sofreakingconfused Posted August 9, 2006 Posted August 9, 2006 i really need some unbaised advice, and i know my friends are sick of hearing it. starting at the beginning, the first time i slept with him was march. it was stupid, i was drunk and just been hurt by one of his friends. i get a call from his friend the next day, hes furious, and tells me the guy is engaged. im horrified, had no idea. saw my engaged guy a few times after that, we both agreed it was a drunken mistake and everything was fine. fast forward to june. we are both at a mutual friends house, it was actually my birthday, and it happens again. i was good to leave it at that, but the next weekend he called me. got my number from one of our friends. and its been happening almost every week since. im finding myself justifying it because hes not married yet, and ive never met her. but i know there are feelings involved on my side now, and i think there are on his too. we both know its wrong and have tried to end it already once. hes not secretive about it, we have the same social circle and everyone there knows. its like we are dating... but not because hes getting married in nov. we dont talk about his pending nuptuals ever and i feel weird bringing it because it makes him blantantly uncomfortable, he does actually feel bad about what we are doing, though you wouldnt know it until after we are done. but i just want to scream at him "WHY ARE YOU GETTING MARRIED?!?!" is he scared, not ready, just an a**hole? i dont know what to do, dont want to get out of it.... help
Guest Posted August 10, 2006 Posted August 10, 2006 His fiancee needs to know what is happening before she marries him. You both know that what you are doing to her is wrong, and this will be compunded 100 per cent if the marriage goes ahead. Also, consider how you will feel if he does get married. Will you still be prepared to be the OW? He needs to make a decision - for all your sakes - now. You say he feels uncomfortable discussing the wedding, but time is running out. You need to know 1/ If he intends to go through with this wedding and 2/ If so, why? Then you will know where you stand and if he has feelings for you. Have you considered telling his fiancee? This may sound cruel, but I feel she should be marrying a man who loves her exclusively, and has no feelings for someone else. Word of warning - a friend of mine had an affair with an engaged man, and learned that he considered her to be his last fling before he settled down.
norajane Posted August 10, 2006 Posted August 10, 2006 If you don't end it now, think of how you'll feel in November when he gets married.
ThumbingMyWay Posted August 10, 2006 Posted August 10, 2006 It was a large wedding with about 300 guests. At the reception after the wedding, the groom got up on stage with a microphone to talk to the crowd. He said he wanted to thank everyone for coming, many from long distances, to support them at their wedding. He especially wanted to thank the bride's and his family and to thank his new father-in-law for providing such a lavish reception. As a token of his deep appreciation he said he wanted to give everyone a special gift just from him. So taped to the bottom of everyone's chair, including the wedding party, was an envelope. He said this was his gift to everyone and asked everyone to open their envelope. Inside each manila envelope was an 8x10 glossy of his bride having sex with the best man. The groom had gotten suspicious of them weeks earlier and hired a private detective to tail them. After just standing there, watching the guest reactions for a couple of minutes, he turned to the dumb founded crowd and said "I am outta here". He had the marriage annulled first thing in the morning. While most people would have cancelled the wedding immediately after finding out about the affair, this guy goes through with the charade, as if nothing were wrong. His revenge.. Making the bride's parents pay over $32,000 for a 300 guest wedding and reception, and best of all, trashing the bride's and best man's reputation in front of 300 friends and family members.
incognito Posted August 10, 2006 Posted August 10, 2006 It was a large wedding with about 300 guests. At the reception after the wedding, the groom got up on stage with a microphone to talk to the crowd. He said he wanted to thank everyone for coming, many from long distances, to support them at their wedding. He especially wanted to thank the bride's and his family and to thank his new father-in-law for providing such a lavish reception. As a token of his deep appreciation he said he wanted to give everyone a special gift just from him. So taped to the bottom of everyone's chair, including the wedding party, was an envelope. He said this was his gift to everyone and asked everyone to open their envelope. Inside each manila envelope was an 8x10 glossy of his bride having sex with the best man. The groom had gotten suspicious of them weeks earlier and hired a private detective to tail them. After just standing there, watching the guest reactions for a couple of minutes, he turned to the dumb founded crowd and said "I am outta here". He had the marriage annulled first thing in the morning. While most people would have cancelled the wedding immediately after finding out about the affair, this guy goes through with the charade, as if nothing were wrong. His revenge.. Making the bride's parents pay over $32,000 for a 300 guest wedding and reception, and best of all, trashing the bride's and best man's reputation in front of 300 friends and family members. Um.....wow!
Author sofreakingconfused Posted August 11, 2006 Author Posted August 11, 2006 His fiancee needs to know what is happening before she marries him. You both know that what you are doing to her is wrong, and this will be compunded 100 per cent if the marriage goes ahead. Also, consider how you will feel if he does get married. Will you still be prepared to be the OW? He needs to make a decision - for all your sakes - now. You say he feels uncomfortable discussing the wedding, but time is running out. You need to know 1/ If he intends to go through with this wedding and 2/ If so, why? Then you will know where you stand and if he has feelings for you. Have you considered telling his fiancee? This may sound cruel, but I feel she should be marrying a man who loves her exclusively, and has no feelings for someone else. Word of warning - a friend of mine had an affair with an engaged man, and learned that he considered her to be his last fling before he settled down. i guess im kind of confused as to what rights i have... not legal rights but moral, to be questioning him about it when i am fully aware and doing it anyway. and i dont know for sure where i want it to go, if we did have a relationship, trust would be an issue. the last fling thing has crossed my mind. and as bad as it sounds, i would find that acceptable, but he does and says certain things that have made me to think otherwise now. tomorrow is "our night." im thinking im just going to call him out on it. he keeps saying he knows he shouldnt be doing it (ME)... but maybe what he shouldnt be doing is getting married.
stillhere Posted August 11, 2006 Posted August 11, 2006 IMO this guy does not have respect for you, or even possibly love you. He does not have any of the "excuses" most of our MM's have. He has no children with his fiancee (or does he), he has no shared assets with his fiancee, he has no reason to marry her. Unless he wanted to marry her. I can tell you with 99.99% certainty, that if my MM and i were in your situation, it would be me he was choosing to be with, and leaving her. We connect on such a deep level, that she would not have a chance as long as i was in the picture. Like it's been said before "If a man really loves you, he'll move mountains to be with you!" Some cases that is so true, and this should be one of those cases. He has nothing holding him back from you, if you were what he truely wanted. I think it is downright bullsh*t that he is stringing you along, and not putting an action behind his words. Words are easily spoken, it's the actions to watch for. I wish you luck, because if this guy does marry her, i hope you tell him to go f*ck himself. He let a good thing walk out the door. Don't be his OW forever, especially since he can easily change your status right now.
whichwayisup Posted August 11, 2006 Posted August 11, 2006 i guess im kind of confused as to what rights i have... not legal rights but moral, to be questioning him about it when i am fully aware and doing it anyway. and i dont know for sure where i want it to go, if we did have a relationship, trust would be an issue. the last fling thing has crossed my mind. and as bad as it sounds, i would find that acceptable, but he does and says certain things that have made me to think otherwise now. tomorrow is "our night." im thinking im just going to call him out on it. he keeps saying he knows he shouldnt be doing it (ME)... but maybe what he shouldnt be doing is getting married. Why are you doing this to yourself?? What kind of man does this to his future bride??? Ofcourse now he's telling you different things. Probably confusing you too. He's probably got a bunch of lines ready to keep you interested, even though he has NO intention of cancelling his wedding. You deserve better. Don't put yourself in this situation, you have alot more control over this than you think. He is using you. If he wanted a relationship with you he would have called the whole wedding off and would be with you now full time, no strings attached to anybody else. Has he done that? He says "he shouldn't be doing it" well, he's RIGHT! And you're not helping him along by saying "yes" to him either. Don't forget that men can separate love and sex. Do you want to be his OW and be the "one" on the side? Think about the full picture here and how you want YOUR life to be.
Guest Posted August 11, 2006 Posted August 11, 2006 Why cant they be two different things for women as well? I have had fantastic sex with people I dont love, some I dont even care for. One of the best Ive ever had was with a man I could not stand to hear talk.
saf Posted August 11, 2006 Posted August 11, 2006 If you're having fun, then go with it. If you're not, then stop. What difference does it really make that he's getting married? If he's into you, then he's into you.
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