kristijm Posted August 11, 2006 Posted August 11, 2006 I have been seeing a MM now for 8 months and during this time we split up a couple times for a few days and always got back together. For three weeks he actually left the house and then returned again to be with his wife. In late June this year, my MM decided it was over (actually I had to do it for him because he did not have the balls to say it) and said it was too hard to leave his wife and much too difficult to stay away from his kids (three including a baby). It was so hard for me and he did not talk to me for a couple weeks and slowly during the month of July (middle) we started seeing each other again and talking. Slept together again a few times and then I found out he made plans at the end of July to take vacation to be with his wife and kids. Even though we have been broke up officially during this time (7 weeks), it hurt me to hear this badly. He is now with his wife on vacation and during this time he still texts me, writes me mails and tells me how much he loves and misses me and needs to see me when he gets back. He said he loves me and plans on leaving his wife again and move out of the house when he gets back. However, he said before he left that he will move back in with his wife and try to give things a go. So MANY contradictions....He loves his kids so much and can not be away from them even though he is not in love with his wife and they argue a lot. His wife knows about the affair with me and it was so hard. He tells me he has had no physical contact with his wife at all during his vacation and things are really tense between them. He keeps telling me all the time how much he loves me and needs me and can't let me go. I know he loves me soooo much, and I love him too.......he can't see his life without me. I don't know what he is going to do and if he will actually do what he says and leave his wife after vacation. He said he will rent an appartment and move out. But he has said nothing about divorce....I have been dying inside and don't know what to do. He has changed his mind before about leaving and then going back to be with his wife and kids. ....HELP ME....What should I do in this case? Will he come back to me or decide to stay with his wife? He changed his mind now three times....I am so lost and hurt.
silktricks Posted August 11, 2006 Posted August 11, 2006 First, to get what you are looking for, which appears to be support for an affair, posting on the infidelity forum is really not very good. Many of us who post here are formerly or currently betrayed spouses, or married people in affairs. A better forum for what you seem to be looking for is the OW/OM forum. Now, with that said, I will give you my honest opinion. If you truly love this man - not infatuated, but truly honest down deep in the guts, want the best for him, then leave him. As things are, (with his wife, with you, wants to make the marriage work, wants to leave the marriage, wants to be with you, etc.) he is so completely confused that he will never be able to work things out in his life. He needs to be able to focus on himself for awhile and honestly figure out what he truly wants and needs, and then put his energy there. His marriage may be terrible, and he may be miserable, but right now, with you providing enough good stuff to see him through the bad times, he won't make any moves to fix his life right. If he truly wants, needs and loves you, he will then get his life straightened out, leave his wife and be with you. If he truly wants, needs and loves his wife, then he will concentrate on his marriage and you will not see him again, except possibly if he wants to contact you to let you know that he is fine and the marriage is good. (Which would be kind, but unlikely.) If you care about yourself and your life and your own well-being, I also recommend leaving him, with complete no-contact. You are in love with someone who isn't free to be with you. You deserve someone who can give you all of himself, not just the parts that aren't already given to someone else. Go on, live your life, meet people, be yourself. You may meet someone single, fall in love and spend the rest of your life with someone you haven't even considered right now. It's also possible that the man you are currently in love with could decide to leave his wife and divorce. If you are still free, then things may work out with you - but they may not, either. No matter how much the two of you feel that you love each other right now, the problem is that the relationship is twisted by the fact that he is a married man. Take care of yourself and be happy.
Adora Posted August 11, 2006 Posted August 11, 2006 I agree wholeheartedly with silktricks! The best thing right now is to let him figure out what he is going to do. He obviously has feelings for his wife still, or else he would not be on vacation with her and the kids. Even if it is just for the kids, he needs to figure things out on his own without the help of someone else swaying him a certain way of which he may not be 100% comfortable doing atm. As hard as it may be, distance yourself from him, as far as you can and try to manage your life, instead of helping him manage his.
whichwayisup Posted August 11, 2006 Posted August 11, 2006 He isn't ever going to leave his wife and children. Don't fool yourself into thinking because he has sex with you ,or tells you that he loves you, he's ending his marriage. Go read the posts in the OW/OM section, read what the OW in there have/and are going through now. Gain some insight through their experiences and see what you're up against. If you continue down this road you will be hurt more than you are now. Please, for yourself respect and sanity, say goodbye to him forever, move on with your life without him.
JadeStar Posted August 11, 2006 Posted August 11, 2006 I agree with the others. I highly doubt he is going to leave his wife and kids. I think he tells you what you want to hear. YOU need to be the bigger person here and break things off with him. No emails from him or to him. No phone calls, no texts, no visits etc. Stop all contact period. I'm sure he will give you a sob story about how he loves you and will promise to leave his wife etc. Don't fall for that. No longer allow yourself to be his doormat for his use. Break things off now. Jade
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