Cowboy86 Posted August 10, 2006 Posted August 10, 2006 Well, before I start out with my story I am going to go ahead and bash myself for what I have done. I am a cheating pompous jackass who doesnt deserve the woman he is with. Anything any of you would like to add to this, go ahead... I deserve it. Let me give you a little history about myself. I've been in 2 serious realtionships in my entire like this being my 3rd. I've had small relationships here and there. But I have a problem. I don't know if its physcological or what. I have cheated on every girl I have ever been with. Multiple times in most cases. My last relationships were 2 years a 1 month, I cheated over 10 times on my 2 years and once in my one month. Everything from exhibtionism to just making out. I never cheated to the extent of having any kind of sex with another woman.Yet it feels like I have a sexual appetite that can't be filled. I used to have a chronic masturbation problem, doing it 4-7 times a day. This is the first time I've felt this bad or really cared. I know this probably makes me a bad person. My story.... I worked in an animal kennel in South Jersey for over a year. My manager had always been coming onto me(trying to kiss me,rubing up against me,say suggestive things) I never really paid much attention to it when I first started working there. It then proceeded to get worse and I did cheat on those 2 g/f's with her. Now some people will sit here and tell you a line of b/s to try and justify their actions, not me. I never engaged in any kind of intercourse with this woman. We did however feel each other up a lot a couple of times though, not even kissing. How I see things as cheating is something you wouldn't do if your spouse was standing right there. Now I am in a relationship with a girl I ahve been dating for 4 months. She is the most amazing woman I have ever met. The passion that we have when we make love is incredible. She gave her virginity to me and she loves me more than anything. About 3 months ago me and my manager(I no longer work there) had one of these little feel up things again. She proceeded to put her hand down my pants and as soon as I fully realized what was going on I walked away. She tried to kiss me but I didn't kiss her back. Days later she tried this same thing again while I have lifting the roof of a shed above my head. She proceeded to pull out my penis and attempted to give me head, she succeeded partly for about 2 seconds then she stopped and walked away. She then later that day needed to change her clothes in the bathroom and told me to follow her. I did and she got undressed in front of me and I didnt touch her. I started to actually touch myself to try to stop myself fromt ouching her and she gave me head again for about 2-3 seconds. About 2 months after this I quit and never had another incident. The only tiem I did anything was when we were in the owner of the extablishments office and I put my hand down her pants to kind of tease her but I didn't finger her or anything. I don't know how you would really base the severity of this on the cheating scale. I'm wondering if this is something I should tell my girlfriend. She is the one I am going to marry and spend the rest of my life with. I've been with a lot of women but she is the only one I have ever felt this way about. She amazes me but I feel this guilt that I have been living with for months. Everytime I talk to her I think about it. I want to change for her. I actually cried about this a few times. I know I will never do anything like this again period. If for some reason I feel any need to, I am going to put myself in coucelling if I don't already need to be there. I think I should tell her. I know she wouldn't leave me beacuse of this. If I need to step up toi the plate on this one and take responsibilty then so be it. I know this will never happen again. What do you all think about this? All opinions appreciated. Feel free to bash. Lawrence
theantibarbie23 Posted August 10, 2006 Posted August 10, 2006 If you are serious about not wanting this to happen again, don't take any chances and get your butt into therepy pronto. If you are going to tell her, it would also show her you are serious about wanting to change your behaviors.
Adora Posted August 10, 2006 Posted August 10, 2006 I want to change for her I am glad you want to change and realize that what you have been doing isn't healthy for you or your present girlfriend.. but you need to make sure that you are changing for no one else BUT yourself. This is one thing that I see all too often is that people change for others, and aren't truely themselves no longer. They live a certain way to please others, but deep down they know they aren't their trueself.. then you start to despise the person whom you changed for to begin with. I would also advise that you do seek counseling and perhaps discuss with your counselor privately about your wanting to become clean and spill the news on the gf of your past encounters at your old place of employment. Something that sticks out to me is how the past encounters went down. Doing the math, you stated your present gf and yourself have been together for 4 months, correct? You also stated that 3 months ago your boss and yourself had these encounters again, and 2 months later (would be 3 months into your new relationship) you left that job. So, basically, you have had 1 month now where things have been strictly just you and your gf, no other woman? You also stated that you tend to marry this girl. I can't help but ask how long into your relationship did the two of you become intimate? You said you took her virginity.. was this around the time you quit your job? I can't help but assume that you are rushing things with this new gf, your already talking about how you want to marry her even tho half of your relationship thus far you have willingly messed around with another person. I am not attacking, just trying to understand/sort things. I would NOT openly tell your gf just yet what happened if your feelings are true to her. I would FIRST make sure that you have YOU put together, how YOU want to be. Again, the worse thing a person can do is be something, act a certain way, live a certain lifestyle to make others, and not themselves content/happy.
Author Cowboy86 Posted August 10, 2006 Author Posted August 10, 2006 You are right I should be trying to change for myself instead of her. This is what I truly want. I have been dating the girl for about 8 months and 4 months ago made her my g/f and even before dating her we were good friend before that. Sorry I didn't mentiont his before. I took her virginity about 2 months into it. After the first incident at one month there weren't any after that. So it's been around 3 months just me and her and nobody else. I think I am going to seek professional help.
whichwayisup Posted August 10, 2006 Posted August 10, 2006 Professional help is a good idea, that will help you understand why you cheat. Good luck and I really hope you work hard to stop cheating because if you love the woman you're with now and can picture a future with her, then the cheating has to stop forever.
portableversion Posted August 10, 2006 Posted August 10, 2006 No, you aren't going to spend the rest of your life with her because you are a sex addict. Wanking off 4-7 times a day??? Stay single and frequent hookers and porn sites or find a dysfunctional sex addict like yourself. Leave normal women out of your craziness.
Author Cowboy86 Posted August 12, 2006 Author Posted August 12, 2006 I hope this is really not the case
portableversion Posted August 12, 2006 Posted August 12, 2006 and you are a sex addict. Look, marriage and relationships aren't for everybody, and that's okay. They certainly aren't for you. Understand this, and live your life accordingly.
Guest Posted August 13, 2006 Posted August 13, 2006 Maybe a sex addict; maybe not. The store manager or whatever came onto him pretty hard. And she must be nuts herself putting her lips on some stranger's penis. Anyways, get yourself some help so you don't wind up alone for the rest of your life. You seem to like serious relationships, so I don't think hookers or whatever craziness people would like to suggest are for you. But you may have a problem. And maybe the reason you cheated so much in your past was because you "didn't care" before, as you put it. But before risking harm emotionally and physically on a woman you may love, GET HELP!!!
Guest Posted August 15, 2006 Posted August 15, 2006 I look back and realize a few hard conditions, readily cooperated for nothing short of mindless manner. I realize I was a lost soul. I felt lame and counterdicted the whys and made myself believe it ALL didn't matter. Truth is I was basically faithless in myself, therefore others readily took advantage of a good thing, as I appeared helpless and free to it. Now, I see how ruthless people are when the attraction of easy come easy go can be and I set myself up for "anything goes". And it did, and took not only my treasured items, but apparently set it up for others to enjoy the take it, its' yours! I knew I had very painful past resolution to confront, therefore remained somewhat distance, but needless internal affairs of my heart took over and I did not resolve all the timeless un~affected matters. But it did matter, and I lost soooo much. Now, that I have had everything that I did value including a nameless shameful interaction w/other available, taken for granted; I needed time alone and to SEE they hada a joyful union of sorts, and that I felt the backlash to the point blinded, eyes closed. They laughed together and thoughtless of the situation and went on their merry way... And that was the 3rd event, faceless value, that warranted no remorse from the other, even trying to dismiss the statement, "he said, blah blah." There wasn't any really. Only to hobnob it, to join the pool of whos who and I apparently was just an excuse. There to pick up the slack, a warm place, eat drink and be merry. Imagine the foolishiness, I now feel, moreso, the end of how I will not and can not ever entail another episode again. The identity problem coexisted, my inherent problems coming to a head, I lost contact with the real world. So in existance to call it a day in the life of, but in reality I was used and abused. There are no other reasons especially when it STILL continues till the llth hour, and I had to 'calm' the situation' only to find a way out of it. There is relatively little left to 'steal' my heart in four different directions. But take heed I am prepared now, I do not expect further interuptions as I am sick now, truly sick and must get some needed bed rest. To think I was once strong, and now physically sick of what has been the last 3-8 months of pure hell and diviation of cruel manipulation and abuse. I no longer can be a part of this ideal of lies, use and physical choking on nothing but eyes that keep looking for the next 'what is left' for me to take? REally, it sickens me and at the same time, sad that I was so taken in when I was so venerable and truly in need of a friend. Ever feel nothing short of a lie? ANd that he did to me. What really is left? Sounds like a vacation is spent/needed?
Author Cowboy86 Posted August 16, 2006 Author Posted August 16, 2006 Wow that is incredibly deep. Thank you all so far for your replies.
sylviaguardian Posted August 16, 2006 Posted August 16, 2006 Cowboy, First off, it is slightly concerning that you ask how things merit on a sliding scale of infidelity. Cheating is cheating. The point that you reach on the scale won't necessarily match the pain you cause to your partner. In this case I think your partner would be devastated to learn of what you've done. That said, I am advocate of the 'honesty is the best policy' approach. Sure your g/f might be furious and leave you but that is her choice. On the other hand if you explained that you really want the relationship to work and are prepared to try everything to sort yourself out then you might just be able to work on things together. Secrets are like acid. They just slowly rot everything away invisibly. It sounds like you are going to need support anyway in sorting yourself out. You have a serious problem and you know it. Your problem is that you are mucking up your life because you cannot turn down sexual approaches. The question that you have to answer is why? You have met have this wonderful woman who has everything you want...and yet? Maybe you feel that you aren't good enough for her? The manager sounds like an aggressive predator. So why can you not walk away from people like this? That is what you have to ask yourself. Some people enjoy pursuing attached people because they get a buzz from knowing that they have the power to make the so-called happy people give in. And you seem powerless to resist. Why is that? I agree that you need some sort of counselling. The bottom line is that if you don't get help soon you are going to wreck your g/f's life. In the long-term you are also going to wreck your own life. See a counsellor. It could be the best money you ever spent.
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