Kittiecat Posted August 12, 2006 Posted August 12, 2006 I had a conversation with a coworker yesterday about her travels around the world, her daughters, her grandbaby, her classes, her friends and all the fun things they do, etc. This woman has been divorced for over 20 years and I'm guessing she's somewhere in her 50s. I commented about how she seemed to have a very full life and she looked right at me and said "Don't wait around for a man to make your life full. If I had done that I wouldn't have what I have now." I felt like I had been hit with a common sense thunderbolt. Yes, my mom has been telling me that stuff for years, but my mom does not have the life this lady has. I don't know, it was just inspiring to hear how she pulled herself up and now seems to be quite happy with her life in general. I wish I could do that, but I haven't a clue as to where to start. It's odd - I have the desire to change but none of the motivation. I simply don't know what I want out of life. From what I can tell, I have no passion for anything other than drinking wine, sitting on the couch and fantasizing about that dream man that will make everything OK. NOT GOOD. So, has anyone here been able to pull themselves out of the rut and create a life worth living? How did you do it?
norajane Posted August 12, 2006 Posted August 12, 2006 I came from a very traditional immigrant home, so always expected I'd be married in my early 20's, with the kidlets soon to follow. However, that was not to be, as the guy I fell in love with and was engaged to...eh, we weren't right for each other at all. After I left him, I felt a little lost for a while - the traditional plan was the only one I had! Since then, I've bought and sold two homes of my own, traveled all over the US and the world, worked with some incredibly brilliant people, tried all kinds of things from landscaping to belly dancing to running half-marathons. I have some amazing friends in places all over, and great relationships with my family. I've moved cross country to live in my dream city, and I've finally moved back to my 'home' city. I've had relationships with all kinds of men, but was not waiting for them to give me a 'life'. I've been seeing someone for the last 18 months or so that I feel really good about, and I'm very happy, but he's not my entire world. The key for me was education. I had gone to a fantastic undergrad, and then went on to grad school. I had completed both by the time I had gotten engaged, and those experiences brought me into contact with a lot of ambitious, interesting people (students and teachers alike). It taught me there was so much out there in the world, and all I had to do was give myself a chance to explore it. The education led me to different jobs that allowed me to explore different things. The jobs provided me with opportunities to travel, and plenty of money to do the things I wanted to do. I'm at a crossroads now, contemplating my next career change. I think I need more meaningful work now rather than going for the big bucks, so another life change is in the offing. The trick is to take opportunities as they arise - even if uncertain about them - rather than sticking to what is comfortable.
alphamale Posted August 12, 2006 Posted August 12, 2006 I simply don't know what I want out of life. How old are you KITTIEKAT? If you're under 25 or 30 thats fairly common. Contrary to popular opinion most people's lives get better as they get older. Your co-worker is a perfect example...
Author Kittiecat Posted August 12, 2006 Author Posted August 12, 2006 How old are you KITTIEKAT? If you're under 25 or 30 thats fairly common. Contrary to popular opinion most people's lives get better as they get older. Your co-worker is a perfect example... I'm 28. I don't know, it just seems like I'm kind of old to be thinking this way. I always figured I'd have my crap together by now.
MyShrink Posted August 12, 2006 Posted August 12, 2006 Don't you know anything you want out of life? No activities you have dreamt of doing, or things you want to achieve? I think it is a good idea to simply write down things you want to do in life, and then try to achieve as many of them as you can. It is a waste of time trying to first figure out what you ultimately want in life, finding out what the "meaning of life" is. You find this out as you go.
Author Kittiecat Posted August 13, 2006 Author Posted August 13, 2006 Yeah, my list would consist of mainly frivolous things (i.e. travel the world, sleep with many gorgeous, exotic men, live in another city, eat sushi, etc. ). I think part of me feels silly going after "dreams." I came from a working class family - my parents never enjoyed life, they just worked hard and did what they had to do to survive. And now that's what I'm doing.
blind_otter Posted August 13, 2006 Posted August 13, 2006 I was living a horrible life of drug addiction and alcoholism for years. Starting in college but it got progressively worse, where I was in dead end jobs half the time, unemployed and wasted the other half. I decided to take control because my addictions spiraled out of control and I was always f*cked up on something or another. I put myself in dangerous situations. I alienated those who cared about me. I began by learning how to value myself. To treat myself well and with respect. Slowly I began to learn how to transfer that respectful behavior to those around me. I focused on my strengths. Figured out some short term goals. I have to discipline myself a lot more now. Make myself do things that seem ucky, or boring, or downright excruciating - but I find that, the more I discipline myself, the more I love myself. The more I put limits on my own behavior and the choices I make, the less I act out of impulse -- which always ultimately leads to humiliation and depression. I'm still working to move forward in a positive direction. It's a daily struggle for me, but one that brings worthwhile rewards. every day I am reminded of why I made the choice to consciously selectively water the positive seeds within my psyche, of compassion, love, happiness, truth. I choose not to water the negative seeds because those are quite overgrown already within me, due to circumstance or personal choices.
johan Posted August 13, 2006 Posted August 13, 2006 ...but I find that, the more I discipline myself, the more I love myself. What about when someone else disciplines you? Gently, but firmly, of course. How do you feel then?
Author Kittiecat Posted August 13, 2006 Author Posted August 13, 2006 What about when someone else disciplines you? Gently, but firmly, of course. How do you feel then? I know I dig it. Perhaps I should add that to my list. More discipline.
alphamale Posted August 13, 2006 Posted August 13, 2006 I know I dig it. Perhaps I should add that to my list. More discipline. you mean like bondage and S&M? I don't get into that stuff.
lindya Posted August 13, 2006 Posted August 13, 2006 you mean like bondage and S&M? I don't get into that stuff. At what point did I say you could come out of the iron maiden? Get back in there at once!
alphamale Posted August 13, 2006 Posted August 13, 2006 At what point did I say you could come out of the iron maiden? Get back in there at once! ok lindya...i'm sorry <whimper>...beat me some more.
Author Kittiecat Posted August 13, 2006 Author Posted August 13, 2006 you mean like bondage and S&M? I don't get into that stuff. Not the hardcore stuff, just a bit of a throwdown with a good spanking.
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