wing81 Posted August 10, 2006 Posted August 10, 2006 I have been feeling kind of down lately and can't hold my thoughts in any longer. Nothing I do or have done for that matter makes me happy or gives me pride, atleast not for long periods of time. I kind of feel like my purpose in life is to make others happy even at my expense. I don't have many friends and I'm not sure if it is because I try to hard to make people like me or if I am too closed off and won't let many people get close to me. I'm sure by now many of you can tell I have a low self esteem and a lot of these feelings are coming from being single for a while and not being able have a relationship with anyone. It is frustrating at the same time because I have friends who appear to say hi to someone and the next day they are involved with that person. I know am I a great person that has a lot to offer and if I wrote a list of my accomplishments and traits I'm sure many of you would agree. Its just that many of those accomplishments that may impress others don't mean as much to me, I know I am capable of so much more. I don't feel like I have ever tried anything 100%, just enough to get by, which probably means I have a fear of failure. There is a lot I wish was different but I'm not sure where to start. I'm sure there is a lot of random thoughts in there, but thanks for reading. If anyone has any suggestions I would appreciate it.
Brittjean06 Posted August 10, 2006 Posted August 10, 2006 Well I guess you are just at that stage in life where you feel bad about your self, low and that nothing good is happening. I've been there and in fact I am there right now. Never think your purpose here is to make others happy in your expense. If anything try making people happy not in a way where you get low about it but in a way where it makes both people feel good. Hope that makes sense. How old are you? haha I know alot of people asks those questions but I'm sure things will brighten up for you one day. Things take alot of time and patience and patience is a virtue
blind_otter Posted August 10, 2006 Posted August 10, 2006 Find something meaningful to do, either through work or volunteering. It helps you realize that it's healthier to take the focus off of yourself.
lamar_84 Posted August 11, 2006 Posted August 11, 2006 Man, I feel the exact same way wing. I don't know what to do.
fatty Posted August 11, 2006 Posted August 11, 2006 Hey guys, I went/am going through the same thing. I have been seeing a therapist off and on for about a year now. I wouldn't say it has helped me at all, I have realized everything on my own. The problem that I think it is, which I have myself, is perceive my life through the eyes of the others. We need to look at our lives through our own eyes rather than the eyes of the people around us. This is easier said that done, it takes time. You can start by something little, doing one thing a day that makes you happy. It could be anything from sleeping in to eating ice cream on couch. The point is, you should do something each day really small so that when you reflect on your day it will bring a smile to your face. And never make other's happy at your own expense because you allow yourself to get treated like ****. I know this first hand because I used to do this all the time. I am realluy social outgoing person and always made other's happy at my expense. It is ok to make people happy but you have to realize that first and foremost you should be smiling before you can make others laugh. Also who cares if other people think your accomplishments are great. It doesnt mean **** unless you care about it. I started something completely new to help me, picked up a guitar, wrote a blog and the best thing I did joined a gym. I started at 240 lbs now I am 220 lbs and feel great. It will only take you to find yourself, I can say a million things but it wont matter unless you take the initiative to discover what makes you tick.
Author wing81 Posted August 11, 2006 Author Posted August 11, 2006 Thanks for the advice so far. I think I know what I need to do to change but feel kind of powerless to do anything about it right now. I am 25 and working on a Masters so I don't have much time to devote to other activities. I have joined a gym, I got a guitar recently but don't have time to really sit down and play around. I do get out of town once a week to play hockey and have some me time. So am I trying to find different activities with the time I have. I just haven't found what truly makes me happy, just feel like I do some things to kill time. As far as making people happy, I'm not sure if I do so much at my expense as I said earlier but its more of a temporary fix to feel like I accomplished soemthing. I think part of it also goes back to my parents fighting a lot and me trying to keep things civil in the family. I guess I need to focus on what I need to get done and just try and enjoy the rest of my time in school.
Blackfrost Posted August 11, 2006 Posted August 11, 2006 Go pick up a copy of "the idiots guide to meditation". Despite the stupid title, it is a great read. http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/0028644417/002-2332413-1576057?n=283155 Drop all your preconcieved notions of what meditation is, and read the book. You will discover almost complete verbatim chapters talking about what you are talking about here. Meditation does not have to be spiritual in any way: unless want it to be. It's about clearing your mind for 20 minutes a day, and allowing you (in that time) to stop 'doing' and just enjoy 'being' in the moment. It's helped me alot of over the years with being at peace with my demons.
RecordProducer Posted August 11, 2006 Posted August 11, 2006 You didn't provide much information, but I would say you miss three important (for you) things in your life: 1. love (a partner) 2. good friends and all the fun and closeness you need to share with them 3. more challenging and exciting life, regardless of whether it means different job position, more experiences, traveling, meeting new people, engaging in new hobbies... or all of it together. You can't feel truly happy with a mind structure like yours, unless you're passionately investing all your strengths on something significant. Free your mind of all your inhibitions and let your creativity lead you through life. Explore your personality and discover what would make you happy. Push the limits and see how far you can get. Initiation is the only power that causes movement among people. Every door you open show you a new path in life that might change your whole destiny.
loveinlife Posted August 11, 2006 Posted August 11, 2006 In addition to everyone's comments. Here is a good website when I was questioning myself about the purpose or meaning of LIFE: http://users.aristotle.net/~diogenes/meaning1.htm ; click on the links that you have questions on about life.
Sand&Water Posted August 11, 2006 Posted August 11, 2006 Thanks for the advice so far. I think I know what I need to do to change but feel kind of powerless to do anything about it right now. I am 25 and working on a Masters so I don't have much time to devote to other activities. I have joined a gym, I got a guitar recently but don't have time to really sit down and play around. I do get out of town once a week to play hockey and have some me time. So am I trying to find different activities with the time I have. I just haven't found what truly makes me happy, just feel like I do some things to kill time. As far as making people happy, I'm not sure if I do so much at my expense as I said earlier but its more of a temporary fix to feel like I accomplished soemthing. I think part of it also goes back to my parents fighting a lot and me trying to keep things civil in the family. I guess I need to focus on what I need to get done and just try and enjoy the rest of my time in school. I swear, this could have been me writing the above paragraph. I know what you mean, and how you feel. With that said, I suggest you continue along the path you see fit and rounded in regards to your lifestyle. Do activities that will make you happy on the inside. But most importantly, if you don't feel well go see a psychologist for comfort. I want you to keep in mind these words/concepts and how you'd be able to deliver and incorporate them into your life: Exploration, Discovery, Passion, Compassion, Effort, Respect, Honesty, and Imagination. Hope this helps!
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