Ang2002 Posted August 11, 2006 Posted August 11, 2006 I am seeing this guy, and we normally catch up something like once a week. we have been seeing each other for a while and I would like to see him more often. I have told him so, and he said he did too, but he always give me some excuse or seems to busy to be able to meet me more than that. Is there something I can do (even if that is playing games with him), to make him want to see me more foten?
Author Ang2002 Posted August 11, 2006 Author Posted August 11, 2006 But how exactly do I do that? Telling him not when he wants to meet up? No tanswering the phone? How to do it?
rina_r Posted August 11, 2006 Posted August 11, 2006 If he really wanted to see you more often, he would. Give him time, dont push him, take it slow.
stoopid_guy Posted August 11, 2006 Posted August 11, 2006 Why do you only see each other once a week? Is it work or family scheduling? It might be that at the end of the day he doesn't feel like showering, changing clothes, shaving, and all the other things he'd traditionally want to do before a date. If you're both tired at the end of the day, maybe just call him and say "I just picked up this great movie from Blockbuster, feel like cuddling on the couch and watching it?"
Author Ang2002 Posted August 11, 2006 Author Posted August 11, 2006 Well not sure why we don´t see each other more than once a week. Everytime we are going to meet up more than that he´ll end up cancelling saying that something (whatever as every time is a different thing) has come up. Or when I ask him to met up he always have something to do. He seems to only get time for me once a week.
bluechocolate Posted August 11, 2006 Posted August 11, 2006 But how exactly do I do that? Telling him not when he wants to meet up? No tanswering the phone? How to do it? Don't talk to him again about how you want to see him more often. Don't make yourself available ALL the time at his instigating. ie. him - "Let's get together Thursday night". you - "Sorry, busy that night. How about Saturday?" If you haven't had the "exclusivity talk" yet, then don't assume that you are. Leave yourself open to date other people. If he is really that busy that he can't afford more than one night a week to see you perhaps he isn't in the right place at this moment to be seeing anybody - if you know what I mean. This may be all you're going to get.
Author Ang2002 Posted August 11, 2006 Author Posted August 11, 2006 So do you think that he is seeing other people and that´s the reason why he can´t see me more than once a week?
Author Ang2002 Posted August 11, 2006 Author Posted August 11, 2006 I have just talk to him and have ask him wheter he is seeing other people, his answer was that he is not.
bluechocolate Posted August 11, 2006 Posted August 11, 2006 At the risk of repeating myself: If he is really that busy that he can't afford more than one night a week to see you perhaps he isn't in the right place at this moment to be seeing anybody. Everytime we are going to meet up more than that he´ll end up cancelling saying that something (whatever as every time is a different thing) has come up. Or when I ask him to met up he always have something to do. He cancels dates with varying excuses & only meets up on his terms. You know it could be that he really isn't that interested in you. Sorry.
Hitman10000 Posted August 11, 2006 Posted August 11, 2006 Sure, just start ignoring him. Bad advice. Take womens advice with a grain of salt. Anyways, how long has this relationship been going on? If it's only been a few months, it's all good. And a guy would never tell you if he's seeing someone else, I'm willing to bet he's the one that's setting up all the dates, that gives him the privledge of determining when to go out. If you really want to see him more, you have to step up to the plate and suggest going to some place as a date. Usually for me, in the first 3 months, I plan to see a girl once every 10-14 days. I have no problem with this, I want her to feel comfortable in my presence slowly. Then after the initial 3 months, I only want to see her once a week for about 5 months. Then after that maybe switch it up seeing her once a week then the next week, twice a week. I'm not into jumping into a relationship and seeing a girl 3-5 times a week like some guys who don't have much of a life. Sorry but I'm not married to her and I do have a life, take two night classes, working full time, working out, doing home improvement, working on my car - Ie. I have a life. If she honestly wants to include herself further in the relationship, she should take the step, I'm comfortable seeing a girl not that often until a year has passed then I'll want to see her more and more. My life before hers.
rina_r Posted August 11, 2006 Posted August 11, 2006 Usually for me, in the first 3 months, I plan to see a girl once every 10-14 days. I have no problem with this, I want her to feel comfortable in my presence slowly. Then after the initial 3 months, I only want to see her once a week for about 5 months. With such "schedule", i would drop a guy as a hot potato. I think if people are really into each other, they will try to spend as much time as possible to get to know each other. I too work FT and go to school and volunteer and still find time for my SO. 1
destination_unknown Posted August 11, 2006 Posted August 11, 2006 With such "schedule", i would drop a guy as a hot potato. I think if people are really into each other, they will try to spend as much time as possible to get to know each other. I too work FT and go to school and volunteer and still find time for my SO. I agree with ya rina, I'm doing a phd, volunteer also, teach PT, and do some freelancing as well as two hobbies & I can find time for a person I'm in a relationship. I'm not sure that jumping straight in is the ideal situation either, but I wouldn't wait around a year seeing a guy who pencils you in once a week. I'd feel like I was an additional evening class!! Everybody is different, but I feel that when you are monitoring the amount of time spent together there is something a little amiss with the relationship. OP - I think the girls are right, he is just not that into you. He is taking you for granted. I wouldn't stick around for this, you may go down a slippery slope where your confidence and self-esteem are compromised by his treatment of you if you allow it. 1
rina_r Posted August 11, 2006 Posted August 11, 2006 I'd feel like I was an additional evening class!! Well said! 1
Author Ang2002 Posted August 12, 2006 Author Posted August 12, 2006 So do you girls think I should stop seeing him for good?
lonelybird Posted August 13, 2006 Posted August 13, 2006 I think that depends on YOU. there are many people out there who like contact their boyfriend or girlfriend once a week. and this is pretty conformtable for them. and the meeting would be much more interesting than meeting every day. personally I don't want my boyfriend call me every day. if he do, I would be irritated. but some people like to contact their bf/gf very often. and this would make them comfortable to stay in a relationship. so it is really depends on you. what you like, and what don't like. if he is a decent and honesty man, then he is really busy. but you have to carefully observe him for a while before you have feeling for him
norajane Posted August 13, 2006 Posted August 13, 2006 Before you make a decision to drop him, how is he when you do get together? Is he affectionate and happy to see you? Do you have a good time together? Does he touch you often and look into your eyes? Do you feel free to express your feelings and thoughts with him? Is he a good listener? Maybe he just needs more time to get to a place where he wants to see a girl more often. Maybe he needs time to fall in love with you. Or maybe he really is busy and can only make this much time for you. If your relationship is otherwise good, there's no reason to break up. Just start being more busy doing things that are fulfilling to you, and you'll find that a week is really very little time.
konfuzd Posted August 13, 2006 Posted August 13, 2006 You make plans with him, something else comes up, and instead of saying, "sorry, I already have plans" he accepts the new offer and cancels his plans with you. This is an indication that he takes you for granted, expects you be there on his terms and completely disregards the fact that this bothers you. You are not a priority in his life, you obviously are not okay with this, so you really need to give him an ultimatum. You approached him with a problem, he told you what you wanted to hear, but didn't change. He doesn't care, he's got a good thing going and no reason to change... stick up for yourself. You say you're willing to play games. Tell him that each time he cancels his plans with you, is 3 dates with no nookie. That will get his attention.
mishy Posted August 13, 2006 Posted August 13, 2006 Listen to me!!!! Take my advice and don't have a "talk" with him (cringe). You will achieve nothing except make him run further away. You just sound so clingy. the best thing to do is what someone earlier said and that is start saying NO to him a few times. It will stir up his interest in you. I guarantee that he will be like WTF??!! and the tables will be turned instantly. No one wants to feel like someone is relying on them completely for their social life, no matter whether it is a friend or boyfriend, mother (?), whatever... Try this experiment- i guarantee you will be delighted with the results.
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