mistaken.2006 Posted August 9, 2006 Posted August 9, 2006 Six years ago I was in church and I was doing well. God was first in my life and I want to say I have a wonderful husband who was also in church and three beautiful children. An unexpected event occurred and that is when my problems began. My emotions were crazy. Maybe a nervous breakdown or I really dont know. I wanted to cry all the time and I guess instead of turning my problems over to God I tried to deal with them on my own.I started receiving attention from a man at church. He also was married, and had went to church with us and youth. But it was like we had a connection that night. From then on he would call to talk to my husband knowing he wasn't home and talk to me. It was very convenient for me. I wasn't getting the attention from my husband that I needed and he plainly told me he could not help me with what I was going through. So, I confided in the other man with my emotions and what I was going through. He would call everyday and check on me. We had alot in common and found ways to talk and meet for lunches. It progressed into a full blown affair all the while we were still in church. I know that it was wrong . I love my husband and family and feel so guilty for what I have done. I gave up on the Lord when I should've put everything in his hands in the first place. Eventually we left church awhile back and not long after he and his wife left also. I feel that it is my fault that my husband left. He has not been back since, and it is not due to this because he does not know. This has went on for six years now and I stopped everything last week. I have had a near breakdown with all of this going on and had to be put on medication for this ordeal. But the miracle of this is I was sent an angel. She had everything to say that I needed to hear and I rededicated my life back to the Lord. I put all things in his hands and have been praying very hard and studying to keep on track. I want to know how and what I need to do to get this other man out of my life. I know that occassionaly we will see each other. But I want to stand strong and stay on track. I still have feelings for him. And it is hard. I have not told anyone this and have nobody else to turn to. Maybe someone with a similar experience could give me some advice. I cannot go to counceling or be open about this because my community is so small. Thank you so much for anything anyone has to offer. Very mistaken
whichwayisup Posted August 9, 2006 Posted August 9, 2006 That must be painful for you, but you did the right thing by ending your affair. Take it a step further and end all contact with that man. He cannot be your friend, as it will just be too painful and also, something easily could happen again. Don't worry what others think, but you and your husband have to go to marriage counselling. Even some one on one therapy will be good for you. Have you considered confessing your affair to your husband, and tell him it's over though?
Author mistaken.2006 Posted August 9, 2006 Author Posted August 9, 2006 I have considered telling him. But he has told me over and over that if I ever had an affair he would leave me and that was it. I dont want that because I do love him and we have a very good relationship now. I just need something to get this other man out of my head and heart. It is torture for me!
whichwayisup Posted August 9, 2006 Posted August 9, 2006 I'm sure it is torture for you...The thing is, he could find out somehow and it would be awful if he found out from someone else...Keep that in mind. Also, you choosing to have that affair knowing, taking the chance of losing everything, just means you really were NOT thinking clearly. You may have to confess to make you feel better, even if you lose him. You lied to him, and cheated. (You also should - Just incase - get yourself checked for STD's, you never know if the MM had something...) 6 years is a long time to have an affair, so Im' sure the affection and intense intimacy isn't there for your husband anymore. How can it be when all your focus, love and attention was with another man? Ofcourse you love your husband, but inside your heart you allowed another man in...It might take a while to gain back that love for your hubby...which is why one on one therapy for you is important.
Author mistaken.2006 Posted August 9, 2006 Author Posted August 9, 2006 Yes, me and my husband do have that affection and intimacy. It was more an emotional thing than sexual. I have been tested since and am fine. I know that you are right. It is my guilt that is killing me. It was really stupid of me to take that chance six years ago. I was falling apart and he had everything right to say. I should've been stronger. He has no idea. He just thinks its an emotional breakdown of some sort and he is very supportive.
Author mistaken.2006 Posted August 9, 2006 Author Posted August 9, 2006 By the way, thank you, I just need someone to confide in for some support....
Author mistaken.2006 Posted August 9, 2006 Author Posted August 9, 2006 Any advice on how to keep him off of my mind?
norajane Posted August 9, 2006 Posted August 9, 2006 Keeping busy with other things that capture your attention is often helpful. I've also found that doing things to help other people makes me feel good, and makes me feel better about life in general...this might be a good time to start volunteering.. One trick I've used when trying to get over break-ups is to set aside a specific amount of time during the day when I will allow myself to think about the past relationship. Set aside 30 minutes or an hour at 5pm or whenever, and that's it. Any other time thoughts of him come to my head, I firmly tell myself - not now, I'll think about that at 5 (this part is key - you have to be very committed to it). Then, when it's time, give in and wallow in your thoughts - let it all out. But when time is up, stop and get up and do something else. Gradually decrease the amount of time you set aside until you don't need it anymore.
Author mistaken.2006 Posted August 9, 2006 Author Posted August 9, 2006 Thank you so much.... I am willing to try anything to get over it at this point in my life! I just wonder if their is alot in these forums that are married and have had relationships with another married man? I think that just getting to talk about this helps the healing.
SoCalCatman72 Posted August 9, 2006 Posted August 9, 2006 But the miracle of this is I was sent an angel. She had everything to say that I needed to hear and I rededicated my life back to the Lord. I put all things in his hands and have been praying very hard and studying to keep on track. I want to know how and what I need to do to get this other man out of my life. Wow, what a powerful story. God does indeed work in mysterious ways, and you are not alone. I too once fell far from the Lord, I turned to drugs to try to find the happiness I was missing in my marriage, and ended up addicted, and divorced. We all stumble and God knows this. He is a loving God, and like the prodigal son, you as His child will always be welcomed and honored in His Kingdom. Keep up the prayer, and ask others to pray for you. They don't need to be specific prayer requests, just for blessings, for guidance and for strength. Prayer is your ultimate weapon in your battle. It not only is calling upon God for His help, it also keeps your mind focused on your walk. I wish I had more to say.....I will pray for you. Blessings.
ThumbingMyWay Posted August 9, 2006 Posted August 9, 2006 I think that just getting to talk about this helps the healing. first off....it does help to talk about it. When my wifes affair became known to me...I had no one to talk to really...so LS really helped me. The help here is trenmendous and very appreciated. Second. You come across very genuine and remorseful. Thats a good start. so 6 years.....WOW.....the truth is it will take ALOT of time to heal and get this OM out of your head....ALOT of work and dedication on your part. Get back in Gods hands....let him take your burden....it does work if you have faith and stay on the straight path. NOW....the guilt you feel......it is unbearable I know....so was my wifes. Just so you know a little about my situ. My wife admitted to a one night stand in July 2004. We entered marriage counseling and things got better....but still not right...still doubt and questions on my part. Then in March 2005, she confessed to being in a full blown affair, the entire time of our counseling and the 8 months prior to confessing the ONS. She even had our counslor bluffed. BUT....when she told me....she said she didnt want to...that all she wanted to do was end the affair and deal with it on her own. but she said the guilt was unbearable and she didnt want to carry that with her anymore, let alone the rest of her life....she wanted to come clean and truthful to me. KNOWING that by doing so...she could lose me in the process....but she said she HAD to to relieve the guilt in her heart....she needed to be truthful in all aspects.....so she told me. Its been hard....its been 2 years since all this came about....and now finally we have finally reached a better place....the road suxed to get here...but all is very good now. SO if you came clean with your husband....it would be a big relief for YOU....but the consequences may not be what you want...BUT...at least you would be free from the lie. BUT...you sound like you dont wanna go that route.....SO.....your only alternative is to seek individual counseling ASAP. YOu said you husband thinks your just having an emotional breakdown and he is being supportive. SO....use that angle and go to see a counslor.....maybe after a few months of learning how to deal with all of this and learning how to forget the OM....you can have the strenght to tell the truth when you are more emotional stable to handle the outcome of the truth. I am all for truth in everything....but only you can decide what is best for you. I really feel for you....I do...and I hope you find you way back home...
Author mistaken.2006 Posted August 9, 2006 Author Posted August 9, 2006 I truly thank you all for your advice and support. You dont know how much it means to me! I may have to call on you all again...
Recommended Posts