justanotherniceguy Posted August 9, 2006 Posted August 9, 2006 Am I being retarded or...? I know you guys will probably say I am an idiot for what I am about to tell you but this is what has transpired between my ex-girlfriend and I yesterday. (For the history behind us you can search and read my prior posts) Let’s see where to start. She left me a voice mail while I was at work saying please call me I would like to talk to you and hope you are having a great day. It was actually the first time since she dumped me 1 month ago that she seemed upbeat to talk to me and not upset. So I called her back and within the first few minutes she asked “How did you know and can tell that I am not that into my new boyfriend?” I said that I could tell by her voice since we have known each other for 7 years that she was not really into him. I then asked how she really felt about him and she said that she does not know and when asked why she did this to me she once again said she did not know and if she could of taken it back then she would. She told me that he is not better than me and I told her that her family thinks she made a big mistake and stepped back several grades with him compared to me. She herself said she knows how her family feels about him and knows that he has no job, education, or ambition. I told her that I would rather see her with a more successful and established guy than the one she is with now. I told her my parents are coming into town to discuss everything that has happened to me the past month and about us. She immediately was concerned that my family would hate her and if we got back together things would be weird and difficult. My parents have already said that if we were to get back together and I was happy that they were willing to accept her into our family again. She asked then if we were going to discuss a divorce and I said that it has not come up. She then said well it is not something that she wants right now. I told her that I am using the current time apart to find myself because I have not been single for 7 years and that I am not really looking to get into another relationship right now. She asked if it was ever possible that we could get back together and if I could forgive her for what she did. I honestly said that I still love her and care for her very much. And I would be willing to work at a possible new relationship if she was completely willing to work at it also. I then told her I was surprised that she was already in a new relationship when in the past she said that if we broke up she would not date anyone for awhile. She then said that she should of taken time off from dating like she said in the past to see what she really wanted. Because she said right now she does not know what she wants. She told me that our long distance relationship was very hard to her and she missed the physical connection the most. Not sexual but hugging, kissing, cuddling. I told her now that I am done training with my new job that I can visit anytime she wishes. And that I would love to visit and go out to dinner and a movie, etc. But then I said I respect her new relationship but that I do not accept it because I think she could do way better and that I would not visit if it would cause issues with her man. She said she would like to do those things and that her new man would have to accept it. I told her her family asked me to visit and she was surprised and actually sounded happy that they said that. She asked me why I was being so nice to her and understanding. I told her because I still love her and care for her and that I am here for her. She told me that I am the greatest guy in the world and that I do not deserve her. I told her that she is right. But that I think she made a wrong decision and I know that she is confused right now. And I am here to pick her up when she has fallen and be there for her. I told her that she is probably afraid that if she breaks up with her new guy that he will hate her and not talk to her. I said if he really did care and love you that he would understand the tough time she is going thru and give her the space she needed. I ended with telling her that I am willing to be her friend but only if she treats me as one. Because somehow I believe things will not work out with them and that she will realize she wants to be with me. I told her I knew she cared about me a lot and that she does not love me anymore. She said that is not true about not loving me anymore. I told her it was not fair to him if she is not that into him. She responded that she is going to hell for what she has done and is doing. And I asked if he can tell that she is not that into him and she said she does not know. Also she said it was weird to see my myspace profile list that I am single. She did tell me that she was at his place last night but then as soon as she left his place she called me and we talked for over 2 hours. To be honest I am not waiting for her, I am currently talking to other woman to see where things go with them. But if things would possibly work out between her and I and not them then I would give it a chance but could not promise anything. She told me they have only kissed and not even a passionate kiss. Am I being retarded for being so nice to her and understanding? I mean it does not hurt me as much as before that she is with him because I have hope that they will not work out with everything she is telling me. And how every time she talks to me she get emotional and she said that does not happen when she talks to him. I keep telling myself to try no contact but I am not sure that would help us or hurt us. To be honest I do not want to give up. Let me hear all of your advice...and please give it to me straight. Thanks for everything!
norajane Posted August 9, 2006 Posted August 9, 2006 We can't search your past posts as you've newly registered. I think NC is best so she can figure out what she wants without having you as a support system and backup. Sounds like she went out to see if the grass was greener and is finding that it isn't, so she's feeling you out to see how long you'll hang around waiting for her to stop dating this other guy. If she really wanted some time to figure out how she feels about YOU, she wouldn't have jumped into another relationship. That she did gives me the impression she wanted to see if she could find something better. I'm really confused on this: She asked then if we were going to discuss a divorce and I said that it has not come up. I thought you said she was your girlfriend, not your wife.
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