Getting in too deep

[Klinker]

Well, this feels strange asking for advice on this forum, but I believe I need more opinions than that of just my girlfriend. And I dont think I can bring myself to ask my friends for advice, so I thought I'd try and be as annonymous as possible.

 

Anyway, I'm relatively young and naive at 19, and my girlfriend and I have been seeing each other for about 6 or 7 months. I really really like her and lately she has started talking to me about wanting to have sex.

 

My problem is that I really feel as though I want to sleep with her. However, I have certain issues with sex from troubles in my childhood, but also, apart from that, I really just cant handle the thought of her breaking up with me. And I dont think I could cope if I were to find out she were to have one-night-stands after seeing me.

 

I know that I have no right to say what she can and can't do if she were to break up with me. But I just dont know what to do.

 

This leads me to think that I might like her far too much. I'm rather scared of being hurt too much if she were to leave me, eventhough she has told me the same thing.

 

Anyway, I look forward to what you guys can say to help a lovelorn teenager.

 

Thanks.

[bella_girl]

If you're not ready to sleep with her, then tell her, she should respect your decision. It's not like you're saying no to her forever just no at the moment. There are many other things that can occupy your time.

 

In terms of issues with sex from childhood, I would suggest you seek professional help. You need someone qualified to help you sort this stuff out, it will keep cropping up if you don't, its best to try and deal with it.

 

You'll be in a much better place to work out your feelings about sleeping with her if you get these issues sorted out.

 

In terms of her breaking up with you - why would she? It sounds like you are dooming the relationship to failure before anything has even happened.

 

One night stands - this is presuming that (if she broke up with you) she would have any, she might not, someone people don't like them at all. If you guys were to break up then unfortunately you have to let her go, yep break ups suck and they hurt, but its best to not know about your ex's lovelives.

 

Liking her too much, well it sounds like she likes you just as much. Relationships are about a leap of faith, willingness to be hurt that old say 'it is better to have loved and lost than not to have loved at all.' I know that seems difficult but it's true, my first serious boyfriend and first love was when i was 18/19 we were together for 4 years, his presence, ideas and love have had an impact on my life ever since - I'm really glad of the time we had together, although ultimately it didn't work out (we were going different directions in life). If I hadn't given everything to that relationship I wouldn't be the person i am today (which is 31 btw).

 

Overall I think you need to restore your faith in your girlfriend and your relationship - concentrate on the good things, not what may or may not happen. (and seek professional help for your issues).

[bluechocolate]

Law of averages state that you are not going to be spending the rest of your lives together anyway.

 

I really just cant handle the thought of her breaking up with me.

 

It could be you doing the breaking up.

 

There really is no point in worrying about what may or may not happen in the future. You're enjoying being with each other now - so enjoy it. As the song says - what will be, will be.

[superconductor]

I'm rather scared of being hurt too much if she were to leave me, eventhough she has told me the same thing.

 

Anyway, I look forward to what you guys can say to help a lovelorn teenager.

 

Thanks.

This is normal, standard teenage angst. We've all been there, in one way or another, so what you're experiencing is nothing new under the sun.

 

Take a moment to future-focus. Let's make an assumption (an unwarranted one right now, but bear with me while I make the point) that you fall head-over-heels in love with this girl, cement the relationship even further by frequent sexual and intimate contact, and then she dumps you and starts spreading her legs for anyone with a schwantz.

 

Would it hurt? Farking right it would hurt.

 

Would you survive? Farking right, you would survive.

 

Now, with that established, I humbly suggest that you enjoy the time you have together. While "living in the moment" isn't maybe the best mindset when you're discussing finances or investments, there's something to be said for it in the early stages of a relationship.

 

The future will come soon enough. Too soon, at least from my vantage point (I've got almost 30 years on you). So enjoy the time you have with her today, and let the future emerge as it should.

[Walk]

Well.. my first thought is, if you don't feel ready for sex just yet, then wait. There's no law that says you have to have sex within a certain time frame. Besides, there are so many fun things you can do with each other. Things that would still give that feeling of excitment and closeness but with out actual intercourse.

 

I'm wondering why you feel she'll leave you? That theme ran pretty heavy through your post. You didn't seem as worried about the actual act of sex, as the betrayl you'll feel "when" she leaves you. I know it seems all relationships are doomed, but why are you so certain she is going to leave you? Have you two been having problems? Are there things she does or says that make you feel this way?

 

Since I don't feel I know the whole situation then I'm going to give a bit of generic advice for this. You'll never be 100% certain you two will always be together. Enjoy the now. Everything, even your life, will be gone in the blink of an eye. If you love her, love her with everything you've got. The problem with love is that if you only give half in order to protect yourself, then you only get half back... The more you hold back, the less you recieve and the more unstable the relationship becomes.

 

Attaining something great usually comes at great risk. If you don't risk it, then you'll never achieve what you wanted. If you're fine allowing your fears to rule your life, then your life will always be middle of the road. No big drops, but those things you dream of will never be yours. And we're all a lot stronger than we give ourselves credit for. Capable of great things if we set our minds to it. Don't let doubt and fear hold you back. Don't be that person who lies on their death bed thinking "I wish..... " Be the man who looks back on a life he's proud of having lived.