pricillia Posted August 8, 2006 Posted August 8, 2006 I just contacted my ex MM after about a month and a half of not seeing him, just a few e-mails here and there. I called him! I asked to see him! I told him that I missed him! I know that this is really wrong. I just want to cry. I feel guilty for just talking to him. He said that it is not a good idea to see each other because we both know what will happen, I then said forget that I called but he would not let me go. I told him that I still wanted to see him and asked him if he felt the same way and he said yes. He said that he would call me, I am not expecting him to or maybe I am... I don't know But what the heck why do I miss him so much, I was doing fine but today it got the best of me. It is like all of my emotions are right in my throat and I just want to screem. Has anyone else been through this and what should I do???
inarut Posted August 9, 2006 Posted August 9, 2006 I know exactly how you feel. I know being with my MM is so wrong but everytime I tell myself I should not call him (because he never calls me) I do it anyway. We are together and then he never calls. It's the same cycle over and over. I keep saying to myself that the only way this situation could be any more humilating for me is if he gave me money when we where done. I am not going to find out if that would happen because I am done with him!!!
Author pricillia Posted August 9, 2006 Author Posted August 9, 2006 I know exactly how you feel. I know being with my MM is so wrong but everytime I tell myself I should not call him (because he never calls me) I do it anyway. We are together and then he never calls. It's the same cycle over and over. I keep saying to myself that the only way this situation could be any more humilating for me is if he gave me money when we where done. I am not going to find out if that would happen because I am done with him!!! I hear you! it does not make it any easier though, I a sitting here thinking why the hell did I do that. I don't need to be with him then why do I want to??? This whole thing is sick! I definately have a problem here..
Meaplus3 Posted August 9, 2006 Posted August 9, 2006 I just contacted my ex MM after about a month and a half of not seeing him, just a few e-mails here and there. I called him! I asked to see him! I told him that I missed him! I know that this is really wrong. I just want to cry. I feel guilty for just talking to him. He said that it is not a good idea to see each other because we both know what will happen, I then said forget that I called but he would not let me go. I told him that I still wanted to see him and asked him if he felt the same way and he said yes. He said that he would call me, I am not expecting him to or maybe I am... I don't know But what the heck why do I miss him so much, I was doing fine but today it got the best of me. It is like all of my emotions are right in my throat and I just want to screem. Has anyone else been through this and what should I do??? Been there myself and I am still there! I spoke with the MM that I have been involved with this evening. Still the same old as he puts it, "if we are alone together you know what will happen", well come on buster than LET IT HAPPEN! I know that is so VERY wrong of me to say but I can't help the way I feel when I'm around him! I know what you mean about your emotions as I have felt exactly the same way. I keep wondering just how much longer I can feel this way, why the heck is it so hard?
Author pricillia Posted August 9, 2006 Author Posted August 9, 2006 Been there myself and I am still there! I spoke with the MM that I have been involved with this evening. Still the same old as he puts it, "if we are alone together you know what will happen", well come on buster than LET IT HAPPEN! I know that is so VERY wrong of me to say but I can't help the way I feel when I'm around him! I know what you mean about your emotions as I have felt exactly the same way. I keep wondering just how much longer I can feel this way, why the heck is it so hard? Then how can I stop feeling this way??? I was doing fine but today it just got to me (as I have said ) I really miss him, not sure why it is so hard but I thought that it would get easier I think of him too much.
PoshPrincess Posted August 9, 2006 Posted August 9, 2006 Totally sympathise with you. I am going thru exactly same thing with my MM at mo. We have had hardly any contact over the last two months but yesterday I weakened and texted him asking if we could meet for a drink 'as friends'. I didn't expect a reply but he phoned and said yes, but that we would need to sort out where and when, so of course, I was delighted. The call got interrupted and he said he'd phone back but now I'm beating myself up again as I have heard nothing from him. He used to be the weak one in the relationship and whenever I ended it he would hassle me to see me but now the tables have turned. I feel like I'm going insane. His daughter found a couple of texts that I'd sent so knew that we were still in touch and now he's so scared that it will happen again he has tried to cut all contact. I know I should 'do the right thing' and break it off but I love him and miss him like crazy and it's taking over my whole life. If he told me he loved his wife and had made a mistake then I would let him go but all the time I know I'm the one he wants to be with I can't.
inarut Posted August 9, 2006 Posted August 9, 2006 I am so glad it is not just me with these issues. I feel like the thoughts of my MM are taking over my life. I get so angry when there is NC and have all these thoughts in my head of how I am going to tell him off and then I break down and call him and act like nothing is wrong. I wish I knew what was going on in his head and knew exactly how he feels about me. When we are together it's always late and it's basically nothing but sex. I feel like we don't even talk. Do MM not open up to you because they feel they less they communicate the easier it is for them to not get so attached? I've known my MM for about 25 years (I'm 35) but nothing was ever going on with us until about 5 months ago (see my first post for whole story). It was basically comfort for both of us but of course I have developed feelings for him but I think he's just in it for the sex. I am so hurt and confused I can't stand it. I need to stop thinking about him but it's so hard.
PoshPrincess Posted August 9, 2006 Posted August 9, 2006 Inarut, sometimes I wish my MM WAS in it for the sex, then the L word might never have been used and I wouldn't be in this mess. We only had sex once and that was after 6 months and it never happened again as he felt too guilty. Suppose he convinced himself he wasn't technically cheating if we weren't f***ing. Of course we did 'other things' but we did lots and lots of talking too and I actually think I miss that more than anything. Miss the laughs we had together and getting texts on my way to work saying things like, "How's my special girl?" No one has ever made me feel that loved and special in my life but as I said to him, no one has ever made me feel that **** about myself either so what does that tell me? At the beginning he put me on a bit of a pedastal and apparently couldn't believe his luck that I would consider being with him. He'd liked me from afar for quite I while but I was still with the father of my son at the time and as he was married too he did nothing about it. I don't know why he felt like that as I'm nothing special. He kept telling me how beautiful I was, how he thought I was clever (I've got a few O'Levels) and even thought I was posh (hence username!) which I am SO not. God, how I miss him. Why do us OWs do it to ourselves though? If I knew anyone who was considering a relationship with a MM I would try and convince them not to go there as I never want anyone to feel as miserable as I do right now.
inarut Posted August 9, 2006 Posted August 9, 2006 At least your MM talks to you. I think that if I asked my MM 3 questions about myself, he could not answer 1 of them correctly. I don't get it because my MM too admired me from afar for quite some time. Not to toot my own horn but I always have people complimenting me on my looks and figure so it's not like I was looking for the attention. I am usually a pretty confident person but since being with him I am questioning everything about myself. Before my H and I started having problems, I never gave this man a second thought. What is it about this man that keeps me coming back for more??? He does always tell me how beautiful I am and that he looks forward to being with me but he never calls me. Am I just an ego boost? I know he's busy with family, work etc but so am I and there are a million opportunities for me to call him during the day. That's the part that kills me. I don't think he feels guilty because he said he is basically in his marriage because of his kids. I do believe him because I know his wife and she is not a nice person at all. I know I am babbling but I just don't understand any of this. I need to get into the head of a MM and find out exactly how they think!
Milf629 Posted August 9, 2006 Posted August 9, 2006 I can't respond to much because I'll get angry. But your are doing yourself a disservice, a huge disservice. Are you not worth someone who CAN actually devote themselves to you and only you? I would focus on finding some self-respect and self-love, love yourself enough to find someone who will love and respect you.
Guest Posted August 9, 2006 Posted August 9, 2006 I had been thinking about my MM constantly and it was driving me crazy. I'm determined that every time he enters my mind now I am going to immediately think of anything else. It has been a month since I talked to him and I too had to call him. He was happy to hear from me but the conversation was strained. I immediately knew my calling was a mistake and told him I had to go. He hasn't called me back which was good for me. I don't know why I love him so much. I was even thinking I wish I was his wife because at least he'd come home to me. It was really starting to get bad my fantasizing about him.
PoshPrincess Posted August 10, 2006 Posted August 10, 2006 I'm like that too. I think about my MM constantly and it drives me crazy. Why do we do it? I had a call from mine last night after several weeks of virtually NC and although we are supposedly over we have talked about meeting for a drink 'as friends'. Just hoping I can do it. I have to remember that it's when we talk about us I end up feeling worse although I do miss hearing that he loves me. Thing is, I think he knows there is no point in him telling me that now as unless he is with me and not her they are just empty words. He told me that he misses me which was good to hear but I really think I am waiting for something that's never going to happen. I really miss him though - having a laugh with him, texting each other about stupid things, just normal stuff that I suppose you rarely get to do with an MM. I know he misses that too as it's what his marriage is seriously lacking - lots of laughs. We've had the sort of relationship where we make fun of each other all the time and I suppose you get these kind of 'in' jokes that no one else understands.
BUTAFLY Posted August 10, 2006 Posted August 10, 2006 I can't respond to much because I'll get angry. But your are doing yourself a disservice, a huge disservice. Are you not worth someone who CAN actually devote themselves to you and only you? I would focus on finding some self-respect and self-love, love yourself enough to find someone who will love and respect you. I lost track of your thread 'just the facts' what was the outcome with you and hubby?
BUTAFLY Posted August 10, 2006 Posted August 10, 2006 I don't think he feels guilty because he said he is basically in his marriage because of his kids. I do believe him because I know his wife and she is not a nice person at all. I know I am babbling but I just don't understand any of this. I need to get into the head of a MM and find out exactly how they think! I asked my exMM after the shyt hit the fan and the dust cleared if he felt guilty. He was silent,thought for a while, then came up a sholder shrug followed by a simple no. I was shock...I didn't know what to say. Then I started to think wait...does he not feel guilty for what he did to ME or the wife. He then went on to his wife hurt him over and over. He listed things she had suppsenly done. But out of these horrendous things he's still with her, so it makes me dout they're even true. If you want to get a general idea of how cheating mm think...i suggest looking up manalive, you may not like what he has to say but he keeps it real. & Stoopidguy thread is also a good glimps in to the man psyche.
Milf629 Posted August 10, 2006 Posted August 10, 2006 The thread is now "I don't" in divorce and separation. Papers have been served. I STILL don't have my all out truth, but at this point it doesn't matter. I don't want to be with him anymore, I deserve FAR FAR better then his cheating, lying, cowardly self! Can you tell I am in the anger stage?
BUTAFLY Posted August 10, 2006 Posted August 10, 2006 Good for you. Personally I'm glad you took a stand and I hope you are better for it. Cheers to milf
Jessie61 Posted August 11, 2006 Posted August 11, 2006 Has anyone else been through this and what should I do??? Pricillia, The answer is simple. You start again. And you try harder. Eventually it will get easier and you will forget him. It is like dieting and there are no shortcuts. But if you stick to it, it will work.
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