onefabs Posted August 10, 2006 Posted August 10, 2006 Me - Let’s go to boston for our birthdays!?! My boyfriend (S) - Heck Yeah! This is the text conversation between my boyfriend (S) and myself on Monday night. We live in San Diego, California. We have been dating for over a year. We are both in our late twenties and we have both been married. Brief History [sF’s sister (L) is moving to from California to Boston for school. Her and her husband (G) went to England for a couple months before their move. Their original plan was to go directly to Boston but now she is coming to California first and then going to Boston. Her husband will stay on in England and join her later directly in Boston. SF is moving to New York in January for school.] A couple weeks ago I found out that L will be coming to California before she goes to Boston. When I heard this, I said to SF we should visit her and he agreed that it would be a good idea. We knew she would be here around August 16. We never spoke about it again. Monday night, when I thought about our upcoming birthdays – mine on Sunday September 3, and his on Monday, September 4, Labor Day – I suggested that we go to Boston (to visit his sister) and New York (to see his school). I thought that we could do a bunch of fun things for our birthdays as well as see his sister and school – fun is something we need right now. I have had a job change and has just made an extremely difficult decision to go to school full time in New York. Things have been rough between us, but we both must still want it, if we are trying to make it work. Right? So we look online for over 2 hours for tickets and plan out various scenarios. He says he wants to get L’s plan of when she is going to be in Boston, so we can make our final arrangements. (p.s. this is a dutch vacation). On Tuesday night, over 9pm coffee, SF tells me that he has not such good news about the trip. L has asked him to help her move on the 2nd. I listen intently waiting for the “bad news”… and then he says that L has asked that I do not come along on the 2nd because she would like it to be a day about her, him and their older sister (J). L expressed adamantly that she wanted it to be just the three of them and stated that if I came along, S would be distracted. When S told L, we had planned a trip already, L stated that this is going to be a very emotional day for her and she needs her big brother and she cried. So then he offers me four alternatives:Still go along with the original plan, but hang out in the hotel room while they move/provide emotional support (a choice he later recanted);Fly out on a late flight on Saturday (2nd) and arrive in Boston early Sunday morning (3rd);Fly out on the morning of the 3rd and meet him in Boston orDo not go, and he will meet me back in San Diego on the 3rd and then we will do something when he arrives in the morning (after taking a late flight). I have told S that I understand that he needs to support his sister, but this is a significant birthday for me, and I will not go along with any of his plans. He replied saying he has no choice and he has to be with L, to which I replied, then stay in Boston with L and we will deal with whatever comes up, when he returns. He is angry at me now, saying I am refusing to let him be with me on my birthday, and also told me today that I am ruining his birthday because I am not letting him be with me. Please help me…. Am I being irrational? He says he does not have a choice – does he? Where there not other alternatives? Should he have been more adamant with L instead of just giving in to her request? Should he have stood his ground and said I am coming with?
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