megs_star Posted August 9, 2006 Posted August 9, 2006 Hi all, My boyfriend broke up with me 2 weeks ago and we were only going out less than a month (lots of phonecalls and only a couple of weekend dates) with an amazing connection but he had to break it off as he bumped into his ex and despite her moving on, he's realised he can't be with me without guilt if he's still thinking of her. I understand he has done the best thing for both of us and has to get over her. He had only broken up 5 weeks before after asking me out. He doesn't want me to wait so I can't. I care for him greatly-he's an amazing guy. He said he does want to stay in contact with me and to know I didn't do anything wrong (as I was confused at first). In asking him if we were just friends now he said NO and that it that is a cliché and that he wanted to stay in communication and contact with me and it was more important that it end like this now than the possibility of me hating him. He just can't be a caring boyfriend to me. How do people read this as in future possibilities? I called him not long after so he knew I also wanted to remain in contact and didn't hate him and sent one sms saying I was here and could talk if he needed too. I know everyone says no contact but I just had to let him know cause I knew he would feel bad. I plan on leaving it now as I know he needs space. I wanted to get advice as to the best way to respond if he does say hi on msn? I will be normal but it's such a shock as everything was going so well. I feel that I want to tell him I understand what he did but I don't want to bring up anything if it might push him away. Whats the best way to be at the moment? How to deal with possible contact on msn when I would rather be a future possibility and him being interested in more again sometime? Thanks guys!
tine_23 Posted August 9, 2006 Posted August 9, 2006 Hey Meg! I so totally understand how you feel right now! I was with my ex for a month also before things ended...Actually I ended it because he started to act weird and I didn't wanna get hurt so before it started to get more serious I left him...and I really miss him...I really saw a great future with this guy...we talked about travelling this summer and everything...each week ends that we were suppose to go away together is a nightmare when I think about it...I always cant' wait for it to end... When I ended things with him, we were suppose to stay friends... actually we were suppose to date...like see each other every week end or every 2 week end...but it turned out that he changed his mind and didn't wanna see me... I told him it made me mad cuz he was not being clear with me and now he's mad cuz i got mad... and even thought we had a discussion and agreed that we forget all about our history...he still doesn't talk to me and acts weird when I'm around...as if he doen't know me... so let me tell you...I think the best thing for you to do right now is seriously keep no contact...maybe like every 2 weeks if you feel like it and you could call him or email... cuz he did say he wanted to keep contact with you...but no friendship... I know it's hard not to talk to him on msn and stuff...I really have difficulty to stay away from my ex...I miss him and I wanna talk to him all the time...it's not always a good idea to talk often cuz feelings can come back and alot of times we get in fights when we talk...cuz he acts weird and it makes me mad... things like that... If I were you I would go on with my life... email him sometimes...if he doesn't email back or do an effort to keep contact then forget it...and if the guy really likes you...believe me he will come back when he forgets about his ex... give it time.. good luck tine
Author megs_star Posted August 9, 2006 Author Posted August 9, 2006 Hi tine, I know, I was supposed to be on holidays too - it's not fun to think about - all the plans that didnt eventuate - i know exactly what you mean. The best thing is just to put it out of your head but eventually I think we just reach the point where we are so tired of thinking about it that oneday we probably don't even realise but we reach burnout point and just stop thinking about it automatically and it no longer has a hold on us. Yeah I was a bit confused about the, not just friends but remaining in contact, but it may be a good thing in the long run. I just hope that because we didnt get to spend much time together there is enough in his memory bank - do you know what i mean? I know it takes him a long time to fall for a girl (like he did with his ex) and we only just started so if strong feelings didnt get a chance to develop, now that has concerned me. Im not sure - it would be good to get a guys perspective too..hint..hehe
tine_23 Posted August 9, 2006 Posted August 9, 2006 Hey meg! I know what you mean...it is totally normal that you may be scared that because you don't have a lot of memory together there is more chance that it will be easier to forget about you... but it's not the quantity...but the quality... I didn't spend ALOT (well alot...a month is alot for me but isn't alot for some people...when I say people I mean guys) of times with my ex but... I truly loved him (still do...)...and the weird thing is that he said he loved me too... anyways... when you truly care about someone you remember every little single details like the way he looked at you and the way he touched your hair our the way he hold your hand...they are not big memories...but they are the hardest to forget... It is also true that with time you seems to forget that you are "not" thinking or missing them... in the beginning you have to control your thoughts and convince yourself that you're don't missin thim...and at one point...it becomes natural...you actually don't miss him... I can't wait to reach that point...In order to get there you have to stay away from phone or msn...and stuff like that... it's harder when he's online and you are too....I deleted my ex from my msn...and erased all of his emails and his phone number from my cell... it's soooo hard... Hang on! We'll get throught it! tine
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