18, 2006 Someone plz say something about that last post I left. I really need some input. Regardless of what it is....even if I dont like it....I need it.
Author Thursday_le Posted August 19, 2006 Author Posted August 19, 2006 I just made my myspace private...so I can still have one and she cant be "distracted" by being sad...looking at my pictures. I either want her to get over me and never hear from her again...or hopefully she can clear her head and contact me in an adult manner. Thx everyone... Still need some input here.
whichwayisup Posted August 19, 2006 Posted August 19, 2006 Im not going to wait 40 years. Thats stupid....Im not waiting at all. I dont even want anyone at all right now. Im just saying that Im not going to give up on her. THATS ALL. If nothing happens...well at least ill know. Theres nothing wrong with that. And Im not sobbing and crying and letting this take over my life. Recently I admit its bothered me but in a few days ill be fine again. I kind of dread the next time she talks to me..but at the same time I dont think about it. But everyone listen...I found out that her mother advised her to take a break from a relationship so she wouldnt want to do this later on down the road....or have any regrets. Im kinda pissed in a way because she uses my mom as a way to check up on me. But why does she care. Why did she talk to my mom about her older sister breaking up for a year with her now husband of 13 years? I probably wont ever know these answers as many people never find out. Ofcourse you're not going to wait that long...But, let's say in the next 3 months things are the same as they are now - You should close your heart and move on. Let yourself have those moments when it pisses you off, or upsets you but then move on to something else. Don't think of her so much. Set aside a certain amount of time for those thoughts, and then go do something fun to forget. She is still emotionally attached to you, she wants to know what you're doing because she does care...Not enough to go back with you, but enough that it makes her feel good keeping tabs on you. Though, it really isn't her business what you do....Maybe ask your mom not to be so open with her about your life and what goes on in your family's life too. It really isn't her concern anymore...(Translation - she's having trouble letting go...) Like everyone else ....I think my situation is a bit different. Just because of her family history. Even her mother did the same thing to her dad. Its almost like a family tradition...lol. I dont know....whatever happens...happens. Im not going to think about all this anymore. Im focusing on college and work right now. When( And I know it will happen) she contacts me again...ill take it from there. Being a couple, you become part of eachother's lives in so many ways, and those other ties and bonds with people is hard to lose after a breakup. Yup, focus on you and let whatever happen, happen. You can't control it anyway, right? Ill leave it at that.....Its done for good. If she wants me again...well, at that time ill take it from there. Im not gonna say what I will or wont do. Just kinda leaving it out there. I agree. Now everyone tell me how stupid I am agian....lets hear it. You're not stupid. Your heart is speaking for you.
Author Thursday_le Posted August 19, 2006 Author Posted August 19, 2006 thx whichwayisup. I do find myself missing her. To be honest. I know she wants a relationship....just not now. I think she clearly stated that. Im not holding my breath though. Im just gonna focus on school and work. Im not gonna pursue any women. I need time for myself...you know?. It feels good to be single at times....but when good things happen...I miss not having her there to share them with. Its not about being lonely. If that were the case then id be dateing some bimbo that i have nothing for. I believe in her. She will be strong and pull threw this. I dont know what will happen or how things will be...but I do know that I wish her all the best. Things with us will be fine again someday.
bunny25k Posted August 19, 2006 Posted August 19, 2006 sitting here reading this entire thread and feeling exactly how your ex feels. i wish that my ex feels the way you do. i am working on becoming a happier person and a complete full adult. im thinking in 2 years, after i finish school and start my career, i will contact him again. as for now, we tried being friends after the breakup and i was making it very difficult since i have not moved on or let go of the past yet. i still need time to heal. meanwhile, my whole focus now is on self improvement. btw, i also contact my ex's mom to see if he was doing ok. i really hope that my ex wants to finish what we've started bc i surely do and i will wait it out as well. but whatever happens will happen. i want to experience this thing called "true love."
Author Thursday_le Posted August 20, 2006 Author Posted August 20, 2006 i hope my ex is thinking like you bunny. I hope to god she is. I have realized that I know I love her...not just love like childish love but...this is for ever real love. I can except all of her faults. Hell she hurt me like no one ever has in my entire life...but I still forgive her. Fu3k....am I stupid or do I have something here? Ill let her sort things out and Ill continue my stuff.
TD7797 Posted August 20, 2006 Posted August 20, 2006 Hope is never an acceptable source to turn to after a relationship ends, because hope is simply what delusional people grasp onto because they can't handle the reality of a given situation. You are acting in a manner that is unbecoming of you, becuase in spite of the truth of the matter, you still feel like "someday" this gril will come running back into your arms, and everything will be ok. That will never happen, and even if you do manage to somehow attract her back, it will end just as abruptly. Friendship is a foolish alternative, because it means that one of you haven't moved on, anyone that says you can be friends with an ex still has some sort of emotional attachment to them. It's good to hear that you're not waiting for her and you're moving on with your life. Take my previous post to heart, focus on self improvement, and cut off contact forever with this girl forver, no excuses. And quit this total BS about "true love" and taking her "she hurt me like no one ever has in my entire life...but I still forgive her" nonsence, for god's sake man, no women is worth this kind of trouble, EVER! The fact that you feel this way simply means prolonged contact will just further damage your weakend ego. Start dating someone new, a fresh start with a new chick will really help you get over this blown up nightmare of a drama production you have going on. Even if you just go on a few different dates, you'll feel loads better about yourself, and you will most cetainly find somebody you can have fun with. Give it a shot bro! Stop waiting for her suddenly "see her mistake", remove her from your life, date new people, and above all, keep the focus on YOU!
Author Thursday_le Posted August 21, 2006 Author Posted August 21, 2006 I feel like I just want to give up on it. But then I feel like I should believe in something else. Its just not worth it anymore. The pain, the sorrow, and everything else. I dont want to talk to her ever again..but at the same time...I just dont know. I am 100% confident that if she contacted me ...it would mean nothing to me anymore. I wont get excited or angry or nothing. No emotions anymore....I just dont give a 5hit. No point. No women for a long long time. Its me first. For once. Never will I let this bring me down again. She screwed up and karma goes around. I dont wish anything bad on her but this stuff comes back on you. Whatever. I accept my life the way it is. Most people dont ever accept things there entire life. Well...im not one of them. It makes me kinda sad to say this but....I dont want to ever see, talk, msg, mail, anything from her ever again. No friends...no getting back together. I told her that a long time ago. All or nothing. and she chose nothing. My mother keeps telling me to believe in her. And things will be fine again someday. My mom knows something I dont know. And she wont tell me. Im not being paranoid....She hints at it all the time. My mom would never make me go threw the pain of thinking about this if she didnt know something else....you know?...life sucks. I just want to be happy again. In a new way. I know ill be fine. Thanx to you all and my family and friends. Any comments would be appreciated..... Thurs
whichwayisup Posted August 21, 2006 Posted August 21, 2006 My mother keeps telling me to believe in her. And things will be fine again someday. My mom knows something I dont know. And she wont tell me. Im not being paranoid....She hints at it all the time. Then MAKE her tell you. Your mom is obligated to YOU, not your exgirlfriend. Your mom needs to support YOU, not your exgirlfriend. Keep busy, enjoy your life, get out there, hang with buddies. You can't control what is going to happen, right? So, why sit and think about it. Whatever is going to happen WILL happen.
Guest Posted August 21, 2006 Posted August 21, 2006 oh brother. your mom really is not helping you at all. you obviously are holding onto the hope that your ex has confided something so wondrous to your mother, that perhaps, oh might it be? she plans on getting back with you?? save yourself both the heartache and the headache. just don't give a crap whatever this supposed secret is. Move the frick on. tell your mom to stop talking to the basketcase and find a cooler, not so messed up girl who likes to fool around and talk philosophy and baseball. they exist, and they're great in bed. like a previous poster said, hope in this sort of situation is a ridiculous thing, and the fact that your ex's actions still befuddle you makes it readily apparent how much hope you have for this true love crap.
Author Thursday_le Posted September 6, 2007 Author Posted September 6, 2007 Wow...I know its not probably good to resurect old threads but...Im back to give an update. So many things have happend since I was last on here about 14 months ago. Three g/f none really amounted to anything. A bunch of crap that Ill spare you all. As for the ex....well she actually talked to me today. And we have been talking for at least a week. She first told me about here new job and school. But never her new b/f. I only knew she had another b/f because my mom ran into them somewhere. The first conversation was pretty much that. Then two days later she seems a little different. I asked was she was up to, then out of nowhere she says " I dont want to make you upset" Im like...wtf? I said dont hold back. Then she continues to spill out all this crap about how she misses me and has been trying to get ahold of me for 6 months. And shes been with this guy for almost a year now or something. I kinda just laughed to myself. She later told me that we need to hangout as friends. Just the two of us to "catch up on old times". Again..another WTF? moment. I said dont you have a b/f? She says " Yeah, but hes kool with us talking". Yet again. WTF? What person in the right mind, would be ok with there g/f or b/f talking to their ex and "hanging out just the two of them"? I laughed again to myself. I typed " mmmkk". I then asked...Is he reading this? She goes " No, hes not even here." .....WTF!?!! She just told me that her b/f was ok with us talking. How could he be ok without even knowing it? This whole thing is just ridiculously funny to me. Anyways, about five minutes later she says "Well, I gotta go. We'll definatley talk again this week and hangout...I promise! ttyl bye" Do I have to say it again? WTF!!? Promise to see me this week? I didnt even say I wanted to see her. I just said ...mmmk?. Oh yeah...that whole...I GTG thing was definatly her b/f coming home...I forgot to mention they have an apartment together. Ahhh. Im just here to see what you people think. I doubt theres any original people on here...so get to reading people!! I Honestly think this is very comical, as I have no connection or reason to care about it.
P5186 Posted September 6, 2007 Posted September 6, 2007 Things start happening when you have stopped caring and not expecting them. Even though I have lost all feelings for my ex I didn't talk to her for a good 10month, only on and off on MSN. We both have partners now anyway and we are both happy. She asked for to meet up for a drink and I said no and she said maybe another time. I sort of started thinking maybe I should meet up with her and see how she is now and bring my gf along with me. She apologized for everything and thought I wanted to hurt her badly as I completely cut all contact Anyway this happened a few months ago and I told my gf about this weird convo and she said she would be fine with me meeting her if I wanted to. As she TRUSTS me. Maybe her new bf trusts her. I'm just trying to relate this to your post about how I think she is thinking (It's not about my situation as I'm now not going to meet her as I can't be bothered to). I know my ex wants nothing from it and neither do I. She probably is the same.
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