I AM PREGNANT (my thoughts about it)

August 9, 2006

I found out yesterday. The fetus is about 4 weeks old (6 weeks since my last period started).

My husband told me a couple weeks ago that I should get the BC pill or whatever BC protection as he didn't want any kids or at least not right now. I told him I wanted a child with him and he said in that case we'd do it, but not now. So I decided to give up and get back on BC pill when I get my next period, until we decide what to do about it. Turns out I was pregnant already and never got that next period.

He has mixed feelings about it. He just sold his company last week, but will continue to work as a CEO for the next 5 years. He says he has worked very hard for 25 years and finally wanted to travel and enjoy. A baby would change our lives greatly and he doesn't feel like it. He is expecting his airplane (his baby ) in September and wants to fly. I wouldn't mind if he flew without me, but he wants ME to fly with him. So a child will definitely ruin some of those plans. Frankly, I am not crazy about flying itself. I just love to travel. But it's not like we love night clubs or doing coke or partying. I think all our activities can include a new baby. Except flying - his greatest passion. Indeed, you can't take a baby in a small airplane as the noise is terrible. The kids and we put headsets on to protect our ears from the noise, but the baby can't have them.

On the other hand, he is afraid that he might regret the decision to NOT have a child and knows that we'll love the kid in any case. He says he changes his mind every two minutes, from "Yes, definitely YES!" to "Hell NO!" and so on. I told him I was the same.

I want this decision to be made by both of us. He says whatever I decide he would support and would be relieved that I am SURE about it.

Do I want the baby? Yes.

Do I feel like spending the next 5 years chasing after a little devil? Hell, no! Been there, done that. I take good care of my kids, can't throw them to baby-sitters and grandmas and enjoy my life without them. If you want to enjoy yourself without children, then don't have them. I know that it will be a lot of sacrifice.

Do I feel like sacrificing? No.

Do I think it's worth the value of a child? Oh, yes.

Do I think it's stupid to have another child? No - we are married, financially stable, and intend to be together 'till the end. It's not like I am 21, single, my BF doesn't know whether he's serious with me, and I am unemployed and un-educated.

Will the baby inhibit me in my composer's career? Honestly, no. If I wanted a singing career, it would big time.

Will I be as free as now if I have this baby now? Definitely not. It will take a huge part of my freedom.

He has no children. He absolutely adores my twin boys (they turn 8 in 2.5 months). He doesn't know what a baby is and how much you love it once it's born. He feels a little too old for a baby - he is 49.

His mom is thrilled and said she would take care of it, meaning, if we need a baby-sitter, she is willing to help. That certainly means a lot, given that parents need some time for themselves too once every so often. When I get my citizenship in 3 years, I will be able to submit for my mom to move to the US, so in about 4 years, I will have her here too. My husband agrees that she can come and live with us, because she is all alone now and I (and the kids) miss her like hell. But I am not intending to let grandmas do my job. On the contrary, I am the kind of mom that wants to drag her kids everywhere with me. I'd take the baby everywhere.

So what's stopping me from relaxing and simply deciding to have the baby? I don't know. Fear that I will be imprisoned at home? That I will spend many hours changing diapers, preparing food, feeding, dressing, undressing, bathing the baby, etc.?

I am done with all this when it comes to my sons. They do everything by themselves. I wake up, they play together, have already eaten breakfast, and basically they are like little adults when it comes to independence. I only get to enjoy their love and company with no sacrifice whatsoever. The biggest work is to make them sandwiches or yell at them to clean the mess. Of course, they require work too, I study with them, etc., but it's all pleasure for me. I don't have to wake up in the middle of the night 5 times or deprive myself from everything just to do my daily duties with them.

My heart definitely says: "Yes." I already feel the baby, I feel the uterus, it's hard and grown up a little. It even hurts in a cute way. On the other hand, I don't feel like going through labor (it will have to be a C-section again), I don't feel like feeling like a cow again, breastfeeding, measuring my milk, and checking the color of the baby's poo. But I DO want a child with my husband.

None of us is against abortion. He is not sure what he wants. My instinct is telling me to go for it. My mind is hesitating...

It's definitely exciting to have a new member in the family, a member that will love you most of all, and you'll love him or her endlessly and unconditionally. It's exciting to give life to a human being. It's exciting to think about the man or woman that it will be in 20, 30 or 50 years. As hubby says, we have to make an important decision in a blink of an eye. A decision that might change our lives from the root.

I am keeping it. So help me God!

August 9, 2006

Congratulations.

I hope that your husband gets 100% on board with you. You say you're not against abortion, but it would be so hard to have one in your situation - for me anyway. It wouldn't be for the sake of the childs well being but for your selves, and at the end of the day, that would be a hard pill to swallow. IMO.

We weren't "ready" for our baby, but she made that decision for us. You make do.

August 9, 2006

I found out yesterday. The fetus is about 4 weeks old (6 weeks since my last period started).

My husband told me a couple weeks ago that I should get the BC pill or whatever BC protection as he didn't want any kids or at least not right now. I told him I wanted a child with him and he said in that case we'd do it, but not now. So I decided to give up and get back on BC pill when I get my next period, until we decide what to do about it. Turns out I was pregnant already and never got that next period.

He has mixed feelings about it. He just sold his company last week, but will continue to work as a CEO for the next 5 years. He says he has worked very hard for 25 years and finally wanted to travel and enjoy. A baby would change our lives greatly and he doesn't feel like it. He is expecting his airplane (his baby ) in September and wants to fly. I wouldn't mind if he flew without me, but he wants ME to fly with him. So a child will definitely ruin some of those plans. Frankly, I am not crazy about flying itself. I just love to travel. But it's not like we love night clubs or doing coke or partying. I think all our activities can include a new baby. Except flying - his greatest passion. Indeed, you can't take a baby in a small airplane as the noise is terrible. The kids and we put headsets on to protect our ears from the noise, but the baby can't have them.

On the other hand, he is afraid that he might regret the decision to NOT have a child and knows that we'll love the kid in any case. He says he changes his mind every two minutes, from "Yes, definitely YES!" to "Hell NO!" and so on. I told him I was the same.

I want this decision to be made by both of us. He says whatever I decide he would support and would be relieved that I am SURE about it.

Do I want the baby? Yes.
Do I feel like spending the next 5 years chasing after a little devil? Hell, no! Been there, done that. I take good care of my kids, can't throw them to baby-sitters and grandmas and enjoy my life without them. If you want to enjoy yourself without children, then don't have them. I know that it will be a lot of sacrifice.
Do I feel like sacrificing? No.
Do I think it's worth the value of a child? Oh, yes.
Do I think it's stupid to have another child? No - we are married, financially stable, and intend to be together 'till the end. It's not like I am 21, single, my BF doesn't know whether he's serious with me, and I am unemployed and un-educated.
Will the baby inhibit me in my composer's career? Honestly, no. If I wanted a singing career, it would big time.
Will I be as free as now if I have this baby now? Definitely not. It will take a huge part of my freedom.

He has no children. He absolutely adores my twin boys (they turn 8 in 2.5 months). He doesn't know what a baby is and how much you love it once it's born. He feels a little too old for a baby - he is 49.

His mom is thrilled and said she would take care of it, meaning, if we need a baby-sitter, she is willing to help. That certainly means a lot, given that parents need some time for themselves too once every so often. When I get my citizenship in 3 years, I will be able to submit for my mom to move to the US, so in about 4 years, I will have her here too. My husband agrees that she can come and live with us, because she is all alone now and I (and the kids) miss her like hell. But I am not intending to let grandmas do my job. On the contrary, I am the kind of mom that wants to drag her kids everywhere with me. I'd take the baby everywhere.

So what's stopping me from relaxing and simply deciding to have the baby? I don't know. Fear that I will be imprisoned at home? That I will spend many hours changing diapers, preparing food, feeding, dressing, undressing, bathing the baby, etc.?

I am done with all this when it comes to my sons. They do everything by themselves. I wake up, they play together, have already eaten breakfast, and basically they are like little adults when it comes to independence. I only get to enjoy their love and company with no sacrifice whatsoever. The biggest work is to make them sandwiches or yell at them to clean the mess. Of course, they require work too, I study with them, etc., but it's all pleasure for me. I don't have to wake up in the middle of the night 5 times or deprive myself from everything just to do my daily duties with them.

My heart definitely says: "Yes." I already feel the baby, I feel the uterus, it's hard and grown up a little. It even hurts in a cute way. On the other hand, I don't feel like going through labor (it will have to be a C-section again), I don't feel like feeling like a cow again, breastfeeding, measuring my milk, and checking the color of the baby's poo. But I DO want a child with my husband.

None of us is against abortion. He is not sure what he wants. My instinct is telling me to go for it. My mind is hesitating...

It's definitely exciting to have a new member in the family, a member that will love you most of all, and you'll love him or her endlessly and unconditionally. It's exciting to give life to a human being. It's exciting to think about the man or woman that it will be in 20, 30 or 50 years. As hubby says, we have to make an important decision in a blink of an eye. A decision that might change our lives from the root.

I am keeping it. So help me God!

LOL-I felt the same way (starting over again) after finding out I was pregnant w/ all but one of my kids (3rd was planned). But even then I had those lingering doubts. I just remembered what someone once said to me......"..to not have them, you may regret--but once you do you never regret". Those were my feelings in a nutshell.

Congratulations, RP, to you and your family!

August 9, 2006

You're a good woman RP. You're husband is a lucky man. I hope I can meet someone like you some day.

Oh, and congradualtions!

August 9, 2006

Congratulations, RP!

Wouldn't your husband want an infant -part flesh and blood of him, to call his own? A child is a gift, a product of love between a man and a woman. If he's happy with just the 2 boys, then so be it. Best of luck to you and your family.

August 9, 2006

Congratulations.

I hope that your husband gets 100% on board with you.

Hey, Magda!

I've missed you and thought about you many times. I was wondering if you and your baby were OK. How are you?

Is this your first child? When did you give her birth?

I asked my husband today "Can we have this baby?" And he answered: "If you want." I said: "You don't want it?" He said: "It's not that I don't want it. You know my feelings. I am not sure."

Climbergirl and Burning, thank you.

August 9, 2006

Congrats MOMMA! Hope you are feeling OK and not pukin' too much.

Oh, so when are you telling your SIL????????

I honestly think your hubby is just scared. Give him time...

Kids completely change life, so I'm sure he'll be excited about it once he gets used to the idea.

August 9, 2006

Wouldn't your husband want an infant -part flesh and blood of him, to call his own? A child is a gift, a product of love between a man and a woman. If he's happy with just the 2 boys, then so be it. Best of luck to you and your family.

Yes, he does kinda want his own flesh and blood.

I also feel that a child is a product of love and creates an irreplaceable bond between a man and woman when they live together.

Congrats MOMMA! Hope you are feeling OK and not pukin' too much.

Oh, so when are you telling your SIL????????

I honestly think your hubby is just scared. Give him time...

Kids completely change life, so I'm sure he'll be excited about it once he gets used to the idea.

You're right! He's getting cold feet as usual!

The comment about the SIL was genial! She's gonna pass out when she hears the bad-for-her news.

I am feeling great, thanks. I didn't puke but twice with my twins and I was only sick in the evenings. It's too soon for the symptoms anyway. They will probably start in a few weeks.

Are you guys sure I should keep it? :lmao:

Geez, hubby doesn't know yet that I kinda made up my mind. It's stronger than me... I can defend myself... pull me out of this whirlpool...

P.S. Is it safe for me to swim in a public pool? I am afraid I might get an infection although by natural rule, the cervix closes and doesn't let anything to get inside or outside the uterus. But I don't want to risk anything.

August 9, 2006

congratulations. lots of men have trouble bonding with their infants up until birth because they don't get the intimate experience of pregnancy, ya know. It's not something they can internalize. So I wouldn't worry he will probably fall in love as soon as he holds your little mini me.

August 9, 2006

Congrats Girl!

Don't worry about you husband. I am sure he will get on board soon enough. What he is feeling is pretty normal from what I hear. This is a blessing!

August 9, 2006

Congrats RP

A lot of guys are scared and unsure at first but once the baby is here they love it. Don't worry.

August 9, 2006

Hey RP I think anyone with any sense experiences mixed emotions when they discover they are pregnant...especially when they take the responsabilities of motherhood seriously, as you clearly do.

From what you have posted about your husband previously I would say it is perfectly in character for him to say "It's up to you" and I'm sure that he really means this in the sense he will embrace whatever it is that you want.

If this is a situation you feel happy with then you have my heartfelt congratulations

August 9, 2006

Thanks for your replies, B_O, BeFree, Hotgurl, and Slayer. I do feel happy and the more I think about it the more certain I am that I want it.

August 9, 2006

P.S. Is it safe for me to swim in a public pool? I am afraid I might get an infection although by natural rule, the cervix closes and doesn't let anything to get inside or outside the uterus. But I don't want to risk anything.

Thank your mucous plug for protecting against public pool infection (amongst other things). You're all good.

August 9, 2006

Yes - keep it!

This child is a part of you both! Too hard to recover thinking if you never brought it to fruition on purpose and by choice...

We all have had reservations when big changes like this come when unexpected.

This is when you know if you are really with a "man." I have a feeling he will embrace a new addition to your family.... it is just normal to have hesitations when it comes as a surprise (gift actually).

Congratulations on having another person in the world to love you unconditionally!

August 9, 2006

Well my husband just came home and I told him that I made up my mind about it - I am keeping it.

He is totally disappointed and wants another week to decide. He repeated that he would support whatever decsion, but isn't thrilled.

I am crushed.

August 10, 2006

He'll get over it and eventually he won't have any second thoughts. Make sure to videotape him changing a poopy diaper! Sit down and watch Parenthood together. That one always gets to me. Stop thinking of the diapers and the chasing and all the hard work - that phase doesn't last that long anyway -- look how fast your boys are growing up! It just takes some time for him to adjust - but he will. He already loves the boys, but I bet he didn't the first time he met them - he had to get to know them and adjust too. Tell him that you will fly with him - but that for a while he can fly by himself and will enjoy the peace! It will be great!

CONGRATS to both of you!

August 10, 2006

Well my husband just came home and I told him that I made up my mind about it - I am keeping it.

He is totally disappointed and wants another week to decide. He repeated that he would support whatever decsion, but isn't thrilled.

I am crushed.

Men....why do they have such a hard time with responsiblity??? Does he think that in a week he can just say no, then you snap your fingers and it goes away?

He will come around. If he does not...too bad. If you want the baby, you keep it. I truly believe you are pregnant for a reason. This was meant to be. Hang in there.

August 10, 2006

Men....why do they have such a hard time with responsibility??? Does he think that in a week he can just say no, then you snap your fingers and it goes away?

He will come around. If he does not...too bad. If you want the baby, you keep it. I truly believe you are pregnant for a reason. This was meant to be. Hang in there.

It wasn't meant to be, I wanted to. It was let happen on my part. I thought he'd be thrilled.

He keeps saying that he wants to travel and be free. Not one mention of him wanting the baby. He obviously doesn't. Plus he involved his brother in this, he told him and his brother hates me. His brother told him that he could talk to him about it as he was in a similar position (he already had a daughter from his 1st marriage and his wife got pregnant on purpose and wanted the baby, but he didn't want it).

My husband is crazy about flying and he is thinking now: flying or baby? And his choice is to fly. I don't want to have a child under these conditions. I don't want him to feel like he didn't want it in the first place so he has no responsibility.

I don't want to share a child with a man who only cares about his airplane. I can't take the risk of "he'll come around." He doesn't want kids. Therefore he doesn't deserve any. I am not mad at him. I have two children. It's his choice. He is entitled to it.

I am calling the doctor to ask about abortion details. Case closed.

Thanks to all who congratulated me. But no thanks.

At least he's crazy about my boys and is a wonderful dad to them. I'll continue with my career plans (am working on my music right now) and live my life as if I never got pregnant. I've had an abortion before. I'll live.

It's just that I thought we'd have a close connection now, a higher level of love... but he has his twin brother who lives next door and pops up out of every can I open, and he has his flying.

God knows why this is good for me and my kids.

August 10, 2006

He has mixed feelings about it. He just sold his company last week, but will continue to work as a CEO for the next 5 years.

I thought he was a commercial air pilot for some major airline?

None of us is against abortion. He is not sure what he wants. My instinct is telling me to go for it. My mind is hesitating...

Is the Plan "B" pill (Levonorgestrel) available yet? Or is it too late for that? I don't know.

August 10, 2006

I dont know how old your husband is or how old you are but I understand his side.

He made it clear he didn't want any children ahead of time. I'm assuming he is in his 40s 50s? If he just sold his business, he is at a different life stage and probably doesn't want to be saddled with the burden of raising a child for the next 18 years. The two you have are old enough to be past the poopy diapers and constant care. They can travel and so on.

I'm in my 40s and wouldn't want to start over again with kids.

If he seriously does not want kids, he should look into getting snipped.

August 10, 2006

RP, I think you both need to calm down and give this afew days. Talk about it.

A decision like that should not be made so quickly and on such emotional reaction. He needs afew days for this to sink in, as do you. Don't do something that both of you are going to regret. Plus, have you told your children?? If they know, what are you going to tell them?

I have to say, your hubby knew kids were part of the deal, not only yours, but making another ... Give him time, talk to him and don't decide anything yet. I do believe HE is being foolish and pigheaded here. And selfish. Marriage is about compromise and so far you've done alot of the bending...

A choice like this, could ruin your marriage. One day you may resent him for this, and I'd hate to see you go through that.

Figure this out together..

August 10, 2006

I try to stay politically correct and open minded. But I really have a hard time with people who have the financial capabilities and the family relationship, just deciding to have an abortion because one person wants to fly their plane or travel or whatever. So many people in this world would do ANYTHING to have a child...others just turn it away when they have one at the wrong time.

This makes me very sad.

August 10, 2006

It's sad to me that you would be excited and building plans for your future if he was excited. But because he isn't, you aren't. And that means the end of the baby.

August 10, 2006

It's sad to me that you would be excited and building plans for your future if he was excited. But because he isn't, you aren't. And that means the end of the baby.

There are already too many unwanted kids in the world. No reason for one more.

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I AM PREGNANT (my thoughts about it)

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