shaeckh Posted August 10, 2006 Posted August 10, 2006 I'm a newbie. This is my story. I'm 36, been married for 10 years and lived together for 4 years before that, have 4 children - oldest by another man, youngest 3 by my husband. Lately, I don't like my husband very much. I think he is a grouch - he's never happy or in a good mood - gripes constantly at me and the kids. I work 75 miles from home and commute every day. He owns a body shop at our home and works 4-5 hours a day - if he wants to. We are financially stable, so money is not the problem. He does whatever he wants, he buys whatever he wants, goes out of town to play softball a couple of times a month. I never bitch at him about any of this. Up until a few months ago, we had sex almost every night for 14 years! Sex was not a problem either. (We are still intimate at 4-5 nights a week, but it's just sex) He bitches at the kids constantly about the house and cleaning - they are 16, 13, 9 & 7. The 16 y/o & 13 y/o have spent their summer "straightening the house". He thinks the house should be spotless, it's not - I don't really give a crap about it. If it's straightened that's all I care about. I'm too tired to do much during the week, I don't get home until after 7 - then cook dinner (or we eat McDonald's), clean up supper dishes, etc. I'm doing all I can and it's not good enough for him. He is putting so much undue pressure on our kids, mainly my oldest daughter (she has a job at a fast food restaurant and works almost every day) to do all this housework. If he cares so much about the house, why doesn't he clean it? He is so lazy, if the remote is on the opposite corner of the table, he will call one of the kids in there to get it for him. I bring him his dinner - chocolate milk, salt & pepper, etc. He just sits & eats and plays softball, hunts, etc. I have been telling him I'm about ready to leave - he doesn't think I will because of the kids. I think he is depressed and I've told him so. IMO he has the perfect life and I don't understand why he is NEVER happy! I even talked to his mom about it because she's on nerve pills and thinks everyone should be. She's talked to him about it and he won't. I take Celexa every day. I can't tell when I take it but I can tell when I don't. When I suggested he go to the doctor, he said "Your medication already makes you not care about the house or anything, so if I start taking it and don't care about anything, then where will we be?" I feel like I am a very good wife and a wonderful mother. I try to nurture everyone but myself, I rub his back & his feet when he wants me to. I don't think he will ever find anyone to treat him as good as I do, but if I'm not making him happy, maybe he should find someone else. I can't stand being around him any longer and neither can the kids. My 7 y/o came in when I was crying last night and patted my back telling me that there was a brightside to everything "Daddy is leaving tomorrow to go out of town and won't be home for 4 days" - what a thing for a daughter to say about her dad Things are much more peaceful at home when he's not there. We've always had a relationship where we argue, but it never lasts past bedtime, we've always had a very active sex life and a good sex life. Lately, we've not been intimate and I just don't have the feelings anymore. I always used to joke that he was lucky he was good in bed, because at least we always had the sex part of it to keep us together, now we don't even have that. I know this may all sound trivial, but when you're trying to explain your whole life in a few paragraphs, it sounds that way.
Gunny376 Posted August 11, 2006 Posted August 11, 2006 (Virgina as in the Christmas story) Its not just your imagination. Read Wolf's thread, about how his (and mine) about what a husband is. Yet he's having trouble with his wife, and my wife left me. My attitude was that if the wife was a SAHM that she should take care of most of the household chores and most of them should be taken care of when I got home. If she's workig ~ its whoever hits the backdoor first! Get busy, getting busy ~ especially with children. If the DH is the one that's at home, then the household chores should be his primary responsibility in assigning chores, responsibilities, etc. and his primary responsibility of getting it done, even if he has to do it himself. WTF? An hour + commute, and then you're suppose to come home and be freaking Suzzy Homemaker? Cook meals? Oh, Hell No! He's the one that should have the house picked up, meals cooked, dinner waiting on you, etc. and vice versa. Thanks for posting! Being a single guy that's taken a sabbatical from the dating scene, the more I read about women such as yourself, I know I'm not going to have any problem finding a good woman who's appreciative of what I've got to offer. You see, I know how to cook, clean, wash clothes, etc. The only thing I need a woman for is compaionship and intimacy, (which means more than just sex, BTW). He's living in la~la land if he thinks you won't leave his azz because of the kids, and the sex. I broke up with my last GF, because that's all I was getting out of it ~ sex. Great sex! But, just sex. "Man, (nor woman) lived by bread alone!"
Author shaeckh Posted August 11, 2006 Author Posted August 11, 2006 Thanks, Gunny, your posts are so insightful. We had a talk last night. This is his trick. He doesn't say a word all night & then when it's bedtime (11:30 - 12:00), he wants to discuss our situation. It's still mostly about my daughter (he has been in our lives since before she was 2). She is a good kid. She is 16 - she does not date, she doesn't really go anywhere that we don't take her. She works & is trying to save her money for a car. We offered a her a car - 92 Taurus and she doesn't want it. I say she's a good kid and she is, but I'm so shocked that she does not want this car and I know my husband feels it is a slap in his face. But I figure if she doesn't want it, fine - let her buy her own. He feels she if very disrespectful to him. She doesn't alwasy do every bit of laundry and her room is a disgusting mess (it's her room, I shut the door) She does on the other hand straighten the house, take care of her younger bros & sis, works and is on the cheerleading squad. If there is gook on the wall behind the trash can and she doesn't clean it up, he is all over her like she should have seen it. He will even say 'That gook's been on that wall for 3 days now and no one has cleaned it up' to which my response is - 'If you've seen it for 3 days and not cleaned it up - that means you're a disgusting slob' All of the responsibilities of a SAHM should not be placed on a 16 y/o shoulders for the entire summer. She didn't get married & have these kids, it shouldn't be all up to her. He also thinks she should be ever-so grateful that he takes her & drops her off at work (7 minutes from our home). He thinks because she works & has money now, that I shouldn't buy her things anymore. That's not happenin! She'd be stupid to continue working if I cut her compeltely off. She'll buy her own trivial stuff like makeup and if I'm not willing to pay top dollar for a pair of shoes she wants she'll buy them, but I'm not making her buy all of her shcool clothes & supplies, etc. becuase she has a job! I'm so sick of this, we argue constantly over her - like none of the other kids has a smart mouth or a messy room. I feel like I brought her into this situation and I have to protect her from his constant b*tching! He has slapped her only a couple of times in her entire life (when she needed it), but she's too old for that sort of thing now and he respects that. He never gives her credit for anything she does and I'm afraid it's going to hurt her emotionally later on. If she see I'm sticking with an azzhole that treats us all like crap - then she may end up doing the same thing. Financially, I could move ot and take the kids, I'm just scared I would be hurting my boys who are very close to their dad. They don't like him alot of the time, but they do love him. Our youngest daugther thinks he's mean. I could move closer to my job, but then I'd be taking them away from their dad & thier grandparents, etc. I don't know what to do. Last night I told him I wanted him to leave, he knows I've started a bank account of my own, but doesn't know how much I have in it. He got really mad & took all his clothes out of the closet and ptu them in the car at 1:00 am. I told him it was stupdi to do this in the middle of the night adn he looked at me like he was gonna kill me. He left and 15 minutes later called me to ask me if this is what I really wanted. I said I don't know what I want but I know that what we've got now is not what I want. We both need to make some changes - he said the changes should come from my duaghter. He kept me on the phone for 1 1/2 hours in the middle of the night when I had to go to work today and finally I just told him to come back home. I feel so defeated. I was crying, I'm scared. I love him. I wanted to spend the rest of my life with him, but not how he is now. How do we all change for the better - I know my duaghter is not without fault, but she's not as bad as he thinks. I could use soem changes to, but he thinks there's nothing wrong with him. Should I try to keep it togehter - she will leave for college in two years, should I hold out until my other kids get older - how do I leave or ask him to leave without him getting so hateful! I'm at my wit's end. Help~
Gunny376 Posted August 11, 2006 Posted August 11, 2006 Thanks, Gunny, your posts are so insightful. We had a talk last night. This is his trick. He doesn't say a word all night & then when it's bedtime (11:30 - 12:00), he wants to discuss our situation. Of course, when your mentally, emotionally, spiritually, physically drained from commuting to and working a job an hour away, coming home, running herd over the kids, cooking supper, taking care of the house. Marines never go in without first prepping the site with naval gunfire, airstrikes, artiliry and softening up and weaking up the enemies position ~ eliminating a much resistance as possible. It's still mostly about my daughter (he has been in our lives since before she was 2). She is a good kid. She is 16 - she does not date, she doesn't really go anywhere that we don't take her. She works & is trying to save her money for a car. We offered a her a car - 92 Taurus and she doesn't want it. I say she's a good kid and she is, but I'm so shocked that she does not want this car and I know my husband feels it is a slap in his face. Sound like a good kid. She'll probally will be the kind that wants to work her way through college as well. Had he ever thought that she's just a strong and independent type. My daughter is this way. She wants to do it her way, and on her on ~ without any help. She very responsible. She turned 26 yesterday, is a SAHM, (married) and owns her own home, (How many 26 years can say that ~ brag!) But I figure if she doesn't want it, fine - let her buy her own. He feels she if very disrespectful to him. She doesn't alwasy do every bit of laundry and her room is a disgusting mess (it's her room, I shut the door) She does on the other hand straighten the house, take care of her younger bros & sis, works and is on the cheerleading squad. If there is gook on the wall behind the trash can and she doesn't clean it up, he is all over her like she should have seen it. He will even say 'That gook's been on that wall for 3 days now and no one has cleaned it up' to which my response is - 'If you've seen it for 3 days and not cleaned it up - that means you're a disgusting slob' All of the responsibilities of a SAHM should not be placed on a 16 y/o shoulders for the entire summer. She didn't get married & have these kids, it shouldn't be all up to her. He also thinks she should be ever-so grateful that he takes her & drops her off at work (7 minutes from our home). He thinks because she works & has money now, that I shouldn't buy her things anymore. That's not happenin! She'd be stupid to continue working if I cut her compeltely off. She'll buy her own trivial stuff like makeup and if I'm not willing to pay top dollar for a pair of shoes she wants she'll buy them, but I'm not making her buy all of her shcool clothes & supplies, etc. becuase she has a job! WTF? Do you have any idea how many parents there are out here that you be freaking over-joyed to have a child like this? She's not sneaking out the window everynight having sex with God only knows who, drinking, doing drugs, hooked on Crystal Meth, Crack, getting phone calls from the police station. What! She's on the cheerleading squad? (Still in school ~ good grades) She has a job! And he's bitching about her room and because she's acting like a typical 16 year old? The one with the issues here his him! He should be damn grateful for what he's got! I'm so sick of this, we argue constantly over her - like none of the other kids has a smart mouth or a messy room. I feel like I brought her into this situation and I have to protect her from his constant b*tching! He has slapped her only a couple of times in her entire life (when she needed it), but she's too old for that sort of thing now and he respects that. Excuse me?! But when does a sixteen year old girl deserve to be slapped? When does any man earn the right to be slapping any woman? About the only time I can come up with is when she's trying to plunge a knife into his heart. I'm a retired United States Marine ~ I've NEVER have EVER hit a woman! Even when one has slapped me across my face! (Happened once, and I deserved it) He never gives her credit for anything she does and I'm afraid it's going to hurt her emotionally later on. If she see I'm sticking with an azzhole that treats us all like crap - then she may end up doing the same thing. It has and will! Financially, I could move ot and take the kids, I'm just scared I would be hurting my boys who are very close to their dad. They don't like him alot of the time, but they do love him. Our youngest daugther thinks he's mean. I could move closer to my job, but then I'd be taking them away from their dad & thier grandparents, etc. I don't know what to do. Last night I told him I wanted him to leave, he knows I've started a bank account of my own, but doesn't know how much I have in it. He got really mad & took all his clothes out of the closet and ptu them in the car at 1:00 am. I told him it was stupdi to do this in the middle of the night adn he looked at me like he was gonna kill me. He left and 15 minutes later called me to ask me if this is what I really wanted. I said I don't know what I want but I know that what we've got now is not what I want. We both need to make some changes - he said the changes should come from my duaghter. He kept me on the phone for 1 1/2 hours in the middle of the night when I had to go to work today and finally I just told him to come back home. I feel so defeated. I was crying, I'm scared. I love him. I wanted to spend the rest of my life with him, but not how he is now. How do we all change for the better - I know my duaghter is not without fault, but she's not as bad as he thinks. I could use soem changes to, but he thinks there's nothing wrong with him. Should I try to keep it togehter - she will leave for college in two years, should I hold out until my other kids get older - how do I leave or ask him to leave without him getting so hateful! I'm at my wit's end. Help~ IMHO, this guy is being emotionally, mentally, physically abusive of you, particuarly your daugher. He's not setting a very good example of what a man and a husband is to his sons are either. At the very least, you're going to have to re-negotiate the marriage-family contract ~ and its going to take more than just martial counseling, its going to take family counseling. Because its gotten to the point to where all of you are feeding off one another. What your wanting is for the whole thing to change ~ and its gotten to the point to where it GOT to change ~ because it just can't go on the way it is. Just that plain and just that simple.
Author shaeckh Posted August 11, 2006 Author Posted August 11, 2006 Yeah, but is it worth it? I guess only I can answer that question, huh? I really think I might be better off just cutting ties & starting over. But, I'm so ****ing scared. Am I being selfish to divorce for me & my daughter (whom he says he loves like his own, but I disagree) so that my other children can grow up with a dad? 4 hours of talking, arguing, whatever last night and he only said I love you once - he said he loves me with all of his heart and cannot stand to get divorced - but this morning another issue occured. My 13 y/o son called me at work crying...his dad got up & reminded him that he gave him $20 to go to the fair last night and that he was supposed to clean the yard up today. Being a typical 13 y/o who agreed last night because he wanted the money said it wasn't fair that his 9 y/o brother didn't have to help. My son was completely in the wrong, I know - he should not have questioned it, he should have just held up his end of the deal. My husband slapped him! I am so pissed. He was probably crabby because he didn't get enough sleep last night after being up til 3:30 am, but my azz is at work - he's getting ready to leave for KC for a softball tournament. I immediately called him on his cellphone asking what happened. Now he's gonna be mad at son for calling me. WTF have I gotten myselft into? I hate this life I'm leading. Why couldn't dad have just said - You made this deal, now get your butt out there and hold up your end of it. If you don't, you will be punished." I'm making him out to be a complete abuser. He's not, well maybe he is and I'm just naive about a real abuser - I may be thinking because he doesn't beat anyone until they bleed that he isn't an abuser. I am not against spanking in certain situations, but I feel the incident should warrant the punishment and in this case it did not! I guess I know what I have to do, but is there any hope in saving this marraige? Have you ever known family counseling to help or does it just prolong?
Gunny376 Posted August 11, 2006 Posted August 11, 2006 My husband slapped him! I am so pissed. He was probably crabby because he didn't get enough sleep last night after being up til 3:30 am Oh Hell NO! As I said I'm a retired United States Marine, who did two tours on the Drill Field at Parris Island. Nine of my twenty was at Parris Island. My son is 23, my daughter is 26. I gave them each a whipping (3 licks) with a belt once in their lives. My daughter for lying, my son for being cruel to a cat. (swinging it by its tail around his head) I will NOT stand for dishonesty, nor cruelty to animals, less forunate, elderly, etc. Your husband is NOT doing the right thing! He's teaching his children to slap your grandchildren around ~ what if when they get older they kick it up a notch? You're not making your husband out to be an abuser ~ he is one! All by himself. And, your con-doning it and enabling it. Sorry, I'm not buying off on the 'lack of sleep", most of my life, I've worked 60-70 a week. Wored two jobs, gotten by on six hours sleep a night. When I was married, I would only eat only once a day ~ when money was tight. Granted, I trained and conditioned myself to do that ~ and the Marine Corps gave me the self discipline and the skill set to do it. What other excuses are acceptable? I had a bad day! It was the drugs not me! It was the alcohol not me! I'm stressed out! She made me do it! He made me do it! I'm stressed out! I'm PO! You haul off and kill or seroiusly hurt someone, no court is going to buy off on this, and your butt is still going to be sitting in a jail cell somewhere. No court, nor jury is going buy any of that. Granted he should have held the 13S to the deal. But, there's no cause for slapping the kids, and now you're afraid he's PO because he called you? WTF? Maritial counseling ~ family counseling, separtation, divorce ~ only you and you alone can make that call. But I can you this ~ somehow, somewhere, someway, Ya'll got to have some release. The cover's getting ready to blow on this one! PS He best be glad I'm not your neighbor ~ I'd be making your business MY business ~ I'd call the law on his azz!
Author shaeckh Posted August 11, 2006 Author Posted August 11, 2006 I appreciate your earlier comments, but is it your intent to make me feel worse? Or is this supposed to be helping me? I know he's a jerk! I know he's an azzhole. I know he's a m***erf***er! But will it be worse once I get rid of his ass? I'm not completely innocent in all of this. I do not abuse physically, but I am a yeller! I yell about everything. Do you think it's bad enough to just pick my kids up from their home & go rent some dumpy apartment or should I wait it out, bide my time & make some arrangements? I'm confused, and then when I read your post, I became defensive for him, why - I don't f***ing know. I'm not an idiot, I know what the right thing to do is, I just don't have the balls! Do you know where I could buy a set? On some of your other posts to men you are always talking about alpha males & beta males and you tell men to "man it up" What's a woman supposed to do? How do I "man up"? Maybe I should start taking some testoterone? I'm sorry, I'm just in a bad place right now. Please help!
Gunny376 Posted August 11, 2006 Posted August 11, 2006 No! I'm not trying to make you feel worse. And, yes you are in a bad spot. Let me re-frame the picture about the slapping: If I (a stranger) walked up to your 13S or 16D and slapped them ~ what would you do? If I walked up to you (a stranger) and slapped you in front of a police officer, what do you think he would do? If I as a Marine DI at Parris Island, and slapped a recruit ~ what do you thin the Marine Corps would do to me. No! I'm not trying to make you feel worse ~ I'm trying to convey to your the seriousness of the physical and emotional abuse. I would recommend you call a women's shelter and speak to a couselor. I've got to go to work. I'll check in after I get of at 11. Hang in there, and call someone, there's help in the phonebook.
Gunny376 Posted August 11, 2006 Posted August 11, 2006 You can Alpha up to ,just as there are Alpha Males ~ there are Alpha Females. Let me frame it up in my mind while at work, and I'll post when I get off work.
Author shaeckh Posted August 11, 2006 Author Posted August 11, 2006 Thanks, I'll check back after work - late tonight probably if I can get my computer at home to work. If not, I'll check back later this weekend.
dgiirl Posted August 11, 2006 Posted August 11, 2006 shaeckh, sorry you are in this situation, but welcome to LS. We'll try and support you any way we can. As for your situation, it seems that you and your husband are having some major communication problems, and both of you have some anger issues. You mention being a yeller, which I'm sure you'll admit is not a good thing. You really need to learn to control your anger and let it out in positive ways. (I know how hard that is, since I'm a yeller But you really need to learn how to not let things get you so angry, that you resort to yelling. As for your husband, I wont jump down the abusive route just yet. He's clearly just as frustrated as you are, and doesnt know how to resolve the situation. It seems you both are feeding off each other and it's just getting worse and worse. Have you discussed going to counselling with your husband? One thing I learned in therapy is, when you constantly keep fighting over the same thing over and over and over again, that's not the real problem. It's just the symptom of another issue. I'm not sure what the problem is, but I think if you get a third party who has seen these situations before, they might be able to give you two some insight on how to resolve the real problem. Dont worry about trying to prove to your husband that he "needs work". First, just get him to agree to going to counselling. Any counsellor worth their salt will not let all the blame go to your feet. Also, dont get into the blame game where you'll make changes only if he'll make changes. Someone's gotta make the first move, and if you really want to be happy, not right, but happy! then be willing to make the first compromise. Making changes is a good thing. But make sure it's changes that will benefit you and you really want to make. ie, learning how to control your anger is a good thing, and no matter what happens with your marriage, you will benefit from learning how to control that. Therapy helped me with the beginning steps towards that. I dont condone hitting or slapping, but only you can tell whether your husband is really abusive. Do you fear him? Do you think if you say the wrong thing, he will hurt you? Or is your husband hitting, simply because he's at the end of his rope? Not that excuses his behaviour AT ALL, but if he was willing to get therapy to learn other means of expressing his anger, would that make the situation better for you? As you clearly demonstrated, your daughter seems like a good kid! His anger has really little to do with her, and more about himself. For some reason, he is feeling disrespected. I'm not saying this is the situation, but that is his perception. I think instead of defending your daughter and trying to prove your husband wrong on how he shouldnt feel that way, try to empathize with him, just to let him know you understand HOW he feels, not that you necessarily agree with it, but that you atleast heard what he is saying, it might help the situation a little more. It sounds silly, but in therapy they can teach you how to word things so that they are assertive phrases, instead of aggressive phrases. A lot of it has to do with I statements, like "I feel hurt", or "I think we could do this", instead of You statements, like saying "You are a jerk" lol It's weird in the beginning, but it definitely helps not escalate the situation any further.
Gunny376 Posted August 12, 2006 Posted August 12, 2006 Sorry for coming down so hard on the issue, perhaps I went over the top with it. The Marine in me (no excuse), but when I hear about child molestors, child abusers, rapist, people that hurt senior citizens, those that can't defend themseleves, bullies, it blow my boiler, and I tend to go high and to the right. Well as it so happens, tonight was a slow night, and I gave a lot of thought to your situation. Yes, you too can become an Alpha Female. But, its beyond my capacity via this forumn to tell you how. I'll get back to that in a minute. In case you've not noticed, ~ I'm not a big fan of couseling. Not that I'm knocking it for someone else, but its just not me? More of that in a moment as well. The issue between you and your husband is mainly over the daughter, right? Women need love to fill needed and wanted. Men need to be appreciated. Appreciated for what they can do, and actually do for thier families. When they don't feel appreciated by their wives and children, they feel like their just a meal ticket. They get resentful, angry, even bitter. They feel well un-appreciated,..............un-loved? And your daughter and you have been with this guy since she was two ~ in essence he's her father, and she's his daughter, right? And, he's all over her case about everything? Right? Everything she does is wrong, everything she doesn't do is wrong ~ am I right? Everything she says is wrong, and everythin she doesn't say is wrong ~ right? He resents having to take her to and from work ~ right? He resents her not driving the Tarsaus ~ right. A man buying his daughter a car ~ is a big thing to him. He means in his mind, and in his self affirmation that he's a good man, a good husband, a good father, a good provider. Her refusing to drive the car, hurt his feelings, hurt his pride, hurt his self esteem (The car's not good enough for her ~ I'm not good enough for her) therefore I'm not a good enough man, a good enough husband, a good enough father, a good enough provider, a good enough........................ and he's mad about it! He's been hurt, deeply but as a man he can't say that and become a wuss ~ so he's acting out and lashing out at you and the daughter. Quote: "Lately, I don't like my husband very much. I think he is a grouch - he's never happy or in a good mood - gripes constantly at me and the kids. " You're fighting about everything but the real issue ~ and the real issue is the car, and her refusing not to drive it! That's my call on this. Counseling? Yes I would pursue that. The physical vioilence needs to come to a screching halt. And, yea a I would pursue counseling as a couple, as an indiviudal (to learn how to be more assertive and more Alpha) and perhaps as a family.
Author shaeckh Posted August 14, 2006 Author Posted August 14, 2006 dgiirl and Gunny, I've had a really busy weekend and not on my computer at all, but I'm at work now - so here goes... Thanks so much for the posts about what's going on with my family. I really appreciate the thought that goes in to each and everyone one of your posts and you've really given me some insight into my own life. First off, dgiirl, you are 100% right, I need to get control of my anger - it manifests itself in yelling and I feel terrible after I've gone out of control in yelling. Sometimes I feel no one listens to me until I yell - but then I think when I'm yelling they're not really listening, they're just looking at me. I will try to get some help in dealing with my anger. You're also right about being at a standoff about who should make changes first, in fact, we argue sometimes and I say - you should think about changing this and he'll say - why should I change anything when you won't. You;re right - it's a dead issue sometimes. I do not fear my husband. I am not afraid he will hit me. Sometimes though when I think about telling him the truth about my feelings for divorce, I am kinda nervous that he might 'flip out'! Even though, he's never done that - my dad beat my mom and I just think the potential could always be there. My dad was an extreme yeller, too. Also good that you said the real issue is not about my daughter, in fact, I touched on that the other night. I told him he was mad at me for not doing as much around the house as he thought I should and since he doesn't want to accuse me of being lazy - which he does do sometimes - he was taking it out on her - since she's an easier target. He of course denied that. Gunny, Thanks for thinking about all of this while you were at work. I also agree with what you said about him feeling loved and needed. He doesn't have very high self-esteem, IMO because he's always trying to get everyone to notice how great he is. Also, I make the biggest percentage of money in the house. He makes a lot of money - sporadically (sp?), but it isn't something we can count on - we know I'm getting a check every month. I think deep down that bothers him. He knows I don't depend on him financially and could leave anytime - of course my life and my kids' lives would be totally different with one income, but I'm not somebody that has ever asked to spend money, etc. I make it, I spend it. - but so does he. We live in a small town and not a lot of women work. He has 3 sisters and they are all SAHMs. Most of his friends' wives don't work and if they do, they certainly wouldn't drive to the big city to do it. People give him trouble sometimes (friendly) about sending me off to work in the morning and I never really thought about that bothering him. Since cars are his business, he felt he would be doing a great service to our daugther be getting her a car and when she didn't want it, you're right his feelings were hurt. I totally agree with the car situation and that she is in the wrong for that and I've told him that. He talked to her on Friday while I was at work about their relationship and that they should try to get along better - also that he would try to find another car for her - but that she would have to help pay for it. He's not all bad~ I say that now because he was gone all weekend and I didn't have to hear his attitude, but I'm sure it will start again tonight. Maybe I'll be better prepared to deal with it. I'm still not sure what I want but I think I will at least check out some counseling for myself to start things off. We did go to a marriage counselor once a couple of years ago, but only once - he told her that all he wanted was for the kids to learn some responsibility and work around the house. She said I had tremendous guilt for working so far away and that it was good he was teaching them responsibility. I didn't tell her about his anger issues or how he relaly treated the kids because I didn't want to embarass him and he thinks she totally agreed with him - even still says that sometimes. Anyway, we never went back - and I don't have much faith in marriage counselors - but may consider trying it again. Again, thanks for posting and I'm sorry this was so long.
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