MusicWoman Posted August 10, 2006 Posted August 10, 2006 People always hear/talk about the physical intimacys starting to dissapear the longer you have been married (although I know this isn't the case for anyone) I was just wondering how many happilly or somewhat happily married people were out there...who didn't have any physical intimacy at all any more. Like, possibly not even kissing. Some of you know my story, and some of you don't...but I am engaged to a guy, and theres lots of things about him that I really annoying me. The other day, I think I came to the revalation that he is a really great boyfriend, but a bad friend. All of the problems with our relationship deffinatly seem to steam from the category of things I would be angry about if a friend of mine did that too. For example, if I am asked a question about something and give an answer (to what I know to be the truth) I am always second guessed..and then he has to go and figure it out himself...and then he finds out that I was right. fifty percent of the time he says it in a way makes me feel like he didn't believe me AT ALL before it...and the other time...well i don't even know...it just really makes me angry. He also keeps asking me the same questions over and over again, and I am really getting sick of the repitition. He says he does it because he thinks my answer will change/wants my answer to change. In that sense, its like hes not believing me either. He is not beliving me when I say no. He also doesn't listen when I tell him to stop to do other things that hurt me/make me feel uncomfortable. I have Fibromyalgia, and it hurts when he leans on me. So, I ask him all of the time to stop..multiple times a day..and he just says 'oh, i'm sorry, i didn't mean to' each and every time. I'm really sick of having to say it all the time. He just feels like a roommate to me right now. I don't know how to get any of it back...i mean..what used to be there. I don't think I love him anymore...but that still doesn't mean there isn't a possibily of it coming back. We both know that he needs some help (needs to see a psyciatrist) for stress and anxiety which he thinks is whats clouding everything up around him..and why he thinks he can't focuse to try and not do these things that bother me. I mean, I know I'm not perfectly sane at all..I have my own issues...but I am very open and upfront about all of that. I know what I can and cannot handle and I don't know if I can handle this. The thing that is the worst is that he will get upset and wish it was the way in the begginning of the relationship. He asks to kiss me and I don't want to. I'm feeling really guilty...but I don't think I should me. I don't think I should do things that I don't feel comfortable with...because I will start to resent him for it even more. I am just looking to hear some advice on this issue...please give any that you can..thanks
JackJack Posted August 10, 2006 Posted August 10, 2006 Maybe a question for you is, "How long does one hold on to a relationship, in hopes things will change?" Do you see things changing for the better with him? IMO, I think thats why some people hold on as long as they do, in hopes things will change or get better. Theres nothing wrong with that, but one has to wonder how long a vicious cycle will continue before enough is enough. You said he continues to do things that bother you, that he knows he shouldn't. You said you don't think you love him anymore. He asks you questions over and over again, in hopes of getting another answer. When in a relationship, we all have little annoynaces our spouse or partner does that we don't care for. However he seems to do these things out of spite being that he knows you don't care for them. So maybe you need to weigh your options here, and see what you feel you are willing to put up with and not put up with, and for how long before you, say, "enough is enough."
Author MusicWoman Posted August 10, 2006 Author Posted August 10, 2006 Maybe a question for you is, "How long does one hold on to a relationship, in hopes things will change?" Do you see things changing for the better with him? IMO, I think thats why some people hold on as long as they do, in hopes things will change or get better. Theres nothing wrong with that, but one has to wonder how long a vicious cycle will continue before enough is enough. You said he continues to do things that bother you, that he knows he shouldn't. You said you don't think you love him anymore. He asks you questions over and over again, in hopes of getting another answer. When in a relationship, we all have little annoynaces our spouse or partner does that we don't care for. However he seems to do these things out of spite being that he knows you don't care for them. So maybe you need to weigh your options here, and see what you feel you are willing to put up with and not put up with, and for how long before you, say, "enough is enough." Thank you so much for your reply JackJack I know thats def. the question, and one I have been asking myself daily for the past 5 months. I also know, that I don't think I can brake up with people. Its always easier to have someone break up with you, so you don't have to worry if you made a mistake or not? I dont know...i've never broken up with anyone before. I can't figure out when the 'enough is enough' time either..and I can't sort out my feelings..and its driving me crazy. I have no ideas to try to figure out how to sort all of this out though either. Any suggestions?
JadeStar Posted August 11, 2006 Posted August 11, 2006 Maybe you could sit down with a piece of paper, and make 2 lists. One side for the good qualitites he has and the other side the not so good qualitites he has. Weigh the options and see which comes up shorter of the two lists. I'm not saying that is the final answer you need to make a decision but it might help you sort out things a little better. A lists might help you see what it is you are willing to continue to deal with and what you're not. Its a start. Just a suggestion. Jade
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