doraemon Posted August 12, 2006 Posted August 12, 2006 I have just joined this forum, so this is all new to me. I have a dilemma of what to do with an admirer... I am in a long-term relationship with my boyfriend of 13 years.We are both in our mid 30s. Recently I have taken up an evening class and I sense this guy in my group likes me and I feel it is becoming awkward as I don't know what to do. On one occasion on leaving class we first talked and travelled on the train together on the way home. I got the impression by the way he was acting towards me, he probably fancied me. During the second train journey he kept saying he was hungry and that he was thinking of getting some food and then asked if i wanted to join him. I made an excuse about having eaten already. When I got home I got a text from him asking if I had seen his umbrella that he might have left on the train. I knew it was an excuse to contact me. I enjoyed the attention at the beginning but I think I am now beginning to question my feelings. This person is quite attractive but I'm not sure if I fancy him or if I am just seeing him like that because he is paying me attention. The thing is as I have been in a relationship for so long, I have forgotten what it is like to have both an interest from someone else and being with someone else. I have developed crushes on people during my relationship and I have been in similar situations before where I fancied other people, but I always ran off when it seemed they were about to ask me out. It would never get to that stage. This admirer is also 7 years than me which worries me because he probably thinks I am in my mid 20s. Everyone that meets me says I look in my mid twenties and can't quite believe my real age. I'm also worried because unusually men never ask me out because people tell me they are probably intimidated by my looks. I always get comments from women that I'm beautiful but never men. The guys that do ask me out are usually weirdos. So, perhaps I am confused as this admirer is a normal nice guy. I am finding myself thinking about him but am not sure if its just a thrill or adrenalin rush. I have always wondered about my relationship as it is not a straightforward boy meets girl falls in love story. It is a pretty good relationship as he is my best friend and he loves me and cares deeply for me, we enjoy each others company a lot. He helped me through heavy times when I was once a victim of an attempted rape and since then we became close. However, I have never fancied him if i am honest, which is probably why we don't kiss, but I do love him though and am committed to him, getting married, kids etc. This probably sounds weird, right? Is this admirer causing me to wonder if I am in a wrong relationship? Should I avoid this admirer before anything awkward happens?
Yamaha Posted August 12, 2006 Posted August 12, 2006 If you want to get rid of him just mention your LT boyfriend. Unless he is a stalker this should end his pursuit. I'm also worried because unusually men never ask me out This makes no sense. You have a b/f and you want to get rid of this guy so why do you want a guy to ask you out anyway? Wouldn't that just be AWKWARD.
magichands Posted August 12, 2006 Posted August 12, 2006 I have always wondered about my relationship as it is not a straightforward boy meets girl falls in love story. I think I've seen that movie too. However, I have never fancied him if i am honest, which is probably why we don't kiss, but I do love him though and am committed to him, getting married, kids etc. You never kiss?? How do you show each other affection? Put yourself in his shoes for a moment. Would you be happy to hear that your girlfriend doesn't really fancy you? And that rather than work harder on your relationship, she is "considering her options"? Most likely you would be crushed. Think about the word you wrote above - committed. Is this admirer causing me to wonder if I am in a wrong relationship? Should I avoid this admirer before anything awkward happens? Do you like answering your own questions? Just kidding. What do you think is missing from your relationship, if anything? And, if you feel that something is missing, have you really thought about what you can do to communicate this to your boyfriend?
consternation Posted August 12, 2006 Posted August 12, 2006 Shouldn't the question be, how can i cope with an admirer causing me to question my relationship? I guess the right thing to do is to either sort out or leave your current relationship, no matter how unpleasant and how much hard work both options might be. I think ultimately having an affair is a sign of weakness. But I've never been tempted to have one, so I can't judge. Certainly a lot of people have affairs (60% according to recent study) so it can't be a completely damning sign. Sadly. I can only hope you think long and hard. Can I ask why your partner and you never had children or married?
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