lolo7 Posted August 8, 2006 Posted August 8, 2006 Hi im new here! ok!! I have this bf!! and sometimes he can be "lovable" and sometimes he can be really bossy!! ( i moved out of my house due to family problems so his family took me in) So sometimes he tells "Lorena, heat up my tortillas i'm hungry" or "make sure you fold my clothes please" ( he says please, but still he makes me do it cuz i guess he wants to look good or something!! yea....... i don't know!! and today he told me that im not allowed to ask anyone in the house for rides anywhere except for him!!!! WTF!!!!! ) oh, and yesterday at dinner he made me feel embarrased because we were eating and his sister (who is my friend) asked me what i wanted to drink. there were two cokes on the table and she asked me if i wanted one, and i did, so i yes. she handed it to me, and he yelled out, "hey! i thought i told you youre not supposed to drink soda anymore. dont drink it." his sister got mad and asked him who he was to tell me what i can or cannot drink, but i didn't say anything. i did want the soda though, but i didnt drink it because of him. i feel like such a push over. i mean, i didnt come here to live with him really. i just came here because his sister is my good friend and her parents told me i could stay for a while. i moved in with her family, i didnt move in to live with HIM. and plus he never takes me anywhere i want to go. only to church because hes really into it, but im not. and if my friend (his sister) wants to go out and just hang out outside the house for a little while, he gets angry! he said im not "allowed" to go out with anyone or anywhere if he isnt with me, yet he can go out wherever and with whomever he wants!!! i feel like i have strong feelings for him, but sometimes i dont. its weird. its like i do care for him a lot, but his personality drives me away. i even told him i loved him and he answered, "oh, i know" !!! i felt like crap. what should i do? should i break it off with him or should i wait it out?? the problem is that i live here and i dont want to make trouble. should i talk to him and just ask to be friends and let things be like they were or what? thanks in advance for the advice. -lolo
moman Posted August 8, 2006 Posted August 8, 2006 Are you all sleeping together? That is the key - if not, tell him to STFU and treat you like a lady. If you are that makes things sticky. You still shouldn't take that kind of abuse if it bothers you.
Author lolo7 Posted August 8, 2006 Author Posted August 8, 2006 thanks for the reply. ok. he just got home and i went outside to say hi to him. he told me to take off his shoes. WTF??? i said, "no. youre always telling to do this and that and youre not even nice about it," and he got angry!! he threw the shoes on the floor all angry and told me "it was the last time he ever told me what to do" and told me that he wanted to be alone (uh, to get out). what the hell?? whats his problem?? advice please!!! PS: when he got home i even hid the soda i was drinking because i got all scared. :(
Walk Posted August 8, 2006 Posted August 8, 2006 What do the parents say? Did they notice this behavior from him? I really think you need to get out of that situation ASAP!! He's trying to control you and basically, you're at his mercy right now. Is there any where else you can go? Another friends house? An aunt or cousin or something? If my neice ever asked me for help like you need, I would grant it in an instant even though I doubt she'd ever ask me. Next time you go to church, talk to the pastor about what's happening. Tell him you want it confidential, and just ask him for some guidance. He wont' force you to do anything, he'll just listen and offer suggestions. But since he's there and knows of all services and assistance available in your area he could really be a great asset to you. Especially under the age of 18, there are a resources to help you make it on your own, and places you can go to stay. There are really a lot of other options available to you other than staying at this families house. But you have to ask about them. And I think the pastor would be a good place to start. There are also sites on the internet to help teens who don't have family support. I found a ton for my neice after she left her parents house... financial support, housing, food, etc... But you have to ask. Don't stay there, please. He'll get progressively worse. It won't be long before he hits you for not following his orders. You deserve to be treated with respect, and care. Not bullied and controlled. Read up on emotional/physcial abuse. He's showing very DEFINITE behaviors of this. Before this escalates, you HAVE to get out of there. This will only get worse. Doesn't matter if you had sex with him or not. Talk to the pastor and make a plan with him on what your next step will be.
Walk Posted August 8, 2006 Posted August 8, 2006 Also, if you can't get the time to talk to the pastor in depth about this, then just ask the pastor for his email address, or a phone number. Some way to reach him when you are free and aren't being watched. It would only take a moment after services for you to run up to the pastor and ask him. If your bf asks tell him you wanted to discuss something about a class project, or college education, or careers, or food tastes of christians vs catholics.. anything. But be prepared to come up with something quick because your bf is going to try his hardest to keep you from ever talking to anyone outside his immediate family. He's attempting to isolate you. Cause you to be solely dependent on him. Its the first step in an abusive relationship.. So you have to act NOW. Take this seriously, because your life is in danger from this guy.
blind_otter Posted August 8, 2006 Posted August 8, 2006 I read your other thread where you described the sexually abusive relationship with your step father. In my experience you tend to re-create those types of relationship dynamics until you resolve the issues you have related to the experience of long term sexual victimization. This is quite obviously an unhealthy relationship with a man who is overly controlling, and it could potentially get worse and become physically abusive. Women who have experienced the types of things that you have tend to get into chaotic relationships with abusive or controlling men because the chaos that it causes in your present day life helps you to forget or be distracted from the intrusive memories of your past. But sadly we are destined to repeat the past until we absorb it and learn from it. I hope that you do seek help from a therapist.
the_alchemyst Posted August 9, 2006 Posted August 9, 2006 This sounds kind of familiar. Some years ago, about 4-5, I was involved with my "first bf." He was nice and everything at the beginning, but he subsequently dwindled down into nothing but an abuser. It started out with little things, like telling me who I "could" or "could not" talk to, where I "could" or "could not" go, and what I "could" or "could not" do. Later on the began to push me around, and slowly but surely it escalated into full-blown physical attacks: He hit/punched me in the face and in the stomach several times, quite often leaving me bruises (mainly on my face). I finally "left" when I had decided that hey, I wasn't a punching bag! Oh, and also when he got ahold of a small pistol. Anyway, maybe this guy is not the same, and I sure hope he isn't. But don't take chances, either way. Sit down and talk to him. Tell him you don't appreciate the way he is treating you, and remind him that you are his gf, not his with whom he can treat as his property. You are a woman, not a piece of meat he can chew on and spit out if he doesn't like it. Also, remind him that you moved in with the family, not with him. You are not living with him, but with his family. I read your other thread, too. And if you do decide to move, I hope it's not back to your house. That would be like going from bad to worse.
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