I AM PREGNANT (my thoughts about it)

[quankanne]

RP, if this helps any:

 

I just now found out that my nephew and his wife, who have been together since their last year in high school, are expecting a baby next spring. He's been dragging his feet about the whole baby issue, even though she's been very open about wanting to start a family. He'd keep telling her, "well, we've got to pay off our wedding ... we need to make a dent in the mortgage ... we need to pay off the new car ... the boat ... the trailer for the boat ..." and she's gone along with it the whole time. I don't know if this whole thing has taken them by surprise, or if he's taken a serious look at the baby thing because he turns 30 in a couple of months or if he's finally, finally realized that he is not going to repeat the mistakes his parents made, but I understand he's over the moon about this baby.

 

I have no doubts he'll be a great daddy – he's a wonderful little guy in general and with kids – I think he just needed time to get past his worries and understand that sometimes, the good stuff in life is worth making that scary leap.

 

so even as you go through the back-and-forth issue with this pregnancy, take heart that things often turn out for the best whatever the decision may be.

 

hugs,

quank

[FredTravels]

Ya know, I think I will never take him seriously if he makes me and lets me abort this baby. Because he's very tied to his family, especially his brother and I will see that as a personal rejection - he doesn't want to have any close ties with me. I am not his family, his twin brother is the one he loves most. In that case, I will turn to my own life and eventually we'll grow apart. But who knows?

 

Yesterday he called me: "A beautiful wife I can travel with." I can find 1000 other men who will find me a beautiful lady to travel with.

 

 

WTF Girl. In case you cannot read between the lines, do you allow your husband to MAKE you abort a baby? You know that he loves his twin brother more than you? You say that eventually you will grow apart.

 

What an odd statement and a bit extortionistic is you ask me. You are a beautiful wife I can travel with. WTF does that mean. But you are not good enough for other things? I know 1000 men who can find me beautiful ladies. Again WTF? Sounds to me like he is saying that he is looking for eye candy and currently you are it. But don't count on it if you have this kid.

 

There seem to be a LOT of issues in yoru "marraige" the least of which is the possibility that you are now preggers.

[RecordProducer]

So I have no other options left but to abort the baby. I feel terrible. I resent him. I hate his airplane and flying in general.

 

He came home from work and said he made up his mind: if it were for him, he didn't plan it and he wouldn't have it, but he wants to make me happy so let's have it.

 

I thought he wasn't sure, but still accepted it. However, I asked him if he was excited about the baby and he said NO. He added that he didn't want to get excited until we decided what to do. I thought we decided to keep it, but obviously he was hoping that I would change my mind. And I did.

 

I asked if he would love the child and he said "Of course." I suggested that we announce my pregnancy to everyone and he said he didn't feel like it, he was tired. He looked very sad and disappointed. Obviously this child is totally unwanted on his part.

 

So I asked him if he had a magic wand, would he make the child disappear and he said YES.

Then I said: "Well just tell me to abort it and it will disappear."

He said: "Abort it."

I said: "Fine. I will."

 

I told him I would schedule an abortion tomorrow and I told him that he chose stupid flying and a f*cking airplane over our child. He tried to defend himself, but I told him he could fly all by himself and be proud that he made me abort our baby because of his flying. He still denies that it's the flying, he says it's all the work around a baby. I told him that people who don't want children don't deserve to have them. I certainly don't want to have a child that is unwanted by his father. That situation wouldn't make me happy for sure!

 

How will this affect our marriage? We'll see. I certainly resent him for his choices. He made his ex-wife abort their baby also. They were not married at the time and he wasn't sure he was going to marry her so that was the reason. Now we're married and the reasons are different. He obviously doesn't want any kids. Yet he is a great dad to my kids and claims he wouldn't have married me without them.

 

I will have the abortion ASAP, before my boobs and uterus start to grow. I really didn't expect something like this from him. He asked me so many times about children and said sometimes he wanted one, sometimes not, because of his age. But now he is sure he doesn't want it when it already exists.

 

I told him I hoped he never regrets this decision and he said he hopes that too. I don't see any hesitation in his heart. He is sure he wants to get rid of the baby.

 

God knows why this is better for me and my kids. Maybe the child would be defective and God is sending me a message to not have it. I just want to believe that I am not simply abandoning this baby like it's a piece of trash. I've had an abortion before, right after my kids' birth and I didn't feel this way. I took the home test, said "Sh*t! It's positive. I'm having an abortion." I did and never thought about it again.

 

Right now I can't even hear his voice. He makes me sick. The SIL will find out that I got pregnant and he made me abort our child. That will give everyone an even bigger incentive to treat me like a temporary piece of crap that will be trashed some day too.

 

But of course all those vanity-related things don't matter. Mom told me "whatever happens, it will be good."

 

I am turning to my music now and will pursue my career. I'll enjoy my two sons and my music. I'll try to make friends too. I hope to make money some day soon and I'll travel with my kids, not with his stupid airplane that was more important than our child.

 

I really think this is for the better for everyone that I love. It was what was meant to be. Some people can't have children and some don't want to even give them a chance to be born.

 

I can tell you one thing: there is no difference between me and any woman that had a one-night stand with some guy and got pregnant from him. The marriage certificate means nothing in this case. He is just a guy who got me pregnant and now wants me to get rid of it.

 

I don't buy the "I will love it for sure" story. He played the emotional game and knew exactly that I would abort it if he shows me how unhappy he is about this baby.

 

He wants the baby to die. So why would I condemn my child and myself to such emotional pain as to bring it to this world as a persona non grata?

 

Thank you everyone endlessly for your support and shoulder and ear. You've been wonderful to me and I don't know how I would have gone through this without you.

 

He just told me: "Honey, you can have the baby if you want it." I told him: "Yeah and you can have the sausage from the fridge. I don't want it." He said he would support me if I had it. I know he would love the baby, but he doesn't want it. So I guess there is nothing more to say. He is trying to be understanding and sweet, but at this point I feel like the connection between us has been torn. Maybe I'll get over it, maybe not.

 

I told him that he has close ties to his family but refuses to have them with me, that he wants his twin brother to be the one he loves most. He said it wasn't that.

 

I asked him about snipping and he said he would think about it. I asked why "think about it" when he definitely doesn't want this baby and thinks that 3 kids is too much and he is too old and doesn't want the baby work. What's the point of being fertile if we're going to kill this fetus?

 

I'll "make him" snip himself like he wants me to abort the baby. Let's see how easy it will be for him to give up his chance to have offsprings.

 

Alexandra, I don't know why you say "even more upset." I've never been upset with you and you didn't say anything that would possibly upset me. I think you made some relay good point about the connection between you and me, the other part of your post was a little unclear to me.

 

Hokey, that just convinced me that unwanted children don't go easily through life. Norajane, thanks for your kindness and understanding.

[RecordProducer]

Have the kid. At most, you won't be able to travel for a couple years 'till the new kid can wear the earphones. In the meantime, you can use the baby as an excuse to not travel, which you hate anyway. Two years FLY by - it'll be gone before either of you knows it. Then husband can teach the kid to fly when she's 10 and she can get into the Guinness Book or something.

You said "she."

 

I was hoping it was a girl. Thanks for trying to make it sound so easy, but I can't complicate my life by having an unwanted child, regardless of whether it's from my official husband or as a result of a drunken sex with a one-ngiht stand.

 

Fred, he didn't mean "beautiful" as in sexy and pretty. He meant "good wife whose company he enjoys, wants to travel and enjoy with" (read: fly!)

[whichwayisup]

He definitely doesn't want the baby!

 

I'm sorry to hear that. Though I don't think enough time has passed for any final decisions. You both need to spend a day together and really talk about this, away from his family, your kids. Be alone together. Reallly open up and talk - Weigh all the options, good, and bad. Explain to him how you feel, and listen to eachother. Hopefully you'll both agree to the right choice which will make you both feel content...

 

So I have no other options left but to abort the baby. I feel terrible. I resent him. I hate his airplane and flying in general.

 

Honey, I hate to say this , but this sort of statement is sort of the beginning of the end. I know you're venting and stuff, but I can tell how this is making you feel.

 

He came home from work and said he made up his mind: if it were for him, he didn't plan it and he wouldn't have it, but he wants to make me happy so let's have it.

I thought he wasn't sure, but still accepted it. However, I asked him if he was excited about the baby and he said NO. He added that he didn't want to get excited until we decided what to do. I thought we decided to keep it, but obviously he was hoping that I would change my mind. And I did.

 

Well, as I said, take more time, really openly talk about this. I do believe he'll love the baby no matter what and one day he won't be able to imagine his life without this baby, or what his life was like before the baby...

 

I asked if he would love the child and he said "Of course." I suggested that we announce my pregnancy to everyone and he said he didn't feel like it, he was tired. He looked very sad and disappointed. Obviously this child is totally unwanted on his part.

 

Right now, because he wasn't expecting it. But once he hears the heartbeat and sees the ultrasound, I bet he will feel differently.

 

So I asked him if he had a magic wand, would he make the child disappear and he said YES.

Then I said: "Well just tell me to abort it and it will disappear."

He said: "Abort it."

I said: "Fine. I will."

 

That's a very assholish thing for him to say. Selfish and mean actually. What was his "tone" when said that? Just curious.

 

I told him I would schedule an abortion tomorrow and I told him that he chose stupid flying and a f*cking airplane over our child. He tried to defend himself, but I told him he could fly all by himself and be proud that he made me abort our baby because of his flying. He still denies that it's the flying, he says it's all the work around a baby. I told him that people who don't want children don't deserve to have them. I certainly don't want to have a child that is unwanted by his father. That situation wouldn't make me happy for sure!

 

Again, and I harp on this. TAKE the time together to sit and talk about this. No rash choice can be made. BOTH of you are emotional right now, reacting. And you know NO decision should be made under this much emotion.

 

How will this affect our marriage? We'll see. I certainly resent him for his choices. He made his ex-wife abort their baby also. They were not married at the time and he wasn't sure he was going to marry her so that was the reason. Now we're married and the reasons are different. He obviously doesn't want any kids. Yet he is a great dad to my kids and claims he wouldn't have married me without them.

 

Ofcourse if he makes you have this abortion and you want this child, it's the beginning of the end for you two. You'll resent him and maybe grow to hate him eventually. I know I would if I were in your shoes. especially if I wanted the baby.

 

IF he never wanted to kids to begin with, he should have had a SNIP a long time ago so this would not happen. He is responsible as well. People who say NO KIDS, should DO something about it and not have to rely on someone else for BC.

 

I will have the abortion ASAP, before my boobs and uterus start to grow. I really didn't expect something like this from him. He asked me so many times about children and said sometimes he wanted one, sometimes not, because of his age. But now he is sure he doesn't want it when it already exists.

 

Age. Bullcrap! He's still young enough and is healthy. My bro in law is 50 and has to girls, 8 and 5. He's fine, he's healthy, active and yeah, he's abit tired, but so what. He's got 2 amazing little girls (thanks to my sis!) in his life now!

 

I told him I hoped he never regrets this decision and he said he hopes that too. I don't see any hesitation in his heart. He is sure he wants to get rid of the baby.

 

Again, time...Talk this out and make sure it's a calm conversation.

 

God knows why this is better for me and my kids. Maybe the child would be defective and God is sending me a message to not have it. I just want to believe that I am not simply abandoning this baby like it's a piece of trash. I've had an abortion before, right after my kids' birth and I didn't feel this way. I took the home test, said "Sh*t! It's positive. I'm having an abortion." I did and never thought about it again.

 

Don't look back like that and don't look to the future like that. You're going to stress yourself and right now you don't need that.

 

Right now I can't even hear his voice. He makes me sick. The SIL will find out that I got pregnant and he made me abort our child. That will give everyone an even bigger incentive to treat me like a temporary piece of crap that will be trashed some day too.

 

I don't know about that. I think honestly, most would look at him like WTF is wrong with YOU! (meaning HIM) This isn't a reflection on you, this is all about him and his not wanting to change his life for you. Hello! Marriage is about compromise and sharing. Not controlling and demanding.

 

But of course all those vanity-related things don't matter. Mom told me "whatever happens, it will be good."

 

I am turning to my music now and will pursue my career. I'll enjoy my two sons and my music. I'll try to make friends too. I hope to make money some day soon and I'll travel with my kids, not with his stupid airplane that was more important than our child.

 

I really think this is for the better for everyone that I love. It was what was meant to be. Some people can't have children and some don't want to even give them a chance to be born.

 

I can tell you one thing: there is no difference between me and any woman that had a one-night stand with some guy and got pregnant from him. The marriage certificate means nothing in this case. He is just a guy who got me pregnant and now wants me to get rid of it.

 

I don't buy the "I will love it for sure" story. He played the emotional game and knew exactly that I would abort it if he shows me how unhappy he is about this baby.

 

 

He wants the baby to die. So why would I condemn my child and myself to such emotional pain as to bring it to this world as a persona non grata?

 

You know, he's going to feel like a pile of CRAP if you have a miscarriage. It's unforgivable if he actually said that to you RP. That's f**k'n bull***** my dear.

 

Thank you everyone endlessly for your support and shoulder and ear. You've been wonderful to me and I don't know how I would have gone through this without you.

 

He just told me: "Honey, you can have the baby if you want it." I told him: "Yeah and you can have the sausage from the fridge. I don't want it." He said he would support me if I had it. I know he would love the baby, but he doesn't want it. So I guess there is nothing more to say. He is trying to be understanding and sweet, but at this point I feel like the connection between us has been torn. Maybe I'll get over it, maybe not.

 

I told him that he has close ties to his family but refuses to have them with me, that he wants his twin brother to be the one he loves most. He said it wasn't that.

 

I asked him about snipping and he said he would think about it. I asked why "think about it" when he definitely doesn't want this baby and thinks that 3 kids is too much and he is too old and doesn't want the baby work. What's the point of being fertile if we're going to kill this fetus?

 

I'll "make him" snip himself like he wants me to abort the baby. Let's see how easy it will be for him to give up his chance to have offsprings.

 

This is a very awful and stressful few days for you and him. I feel for you.

 

Hugs.

[quankanne]

RP, I know you're hurting and disappointed right now, and I'd give my right arm to not have that happen. Just promise yourself some time – maybe the weekend – to reassess your plan of action. Because as upset as you are with him now, you don't need to rake yourself over coals later for acting rashly over such a huge decision. And, as WWIU has pointed out, it would give you time to both talk this thing through rather than acting on initial instincts. You say that maybe this is God's way of sending you a message not to have it … maybe this is him telling you he wants you to be happy with your child of love even if your husband is being a jackass about things right now.

[crazy_grl]

Hey RP, I've been reading the thread but haven't commented til now cause I had nothing useful to add.

 

I'm so sorry your husband isn't excited about the baby.

 

It sounds like you two aren't really communicating your feelings about this. Does he know how much this means to you? Does he know why you decided to keep the baby and how it hurts that he doesn't want it as well? If you haven't, you need to tell him some of these things you've told us (without arguing or accusing him).

 

I hope this all works out for the best. *hugs*

[amaysngrace]

I have a question and this may seem odd, well actually a couple of questions for you RP.

 

Did he legally adopt your sons? And is he worth a lot of money?

 

The only reason I think this may be his drawback is because the only people I know who have their own planes have a relatively good bit of money.

 

I don't mean to put a thought there if it's completely unwarranted, but you hear about some men on LS talking as though they'd take their net worth into consideration. And a baby would definitely up the ante if you two were to ever split up.

 

But if he's adopted your sons, forget all that.

[RecordProducer]

Really open up and talk - Weigh all the options, good, and bad. Explain to him how you feel, and listen to each other. Hopefully you'll both agree to the right choice which will make you both feel content...

He wanted to make a decision on his own. And he did.

 

 

 

Honey, I hate to say this , but this sort of statement is sort of the beginning of the end. I know you're venting and stuff, but I can tell how this is making you feel.

It's possible.

 

Well, as I said, take more time, really openly talk about this. I do believe he'll love the baby no matter what and one day he won't be able to imagine his life without this baby, or what his life was like before the baby...

For a moment this made my heart fly and I was thinking "Yes, I will have it and he'll love it." But I really believe in freedom of choice and can't force him to be a father, just like I wouldn't want to be forced to be a mother. Besides, what if he turns out to resent fatherhood and act like "hey, I didn't want this in the first place"?

 

My last pregnancy was not so emotionally pleasant, ex and I had problems. I don't want a pregnancy that will be even harder for me emotionally. I don't want to see his face showing "Damn it, this baby will pop up in a few months... I really don't look forward to it." I don't want to ask him about names and hear him saying: "yeah, whatever..." I don't want to hear him saying "Ehhh, if we didn't have the baby, we would have flown to XY today."

 

All these things would make me resent him even more, hate the fact that I am married to him, and regret that I ever got pregnant. He asked me 20 min ago if I want the baby or HIM to want the baby. I said those two obviously should go together. He said he loves me and I could have it, but he didn't plan it. I said "OK, I obviously thought that you'd be thrilled, I got signals from you that you wanted one, and I was wrong. But now that the baby is here, you don't want it. It already has a brain, your genes, and my genes, it has a gender - it's a girl or a boy... but you don't want your child. You already have a baby - that heartless machine, a bunch of aluminum and a piece of sh*t. YOU want to kill this child so YOU find a hospital for the abortion - the murderer of your child! I have to admit it will break my heart to spend hours calling and asking about prices of abortion 'how much will it cost to kill my child?' "

 

Now he is changing his story into "I love you and want the baby" but only because he saw me hurt and realized that I would resent him forever. I don't want this to be a blackmail - let's have the baby or divorce eventually out of my resentment. If he honestly wants it - good. If not, I can't torture myself and go through all the pain. My kids told me to have it anyways and why do I care that he doesn't want it? Eh, kids!

 

Right now, because he wasn't expecting it. But once he hears the heartbeat and sees the ultrasound, I bet he will feel differently.

I can bet you in $100 but not in my child's life. What if I lose? What if his feelings never change?

 

That's a very assholish thing for him to say. Selfish and mean actually. What was his "tone" when said that? Just curious.

It's very interesting that you asked this, because he was napping when he said "Yes, abort it." But he didn't change his mind when he woke up. I don't think he is being an ass, he feels very bad about the whole situation, I can tell.

 

Again, and I harp on this. TAKE the time together to sit and talk about this. No rash choice can be made. BOTH of you are emotional right now, reacting. And you know NO decision should be made under this much emotion.

I don't have time, honey. I have to see when they can schedule an abortion. I want to do it ASAP. The later the harder.

 

BTW, I called my doctor's office two days ago and they scheduled me for September 5th. I was like "What?!" so they squeezed me into August 21st. I think that's outrageous. We pay $13,000 for medical insurance for the 4 of us per year and they leave a pregnant woman without a doctor's appointment for a whole month?!?!? Bastards!!! :mad: Hubby told me to change the office. I told him this is a third-world-country type of thing and he agreed. In Europe you get an appointment right away if you're pregnant or have a problem (other than regular checkup).

 

I don't know about that. I think honestly, most would look at him like WTF is wrong with YOU! (meaning HIM) This isn't a reflection on you, this is all about him and his not wanting to change his life for you. Hello! Marriage is about compromise and sharing. Not controlling and demanding.

 

You know, he's going to feel like a pile of CRAP if you have a miscarriage. It's unforgivable if he actually said that to you RP. That's f**k'n bull***** my dear.

No, he didn't say he wanted me to have a miscarriage. Actually I asked him and he said "no." But I told him that lifting weight is strongly recommended to be AVOIDED by pregnant women so I quit the gym during the pregnancy (this was when I thought I was keeping it) and an hour ago I told him to wake me up at 9 am for the gym. he asked me to not let the kids get hurt in the gym. He didn't ask me to NOT go until we finalize our decision (abort, that is). So I think he'd be glad if I miscarried it, but hey, he didn't say anything like that.

 

Hugs

Hugs back and thanks for everything to you and Quankanne and CrazyGirl.

 

P.S. I feel the uterus hurting a little - that's because it's growing. My baby is growing up. It's already a future man or woman... without future.

[RecordProducer]

Did he legally adopt your sons? And is he worth a lot of money?

 

No, because they have a father who loves them and used to see them and talk to him on the phone regularly. He said he would gladly adopt them, but he wouldn't want to do that to my ex, even if he signed. Personally I think adopting your wife's kids is stupid and not necessarily genuine. Men usually do it out of love for the woman, not for the kids.

 

My husband is worth good money, but I don't see much of it. We live a modest life in a small house (will build a bigger one next spring), we obviously don't go on vacations unless he gets to fly (didn't go this year cuz his airplane is not ready yet) and he thought it wasn't right for me to go with the kids without him. I save on food, I don't really buy clothes much and except for my $10,000 car, I don't see any difference between my life now and before. Of course we spend a lot of money on flying! Also life in the US is very expensive.

 

It's possible that he relates those two though just like you did. Thanks for pointing it out. I am really grateful you opened a new field for discussion.

 

However, if he wanted the child, there would be nothing there to stop him. He claims he's determined to spend the rest of his life with me. Plus I am obviously willing to abort it since he doesn't want it.

 

The airplane is a little 6-seater propeller bird. It's not a jet, ya know. You don't have to be rich to own a plane. He is wealthy, but not rich.

[burning 4 revenge]

Are you holding up okay Irena?

[Alexandra]

That is just awful, I'm really sorry to hear it, RP. Here, have some more hugs, despite how they probably won't accomplish much.

 

PLEASE think about WWIU's POV and give yourself several more days. If nothing else at least you'll have time to express what you really feel to him. Try and see that although entertwined, these are two separate issues, your baby and your marriage. Ideally there is a solution to have them both safe. You just need to find it together. If you do go through with it despite not wanting to and after not having REALLY talked openly with him, you know you'll be damaging your marriage too...

 

I completely understand how you feel torn, how you don't want it to be blackmail, how you want to respect the principle of free choice but not at your expense. All that. A real carrousel. Try and don't play any games, try and remember that he can't really read your mind, that you owe it to the both of you to tell him in clear, non-confrontational terms how you feel about this. It's not the first time something he decides gives you emotional pain, you're liable to fall into a pattern of this and sooner or later it will spell doom. Find a way to do what WWIU said, find some time to be with him and tell him all you told us, please.

 

Consider that flying, money, age are not all there is to it. He's simply afraid and he hasn't even expressed that to you. There was much talk and little amount of confessions about who feels what. You BOTH need to do that. Who knows, maybe hearing his true feelings about this -if you manage to get them out of him- will either make you sympathise to the point that you feel 100% on board with the abortion idea, or crystalize your need to have the baby, either way it will give you very valuable insight into him, yourself and your marriage.

 

More importantly, stay strong. I have faith you're going to find the right solution. Together.

[RecordProducer]

Alexandra, thank you very much for your reply.

 

All he had to say was what he already said many times: he wanted to travel and enjoy, he didn't want to start from diapers now that the boys are big, he doesn't feel like doing baby chores, the life with a baby is different, 3 children is too much... but if it would make me happy to have this baby, he wants to make me happy, he will support my decision, and love the child in any case, because all parents do and he knows himself. However he is not thrilled about it and if it depended on him, he wouldn't keep it. He didn't plan it and doesn't want it.

 

So he is not a complete ass, but I don't want a child from a man who doesn't want it. I can still have it and remain "politically correct" since he gave me the green light to do whatever makes me happy, right? How cute!

[Great Gazoo]

I was very happy for you at the start of this but after reading everything I just kinda feel sad. With all the problems that me and L had in the past year with trying to have a child and the death and then the etopic pregnancy I find this subject very difficult and I think it would be best if I just don't say much. You really don't want me to get in my depressing bitchy mood. I know this is a hard decision to make because you have such a love for children. I think a decision like this you have to make it as much with your heart as your brain and in the end YOU have to be able to live with yourself about the decision.

[Outcast]

How, exactly does he get the deciding vote? How does his resentment of you if he can't fly (mind you, he could have a stroke tomorrow and not be able to fly) outweigh your resentment of him for being unwilling to welcome this child? Is this just the man always wins?

[RecordProducer]

Hey, Great Gazoo, it's nice to see you posting in my thread! Thank you!

 

I can imagine how someone with your experiences can possibly feel about a situation like this. Ya know, my mom told me she couldn't see me as a mother of 3. Perhaps she was right.

[Great Gazoo]

I wont tell you what my mother told me, lol. Your welcome about the post. Just don't rush your decision, make sure its what you want and just take care. Either way atleast you can say your a good mom to 2, thats something in itself.

[Guest]

Do I think it's stupid to have another child? No - we are married, financially stable, and intend to be together 'till the end. It's not like I am 21, single, my BF doesn't know whether he's serious with me, and I am unemployed and un-educated.

:

 

 

i was 20, single, didnt know if i was serious about my boyfriend, working a ****ty waitress job and less than halfway through my college education.

 

i am now 23, still single, GLAD i wasnt serious about him, working a ****ty receptionist job and about two semesters away from finishing stage 1 of my education (i want my masters) with the most beautiful little girl in the world who i love dearly and live and die for.

 

my point being, this child will be the greatest thing to happen too you regardless of the situation surrounding it. good luck and have fun!

[RecordProducer]

I hope the congratulations will stop after the abortion..

 

What? I have to laugh at myself, not just cry and feel bad, right?

[littlekitty]

Hey RP!

 

Sorry to hear what you're going through at the moment. I wish you all the strength you need, and hope things work out for the best.

[lindya]

he is not a complete ass, but I don't want a child from a man who doesn't want it. I can still have it and remain "politically correct" since he gave me the green light to do whatever makes me happy, right? How cute!

 

I can understand the importance to you of him wanting this child as much as you do. He sounds very uncertain and ambivalent about it all, but it does seem that he's giving you the message that if you want to have the baby he will stand by that.

 

It's not ideal, but I'm not certain what more he could do. If he doesn't feel like jumping for joy about this, that's not something anyone can either condemn or approve. Those are just his feelings - and I'm sure you wouldn't want him to fake something that he didn't really feel.

 

I can only urge you to take a realistic stance here. How much do you want to have this baby? Is the fact that your husband isn't jumping for joy enough reason to go for a termination? Sometimes people just don't give us the reaction we'd dream of, but it doesn't mean they don't care and won't provide their support.

 

I'm going to say something you'll hate me for, but I'm putting myself in your husband's shoes here, reading your posts and thinking to myself that he might well be feeling right now that in 8 months time he's going to have four children to take care of.

 

It's time to put the drama aside, RP, sit down and talk to your husband and reach some kind of compromise. That compromise is never going to result in either of you having some fairytale lifestyle where everything works out exactly as you want it to. It might well involve him putting his flying hobby to one side, and you accepting support without having an expectation that it will come wrapped up in the beautiful, tenderly romantic package you would dream of.

 

The honeymoon's over, RP. Can you going to accept that, and start making this situation work without needing to be treated like a princess 24/7?

[justagirliegirl]

I'm sorry about the situation. Not much else to say about it.

 

It just seems on both sides there is a bit of immaturity and like for drama. You put yourself into this situation on purpose by deliberately stopping your birth control.

 

I really do see his side. He is 50 years old and I would not want to start a family at 50. No, I would like it after the fact either. Then again, if he really never wanted kids, he should have gotten snipped years ago.

[FredTravels]

The drama is unreal here. I lost track of the haveit/abortit count. I still seee him as controlling--perhaps in a reverse psychological way.

 

At 50 he can surely father a kid--Tony Randall did when he was 72, and I can understand his resistance--he will be a senior citizen when the kid will be in high school.

 

But, it seems that he is putting his selfish self before all others. I dont want to love my wife as much as my brother, I would rather fly a plane than tend to my family...etc.

 

Out of curiosity, did your marriage make you a US citizen? What about your kids? Maybe he is sitting there looking at a possible divorce (you have said he made his ex get an abortion and has had some affairs in the past)--certainly a kid would put an 18 yr whammy on his checkbook, and alimony too. But if you are not a citizen, I am not sure how the laws would work.

 

To be honest here, I think it is time that you take control of your life. You do what is right for you regardless of your hubby. If he wants to be along for the ride, he will hop on. But I see him going down his own track and with very little hesitation will leave you at the station. Get a job, start to save some money IN YOUR OWN ACCOUNT and plan for a life as a single mom of three. People do it all the time!

 

And, I would not "price shop" for abortions RP. Spending hours to see who can do it the cheapest is not the answer. Go to a reputable place (if that is your choice) that will insure your safety and dignity.

 

I find it odd that he is wealthy and owns a plane, just sold a business and is CEO for 5 years, yet apparently allows you to drive a reconditioned Pinto (ok so an exaggeration but you said a $10K car), and you say that your life (other than the car) has changed very little from eastern Europe.

[RecordProducer]

Lindya, your post makes a lot of sense and I want to thank you and reply quickly to you before I post our final decision about this.

 

Also I feel like you understand me because you're from Europe where abortion is not taboo.

I can understand the importance to you of him wanting this child as much as you do. ...I can only urge you to take a realistic stance here. How much do you want to have this baby?

The fact is, I wasn't 100% sure myself. I cam here to think about it out loud and got myself all worked up and overly emotional about the baby. In the meanwhile, I got disappointed that he didn't want the baby so it lost the meaning. As my mom said "If you are unsure and he is unsure then why have it?" She is the only one who figured that I wasn't sure. Or I was more expressive with her on the phone.

 

he might well be feeling right now that in 8 months time he's going to have four children to take care of.

Who is the 4th child? Me?

 

It's time to put the drama aside, RP, sit down and talk to your husband and reach some kind of compromise.

We did and the resume follows.

The honeymoon's over, RP.

Actually now that the baby is out of the picture, the honeymoon is just starting! (This is something that Alpha would like )

[RecordProducer]

It just seems on both sides there is a bit of immaturity and like for drama. You put yourself into this situation on purpose by deliberately stopping your birth control.

Gosh, I love to get non-constructive comments from people who can't even put a few sentences together to eloquently express their opinions. Especially when someone, who could probably biologically be my daughter (and my husband's grand-daughter), is calling us immature!