Does this sound like a problem? Do I just miss her because I was "With" someone?

[Abercrombie]

Long story short (hopefully). I met a girl through a girlfriend of a friend. The night we spent together we got drunk and she ended up getting sick. I have a phobia of vomiting but I went into the bathroom and rubbed her back while she spewed her lungs out. Why? I don't know. So we spent that night together (we didn't do anything but cuddle) and then the next day I was hung over REALY REALY bad. They all had plans to go to somones college graudation party but i realy didn't feel like going. She begged me to go and I finally gave in. I wasn't too attracted to her but was a little. At first I distanced my self from her. Didn't call much nor talk to her. Then after a while we began hanging around everyday and night. Then I asked her out one night. We talked about past relationships and realised that she was friends with my other ex in school. I dated her for 3 years. She also got out of an abusive relationship a few months prior to meeting her.

 

The thing I'm wanting to know is this. I got a DUI about 6 months before I met her. I couldn't drive and became jobless. She offered to pay for things left and right, and I declined because I didn't want to look like a bum. After awhile I gave in to small things, like her buying cigarrettes and movies and whatnot (I'm not realy a loser, I hit rock bottom and shouldn't have even been dating) So after awhile it became custom for her to come to my house around 8 and stay til 12, every night. Either that or we would hang out with my friends (they were hers to) I was a bit mean to her and all I can say is it's not usually like me. I pushed her away, I told her a few tad bit mean things. Then one night we got into a stupid arguement and I told her "not to call me, peace" and hung up. Three days later we broke up and she said she was not ready to be in a committed relationship, that she just got out of a 3 year relationship and was not gonna deal with another bad one. I did not feel anything for her until she left. Now I feel like I HAVE to have her back. I feel she has seen a side of me that she shouldn't have as I am not the ******* mean person.

 

 

Does it seem like I just want her back because I can't have her back? I mean I break down in tears over some girl I dated for two months. I did realise however that she is a very good girl. She is supportive and would do anything for her boyfriend, as long as it doesn't cross certain boundaries. So we talked about the whole friend thing, I tryed to make it clear to her that I am not an ******* and am realy a nice person. The friends thing does not seem to be working because she will say she will call me, but does not. Somehow, someway, I have got to have this problem either stopped or fixed. And I do not know what to do. I realy do care for this girl and I want her to see the actual person inside of me, and not the ******* I was (I dunno why I was) when we were together.

[insomnie]

You sound like an @$$hole, but I guess you knew that already. It sounds like you are all about the chase in this situation. This girl offered you her love, friendship, support, etc....and you basically abused it. Instead of giving anything back, you more or less led her on (you say you weren't all that attracted to her to begin with, right?) and treated her like crap. You don't do that to someone you genuinely care about or even like.

 

In my experience, people are always far more desirable right after a breakup, especially if you weren't together for very long. It's a matter of regret, plus wanting what you can't have, plus people seeming far more desirable when you aren't sure what they're up to. I've felt devasted over breakups like yours, too, even ones initiated by me...but in hindsight, I wasn't all that into the guys in the first place. It was just my emotions talking. I was misreading them. Feeling guilt, regret, and rejection, and interpretting that as "love". Don't be tricked. You didn't love her, or even care about her. If you had, you wouldn't have treated her the way you did the first time around.

 

Give yourself a chance to find someone who really blows you away. Someone whose love and friendship you won't disrespect like this girl's. And give her a chance to find someone better for her, too.

 

And...perhaps stop drinking so much.

[Abercrombie]

You see I'm not realy an ******* though, I just have crap going on in my life right now.

 

 

 

I quit drinking also.