Love_and_Respect Posted August 12, 2006 Posted August 12, 2006 I know there's a confusion about men 1) taking the initiative to lead and protect (positive and constructive), and 2) being overly obsessed with controlling every aspect of their families' life (negative and destructive). What are your opinions on when the borderline is crossed between the two?
Brittjean06 Posted August 12, 2006 Posted August 12, 2006 I think you answered your question. Seems like this man controls everything and everyone?
fatty Posted August 12, 2006 Posted August 12, 2006 Hey, i am not married but I have seen a few of my cousin's marriage go down the toilet due to a controlling father. When the father completely starts to disregard your input and just does what ever he wants to do, I think is the time you need to get him in check. Ofcourse this has to be done almost on a frequent basis, which mom/dad hasnt had stuff done their way sometimes. Also in the marriage of my cousin, once the father became controlling of the child he completely disregarded the feelings of my cousin - as in her emotional needs and wants. Personally, once my partner frequently ignores my input and is not willing to comprimise I think that is the time I know she has crossed the border and will have a nice sit down with them. But also there are other dynamics of a relationship where a mother is usefull and father. But i dont think you are asking about that.
Green Posted August 12, 2006 Posted August 12, 2006 A man can never have to much control over his family, thus the Amnity Ville horror
Author Love_and_Respect Posted August 12, 2006 Author Posted August 12, 2006 I think you answered your question. Seems like this man controls everything and everyone? I've seen so many men in the course of my life who are so consumed by the urge to control everything and everybody around them, that when they for some reason fail to succeed, they seem to be at loss with the very inner core of themselves. I'm more for the type of men who exercise the leader-servant attitude people whether they're at home or work.
Author Love_and_Respect Posted August 12, 2006 Author Posted August 12, 2006 A man can never have to much control over his family, thus the Amnity Ville horror Horror?! That would definately go under point 2) in my OP. Not a good kind of "control".
Mz. Pixie Posted August 14, 2006 Posted August 14, 2006 A man who is protecting and leading the family may perhaps take over the burden of paying the bills and handling the money so that his wife doesn't have to struggle or worry about that. That being said, he'd provide her with enough spending money, grocery money-and money for the kids. The man that is controllling is going to make her account for every penny of that money- every dollar that is spent- even watching the mileage on her car to see how many miles she's traveling etc.
Walk Posted August 14, 2006 Posted August 14, 2006 I would say overly controlling is when the man decides something will be a certain way, even after hearing well thought out rational/logical reasons not to from his wife or gf. Making decisions without respecting the intellect of the other person, doing this to ensure life is his way, but not necessarily done the best possible way. Taking charge to me implies that the person will make decision based upon the facts presented. Attempting to take all sides into consideration, and giving equal weight to both sides. His goal is to ensure the job is done, but not HOW it's done. So he relies on others just as much as on himself for solutions and ideas on how to solve it. And is willing to give up the decision making to someone more capable for different situations. He believes that no one person is "smarter" or "less" then the other. It's solution oriented. Controller seems to think he has all the answers, and feels slighted if proven wrong. And it's power oriented. (seems) Then again.. I might be off in this..
AManWithTroubles Posted August 14, 2006 Posted August 14, 2006 But is it ok for a woman to control everything? What if this thread were labeled "How important is it for one spouse to control?" Seriously, some of us men have women who try to control everything.
Outcast Posted August 14, 2006 Posted August 14, 2006 Controlling behaviour is dysfunctional in either gender. Controllers try to control others, I gather, because they have a fear of the insecurity which results when they let go. They need therapy. Marriages should be partnerships, not master-slave relationships.
Brattyone Posted August 18, 2006 Posted August 18, 2006 But is it ok for a woman to control everything? What if this thread were labeled "How important is it for one spouse to control?" Seriously, some of us men have women who try to control everything. I agree 100%. Men and women control in different ways. Women often use sex and withdrawl as a form of control. DO what I want or you aren't getting any. Or the infamous " If you dont' know what is wrong I am not telling you" crap. Men use finances and other physical/tangible control methods. ( put downs, checking up) Neither gender can cry foul in that department.
lover's rock Posted August 21, 2006 Posted August 21, 2006 The point of marriage is to do things together. To spend your lives together. So any one spouse being controlling defeats that purpose. There should be an unwritten contract of some sort of who handles what and who says this about that. That way roles and areas of control aren't confused.
laura2010us Posted August 23, 2006 Posted August 23, 2006 I know there's a confusion about men 1) taking the initiative to lead and protect (positive and constructive), and 2) being overly obsessed with controlling every aspect of their families' life (negative and destructive). What are your opinions on when the borderline is crossed between the two?
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