London Girl Posted August 12, 2006 Posted August 12, 2006 I dated a guy 7 months after his wife left him. He asked me out. We dated for about 2 years. We had a good relationship, he even told me that he loved me more than his ex wife, see a future with me etc. After a year of dating he became emotional, crying and generally being unhappy but could not explain to me why he was feeling this way. Anyway in January 2006 he dumped me saying that he was not happy in our relationship, gave me silly excuses (for example, I was not relaxed, fun enough anymore) which came to a shock to me as everyone thought he was besotted with me. He was really emotional and crying hard when he broke up with me. Between January and May we saw each other on and off and everytime we met up, we acted like we were still going out as a couple. He was being affectionate and we normally ended up sleeping together. But everytime, he contacts me soon after to say that although he had a great time with me, he still has doubts about me but cannot figure out why he has these doubts. He says on paper I am his perfect girl and tick all the right boxes but he is not completely happy with me. Between May and July, we had about 2 months of no contact. I also found out during this time, he signed up on an internet dating site. After the 2 months, I contacted him to pick up some of my belongings from his house. When we met up, he was lovey dovey towards me and paying me lots of compliments. As I was so hurt before I told him what happened was nice but it was just sex and that I see him perhaps in the after life. He tells me that he still thinks about our relationship and would like to see me again once he gets back from sailing (which was a week away). True to his words, he contacts me straight after his sailing weekend and we went to see a film. As usual he was very affectionate towards me and we had a great evening. It has been two weeks now since I saw him and he has not made any contact. I am so confused. He still has photos of me on his digital camera he took of us last year and he still has my flat keys and belongings at my flat. Am I clinging onto false hopes, will going no contact make him come back to me? I really don't understand him. My head has been going round in circles about what he wants and I'm too scared to ask him or give him an ultimatium. When he dumped me he did say that he thought our relationship was too intense but he tells me that I was not a rebound girl for him and he did truly love me. I've been an emotional wreck since January and still want this guy back more than ever. Please let me know what I should do?
Chinook Posted August 12, 2006 Posted August 12, 2006 Only you can decide what you want to do... But in my opinion, someone who loves you doesn't have you on this yo-yo string like this and is going backwards and forwards on the rollercoaster. Someone who loves you makes an effort to ensure that you know that he loves you. It sounds to me like he ran away from the aftermath of his marriage and jumped right into a rebound relationship with you. Whilst everything was going all swimmingly well... it's great. After a while you notice things you're not that keen on any longer (i.e. you not being fun any more). Sorry but that's what happens in relationships... the initial flare dies to leave the burning, deep heat of love. It seems to be that he's running from. You could wait around and see whether he picks himself up out of whatever issues he has. Or you could take stock and decide for yourself what you want out of this relationship. If you want a full on committed relationship... tell him so. Make sure he knows that you are not going to take any more of this yo-yo stuff from him. It is not fair. He's keeping you dangling whilst doing what..? Sitting there pondering life by himself..? I think not. He's going about his life and only considering you when HE wants to. It's time for you to do the same. You could instigate no contact. But the problem is, initially NC hurts. It's painful. It is lkely to get him to come running and furthering the yo-yo effects. It then becomes a game that you two play. IMHO no contact only works for you... to heal. If you want into his life and he's still amenable to a relationship, there is no point in NC... afraid you're locked in the yo-yo game. But if you decide you're better than this then if it were me, I'd take back my belongings and keys and I'd instigate NC right away. This happened to me recently. I was in a 10 yr relationship. We split two years ago. 6 months after we split he found someone else. Meanwhile he's also asking me about reconciliation... and so the yo-yo started. I loved this guy beyond all reason and I never once in 10 yrs thought him capable of doing the stupid things he did. In late May I (I can't even remember the date now)... I instigated NC. Absolute. Complete... NC. I blocked his emails and mobile texts to home and work. I dumped my mobile phone and I switched over my landline to the answer machine. I have responded to nothing since then. It hurts me to think that I may have lost a chance... but the reality is, he's where he is with someone else. If he wanted me, he'd come and get me. The same applies to your situation - if your guy wanted you so much, he'd try and work it out.
Recommended Posts