Well I did it. I waited for her to call, she didn't.So I poured my heart out in a msg

[Abercrombie]

I realy had alot of things on my mind and well, tell me what you think. I did not write any of this to make her feel bad. I wanted her to understand where I was coming from. It's long and may be a bit disturbing to some.

 

 

" Everything for the past two weeks has been eating at me. I can not sleep nor think of anything else but you. I do not know why you effect me so much, as I barely know you, but you do. This whole situation effects me bad. What I have to say in this might offend you, but I am not trying to. I know you are a very good girl, and I respect you. But this is how I feel on all this matter.

 

 

First off I think it is very immature to break up with someone over the computer. You would be upset too if the person you were dating broke up with you over the computer, and wouldn't even take a chance to think about what you have to say. I think you are being very bullheaded for no reason at all. I have tryed to meet up with you a few times now and talk face to face, but I guess you are scared. Either that or you found a new boyfriend, which I don't realy think you would move that fast as you are the conservative type. That's a good trait to have.

 

The truth of the matter of why I miss you is because I think we would have realy worked out. You did not act like you didn't want a relationship when we were together. You called me nonstop, you wanted me to meet your father and go on a little vacation with you guys, you wanted to see me everyday and if you didn't you said you "missed me" How can one just turn off emotions just like that? Unless I was just an ego boost and you were using me to get over you know who. Were you using me danielle? Yes I was mean for a bit, but as I've stated before, I had problems that needed to be sorted out. I shouldn't have taken them out on you but you were around all the time and I did not mean for it to be taken out on you. I am not a dickhead or an *******. I treat girls with respect.

 

 

I have never told anyone this, but there is a reason I would not meet your friends. The truth, is that I feel uneasy around people I do not know. I panic. And this is from when I was young. When I was 7 my neighbor molested me, and I told my dad. He did nothing. When we got into arguments he would call me a ***, and it messed me up. I know I'm not gay or anything like that, but it made me uneasy around people I do not know. That and I did not have money to buy new clothes and all of your friends seem realy "preppy dressed" (Not a bad thing)

 

In the past messages you sent, you talked about you "not just dissapearing" but you did. I miss you as a person. I miss your presence, your wierd little laugh, your phrases that annoyed me at first (p.s., that's not ok with me) I adapted to them and even caught my self using them. I miss you calling me babe in every sentence. I miss being sick with a fever (This is wierd, I dunno) and you laying next to me telling me I'll get better. That was my favorite moment with you at any time, was that night I was sick.

 

 

I had no integrity for awhile. I have that now. I realy wish you would reconsider giving me a second chance, or atleast letting me start over with you. I am not asking you to marry me. I am not telling you I love you either. I am telling you that I like you and I know for a fact you would like the person I realy am. You have you're guard up so high because of you getting hurt in the past and I understand that. But having your gaurd up and being blind are to seperate things. I could make you happy. I could have been everything you wanted. Right now you are reading this "Saying no way" but just think about it. I would actually do things with you, and we would have fun. I would walk the line for you and I DONT KNOW WHY. You have me by the balls for some reason, and I can't help it. I just miss you and want to show you a good relationship.

 

 

I have intergrity now. I want to do something with my life instead of being a bum. I want to be around people that think positive instead of people who are 28 and drink all night and still live with their parents. In the past week I've knocked out three of my problems. I have more time for my fine, so I'll get that paid. I can drive again (Although I need to get my battery fixed) and I have a job. I am realy trying.

 

 

 

Please take this to heart. I'm not asking you to run back to me. I don't expect you to do that. I'm asking you to keep an open mind. Think about it. Later down the line, if you choose not to respond to me, you will get that "what if he realy was a good guy." I've done it, and so have alot of other people. I am not going to contact you anymore as I respect you wanting space, so I will stop pushing you. I just ask that you take whats in this letter and give it a thought. . I still wish we could talk face to face, but thats up to you. The ball is in your court, as I've made peace with myself in this letter. If you choose not to respond to me then I wish you the best of luck with everything."

 

 

I feel a wierd sense of peace now. A little weight has lifted off my shoulders and I think I may be able to start to heal and not let it bug me so much.

[superconductor]

"Baliff, whack his peepee." *smack*

 

That's not a sense of peace you feel, it's a sense of helplessness.

 

By vomiting all these feelings out, you have essentially given her complete control over you. I know you don't see it like that, but here it is:

 

I'm not asking you to run back to me. I don't expect you to do that. I'm asking you to keep an open mind. Think about it. Later down the line, if you choose not to respond to me, you will get that "what if he realy was a good guy." I've done it, and so have alot of other people. I am not going to contact you anymore as I respect you wanting space, so I will stop pushing you. I just ask that you take whats in this letter and give it a thought. . I still wish we could talk face to face, but thats up to you.

 

I know your intent was to be magnanimous, and there's certainly nothing wrong with that. But I'd bet a year's supply of coffee - and that's a LOT of coffee, especially for me - that she now perceives you as weak.

 

Certainly, you can't undo what's been done, but you can learn from it. So, the next time you get the urge to send an email or a letter or whatever like this, STOP. Just plain stop.

[SUMMER 1969]

Honey I totally understand what you are going through, trust me.. Read a few of my posts..

 

I wanted to send him a e-mail telling him all of my feelings, but it would not have done any good..

 

I am she she knows how you feel, but as the prev response was... well, you just gave her all the control..

 

What's done is done, now you need to close that chapter of your life and move on..

 

Stop blaming yourself, you are who you are...

 

I think you are just upset becasue your ego is bruised and your self-esteem is damaged...

 

You will get beyond this and you will date someone else when the time is right...

 

Whatever you do.. do not blame yourself.

 

Good luck

[Abercrombie]

She can have the control, because I have given up. That is what this was about. If she wants to find me and realy have anything to do with me, like she said she wanted to, then it's on her. I tryed talking to her on the phone/in person and it never happened. I had to tell her how I feel. I do feel a little bit better about this whole thing because of this.

 

 

And I do not think my ego is bruised, seriously. I've been with my fair share of girls, and I've been dumped before. I've been dumped by a girl I dated for 6 months and it didn't effect me this way. She is truely a remarkable girl. And I'm not just saying that because I miss her. When I first got with her, I basically thought of her as a booty call. I have this whole mentality that it will be a while before I meet "the one." The truth is is that I do not know when it comes and should act like each girl is the one. I was blind. It was not until she left that I realized all of this. She did anything for me on the drop of a dime and I did not even show her any respect in return. It just isn't like me..