sassiex Posted August 9, 2006 Posted August 9, 2006 been with married man for almost a year now, i love him so much i cant stand to be away from him, when hes gone i feel apart of me is missing! dont know how much longer i can stand this ! when we are together its un real i cant stop smiling ! when hes gone i just want to hide away and cry. i know he loves me but isit enough? how long are we supposed to put up with this b4 we say something! if i tell him i love him and hate being apart from him, will i scare him off? he has no idea how i feel as i never say a word. but i cant hold it in any more its killing me. why forthe first time in my life do i love this man madly ! why does he have to be married to someone else? i never imagined it possible to feel like this about another human being its so powerful , and so dangerous! help please xxxx
whichwayisup Posted August 9, 2006 Posted August 9, 2006 I don't know what your situation is, in the sense if he's told you he's going to leave his wife... why does he have to be married to someone else? You two met at the wrong time in life. He IS married to someone else and is STILL married to her. It's not healthy for you to "live" your life JUST for him. You need some other interests to keep you busy. I think I can assume that you have no intention of ending your affair with him? He isn't going to spend as much time with you as you'd like. Holidays, birthdays, Christmas, etc...So when he isn't with you, you have to keep busier and not sit and miss him so much. Take time for you and figure out if this is what you want out of life. DO you really want to be having a relationship with someone who isn't goign to put you first and love only you? You deserve better.
Author sassiex Posted August 9, 2006 Author Posted August 9, 2006 I don't know what your situation is, in the sense if he's told you he's going to leave his wife... You two met at the wrong time in life. He IS married to someone else and is STILL married to her. It's not healthy for you to "live" your life JUST for him. You need some other interests to keep you busy. I think I can assume that you have no intention of ending your affair with him? He isn't going to spend as much time with you as you'd like. Holidays, birthdays, Christmas, etc...So when he isn't with you, you have to keep busier and not sit and miss him so much. Take time for you and figure out if this is what you want out of life. DO you really want to be having a relationship with someone who isn't goign to put you first and love only you? You deserve better. Thank you for your kind and wise words, everything you say makes sense to me!! just wish it was that easy! he has talked of leaving but i never really give him reaction.............i guess what will be will be !! thank you x
stillhere Posted August 9, 2006 Posted August 9, 2006 Believe me, i completely understand where you are coming from, but my MM and I tell each other every day that we love each other. Even those words can't change our situation. It's a horrible situation that we have willingly put ourselves in. Like WWIU said, we met them at the wrong time in life. I can tell you to walk away from him, that chances are he isn't going to leave, and you deserve better. All very true, but i, like you, can't just walk away. I'm in way too deep. Only time will tell what will really happen, so the only advice i have, hang on for dear life, cuz we're going for one hell of a ride. Try to get out and meet men who are available, or if you aren't looking, and someone approaches you, give them a chance. Don't pass up any possible dates, just to stay faithful to your MM. I preach only what i follow. We're here for you, there's only more heartache to come.
Author sassiex Posted August 10, 2006 Author Posted August 10, 2006 Believe me, i completely understand where you are coming from, but my MM and I tell each other every day that we love each other. Even those words can't change our situation. It's a horrible situation that we have willingly put ourselves in. Like WWIU said, we met them at the wrong time in life. I can tell you to walk away from him, that chances are he isn't going to leave, and you deserve better. All very true, but i, like you, can't just walk away. I'm in way too deep. Only time will tell what will really happen, so the only advice i have, hang on for dear life, cuz we're going for one hell of a ride. Try to get out and meet men who are available, or if you aren't looking, and someone approaches you, give them a chance. Don't pass up any possible dates, just to stay faithful to your MM. I preach only what i follow. We're here for you, there's only more heartache to come. thanks again for your words of kindness and wisdom! life is really unkind sometimes , do you believe everything happens for a reason ?? how long have you been with your mm ? and how often do you see him ? xx:)
stillhere Posted August 10, 2006 Posted August 10, 2006 Yes, i do believe everything happens for a reason. Maybe we met and fell in love with our MM's so that we could see that we are beautiful, and deserve someone who can give us the love we truely need and deserve. Maybe they are the ones, who may just realize how amazing we really are, and will fight for us, and give up their "old" life to start anew with us. I have been with my MM for a year and i see him daily. I talk to him at least 4-5 times a day, and we are intimate usually about 4 times a week. He pays some of my bills, gives me spending money, but can't give me his undivided attention. I can't be seen with him out in public, and that hurts. He is so amazing that i want to share him with the world, but it's a huge secret that no one can know about. My sister knows about him, but i can't tell her who he really is, i have a fake name for him. He is very well known in this area, so his name cannot cross my lips. The sad part is, i'm becoming somewhat accustomed to our arrangement, and that scares the hell out of me. Because i am settling for less, and that is so unlike me. I am asked out by some man pretty much daily. Often in front of him. The last one was very courageous, he is married as well, and gave his business card to my MM's brother to give to me. Of course i never called the number, threw it in the trash, and i will never date another married man, i already know what i'd be in for. I'm trying to learn from my mistakes, not continue to repeat them!
Author sassiex Posted August 12, 2006 Author Posted August 12, 2006 hello still here, your lucky you see your mm more than i do!! i see him about twice a week. the only i have that you dont is we do do out in public! quite a lot too. he lives about 2 miles from me! he is so affectinate in public too. we have never spent the night together thats sad.and thats after a year.wish i could walk away.....just cant too in love x does your mm sleep with his wife ? do you ever get insecure about your relationship ? i do terribly is that normal? are you in america im in london im 40 and my mm is 38 what about you?
stillhere Posted August 12, 2006 Posted August 12, 2006 hello still here, your lucky you see your mm more than i do!! i see him about twice a week. the only i have that you dont is we do do out in public! quite a lot too. he lives about 2 miles from me! he is so affectinate in public too. we have never spent the night together thats sad.and thats after a year.wish i could walk away.....just cant too in love x does your mm sleep with his wife ? do you ever get insecure about your relationship ? i do terribly is that normal? are you in america im in london im 40 and my mm is 38 what about you? Occasionally he sleeps in bed with her, is intimate with her once every 2-3 months or so. That i found out by asking, didn't like the answer i got, but i should have known i can't always have what i want. If i didn't want the answer i got, should have never asked the question! I am somewhat insecure about our relationship, because he doesn't love me enough to be with only me. I know he wants to be with only me, but he can't. So that makes me second guess myself all the time. I've always been a pretty confident person, some would go as far as to say i was vain or conceited, but i've seemed to lose that cofidence in myself. I'm still outgoing, but not as much as i used to be. I'm depressed, very depressed all the time. I'm pretty good at hiding it from the rest of the world. Every once in a while i break down and spill all my recent problems to the ones i'm closest to. Which is my best friend, my MM, and my sister. In all my life, i've never been depressed for this long. We have a large age gap, i'm 28 and he is 41. We get along like we've known each other our whole lives. Neither of us have ever felt this connected to anyone. What we share is amazing, and it breaks my heart that we can't share each other with the world.
Guest Posted August 12, 2006 Posted August 12, 2006 Please believe me when I say that I know exactly how you feel and for a long time I thought I was the only one. I am in the same situation with my boyfriend and I know how it feels to want him to be there 24/7 and when he leaves you feel like he took apart of you. Sad as it is, We're at the most emotionally unhealth stages of our lives. Love is something that you have to be ready for and if you are not then you cna easily mistake it for other things/feelings and emotions and if you feel your heart with these other feelings you will not have room in your heart to form a true love. Basically what I am saying is that you have what is called love obsession and it feels just like love but it makes you feel like euphoric like your on a natural high whenever your around him and the minute you see him prepare for departure you freeze up you get numb and you shut down. This also makes you feel less loved because you want to know how come he doesnt want to sta y as much as you want him to. In all reality he probally does love you and he probably wants you more than anything but you dont see it as enough because everything is 10x's more on your behalf due to the fact that you are not in love with your husband sadly it's true ,you need your husband you co-depend on your husband mto make you who you are and that is not right because in order for Love to form there has to be 2 whole beings and if I am right when you met your husband you were not emotionally whole.He made you complete and thats great, but when will you learn to pick up that trait on your own when will you learn to be whole within yourself with out a man? When your ready for that , you will be healthy enough to love your man the way he deserves it,because believe it or not no matter how selfish he may seem and how unappreciative of yor love you feel he is being,it is all in you because you have an obsession not him. Why should he have to have and adjust to that...Truthfully He Wont. Your going to push your husband away sweetheart, You have to find the words to tell him that you are dangerously in olove with him and you feel helpless without him and you have to explain to him that you just need him to bear with you and be gentky honets and patient with you.You are his wife and if he cant help you through this then he's not it for you and your definetly deserve more. You should brace yourself if you plan to continue this way because you will end up hurt in the end dealing with love obsession men cannot hamdle it they get overwelmed after a whaile and they feel compelled to free themselves if that stress of haveing you always depending on them and coming off weak. Find you strength you are a Woman and you deserve Healthy Love I know it's hard but trust me I am the queen of love obsessions and I have survived every man who has turned their back and I know that it is hard and it will take time and tears but dont let a man dictate your feelings baby. Good Luck Keep In Touch
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