Guest Posted August 9, 2006 Posted August 9, 2006 Well this is a long story and I'll try to keep it as short as possible. My partner Laurie and I have been together for 4 1/2 years. We have always loved each other unconditionally. Laurie treated me great and always put me first. This past 8 months, Laurie changed. She wanted more independence and freedom. We shared alot of friends and she wanted her own. We were pretty much attatched at the hip and she started to feel like she needed her own things, which is normal. She found a friend who also had a partner. The friend always made me nervous and she gave me a bad feeling. Laurie knew i didnt care for her friend's flirty ways. Laurie had never been really close to anyone before. I have close friends and she never really did. She doesn't open up at all. I started to see her stray but as long as she showed happiness I was happy. We started to fight alot. I have a very tough career, I am a musician. She always supported me, went to all my shows and traveled with me. She said there were many times she felt I never appreciated her. She's lost herself. I don't even know her anymore. She's become bitter but I still see that she loves me so much. She left me a month ago for 2 weeks of separation. She told me she needed to do this for us and that we were still a couple. She came back to me and treated me like gold. I made the changes she wanted, accepted her friend that made me nervous, and tried to be more confident for her. She invited me to EVERYTHING she did with this friend, keep in mind this friend had a partner for 3 years and THEY were always together. This past sunday Laurie and I were spending time with a group of friends including "That One". I found a text in her phone from the friend that said "I miss your warm kiss". I flipped out at this bar. I ran out, she chased me. I told her I knew it. After we both cooled down, she told me that it was a drunk kiss. She told me she hads these feelings that she didnt want to act on and then just got wasted and did. She said the girl had been trying to pursue her for a while. Laurie's self esteem is shattered. We are pretty much all each other has. I left the house and we've spoken a few times since sunday. I think its pretty much over but she gives me mixed feelings b/c she really doesnt know what she wants and she's a WRECK! I'm trying to be there for her and I want to but know that I was the victim of infedelity. We have so much love for one another. We've cried in each others arms. She doesn't think we can work. I feel that this is b/c of the other person. She gets very sad and offended when I ask her about this. She says it has NOTHING to do with the friend and she LOVES me dearly. She said she'd been unhappy for a while and admitted it was her fault cause she could never talk to me. I didn't do m y best . I have regrets now. She has pretty much said she cutt off alot with this friend. The friend is ALSO going through the break-up with her partner now. Laurie has a pasrt of becoming sort of infatuatesd with people she has fun with. I thought we had gotten through that but when we were going downhill she LATCHED onto this girl. I am heartbroken, I love her and she loves me. She can't stop contacting me telling me how sorry she is. We own a HOME together , shes staying there, I'm staying with a friend. We have been married for 4 1/2 years with MANY GREAT memories. I know she's lost herself. I keep wondering if it's HOPELESS, but i feel her love and see it in her eyes. She lets me hold her and fully opens up to me. Shes scared to try to make it work of course b/c of the TRUST thing. She thinks I'll never trust her again,. Thanks for listening, any words or advice may help? Anyone go through something similar? I also forgot to mention that Laurie is drinking ALOT. She has completely gone down hill. She is very angry with herself and finally she stopped blamming me. I know I need to take care of myself, but I AM DEEPLY in love with her and Im so confused b/c she says she is too. Laurie is not a big drinker so I know its bad, she's also always been very confident, a hard worker, and SO LOVING.
norajane Posted August 9, 2006 Posted August 9, 2006 Marriage counseling for the both of you, plus separate therapy for her, maybe for you as well. There are a lot of issues here, but it sounds like you love each other at the core of it.
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