Author HopefulOne Posted August 14, 2006 Author Posted August 14, 2006 He texted me a little while ago and said the he hit the wrong button and didn't mean to call me... OUCH Oh no!!! He's been really a major pain that guy, ack. Ariadne Yeah, that was an little more than over the top for me.... maybe now instead of how he says " you make me want to hate me" maybe now I can say you make me want to hate you, which may not be to far from the truth...
Ariadne Posted August 14, 2006 Posted August 14, 2006 Hi, maybe now I can say you make me want to hate you, which may not be to far from the truth... I wish the I could say that about the guy I love, but I can't even say that, no matter how much he's hurt me. Weird how things work, Ariadne
Author HopefulOne Posted August 14, 2006 Author Posted August 14, 2006 So, maybe I am now obessing over this but I am getting really really mad... I am angry at the fact that he told me that he doesn't hate me but I make him want to hate himself and that he's always trying to convince me that he isn't horrible and then himself... HOW DARE HE.... I am the only one around him who tells him how proud of him I am, what a good person he is... He is alway trying to help someone. I will admit that I at times let him know when I am disappointed with something that he promised... Like out vacation which never happened because of work ( for the last two years mind ya) and even then I was nice about it. I remember on Christmas eve when he told me, I love you so much and I owe you for the next twenty years you are so patient. I write him letters all the time and make cards for him to let him know how much I appreciate him. HOW THE HELL can he say these things to me????? Sorry, venting...... Oh and he was always saying he didn't want people doing things for him and I mean anything, it was like he wanted to do for everyone but not let anyone do for him, he did let me eventually but even then sometimes it was a struggle, I mean even cooking him dinner .......GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR
Returning Posted August 14, 2006 Posted August 14, 2006 "he was always saying he didn't want people doing things for him and I mean anything" *cough* fierce independance, above and beyond what is practical, is a major red flag for some personality disorder, so is doing everything for others, they somehow feel that by doing for others they are curing themselfs. It's a wacko thought process. There is no way you make him hate himself, he probably hates himself anyway and is just projecting onto you, sharing the bad feelings. Isn't he kind?
britchick Posted August 14, 2006 Posted August 14, 2006 This bloke is treating you terribly, calling you "by mistake"....yeah right. He just wanted to torture you a little more. Take this opportunity to break it off with him, if you don't you will really regret it later. Hold on to that anger!!!
Author HopefulOne Posted August 14, 2006 Author Posted August 14, 2006 "he was always saying he didn't want people doing things for him and I mean anything" *cough* fierce independance, above and beyond what is practical, is a major red flag for some personality disorder, so is doing everything for others, they somehow feel that by doing for others they are curing themselfs. It's a wacko thought process. There is no way you make him hate himself, he probably hates himself anyway and is just projecting onto you, sharing the bad feelings. Isn't he kind? The more I have been thinking, it's also like his control over people, look what I do for you, I am the good guy.... him not wanting you to do anything for him, now that I am thinking is quite possibly his way of controlling too.
Returning Posted August 14, 2006 Posted August 14, 2006 "now that I am thinking is quite possibly his way of controlling too" Hey HopefulOne There seems to be more to this guy than meets the eye, try doing a serach for narcissistic personality disorder and see if you find anything that ticks any boxes.
Author HopefulOne Posted August 14, 2006 Author Posted August 14, 2006 "now that I am thinking is quite possibly his way of controlling too" Hey HopefulOne There seems to be more to this guy than meets the eye, try doing a serach for narcissistic personality disorder and see if you find anything that ticks any boxes. You know I have done that but I don't quite think that fits it... Hmmm... Insecurity maybe...??
Returning Posted August 14, 2006 Posted August 14, 2006 I couldn't say as I'm not a proffessional in the field of personality disorders. Insecurity and self loathing are the cornerstones of NPD and BPD and some others in the personality disorder field. However, it is irrelevent to fathom what he's up to. The important thing is he is not treating you fairly or showing you any respect. If he wanted to be with you he would be, instead he plays this hurtful game with your fealings. He couldn't do this if you didn't allow him too. If he came and was with you what then? He could be better or he could be very much worse and what you are witnessing now was just the tip of the iceburg. You need to work out what you are doing and what you want for the future, you certainly dont need someone who messes you about. I know how much it hurts as I am dealing with my own relationship failure and am in NC. The relationship was for 16 yrs and for all difficulties we had I miss her like crazy and think she was the best woman in the world. We've been split since new year and NC has gone in fits and starts until now but I am determind to be unavailable to her because I can't take any more of the crazy making, I'm a reasonable person and I deserve better. tc x
Author HopefulOne Posted August 17, 2006 Author Posted August 17, 2006 So, we talked like two nights ago.....It was a strange conversation....I feel like I got reeled in again.... He called me... then he called me the next night.... and it was just like old times.... called me babe, etc... Then I haven't heard from him since... I can give more detail if needed... but this is just ridiculous... It just makes me soooo mad..... Sometimes I think he is playing me... but when I talk to him, he sounds like he wants me to be his one and only.... I give.... I am not sure that my heart can take much more... I am exhausted..
ImmaBeAlright Posted August 17, 2006 Posted August 17, 2006 Hey, I know this isn't the end of the world but I am going crazy here... Any input would be greatly appreciated .... PLEASE>.......... Text him that you are going crazy and that you love him and you need him. Ariadne Girl, you need to stop.
ImmaBeAlright Posted August 17, 2006 Posted August 17, 2006 So, we talked like two nights ago.....It was a strange conversation....I feel like I got reeled in again.... He called me... then he called me the next night.... and it was just like old times.... called me babe, etc... Then I haven't heard from him since... I can give more detail if needed... but this is just ridiculous... It just makes me soooo mad..... Sometimes I think he is playing me... but when I talk to him, he sounds like he wants me to be his one and only.... I give.... I am not sure that my heart can take much more... I am exhausted.. I will be blunt once again. From where I'm sitting, it seems like you are enjoying this game. It seems like you are willing to stand by and pick up any scrap of crumbs this guy is throwing at you. Stop answering his calls! Stop smsing him! Stop! Stop! Stop! I know you want to talk to him, keep the contact going, but how is it working for you? You need to stop.
Tanice Posted August 17, 2006 Posted August 17, 2006 I have been reading all your posts and i do hope that what i say will be of assistance, i am in somewhat the same position you are in meaning i was in a 3 yrs relationship and was totally in love and happy and my boyfriend or ex-boyriend changed like the weather overnight and totally started disrespecting me. This is not a nice feeling for anyone that has a heart, and especilly when you see your whole future that you were looking forward to disappear. But my advice is, time and time alone, you probably heard this before but it is really true, it is not gonna get any better i wont lie, you will have good days and bad days and maybe months will pass ans u go right back where you started, because what you felt for this person was true love, none of that fake s*$#. But stop talking to him, stop communicating with him totally and in a few months or years when you feel better, maybe you can actually have a civil conversation and let sleeping dogs lie. Good luck, and if u believe in God, look to God only not man.
Returning Posted August 17, 2006 Posted August 17, 2006 HopefulOne, he sure sounds like a Narcissist to me. Try the threads on this site, see if it rings any bells. leegay says some interesting stuff. http://personalitydisorders.suite101.com/discussion.cfm/1858/5-14
Author HopefulOne Posted August 18, 2006 Author Posted August 18, 2006 I will be blunt once again. From where I'm sitting, it seems like you are enjoying this game. It seems like you are willing to stand by and pick up any scrap of crumbs this guy is throwing at you. Stop answering his calls! Stop smsing him! Stop! Stop! Stop! I know you want to talk to him, keep the contact going, but how is it working for you? You need to stop. No I do not enjoy his game.... and I don't like scraps.... It's difficult and it hurts.... While I agree with you, I don't flip off like a switch.
Author HopefulOne Posted August 18, 2006 Author Posted August 18, 2006 HopefulOne, he sure sounds like a Narcissist to me. Try the threads on this site, see if it rings any bells. leegay says some interesting stuff. http://personalitydisorders.suite101.com/discussion.cfm/1858/5-14 I checked it out, very informative, you could be correct... He does have some of the qualities... Thanks for giving me the link... He does keep calling now ( he called this morning but I didn't answer). The conversation we had the other day, we both talked and didn't fight and we both actually said what was on our minds, including me and what bothered me about our relationship and him.... You have been very helpful and thanks again for being there to support me !!!
Returning Posted August 18, 2006 Posted August 18, 2006 You are very welcome HopefulOne, I was on the recieving end of a PD'ed person for a long time, they say love makes you blind, it sure took awhile before the scales fell from my eye's. I always wanted to see the good in her, and there was a fair bit, but over the years the whole psychologically abusive element eroded my self confidence and quality of life beyond belief. Another poster makes a good point in a different thread: "you will realize when you meet someone who does make you happy just being the person they are naturally, what you've put yourself through. Just be the bigger person and move on." Of course I've never met this man and we may be judging him unfairly but it pays to keep the radar up until the all clear is sounded. tc x
Author HopefulOne Posted August 30, 2006 Author Posted August 30, 2006 So, he kept calling --- and we talked and didn't argue--- I saw him this past weekend, we spent the weekend together --- and he calls me and text me but I feel deep in my gut that something isn't right, I cried after I spent the weekend with him... He was great and we talked about things but there are certain things he won't talk about, like the future.. and I don't want to walk on eggshells anymore... I use to be so comfortable with him, I still am to a point but if I can't say how I really feel what's the point, right? Life isn't always about fun fun fun.... He works really hard, workaholic............ I just don't know anymore???
Returning Posted August 30, 2006 Posted August 30, 2006 You have to trust your gut HopefulOne. I don't like harping on without knowing the man but workaholic can be another trait of NPD. They do it to 'validate' themselves. Something must be shaking you about this situation or you wouldn't be posting here about it, you would just take the rough with the smooth and get on with it. Hope you find peace with this soon. tc Returning x
Author HopefulOne Posted August 30, 2006 Author Posted August 30, 2006 You have to trust your gut HopefulOne. I don't like harping on without knowing the man but workaholic can be another trait of NPD. They do it to 'validate' themselves. Something must be shaking you about this situation or you wouldn't be posting here about it, you would just take the rough with the smooth and get on with it. Hope you find peace with this soon. tc Returning x Yes, you are correct, I do have to trust my gut and it's telling me something isn't right here... I think the problem is we all second guess our own gut sometimes, I suppose because we want to believe. I also agree with your take on the NPD as I do think it's the one thing in his life that he knows he is good at, so he throws himself into it and never has time for anything else ( very little free time). For instance when I asked again if we were going to still try to go away this summer, he said well it's gonna have to October and even then I am not sure, well that's been said for the past two years now and still we have not gone away but he going to go to Football game with guys out of state for a three day weekend and this upset me ( not him going to a game ) but the fact that he can't find time to go away with me. I feel like sometimes he just says things to appease me to get me to be quiet.... I have also noticed that he hasn't been calling as much and he is secretive with his cell phone.... To MANY BELLS GOING OFF HERE.... It's so hard but I don't know if I can do this anymore, it's hard enough that he moved to another state for his job and we are doing the LDR thing now....
Returning Posted August 31, 2006 Posted August 31, 2006 Kick him to the kerb HopefulOne, you deserve better, the forums here will keep you sane while you work through it and try this site for a laugh, I use the UK forums and it's all free http://www.plentyoffish.com There's plenty more fish in the sea Returning x
Author HopefulOne Posted September 1, 2006 Author Posted September 1, 2006 Kick him to the kerb HopefulOne, you deserve better, the forums here will keep you sane while you work through it and try this site for a laugh, I use the UK forums and it's all free http://www.plentyoffish.com There's plenty more fish in the sea Returning x You have been very helpful and supportive and I thank you... I wish is was that easy, he gets more distant or so I think everyday... I know he is stressed and has some very pressing things at work but that always seems to be the way it is and honestly I just don't feel like a priority and thinking about all of this I am not sure I ever have felt that way. Now, I am by no means saying he is a bad person but it really seems like he wants someone around when it is convenient for him and when he has the time ( he hasn't always been like that but maybe he got comfortable). It hurts really bad right now, he called me last night and I had been crying and he asked why I had the sniffles and I said I don't know, he said is something wrong and honestly I said no, I can't even talk about it because I don't want to stress him out right now as he has this big project next week and is overly stressed about it... EEsshhh, I am stupid, eh.. Anyway, Returning I just wanted to thank you again, your support has meant a lot to me !!!
Returning Posted September 1, 2006 Posted September 1, 2006 Hi HopefulOne You sound really hooked into his trip. Ask yourself, would you put work/money before the feelings of the person you cared about? Would you spend so much time preoccupied with work that you never touched base with the person you cared about, did something however small other than sex just to show you cared and valued them? He may not have a mental affliction but if you are weepy this may be depressing you. If thats the case you need to put the brakes on somewhere and grab some 'me' time. You're Important, don't ever forget that. Returning x
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