Woggle Posted September 21, 2006 Posted September 21, 2006 THere is a major difference between actual cheating and going to a strip club or looking at a playboy.
sumdude Posted September 21, 2006 Posted September 21, 2006 THere is a major difference between actual cheating and going to a strip club or looking at a playboy. "That depends in what the definition of IS is."
CrushedOrgans Posted September 21, 2006 Posted September 21, 2006 THere is a major difference between actual cheating and going to a strip club or looking at a playboy. that's subjective. i agree; playboy, to me, is not cheating. going to a strip club is not cheating. well, going to it is not. to me. some of the behaviour that takes place there could very well be considered cheating by many people. there are some of us out there who think that even though a guy says "i paid for it and it's just fun and bonding with the guys" doesn't mean that you're not being sexually stimulated and touched and rubbed on by another person and enjoying it, and that it's not "actual cheating." if a girl did it, it would be cheating, only because it's not as generally accepted. and because most women aren't into that anyway, so most guys don't have anything to worry about. it's non-issue. but if it was an issue, oh, you bet it would be hellfire and no excuses for her.
JamesM Posted September 22, 2006 Posted September 22, 2006 THere is a major difference between actual cheating and going to a strip club or looking at a playboy. Your defintion is not what matters. The definition that matters is determined by your spouse. You made a vow to be true to her. If you can be open with her about strip clubs and porn, then she has the opportunity to make that choice. Unfortunately, many men unconsciously make the choice for her, and keep the trips to strip clubs a secret. By anyone's definition, this would or should be considered cheating. Cheating can best be defined as any relationship with another person that cannot be openly discussed your spouse.
rainfall Posted September 22, 2006 Posted September 22, 2006 THere is a major difference between actual cheating and going to a strip club or looking at a playboy. Going to a strip club is not cheating. However to many women a lap dance and things like that is cheating. Women should not have to accept it as normal guy behavior.
CrushedOrgans Posted September 22, 2006 Posted September 22, 2006 Unfortunately, many men unconsciously make the choice for her, and keep the trips to strip clubs a secret. cheating. right on. i love that whole "well, i couldn't tell you, because you would get mad, so i did it anyway--not only knowing it was behind your back, but also that you would be mad..." mentality.
catgirl1927 Posted September 22, 2006 Posted September 22, 2006 Your defintion is not what matters. The definition that matters is determined by your spouse. You made a vow to be true to her. If you can be open with her about strip clubs and porn, then she has the opportunity to make that choice. Unfortunately, many men unconsciously make the choice for her, and keep the trips to strip clubs a secret. By anyone's definition, this would or should be considered cheating. EXACTLY. There are some men who feel that they should be the ones who define whether or not something they do is cheating, and they will make that definition as convenient as possible. I'm pretty sure few reasonable adults would define a lap dance as an inalienable right. It all boils down to communication. Open marriages can work out great, but it's so important to be HONEST. Because while there is nothing wrong with getting your rocks off, there is something wrong with hurting and humiliating another person. The act of cheating isn't about sex. It's about lying and betraying someone who has opened themselves up and made themselves vulnerable to you. It's about treating another person as if they don't matter at all. That's something I don't find that all people understand. They think it's just about their SO trying to stop them from having fun.
Author leslie Posted September 23, 2006 Author Posted September 23, 2006 Now I find out that he in fact has been to strip bars during our marriage, he claims it has happened once or twice a year. So why hasn’t he told me? Because he knew that I was uncomfortable having him gawk at other women, and he also just assumed that I knew he did this secretly and chose ignore it. He says this is common (oh, really? Male delusion, or what?) Well, for him it’s no big deal, he doesn’t understand why I’m upset, because he says it’s all very innocent, and that he has never done anything that even resembles cheating. I had goosebumps reading your post. My husband told me some of the same things, "happened once or twice a year" - "he didn't do anything that resembled cheating". He swore it was no worse than this. I was hurt, trust was violated, but I believed what he was saying at the time. Something compelled me to dig a little deeper, and I found evidence of a 2-4 times per month habit, with lots of $$ being spent. I called him to confront him. I had the paper evidence in front of me and listened as he swore over and over again that he had told me everything (which I could see he had not). I know now the extent of this, and know it is very common for them to go to private rooms where they do ejaculate with the girl. Handjobs and blowjobs are VERY common, and many of the girls are pushy trying to get this business - so the guys don't even have to go looking too far. If I were you I would probe a lot futher before I even considered addressing the trust issue. How can you make an informed decision about that until you know what has happened? The most cruel part of this all to me was that my husband began "crossing the line" in strip bars when I became pregnant. I was still able to have sex with him, but he just wasn't turned on by me anymore. The longer you are married, the more children, and the more deception that goes on, the more painful this will be to deal with when it does come out. If you are the type that "doesn't want to know" that is fine. But if you are in the "I must know" category, I'd encourage you to dig a little deeper. I wish you luck, and I share your pain.
Author leslie Posted September 23, 2006 Author Posted September 23, 2006 So, the husband and I have been back and forth on the definition of cheating lately. He fully admits he would go into private booths with the women, they were naked, they rubbed all over him (called friction dancing) and he ejaculated. I call this cheating. H says it is not cheating because it was not sex and because there was no relationship with the women outside the bar. What do you think?
honeybunch2k5 Posted September 23, 2006 Posted September 23, 2006 I think spending resources and time with another woman could very well be cheating. It sounds like he had sexual contact with her. Sounds like cheating. If he's gonna do these things, why did he even get married? I wonder what he would think of you if you let a naked man get you off... So in short, yes I agree with you.
CrushedOrgans Posted September 24, 2006 Posted September 24, 2006 So, the husband and I have been back and forth on the definition of cheating lately. He fully admits he would go into private booths with the women, they were naked, they rubbed all over him (called friction dancing) and he ejaculated. I call this cheating. H says it is not cheating because it was not sex and because there was no relationship with the women outside the bar. What do you think? i think this is pathetic if you deal with this, on both your parts.
napoleandynamite Posted September 24, 2006 Posted September 24, 2006 i don't think going to a strip club to looks is cheating. but then again, if i decide to watch nude men dance, then that's not cheating either. if a married man fondles a stripper or gets a lap dance, then i am it's fine for me to have a date with a guy and make out with him -no sex though. looking is one thing, doing is another. and men and women ARE equal. if you want to go out and watch hot men dance, stroke him, or have a date with one, then I think you should be able to with NO guilt. and if your hubby has an issue with this, then it means he's overly jealous and can't take his own medicine.
JamesM Posted September 24, 2006 Posted September 24, 2006 Yo, leslie. If you call it cheating, then it is cheating. I am sorry but he is way off base. When a partner feels that a relationship (as consisting here in a sexual relationship that is defiined by her getting him excited and him ejaculating) is cheating, it is. He is defining a relationship as one that has an emotional connection. (If that is the case, would a friendship which became exclusive of you be considered cheating?) Unfortunately for him, the definition is a little broader than that. A sexual relationship is more than intercourse. And especially if one party derives sexual satisfaction from it. He would have a little stronger argument...but not much...if he only enjoyed the friction with no sexual completion. But here we have ejaculation with a partner. Would he mind if a man came over and gave you oral sex...and then left? Ask him that. No, leslie, you define this as cheating, then it is cheating.
Ladybug313 Posted September 24, 2006 Posted September 24, 2006 Leslie I am sorry to hear that.. I would be very upset too to tell you the truth. As for strip clubs, I don't have a problem with my husband going, as long as he's not going every chance he gets or spends tons of money on it. He usually goes with a bunch of friends anyway and that's not too often. I trust him enough to know he won't go beyond the lines. Now I know that those lines differ from woman to woman, as I take it that going to the clubs in and of itself is going beyond the lines. But for me, and this is entirely my own opinion and I am not judging those who think differently. I think it's natural for men to want to look at naked women's bodies even though they have a hot mama right beside them ,and even though they think she is one hot mama. As long as they value and put the woman first and just look and enjoy I find nothing wrong with it. I am of Asian descent and where I am from we have what we would "bar saloon girls" in English. It's so mainstream society there that women who live there think it's just part of a man's every day life. I believe that strip clubs are illegal there so I am thinking those saloons are a subtle alternative. What they are is they are bars, except there are very sexy looking pretty women who sit next to you and pour you drinks and talk to you and provide entertainment, surprisingly not as sexual as I thought. These women are professionals who know how to please a man, they flirt, they smile they make the men feel like macho kings. But it's quite interactive if you know what I mean. You're in a room with basically a female partner and your men friends each have one at their side. I mean yikes. And hell, if you have the sexual thing going, who's to say a man and saloon gal wont' get it on? (and that happens too sadly to say). I mean men do business transactions in those places for crying out loud. You'd think they'd choose a nice woman less bar. Nope. As men here say they bond with other guys at strip clubs (and we women don't understand why bond there of all places) I guess guys really do guy things in women oriented places. Sheesh. I used to work at a jewelery store and you wouldn't BELIEVE the number of rich middle aged men who would walk in and choose a diamond necklace for his favorite saloon girl and then pick out another jewel for his wife. Of course even though I was just the person selling the stuff it made me feel slimey all the time. And you know what, it actually bothred me so much I quit, severe as that sounds. It just depressed me to know how many such men are out there and I just didn't want to know anymore. Sometimes ignorance is bliss. Ok I am going off on a tangent here so I'll stop. Anyway I don't think going to strip clubs is cheating at all, but in leslie's case, the booth thing? I wouldn't be happy in the least....
isthis4real Posted September 24, 2006 Posted September 24, 2006 After only about a week of truly trying to put this puzzle together, I realize that I have much more to see that I can even imagine. Things that I don’t even want to picture, or ever see in my head. After having a life experiencing many years of pain, deceit and tragedy, I truly believed that my five happy years of marriage were the five years of my life that stood out above and far beyond the rest. I had met a man who was far different from any man I had ever married or dated. One that would love me unconditionally and one that could understand everything that I had been through and that could see what those things meant to me so that he could be there for me and never allow me to experience those feelings again. What I failed to realize was that this was not his job and it was my responsibility. I was the only one who could take care of my own needs. I never wanted to trust anyone again since I had seen it all, from girlfriends appearing at funerals to average joe everyday liars. I sort of looked at men this way, a bit on the negative side so that if they disappointed me, I wouldn’t have far to fall. Having said this, we always shared the amazing one of a kind relationship that we had by looking around us and comparing ourselves to the rest. We looked at one another and saw the damage that was caused. We saw this and made a point to never become what they were. After what some of what I believe to be the truth has come out I can say that he truly believes that we had a happy marriage except for this one little problem. What he fails to come to terms with is that this was not a happy marriage. It was his happy marriage for him and my imaginary one. One that I thought was with one man but instead was a totally different man who led a double life. One who had his cake and was able to eat it too. One that had countless amounts of women sharing his time, money, lust and feelings. One who says that this is not what he wanted from his wife because she was too special and that this was separate. How can you separate?? I thought I was the perfect wife. One that could provide everything. One that could do it all and had the life experience to make her man want her and only her. I was honest, open, cooked, cleaned, cared for the children and gave him what I though that he wanted in the bedroom. Anything from talking about his fantasies to making them happen (SO I THOUGHT). Now I realize that I will never compare to what his ideas of an attractive and sexual woman are really like. I feel like a fool and an idiot for thinking that any other person other that myself could be trusted on this level. I gave up all financial responsibility along with all of my heart and my soul. I believed in this man 100% and believed that every word out of his mouth was the honest truth. I just couldn’t imagine it any other way. REALLY! If someone ever put a doubt in my head, I was always defending him because he was unlike the others and because he loved me too much to ever do this to me. When I think back about the lies I want to go back in time and figure out every detail which I will never be able to get from him. I know deep down that this won’t help. I want to believe that his truth now is truly the truth. I want to believe that he didn’t actually have sex (just oral as he put it.,…..that was as far as he went….it’s not really sex as one of our presidents once said) To me it’s sex!! It’s cheating…it may even be worse this way than if it were an actual person who came on to him and he couldn’t stop himself. I ask myself this question every night as I try to close my eyes and imagine what this has done to us. To him, this was not like cheating…it was just another side of him that he didn’t want to involve me in. Of course, we’d all like that. I’d love to be able to have a fine set of clothing in my closet and go out weekly or monthly to try on some beautiful dress that makes me look and feel fantastic and use it for the night. This way there is no need to take the dress to the cleaners or figure out how to fit it in my own closet or anything after that!!! I’m done with it….and that’s that!!!! I go home to my nice clothes and have the option to play dress up whenever I please. My thoughts are pouring out in a very disorganized fashion. I see that I have gravitated towards men who put me through similar things. I will never compare to those girls. I will never go out and make myself into a plastic woman who believes that this is what makes her special. I will never again think that this is the way to a mans heart or that by me acting like one of them in our own bedroom will lead to a happy marriage without him straying. I almost can see how our sex life with role playing and occasional porn fed into his lust for these women. I encouraged openness and talking. I wasn’t the quiet and boring wife. I dressed up (LIKE ONE OF THEM) to keep him away…so I thought…what a joke…..I guess now I just laugh at the fact that I actually thought I could look as good as they do to him. NOT EVEN CLOSE!!! I saw myself as well rounded and extremely open to almost anything. His likes in pornography and in women, that of which he truly enjoys, are things that I am not and will never be. Is there a different standand of women. One that is the mother figure and sweet and caring person and the other who is the piece of garbage that can be spit on and stepped all over??? Where do we draw the line….The women in this type of porn are twisted and truly sick…not tame porn…or is there such a thing. I can never degrade myself in the way that these women do, and I can never provide this high for him. I don’t ever want my daughter to grow up and be viewed by a man in this way. I want her to never feel what I feel. I know that it’s an extreme feeling that will come back as he revisits each and every city that he has ever attended a strip bar. I know what will happen when he is not getting anything at home because my head can’t process what he has done. I know that the temptation is too great and that if there were some sort of a second chance that the fear that he has now will eventually subside and that he will fall into another so called woman’s lap (or the other way around I must say). I know what the chances of this occurring again are. They are definitely not low. It requires a lot of time, effort and commitment which can be unsuccessful anyway. I am not sure that I want to put myself in this position again. I don’t want to risk my children’s lives and my very own. I can’t live a life filled with more lies. The only way I could even get to what is said to be the truth is ONLY by him being backed into a corner with no place to go. I know he is regretful and wants to change because he stands to lose everything he feels is important to him. He swears it will never happen again and that he will never tell another lie but if he had a chance and he DID slip into this again, he would NEVER share it with me since the risk of telling would be far too dangerous. It would be an even larger web with more untangeling to do and more drained out of me. I am not prepared to trust or believe again. I actually love him and think that he is a great guy with no ill feelings towards me. I even feel that he loves me in some strange and twisted way, even though he has a myspace account with his real name. On this site his is 27, single and doesn’t want children. Deep down I think the pressure of having to take on all of this responsibility of this family is something that makes him want to be younger, single and very available to live the life that seems to keep him happier and more satisfied that a boring and ordinary life of a 38 yr. old male with two kids and a wife. Are couples really happy when they are monogomous? I think I was, but now see that maybe there are other ways around happiness in a marriage in order to raise children and keep some sanity in the home. Is there another way to make a life that has been this unreal and fake and turn around or is it over? Will I ever REALLY trust anyone again? Don’t really know. I will be on my toes more and I will not be naïve in this area again. I will remember that we are only human and that humans have many faults. No one person is perfect, I know that from experience. I hope that he can work through this for himself and for the kids. He wants to be a different person and I know that he is willing to try. I don’t want it to be for me because I need to fix myself now. I need to see that our finances are under some type of control and that spending on two hidden credit cards doesn’t occur again. That the money that these women took from our family is money that we need to put back into our home and not their pockets and luxurious lives. I was extemely careful throughout our marriage to be a good wife who was not financially a burden or a user. I wanted to do my fair share and while I was a stay at home mother I always did what I could to make him feel like I didn’t need much from him in this respect to keep me happy. I never complained about not having enough from him in any way. I thought I made him feel like a man. I guess not…..He has porn that he wants to toss so that he will never look at it again but I feel that this would be useless until he really figures himself out. I don’t want to be his nanny or his mother. I don’t want a GPS tracker on his phone. I worry about every time that I had sex with him and the women who had oral sex or more with him. I worry about my safety and the risks that he put me through without my consent. If you are going to put your wife at risk you should at least use a condom when you do something with me. I don’t know what kind of men THEY have been with or what kinds of horrible habits they may have and he knew how I have always been extremely safe and cautious in this are. He thinks this isn’t FLIRTING….what is it called exactly????? I know…….a mess of words but they are my thoughts and they jump around…. How would he feel about me having a different man each month during most or all of our marriage doing things like that to ME??? How about a nice massage followed my his hand in my pants as he did to them. Or a part of his body in MY face and worst of all my feelings toward HIM instead of towards my own husband……then, I’d come right home and celebrate our anniversary or maybe his birthday and smile along with him and his family like life is just splendid!!!!Then I’d say I could never do anything like that to him…NEVER!!! Every single day I want to hold my children and kiss them but feel that my sadness will spill right through. I think my daughter can read me and my son would know in an instant if I let up and let go! I won’t !! I won’t allow my kids to suffer for me or for him…..I know he is a good man as well and won’t hurt them either but I want to go away, take a pill that will make this nightmare vanish into thin air. I want to tell him that he will make it and I want to tell myself that I will as well but I can’t ever say if it will be together or apart. I can’t say when or how or how it will ever be anywhere close to what I thought it was if we ever gave it a chance. It’s just too hard to picture myself being a trusting, monogomous and loving wife who will give my heart to him or to anyone else……I just can’t!!! Not now…not like this………I am so hurt, sick and sad and wish my feelings, and unbelievably his, will pass. [/sIZE][/FONT]
BruiserKC Posted September 24, 2006 Posted September 24, 2006 Very interesting discussion here...I guess I will put in my 2 cents here. I go to a strip club every once in a while...perhaps twice a year at most and always with a group or at a bachelor party. The most that gets blown might be $20-30 at a shot...cover, couple of beers, few dollar dances, and a couple games of pool. My wife knows and she's OK with it, obviously as long as I'm not going all the time and definitely not alone. And I know my wife has gone to Chippendale's with the girls every once in a while too. We're honest with each other about it, and it's a nice diversion. I know if we were attached to each other's hip 24-7-365, we'd kill each other. To me, the issue is that he lied about where he was going. That automatically makes it wrong, no questions asked. I would definitely seek counseling and find out why he would go out of his way to hide his trips. I mean, if she knew he was going and was OK with the trips and the money, that's on her. But if she doesn't know and he's hiding the truth...something else might be afoot. That's my 2 cents, I'll take my change please.
catgirl1927 Posted September 25, 2006 Posted September 25, 2006 In my opinion, going to a strip club for a bachelor party is one thing. Like my boyfriend and I have discussed, a man's character does not change because of where he is. A jerk is a jerk anywhere. However, if he was, say, going for the "lunch buffet" or for happy hours, I would assume he was tired of being with me and we would break up. I mean, if he's fooling around on the side, he obviously doesn't love me any more, so why waste any more of our time? I will never understand why men do things like this. They get married and LIE to some poor girl, telling her she means something to him and then humiliates her by cheating on her constantly. Leslie, your husband is an example of what I mean when I talk about convenient definitions of cheating. If I were you, I would talk to lawyer. You deserve someone who loves you, not some selfish jerk who is using for a housemaid.
Justine26 Posted September 25, 2006 Posted September 25, 2006 But is it not possible at all for someone to go to a strip bar just to look, and NOT engage in anything more (lapdances, buying drinks for strippers etc.)? My impression of this thread is that if a man goes to a strip bar, then he is unable to control himself, and must go back again and again, like a crack-addict. Any married men out there who go once or twice a year just to look and have a beer?
portableversion Posted September 25, 2006 Posted September 25, 2006 I think that you think what H did was cheating. Was unacceptable. WHo cares what he says. You want to live like this for the rest of your life...wondering if your H is blowing money on a legal hooker? Or getting a blowjob from some herpes infested skank? What kind of 'man' does this ****? Not a man i would want to be around. Or you. Your husband is a SEX ADDICT.
Raylene Posted September 27, 2006 Posted September 27, 2006 Ok, you established that he admits he has lap dances WITH contact. I'm not a prude as my man does watch porn, but this isn't the same as having real life sexual contact with a person, cause one of those girls is not gonna jump through the tv screen and be right there with him. I know strip clubs are legal and unattached guys might need an outlet, BUT guys in a committed relationship who do more than just watch the stripper ON STAGE are cheating in my book. Lets turn this around and say your H met some gal in a bar on Friday night. She told him her name was Candy, she flirted, he bought her a few drinks, then she asked him if he wanted to go to the bathroom where she would stip down to her g-string and dance for him. He agrees. She strips down to her g-string, dances, rubs her almost naked body all over his fully clothed one (while he is sitting on the toilet still fully clothed), then she sits on his lap and dry hunches him awhile. He never touches her. What she just did was legal. Would you consider THAT cheating? IMHO just because the sexual contact took place inside a strip club rather than some sleazy bar makes it no different. Sexual contact is sexual contact. And for you married guys who think lapdances with contact is no big deal, would you think it was a big deal if your wife was the woman I just described in the bathroom scene. After all, she didn't actually have intercourse with the guy and she did nothing illegal!!!Back to the original poster, I don't see how your man can give you his fullattention sexually or otherwise, if you have been having to compete with some stripper who tells him whatever he wants to hear in order to get his money. He's been living in a dreamworld, fantasy world, with which no wife can compete. Hey, you couuld just tell him that since he is so into stip bars that you need a bit of extra money and are getting a job in one as a stripper. I believe you'd see how quickly he would consider YOU cheating if you did that.
a4a Posted September 27, 2006 Posted September 27, 2006 Ok, you established that he admits he has lap dances WITH contact. I'm not a prude as my man does watch porn, but this isn't the same as having real life sexual contact with a person, cause one of those girls is not gonna jump through the tv screen and be right there with him. I know strip clubs are legal and unattached guys might need an outlet, BUT guys in a committed relationship who do more than just watch the stripper ON STAGE are cheating in my book. Lets turn this around and say your H met some gal in a bar on Friday night. She told him her name was Candy, she flirted, he bought her a few drinks, then she asked him if he wanted to go to the bathroom where she would stip down to her g-string and dance for him. He agrees. She strips down to her g-string, dances, rubs her almost naked body all over his fully clothed one (while he is sitting on the toilet still fully clothed), then she sits on his lap and dry hunches him awhile. He never touches her. What she just did was legal. Would you consider THAT cheating? IMHO just because the sexual contact took place inside a strip club rather than some sleazy bar makes it no different. Sexual contact is sexual contact. And for you married guys who think lapdances with contact is no big deal, would you think it was a big deal if your wife was the woman I just described in the bathroom scene. After all, she didn't actually have intercourse with the guy and she did nothing illegal!!!Back to the original poster, I don't see how your man can give you his fullattention sexually or otherwise, if you have been having to compete with some stripper who tells him whatever he wants to hear in order to get his money. He's been living in a dreamworld, fantasy world, with which no wife can compete. Hey, you couuld just tell him that since he is so into stip bars that you need a bit of extra money and are getting a job in one as a stripper. I believe you'd see how quickly he would consider YOU cheating if you did that. You got one hell of a point here.....
catgirl1927 Posted September 27, 2006 Posted September 27, 2006 Ok, you established that he admits he has lap dances WITH contact. I'm not a prude as my man does watch porn, but this isn't the same as having real life sexual contact with a person, cause one of those girls is not gonna jump through the tv screen and be right there with him. I know strip clubs are legal and unattached guys might need an outlet, BUT guys in a committed relationship who do more than just watch the stripper ON STAGE are cheating in my book. Lets turn this around and say your H met some gal in a bar on Friday night. She told him her name was Candy, she flirted, he bought her a few drinks, then she asked him if he wanted to go to the bathroom where she would stip down to her g-string and dance for him. He agrees. She strips down to her g-string, dances, rubs her almost naked body all over his fully clothed one (while he is sitting on the toilet still fully clothed), then she sits on his lap and dry hunches him awhile. He never touches her. What she just did was legal. Would you consider THAT cheating? IMHO just because the sexual contact took place inside a strip club rather than some sleazy bar makes it no different. Sexual contact is sexual contact. And for you married guys who think lapdances with contact is no big deal, would you think it was a big deal if your wife was the woman I just described in the bathroom scene. After all, she didn't actually have intercourse with the guy and she did nothing illegal!!!Back to the original poster, I don't see how your man can give you his fullattention sexually or otherwise, if you have been having to compete with some stripper who tells him whatever he wants to hear in order to get his money. He's been living in a dreamworld, fantasy world, with which no wife can compete. Hey, you couuld just tell him that since he is so into stip bars that you need a bit of extra money and are getting a job in one as a stripper. I believe you'd see how quickly he would consider YOU cheating if you did that. This is an awesome post. It's completely true.
Jersey Shortie Posted September 27, 2006 Posted September 27, 2006 "Hey, you couuld just tell him that since he is so into stip bars that you need a bit of extra money and are getting a job in one as a stripper. I believe you'd see how quickly he would consider YOU cheating if you did that." She should do that. It is funny how fast guy's arguments turn when it is the other way around. If it's okay for him to be looking and going to see strippers and it means nothing. Then it should be okay for her to get on stage and shake her stuff. Still means nothing either way. Ha, expect we all know guys would be complaining in two seconds flat if that were the case. Men just can't ever be happy with what they have at home. Its a wonder they even bother with being with one woman. I still don't know why they do.
Guest Posted October 3, 2006 Posted October 3, 2006 Up untiil three months ago I was an open minded and "cool" wife. Was not jealous at all. Then...three months ago my world crashed. My husband had been communicating with a local stripper and paying for bjs at the strip club. It started out innocently enough. Stop in on Friday night after work for a quick drink. Sit at the bar. But....the girls are very aggressive and to a man in the middle of a midlife crisis and experiencing some sexual difficulties the temptation was just too great. His first encounter with her she put her hand down his pants and he didn't get an erection. She asked him what was wrong with him? Next visit - Viagra. Do I excuse his behaviour....HELL NO! I am dealing with this pain everyday. I have become someone I don't want to be. I have gone from being a confident and secure woman to now dealing with a plummeting self esteem. How does a fifty-two year old woman compare herself to a 22-year-old stripper. Of course I know I shouldn't but I can't help it. My life has changed forever. I am no longer the "cool" wife. I question everything and nothing will ever be the same. Just wanted to share my personal experience with you. I have never experienced pain like this and it is a daily struggle. We are working on reconciling and only time will tell.
Author leslie Posted October 6, 2006 Author Posted October 6, 2006 Up untiil three months ago I was an open minded and "cool" wife. Was not jealous at all. Then...three months ago my world crashed. This is an unbelievable story. I was starting to think that at least men grew out of this...aparently not! I'm really curious how you found out the details of what went on? Hang in there...I wish you the best. We are only 2 months out. I am dealing with this by really focusing on me and making my life better. Do you have any unfulfilled dreams, ambitions, wants? This is the time to take care of yourself and live with no regrets. Nothing will change what has happened, but if you empower yourself you can turn this pain into something positive. I am trying...hope it works. Now a question for everyone....I have also learned my husband was doing this with his brother. My sister-in-law would not approve, and so I know he has been lying to her. She is the "denial" type, and has him on a pedestal...so there would be no subtle way to tell her, and she would certainly hate me for it. But, she is getting ready to get pregnant with baby number 2. Do I tell her, not tell her, find a way to "leak" the information?
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