Just learned my 8 year husband is a strip bar regular

[leslie]

Just learned my husband of 8 years has been going to strip bars about 2 times per month during our entire marriage. He has lied about it extensively since he knew I couldn't tolerate it (I told him that before we were married). He spends about $200 per visit, goes during the week, early afternoon, so I don't question that he's at work. He admits having lots of lap dances with lots of touching. Now he says he will never go again, and all he cares about is saving our marriage. We have 2 young children. I still love him and want it to work. This just seems like a bit more than an occasional ra-ra bachelor party. Any thoughts on a guy who goes that often? To me this is clearly cheating, but he swears he never crossed the line. His line is sex. My line is the sexual nature of the interaction. My line is also truthfullness. How can I ever trust him?

[burning 4 revenge]

I like going to strip clubs. I used to have a problem with it as it's soooo expensive. Still go about once a month. If I were you, I would'nt worry about it. Not unless he goes in the champagne room. Cause everybody know there's no sex in the champagne room

[JackJack]

Thats great you are willing to work on your marriage. Is he? If so make it clear to him that marriage counseling is in order. 200 dollars spent at a strip club could be used for more important things. Like saving your marraige. He needs to understand more clearly how you feel on the matter.

[davistev]

Dont worry too much about it. Next he goes - ask to go with him. I am sure he will love you even more.

[Yamaha]

If he goes that often he probably has a certain gal he has dancing for him. She is probably letting him think she likes him in order to get him to come in.

He needs to realize that having a gal grinding on him is cheating if he is wishing he was having sex with her ( even if he is not ).

I would watch the bank account for ATM withdrawals as strippers only take cash.

[SoleMate]

How can I ever trust him?

He broke the trust, so he MUST be the one to fix it. There is really nothing you can do to repair your trust in him, other than play a supporting role.

 

Whatever he was doing to enable the strip club visits must stop. He will need to account to you for his time and expenditures much more closely than ever before. At the rate you described, including interest, his strip club habit has cost you family about $50,000. Unless you're millionaires, that's a whole lot of money to spend on himself without even letting you know, let alone asking for your permission. I know that money is just one issue - the sexual side and the trust side are even larger.

 

...he swears he never crossed the line. His line is sex. My line is the sexual nature of the interaction...

I wish you both had had this conversation before marriage. (Would he have been honest?) You both need to agree on where the lines are for both of you. He doesn't get to define his line unilaterally.

 

Without trust in one's spouse, I don't really see how a marriage can be close or happy.

[Annacabana]

I also agree that it is cheating, lusting after others in your heart is the same as cheating. Taking money that he should be spending on your family He is going to have to rebuild the trust. That means that you will know where he is at all times 24 hours of the day for however long it takes. And he should do this willingly and with a smile on his face.

He will have to agree that he won't go to the clubs anymore. If he has a problem with sex addictions he may need to seek counseling. Maybe counseling for both of you to help you through this.

[JamesM]

First, let's not exaggerate the amount spent $200 times two per month equals $4800 per year. $2400 times eight equals $38,400. Interest is moot because most likely the money would have been spent on other items. However, this does NOT minimize the expense. This could have purchased a brand new car for your family. And if you think about your current debts, it could have paid off a house (maybe...mine), credit cards, and a whole lot of food. There is clearly a problem.

 

Second, different activities occur at strip clubs. It is dependent on the state. There are websites that give info as to what can be expected at which club. Is your husband on the computer much? Some states allow nothing more than barely a touch, while other states allow more. And in those states, some clubs allow pretty much anything...up to intercourse...including almost oral. However, if he has become "friends" with a stripper, he may have special privileges.

 

Three issues are here. The lack of concern for the family and selfish use of money for his own "habits." And there is the cheating issue. Even though I am a guy and truthfully strip clubs are not always considered cheating..if the wife doesn't, this is more than "just a visit to the strip club." As a man, I do not view having a girl waving her butt in my face as the same as having intercourse with her, but this doesn't matter. He clearly knew that it did to you. He then has been cheating, because it is something that YOU consider cheating.

 

Now that this is explained....solutions. As said above, he needs to be able to account for every moment of his day. Having been close to his shoes, it is not easy if he doesn't want to. (Yes, I have my doubts that he can break his "habit.") And he must win your heart all over again. He must avoid the behaviors that led him to strip clubs. I am pretty sure that his behavior is comforting, exciting, and very familiar. The smells and sounds of a strip club brings a certain high to him that cannot be easily left alone. This is where his dedication to his marriage vows come in to play. He can do it, and after awhile his new behaviors will "wipe out" those memories and make it easier to avoid strip clubs. If his friends go to strip clubs, he will find it harder. If he likes to drink, it will be harder. If he went to clubs where dancers go nude...ie no alcohol, I think it will even be harder. But it can be done. My suggestion if I were him would be to develop a new hobby. Sounds strange? If he has a place where he would rather spend money, wasting it at a strip club will seem foolish.

 

Now you. I cannot relate as easily to your pain...but I think I understand a bit. However, if you could see in his heart, he compartmentalizes the strip club separately from his love for you. This is no excuse, but it does help explain a bit as to how he feels toward you. He loves you, but his "addiction" (because that is what it is) brings a certain high that has nothing to do with you. What he needs to learn quite strongly is that his addiction is NOT separate from your marriage. And he must prove to you that he has learned this.

 

Also, counselling can be helpful as long as it is positive for both of you. But if the counselor focuses on his addiction and not the reasons leading to it, there may be a problem with success. If the counselling doesn't give him a chance to air his side, I think he will drop out.

 

Hang in there. Many people have had similar situations and have made great marriages after the adultery.

[Guest]

Do not let anyone tell you this is not about love, sex, or marriage.

 

Do not let people you don't know tell you how you are supposed to feel. We all know that different people can react completely differently to the same events/facts. You feel the way you feel. I personally identify with any pain you may feel, so I will offer some things that I hope might be of help to you. In my struggles with an issue related to this, I have had to simply ignore any voice inside or outside my head that says "you are just being ___ for feeling ___ about this". No one else needs to live your life - it is for you alone. Avoid people who will judge you. Seek support.

 

I would highly recommend both of you seeing a marriage counselor together and in separate sessions. This problem is of a scope that usually requires professional help to make progress. This requires that both of you delve into how each of your beliefs, desires, ideals (about marriage, sex, what it is to be a good man/woman/husband/wife), actions, and habits have constructed a situation where he has become a regular. Your husband needs to speak frankly with you about his non-monogamous sexual desires and what he gets from going. Although it is difficult - blame, judgment, threats, or speaking when you are angry or sad - will all stand in the way of progress. Remember, neither of you needs to justify your feelings, but, as with any good marriage, both partners must think about the impact of past and future actions on each other.

 

I would highly recommend you reading (perhaps with your husband) the book "G Strings and Sympathy" which explains how and why men (committed or non-committed) become strip club regulars - exactly what is happening at no-contact strip clubs, how men describe in their own words what they get out of it, and how their patronage relates to their marriages.

 

In the prologue of the book, the DJ in a strip club describes how he assesses the mean age of the crowd, then subtracts to the year when these men were 18 years old, then plays music from that time that's associated with the concept of a party girl/bad girl or female obsession.

 

Also some regulars described that they go to the clubs whenever they were angry at their wives, or feeling misunderstood. Think about whether you knew on some level all along, or if this was truly a surprise. Denial is powerful. I know a couple where the husband goes to strip bars and plans/attends bachelor parties nonstop, gave his wife herpes from a bachelor party that crossed lines, and they still have not discussed anything with each other. She just concentrates on the children. I provide this as an example of denial about sex, and to underscore the urgency of facing and dealing with sexual issues in your marriage.

 

There is powerful psychological stuff going on with this situation - idealizing, sneaking around, rebelling, feeling good, feeling entitled to fulfill ones' fantasies, lying, having to consider whether damage to one's spouse is enough to merit changing one's actions... These are the issues that couples are faced with when men cover repeatedly paying for what they consume in a strip club: and what they consume is looking at, spending time with, and speaking with women who earn their money by (a) catering to mens' sexual desires and (b) trying to make male customers become regulars through psychological techniques (described in the book).

 

You will both need to do work to face these things honestly, in the goal of both being happy. I wish you luck.

[MrsHellFire]

I guess everyone has their vices. Just most keep it better hidden than others.

[burning 4 revenge]

If it wasn't for champagne rooms I would've been celibate for the past eight months.

[Guest]

Leslie,

I have had the same thing happen to me. Swore on his life and our marriage he would never hurt me again like he did. ( found pictures on his computer of the stripper ) he emailed her and she sent pictures to him... that is how I first found out about his little habit... long story short... he went again. we are now seperated and I dont have knots in my stomach anylonger. I would rather be without him then be with him and feel I am not "good enough" for him. BTW this was our 2nd marriage and we are in our 40s. we were only married 10 months when I found all this out.

Good Luck!!!!

[KK Casey]

My situation is similar except my husband ended up eventually becoming involved with a stripper and spent a large portion of our savings, ran up huge credit card bills and etc. on her. We have been married for almost 15 years, we have 2 lovely children, and what I considered to be a good marriage. We even work together in the same firm. We are in counseling, but I have to say, in my mind the damage is done. I found out on Valentine's day, kicked him out the next day, and we have been separated since.

 

I had no idea he had been going to strip clubs. Supposedly, he has been going for several years (that is what he says now, he just went every few months), frequented the same place (about 45 minutes from home), was known as a regular, and dropped obscene amounts of money on this girls in the "champagne rooms" . I have to say, I thought I knew this man, but I realize I had no clue as to who he was and is. The lies, the deceit, the fact that the trust is broken just kills me. I am not a prude, in fact, if he had told me he wanted to go, I probably would have gone with him. He always acted the prude in the marriage. Whenever friends were in town, he would always beg out early to go to bed, while we would all dance and party and have a good time. I am not a jealous person either and I trusted him 100%. Also, while I was working, and tending to his ailing parents (thinking he was working...) he was off with her, wasting our hard earned money. He gave this girl credit cards, and had them sent to her address so I would not know. He was always in charge of our finances at the house so I never saw the statements until after the fact. In fact, I had to order them from the bank as he had thrown them away. I also found out he was having phone sex with those 800 numbers to the tune of about 1500 a month.

I swear I don't know how he had the time for all of this plus our sex life.

Gosh, as I write this I feel like an idiot. How did I not see any of it. I am well-educated, have a good career, and can honestly say, I would have never ever thought he would have done this to me and our children. Of course he wants to come home now. She only wanted him for the money. But, I know in my heart I could never trust him again.

I have good days and bad days. Counseling helps me (we do not go together but separate) cope with it all. Right now I am just trying to pay off all the debt. Needless to say, I am in charge of the finances now.

[mess4u]

How do you find out if your husband is doing these things?

does somebody tell you or do you find a reciept?

Do you get suspicions and follow them on your day off?

 

Just curious? I wonder what my man does sometimes?

[KK Casey]

That is a good question, how do you find out. I trusted him so much that I never looked at our personal bank statements, phone records and etc. We both work really hard and we work in the same office so he had to be a pretty good sneak for awhile. I caught him after 9 months but the financial devastation was like years of damage. I did hire a private investigator the day after I found out and through this I found out about a land deal in her name but with our money. I managed to get the deposit back but there was alot more that "supposedly" went for it that we will never see. I ordered all our bank statements and phone bills and credit card bills and went through them. The night after I found out, I had my parents stay with the kids and I searched his office. It is there I found her address and a credit card name. I can't even tell you how I tracked it all but I did as much as I could. I would say, it took me about 3 months to uncover it all as it was such a tangled web. At times I am still in shock and my whole family is devestated. Finally, I told my husband, your next lie is your last and that is it. See, he wants to come back, if he didn't it might not have worked.

Receipts would be a good way to start, if there is a liquor noone drinks and it is on there question it. He started the affair in June of last year. In October my sister was working with us and living with us for about 3 months when she was going through a divorce. I told her my husband seemed a bit distant did she notice anything and she thought I was crazy. Later, I found out he used her (pretending to be ordering stuff for me and it would be a surprise so not to tell me!) to help him buy stuff for the stripper. She still to this day can't believe it. So, I just have to shake my head and say, "you never know what will happen in life."

[leslie]

First, thank you to all who responded. This was extremely helpful, and of course, nice to have the support.

 

I thought I would pass along some additional information in case it helps, and just to set the record straight.

 

We had separate bank accounts. I ordered every statement going back to our wedding date. This behavior actually began after about 2 years of marriage, and steadily increased from there for 6 years.

 

"Was I exaggerating on the money" Short answer: NO

 

Amount of money spent: $46,095.30 over 229 visits to about 10 different bars. There were clearly 2 favorites. We are not wealthy, this is a hell of a lot of money to us.

 

"Did I know all along?" Short answer: YES and NO

 

Hell no did I have any clue something this horrific was happening. Now that I do know, can I see signs that something was not right, "yes". The signs were really more like whispers given the reality of what was really happening. Let me tell you, he hid this well. Therapist calls it "compartmentalization" - says it is common. Men really do love their wives, but they psychologically separate themselves from it. Enables them to do this and other bad stuff without any guilt.

 

The advice about going to websites where you can find out what really goes on at various bars was extremely helpful. Before you confront someone ladies you have to have inside information, or its easy to be duped. I went one step further, and went to some of the bars myself. It's painful, but must be done if you really want to know if its "allright with you" or not. In my case, it is undeniably cheating. What goes on nowadays is far from a "show". It was called prostitution 10 years ago.

 

We are seeing a marriage counselor. That DOES help. It is not a fix all, but it helps.

 

We have eliminated all social activities for the time being.

 

My husband's cell phone has a GPS tracker on it (I should note this was his idea). Someday hopefully I'll trust him again, in the meantime, thank goodness for technology.

 

I resisted the urge to throw him out or to separate for a while. We talk constantly, not sugar coated conversation, but deep painfull stuff about how bad this hurts and why. We are both learning about each other, and we are turning this horrible pain into something we can grow from. My view, thought shocking to my female friends, is that separating would only enable us to grow apart. Now let me add that he is committed to changing. If he was even slightly resistant to that, we'd be in divorce court right now.

 

Well, its been about a month since I first learned this. It took about a week for me to be able to eat solid food without vomiting. The diarrea lasted 2 weeks. Now I can eat and sleep. I still get nauseas and panicky spells at least once a day. So, believe me, we certainly don't have this all figured out. However, we have both committed to each other to do whatever is necessary to rebuild. We have had to accept that, like a death, our marriage is over, the one we thought we had. Now we are beginning a new marriage. I spend a lot of time mentally processing the past and inserting these terrible memories into the happy ones I had. He has started to "decompartmentalize" and is doing the same. It's painful for both of us.

 

To any guy who might be doing this, I would really underscore that going outside your marriage for gratification and deception are both horrible. Combining them is disasterous. We are committed to each other, and even though I love and want to trust my husband, I am instinctually unable to do so. I believe nothing he says...

 

Well, again, thank you for your thoughtful posts, and my heart goes out to any woman who, like me, is searching the internet for answers to questions like, "Is this cheating? And if its not why do I feel like it is?"

[penkitten]

my ex left me and the 3 small kids for a waitress at a very low class strip club.

im glad he left then and didnt drag it out for years.

[JamesM]

Unbelievable! I could not believe how much money was spent. Thanks to my computer calculator, I found that this averaged to $201.29 per visit. It probably was not...probably more higher and some just a stop and look visit.

 

I found this statement of yours good...

 

To any guy who might be doing this, I would really underscore that going outside your marriage for gratification and deception are both horrible. Combining them is disasterous. We are committed to each other, and even though I love and want to trust my husband, I am instinctually unable to do so. I believe nothing he says...

 

This says it all. I just hope that the guys who are doing this will take the time to visit this Board. Sadly, it is most likely not true. But it struck home to me.

 

Many wives seem to suspect a cheating husband, but most would rather ignore the signs until they get slapped in the face. And besides, hindsight is 20/20. Signs that are obvious now had no meaning then.

 

Hang in there. This marriage can be repaired. Trust can be built again, but it will be a long road. And fortunately or unfortunately, you husband needs to construct that road.

[luvstarved]

Yeah I think situations like this are difficult and I feel for you. I do believe that his strip club urge is not in any way a reflection on you. I cannot relate to it but have seen so much evidence of men's ability to separate sex from love that I have to somehow believe in and accept it as reality.

 

However, that does not include accepting behaviors that you simply cannot live with. What makes it especially hard is not being able to live with the behavior, while at the same time realizing that it is obviously some sort of compulsion that he cannot just happily cast aside and never think about again.

 

The dicey part is ending the behavior without it building up resentment. It is true that it is an addiction...plain and simple. People overcome addictions every day but the only success stories come from those who truly WANT to overcome them. In that sense, the outcome rests with him. It puts you in a difficult position because you cannot even being to relate to his behavior, in fact find it sickening (I would too, try as I might to understand it) so it is hard to be fully supportive.

 

I applaud both of you for making the effort and yes, you do have a chance for success if both parties want it badly enough. I hope you do. Best wishes and keep us posted...

[bubbles72]

hi

 

i just read ur post and i wanted to put my two cents worth in. i was a stripper for 5 years until shortly after meeting my SO. Ummmm, the truth is that none of these strippers really like the men, they just look at them as dollar symbols. and because they look at them like dollar symbols they will do whatever they can to manipulate them, usually flattery lol because it strokes all the mens hearts that hang out at strip clubs. Regulars especially. On the other hand, there are always girls that will do anything for money because they have addictions to support and if a regular leads her on by throwing money around and telling her what she wants to hear than it goes further outside the club. The bottom line is though, that most girls (98%) are there for the money and will play a fella for as long as his money lasts and then the girl moves on. Most regulars (ones that i have had) have been pretty decent to start with and are "lonely" or "misunderstood" at home lol. They are there to have their egos stroked by a pretty girl who stares at them with big eyes and makes them feel like they "mean something" to someone. In my experience, regulars love their wives and kids, but they "don't feel like the big man at home anymore" and hence, the fantasy and i do mean the FANTASY of having another woman make them feel "macho" is too irresistible for some men.

 

If i was you, and you will have to take the initiative here!, i would go out of my a bit and make some special, quality time for just the two of you away from home and the kids, preferably once a month or every couple of months and screw your brains out and hold hands and do coupley things and at least then you can have a say where the money from the bank account goes lol and the poor petal isnt feeling neglected lol.

[Guest]

 

If i was you, and you will have to take the initiative here!, i would go out of my a bit and make some special, quality time for just the two of you away from home and the kids, preferably once a month or every couple of months and screw your brains out and hold hands and do coupley things and at least then you can have a say where the money from the bank account goes lol and the poor petal isnt feeling neglected lol.

 

You MUST Be kidding! Your post is disgusting. "AT LEAST THEN...????

 

Shame on you.

[pickle]

NO SH*T!!!!!!!!

 

WHAT HE DID WAS C-H-E-A-T-I-N-G!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

LEAVE HIM!

 

LEAVE HIM!

 

LEAVE HIM!!!!!

 

For the LIFE of me.... I CANNOT understand why women stay with men like that!

 

YES... YOU BET YOUR *SS THERE WAS SEXUAL GRATIFICATION GOING ON! HE PROBABLY GOT SOME ORAL ACTION FROM HIS "SPECIAL LADY FRIEND" WHO WAS MORE SATISFYING TO HIM THAN YOU! Trust me.... it IS common. I have 2 close friends/ex-strippers who said most regulars would beat off to them showing them there twat in the "private" rooms. And manyperformed sexual favors for their regulars. THAT was what your man was doing. BELIEVE IT.

 

And people saying "you should go with him" make me wanna vomit. GO SUPPORT YOUR MAN BEING A PIG AND OPENLY LUSTING FOR OTHER WOMEN???????? YOU KIDDING ME????? That is the lamest SH*T I've ever heard.

 

BETTER YET!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Ask HIM to come with YOU to support you blowing another man off! He can be a supportive cheerleader!!!! YEAH RAH!

 

CAN YOU REALLY LIVE WITH THAT????? LIVE LIKE THAT????

 

YOU ARE DISRESPECTING YOURSELF TO STAY WITH HIM.

 

And don't kid yourself, you're doing NO favors for children to stay with him. Kids aren't stupid. My parents stuck it out till I was 13 and begging them to divorce. I HATED THEM BOTH FOR "DOING ME THE FAVOR" OF STICKING IT OUT.

 

DO THE RIGHT THING. LEAVE HIM.

 

Oh - and maybe have a fling beforehand to give him the final blow to the gut LIKE HE DID YOU for good measure.

 

C'est la vie.

 

GOOD LUCK!

[portableversion]

WELL SAID.

 

As an addendum...Leslie....your 'husband' is a sex addict. The recidivist rates for sex addicts are about 100%.

 

Don't waste your energy on this man. Or your money. I mean, he's already spent 50K on his hookers already. How about another 50K??

[Jersey Shortie]

Unfortunetly. When you make a commitment such as marriage, it isn't conditional based on if your husband visits strippers or not.

 

I am really sorry to hear about what you had to go through with your husband. He let you down, hurt you, and didn't act like the type of man you thought you were marrying.

 

Stuff like this can be pretty devastating for women. There are things women can do to make a man feel like less of a man and this is something men do that make women feel like less of a woman.

 

If it was me, I don't know if I could get over the hurt and the break in trust. But I guess you got to try. Not only did he disrespect you, he disrepected the family he was suppose to be taking care of.

[No Way]

Oh God. Finaly, Some real truth. Pickle and Jeresy are right on. I had a horrific discovery of my husbend's ( of 15 years) addiction. And some of what Bubbles had to say helped. I think I did make my husbend feel powerless in our home. But not like you may think. 5 years ago he held some skanks face for a moment at a business function. Well needless to say all hell broke loose. He tried to convince me it wasn't his intention to flirt - said he was too drunk to remember anything. I never forgave him. I stewed in anger all the time. He didnt know how to fix it. He had no power in the home. I knew he sucked as a man and he felt small. Not my fault. He could have fixed it.

Fast forward 4 years. We had been togeather as a family the whole time just not residing togeather. He moves back in. He goes missing far too much. Can not be contacted durring the day - business must be good! He owns a successful firm so "meetings" are just a part of the day. He was physically distant and emotionaly vacant. He humiliated me by keeping his distance from me at his favorite bar. Probably had something there too.

This is how I caught my man:One night he stopped by the house to say he had to complete the days "meeting"- they were waiting for after dinner drinks. I said no need for that. He says I'm the Ass Hole. Then an hour later I get a phone call from his pocket and for a half hour I here the kissing and sucking and russeling of cloths. Shaking and furious I match up the music on another phone. I dress as sexy as I possiably can and go.

The strip club mistakes me for one of their own. The manager presses up agenst me and asks " Please get up and dance for me tonight. Are you? Or are you just going to go upstaires to the hotel?" Well that gave me an all access pass. Stripping and prostitution. Are favors for regulars not prostitution? Bubbles isnt getting a blow job for money prostitution? You are right that my man felt small thats why he was there but you are wrong about my sexual neglect. I am a former model and the absolute sexiest girl in that club. I am an overly sexual woman according to most standards.They were begging me to dance. He was there because he does not feel like a real man around me. I know who he realy is and its not so great. He can not run his company well - eventhough he is successful he can not manage his people and the company is starting to fall apart. He is too scared to say, hay this needs done. He can not buy the house he wants cause his credit is shot. HE IS A LITTLE MAN. and he may be bisexual. Hence the addiction. He is stimulateing himself and feeling like a real man because these girls are telling him so. FANTACY LAND. He is very attractive as well. He can have any girl in the crowed. But he cant keep her. He looks good to all his buddies but even they don't know the real reason we are divorceing. He doesn't share his twice a week visits with them. If he did he might look bad. He has worked very hard to make me look like a crazy.

Thats another thing. I have 3 girls and there is no way I want them to grow up believing being ignored by a husbend is OK. I have said Look what you have shown our girls. Even their own father can not be trusted. I would be crazy to ever trust him ever in my life again. He would just get better at covering it up. The issue is not the strippers. The issue is the little man. Ask Bubbles- these girls know how to build them up and the sex is so tantalizing. Even I got a little excited when I was looking for him in the club. There is no comparison in our bedrooms to what goes on in the club. I opened the curtians to find men with their heads back while they are getting off with a thin busty sexually charged young girl. Thats the drug. Its like a brand new relationship with all the perks of a new thrill. You can be your best self over and over. The regulars feel like they have some kind of relationship.

Come on--- what selfrespecting girl wants to stay with such a F UP. He has problems that go far beyond the strip bar.

I am more than a year out and I am so thankful for some healing. I still wake up at 3 or 4 and stay up. I'm still in shock at how little I matter and who he is. I still dan't understand why he says mean things and blames his behavior on me. I hear many of them do that. I will question my judgement but I will pay more attention to my suspicions next time. If I ever want a next time. I will never marry. No way.

Sorry its so long and full of misspellings! Leave and recover. It will hurt but not as much as what he could do to you. Mine now has herpies on his lip.