Girlie Posted August 11, 2006 Posted August 11, 2006 Here is my situation: I met this guy back in December. I took an immediate liking to him and have since totally totally fallen for him. The problem is, he's engaged. We've discussed how I feel about him, and although NOTHING has happened (well, I shouldn't say nothing....we do flirt.....), he just totally loves this whole thing. He tells me that I'm sexy and beautiful and just seems to revel in any attention he gets from me. I keep telling myself to move on from this. I don't want to get involved with someone who's taken. Well, I shouldn't say that, obviously part of me does, but I haven't. I try to remind myself that I shouldn't want to be involved with a guy who's engaged and yet openly flirts with other women like this. I just can't seem to get him out of my head, and I'm miserable. I hate this. I feel like a shmuck. I guess more than anything, I'm just looking for other people who've experienced this and can give me a little bit of encouragement. Remind me that I'm doing the right thing by at least trying to maintain some distance and that eventually, I'll get over this.
inarut Posted August 11, 2006 Posted August 11, 2006 All I can say is RUN, RUN, RUN AS FAST AND AS FAR AS YOU CAN. It's even harder to get out once the physical actions start. I am speaking from experience.
witabix Posted August 11, 2006 Posted August 11, 2006 Ok Girlie, answer these questions for yourself/ How would you feel if he was your bf and was behaving like this with another woman? How much respect does this man show his fiancee? How much respect does this man have for himself? How much respect does he show for his current relationship? What kind of woman does he think you are? You have done the right thing to question the validity of your involvement, this man has made a commitment to another, if he doesn't respect that you should.
BUTAFLY Posted August 13, 2006 Posted August 13, 2006 I think engaged men should wear rings too. I was in your situation (kinda)..He didn't tell me he was engaged/ when I found out he told me he was thinking of calling the wedding off(but thats not the point). The point is these men are looking for that one last fling...sell their wild oat while they still have a chance. my exmm/wbf told me horrible things about his fiancess/ threw her under the bus every chance he got. But he still married her. And where am I now? A year later im still try to figure out what the hell happened. This dude is a total player and more than likely gonna cheat a few yrs down the line on his new wifey. RUN !
Adunaphel Posted August 13, 2006 Posted August 13, 2006 Remind me that I'm doing the right thing by at least trying to maintain some distance It indeed is a good thing that you are maintaining some distance, but the right thing - not only morally, but expecially the right thing for your own well-being - is to put much more than some distance between you and him. I've been in a similar situation, and I've found out that keeping some distance is not enough, nor is reminding yourself that you'd not want a selfish cakeman dude like that. Even if you don't consider yourself to be the kind of person who'd get into an affair with an engaged person, sometime it is not enough. and that eventually, I'll get over this. The more you keep flirting with him, the more difficult it will be getting over it. And inarut is right about things becoming so much harder when some physical contact has occurred. What is it that you find most attractive in this guy? What makes him look so special in your eyes? Is it the attention, or some traits of his personality that you find so appealing? The other posters are so right. Wetabix raises some great points/questions. And Butafly probably nailed it, he is just looking for a last fling. He might tell you how beautiful and interesting you are, but does he really have any respect for you? One more thought ...hoping that it might help discouraging you from continuing to flirt with this guy. You risk getting a bad reputation. Many nice, single guys would not want a serious relationship with a woman who has been the OW (I posted a thread about this subject some time ago), what if you have a fling that might make you blow an otherwise possible relationship with a nice, attractive guy?
HokeyReligions Posted August 13, 2006 Posted August 13, 2006 Sow their wild oats! I think Buttafly hit the nail on the head - sounds like he trying to warm his cold feet with you! RUN!
BUTAFLY Posted August 13, 2006 Posted August 13, 2006 Sow their wild oats! I think Buttafly hit the nail on the head - sounds like he trying to warm his cold feet with you! RUN! Sow.....thats what I meant:cool:
Guest Posted August 15, 2006 Posted August 15, 2006 just dealt with a similiar situation and was in a 'relationship' with an engaged guy. and im sure he would have kept on sleeping with me except i called him out and asked how long he planned to continue it and maybe he shouldnt be getting married. i think me doing that was the kick in the ass he needed to realize that he needed to straighten out and go home to his soon to be wife
BUTAFLY Posted August 16, 2006 Posted August 16, 2006 just dealt with a similiar situation and was in a 'relationship' with an engaged guy. and im sure he would have kept on sleeping with me except i called him out and asked how long he planned to continue it and maybe he shouldnt be getting married. i think me doing that was the kick in the ass he needed to realize that he needed to straighten out and go home to his soon to be wife I was in your situation Guest... Tell me more.
Author Girlie Posted August 28, 2006 Author Posted August 28, 2006 Thank you all for your replies so far. His nuptuals are this weekend and I have done very well in not only backing away, but pretty much just not talking to him at all. I feel a twinge sometimes when I think of him getting married, but the situation is what it is. I know if I were to keep flirting and keep talking that it would only lead to MORE pain, and I definitely don't need anymore. And I know you all are right....he doesn't respect me...I'm just nice to look at and I would like someone who thinks of me as a little bit more than that, obviously.
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