TJM Posted August 10, 2006 Posted August 10, 2006 My g/f just broke up with me about two weeks ago after dating for about 10 months. She said she just didn't love me as much as I loved her, and that our spark was gone. My first instinct was to try like h*ll to get her back, but she wasn't going to change her mind. The irony is I never felt like I really was in love with her either. I was in love with the security and companionship and the idea of her, and I didn't want to be alone. She still calls me everyday and I was reluctant to talk to her because of the NC rule, but if I'm truly honest with myself what she did is a blessing for both of us. I feel more upset about being the rejectee than the rejector. I think I can maintain contact with her now because I realize it was for the best. It won't stop me from pursuing someone else. Maybe someone can relate to this and for those of you who got dumped, ask yourself, were you really in love with that person, or the mere idea of them and the security and friendship that goes with it? Thanks for letting me vent LS.
johnnytable Posted August 11, 2006 Posted August 11, 2006 Why bother staying in contact? What do you really get from it besides pain?
TMJ Posted August 11, 2006 Posted August 11, 2006 Why bother staying in contact? What do you really get from it besides pain? Good question, johnnytable. For me, it's the fact that I do love her, and she loves me. But we did not have that chemistry to be in love with each other. It happens. However, I still care about her a lot and want to be friends with her. I know it sounds cliche but we are friends and we use each other as an outlet. I would rather have her as a friend and an outlet as opposed to never speaking to her again. Will we like it when we are at the point of dating other people? Of course not, but in the meantime I enjoy hearing her voice. It's comforting. In time we will move on and probably not find the need to speak to each other as often, but I take comfort in talking to her now. This only works if you feel like it was somewhat mutual, even though someone initiated the breakup. I just feel like too many people cling to a relationship because they were the ones that got dumped, and they instincually feel the need to get it back. But a lot of times you have to take a good look at how it really was and decide if it was a good thing. It might not make sense to a lot of people, but for me it was just a case of being completely honest and objective about our relationship and realizing it is time to let that part of it go, while still maintaining a friendship.
Recommended Posts