guest Posted August 11, 2006 Posted August 11, 2006 I have been in relationship with my boyfriend for 7 years and last year he graduated from college and started his career. In his job he has to rely on his co-workers very much,trust and respect them, they are considered family to each other. Because of this relationship at work, there are many occasions that it carries to out side of work, parties, cookouts or just nights out. I know most of the guys he works with, and 1 guy in particular I think is a great person. He is very personable, respectful and just an all around good guy. Not to mention he is quite attractive. As a joke, I have always told my boyfriend that I would leave him for his co-worker, because of the fact that he has mentioned the want to settle down. Something my boyfriend is far from. This past weekend, at a cookout, I made some comments to his co-worker that we all, including my boyfriend, found comical. However, after the night carried on, and the drinks became more frequent, I made a comment referrencing to being his dream girl, and that gave a response of something to the effect of making it a reality.. After this was said, we both realized what we just said, and tensions grew.. We both went our seperate ways not really knowing the seriousness of those comments. The next day he calls my boyfriend to apologize for being too "flirty" with me, which my boyfriend laughed and thought was funny, not realizing what was said.. For myself, I don't know the seriousness of his comments or my own, nor do I really understand how it all happened. I don't know if the alcohol was playing truth serum, or if I was drunk and kidding? I'm currently at a loss, and totally unsure of what I am feeling or why.. and if I should say anything to this guy about that night?
insomnie Posted August 11, 2006 Posted August 11, 2006 What exactly do you want to happen? If you want to leave your boyfriend for this guy, you should leave your boyfriend. It's not fair to him for you to test the water wiht other people if you're in a commited relationship with him. If you want to stay with your boyfriend, you let go of what happened that night and try not to think about your boyfriend's friend. I think especially in long-term relaitonships it's normal to have crushes as long as you remember what makes your boyfriend special and that you are with him and commited to staying that way. Meaning, commited to making the relationship work as well as you can. It's NOT ok to devote time, thoughts, and emotions to other people though. You have to decide whether or not you are willing to get over this crush for the sake of your relationship.
Hitman10000 Posted August 11, 2006 Posted August 11, 2006 You've been with this guy for 7 years. A Boyfriend. And he has never popped the question to you? Okay, when did you meet him? When you were 17-18 or something? yep, teenage lust now became just what is left now as an empty relationship, I'm assuming of course because you didn't tell us your age or your boyfriends age. Would people f*cking provide more info like that? 7 years, No ring = Getting free milk without purchasing the whole cow = No chance of marriage.
norajane Posted August 11, 2006 Posted August 11, 2006 First, I commend you for having enough presence of mind to call your feelings a crush. Some girls would instantly think they were in love, but you know better. This is a crush, and you can treat it as lightly one, just as you would a crush on a movie star or anyone else that seems appealing from a distance. I have always told my boyfriend that I would leave him for his co-worker, because of the fact that he has mentioned the want to settle down. Something my boyfriend is far from. This is a bigger issue. You need to give some serious thought to how you feel about your relationship with your boyfriend, without any consideration of your crush on this other guy. If you are thinking about settling down, and your boyfriend also wanted to, maybe you wouldn't be so attracted to his co-worker. If you are thinking you want to spend the rest of your life with your bf, and he doesn't want to, then you may not be acknowledging how upset or insecure that makes you feel, or how resentful. Telling your bf you would leave him for his friend is a passive-aggressive act that comes from resenting him for not wanting to marry you. Instead of throwing barbs at him like that and allowing your resentment to grow, you should have a direct conversation with your bf about your future together and find out what his thoughts are. One way or another, you'll be better off knowing where you stand. If you should choose to leave your bf because he won't settle down, keep in mind that Mr. Wonderful might not be the right guy for you anyway. But that's not your main issue right now. What you want with your bf is the issue right now.
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