angelbabychica Posted August 8, 2006 Posted August 8, 2006 I am writting this to ask why is it that men don't like to have sex with there girlfriend but would rather watch porno. My boyfriend and i have been together since september 2004 and since november 2004 my boyfriend and i have not had sex when the beginning of this no sex had started i had asked him about it and he said if i quit bringing it up we would have sex well its been almost 2 years and i still have not had sex with my own boyfriend. i have asked him if he was cheating he said no cheating is for loosers he says then i asked him if it was me and he said no so at this point i am confused because i do believe he is cheating with this girl he has known since way before me who is now going through a nasty seperation, which i won't lie i don't like her shes condisending but now i am to the point where i am confused should i leave and start a new beings we are living together in his house or should i suck it up and go forward in this relationship where all he does is complain about his babys mama and money and when i say i feel neglected he says how is that when you live in my house and don't pay bills and then complaings about money when i state that i am depressed about our relationship hopefully if you could live through that complete babbling you might be able to give me some advise i would appreciate it thanks
a4a Posted August 8, 2006 Posted August 8, 2006 I am too tired to delve into pointing every little thing out to you. But in a nut shell...... It is time for you to move on. How old are you btw?
moman Posted August 8, 2006 Posted August 8, 2006 All guys want to have sex. It's either that you don't turn him on or he is getting it from somewhere else. time for you to move on. (sorry to be blunt but that's how I am). The times I have withheld sex from my girlfriends is a clear signal that things are not good.
Reckless Posted August 8, 2006 Posted August 8, 2006 Let me get this straight - you haven't had sex with your boyfriend since november 2004?! And when you try and bring up the subject of your relationship he says how is that when you live in my house and don't pay bills ( And you are asking if you should stay or go? Is that the situation? or are you asking if your boyfriend hasn't had sex since November 2004? Hmm, well... okay let me try and put this as best I can. 1. pack your bags 2. phone a friend or someone in your family to come pick you up 3. don't leave a note 4. leave 5. take the dog
john1776 Posted August 9, 2006 Posted August 9, 2006 All guys want to have sex. It's either that you don't turn him on or he is getting it from somewhere else. time for you to move on. (sorry to be blunt but that's how I am). The times I have withheld sex from my girlfriends is a clear signal that things are not good. I disagree. Not all guys see sex as an important part of a relationship. I'm one of them. Maybe his reason for stopping sex was a fear of getting her pregnant or maybe he is content with masturbation? It doesn't necessarily mean he's cheating on her. Yes there are actually guys out there left who are totally innocent of cheating and who still don't want to have sex with their girlfriends.
burning 4 revenge Posted August 9, 2006 Posted August 9, 2006 Yes there are actually guys out there left who are totally innocent of cheating and who still don't want to have sex with their girlfriends.And they're called impotents
Tony T Posted August 9, 2006 Posted August 9, 2006 I disagree. Not all guys see sex as an important part of a relationship. I'm one of them. Maybe his reason for stopping sex was a fear of getting her pregnant or maybe he is content with masturbation? It doesn't necessarily mean he's cheating on her. Yes there are actually guys out there left who are totally innocent of cheating and who still don't want to have sex with their girlfriends. Whatever his reason for not wanting to have sex with her, sex is extremely important to most people in a relationship. Only Mother Theresa would have stayed in a realtionship with a guy for two years without some sexual intimacy. It's time to go find someone else. Cut your losses with this dude and go find someone without hangups and who has a normal sex drive. Obviously there are some very compelling reasons why you have stayed with him. But over a period of time, a life of celibacy will be extremely frustrating for you and lead to major bouts of anger. Move on!
stoopid_guy Posted August 9, 2006 Posted August 9, 2006 I disagree. Not all guys see sex as an important part of a relationship. I'm one of them. Maybe his reason for stopping sex was a fear of getting her pregnant or maybe he is content with masturbation? It doesn't necessarily mean he's cheating on her. Yes there are actually guys out there left who are totally innocent of cheating and who still don't want to have sex with their girlfriends. He may be innocent, but it's obvious their sex drives aren't at the same level. Unless they can reach a happy medium, it's just going to cause more and more stress in the relationship. She hasn't mentioned their respective ages, but that's going to make a difference too. His general attitude toward her isn't very good either. She's better off without him.
john1776 Posted August 9, 2006 Posted August 9, 2006 Either it's because of impotence or fear of getting her pregnant or fear of getting hurt. There's many possibilites. Depression is another possibility. I wouldn't recommend she leave him if everything else in the relationship is excellent but if there are other issues going on then that's a different story. I'm just saying there's plenty of guys out there who are dying to get laid but no chick wants them while at the same time there are guys who have everything a woman could ask for but those guys just don't want to get laid for reasons not limited to what I stated above. Apparently this guy is sexy enough in her eyes to want to sleep with him otherwise she would not have started this thread. If he wasn't sexy in her eyes then she wouldn't care about why he's not interested in having sex. So I say hang on to him because he obviously has many qualities that do make her want to sleep with him.
moman Posted August 9, 2006 Posted August 9, 2006 I disagree. Not all guys see sex as an important part of a relationship. I'm one of them. Maybe his reason for stopping sex was a fear of getting her pregnant or maybe he is content with masturbation? It doesn't necessarily mean he's cheating on her. Yes there are actually guys out there left who are totally innocent of cheating and who still don't want to have sex with their girlfriends. There are many ways to keep from getting a girl pregnant. I can completely understand that line of reasoning however. It is possible that he is content without sex, but I find it quite odd there is no sexual attraction. It's not like they are grandparents (or are they?)
john1776 Posted August 9, 2006 Posted August 9, 2006 There are many ways to keep from getting a girl pregnant. I can completely understand that line of reasoning however. It is possible that he is content without sex, but I find it quite odd there is no sexual attraction. It's not like they are grandparents (or are they?) Abstinence is the only way to prevent pregnancy. Any other method involves serious risk. The solution is simple. Don't have sex until you want children. He may be sexually attracted to her but he refuses to act on it. Maybe his fear of getting her pregnant overrides his sexual drive and that's what motivates him to abstain.
john1776 Posted August 9, 2006 Posted August 9, 2006 I am content with masturbation as a way of satisfying my sexual needs. This is safe sex. I get to meet my needs and still have 0% risk of making my girlfriend pregnant.
lovestruck234 Posted August 9, 2006 Posted August 9, 2006 Whoa whoa whoa.... Ok, I totally repsect the people, such as john who don't see sex as important, but I am NOT one of those people... I find if I don't have sex with my bf AT THE LEAST every second day, we both get really irritable and usually end up in a fight... I have always believed that sex is one of the most important things in a relationship. I know there are SOME people who will disagree, and that's cool. But sex is showing one another that you love each other, in a physical, intimate way. And if I didn't have that, I would be feelin pretty depressed as well. Nov 2004????????? Do you people know how long that is? Really?? MAN! I wouldn't last ONE WEEk without sex. Do you still engage in SOME sexual activities? By that I mean, not necessarily SEX but any type pf foreplay? Oral? Kissing even???? I'm sorry, I'm just really shocked by this... It's obvious you are very very faithful and hats off to you for sticking with him for so long. But I think it's time to get a bit more assertive here. It's clear he has the upper-hand in the relationship, and that's not on. He gets to make the calls....I wouldn't put up with that... Time to sit down and have a real long talk with him, and if he still comes up with the same excuses as he always does "if you quit bringing it up, we will" etc is when you hit him with the real question I'm sure all of us are thinking right now......is he gay?
burning 4 revenge Posted August 9, 2006 Posted August 9, 2006 Just because a guy has sexual issues in a relationship does'nt mean he's gay. Lovestruck, I know you're young, but my last girlfriend was much older and knew better and she would throw such epithets in my face. Sometimes men have libido issues before they're sixty, it's not just women.
lovestruck234 Posted August 9, 2006 Posted August 9, 2006 But this relationship is into 2 years of it, pretty much. Don't you think by being with someone THAT long you have sex atleast once even? Just for a bit of reassurance on the others behalf... Yes, I am young, but it doesn't make me stupid, or naive. I know alot of people on here would have alot more experience under their belt, doesn't mean I'm oblivious to it. I don't know how long you were with your last gf for, but you can't tell me you didn't have sex ONCE? In all honesty, if you are in a relationship with no sex, that means you've got no physical attraction or sexual attraction to one another, and to me, that's not a very good relationship...that would be just be like living or being with someone who could pass as just a friend, or even worse a brother/sister. You may as well just break up if you're living like that... Yeah, sure some guys do have libido problems, I understand that completely, and if they had it for say, 2 years, yeah sure, no problem, just leave and make a doctors appointment on your way out...
john1776 Posted August 9, 2006 Posted August 9, 2006 Sex doesn't have to be intercourse. It can just be hand jobs and french kissing and oral sex. A woman who places a high value on sex in the relationship is a major turn off for me. If she can't satisfy herself then she's probably not someone I would want to continue a relationship to begin with because I would sense pressure from her end. I'm actually turned on by women who are not depending on me to satisfy their sexual desires. I'm turned on by a woman who masturbates. I love to watch. It tells me that she's self sufficient and knows how to satisfy herself when I'm not around or when I'm not in the mood. I disagree that the absence of sex is no different than friendship. What about kissing? That can take place without sex. I don't know any friends who kiss or cuddle up on the couch.
norajane Posted August 9, 2006 Posted August 9, 2006 angelbabychica - this man is disrespectful of you, and sounds like he treats you badly, completely without getting into the sex issue. Are you happy? If not, it's time to go.
lovestruck234 Posted August 9, 2006 Posted August 9, 2006 Sex doesn't have to be intercourse. It can just be hand jobs and french kissing and oral sex. A woman who places a high value on sex in the relationship is a major turn off for me. If she can't satisfy herself then she's probably not someone I would want to continue a relationship to begin with because I would sense pressure from her end. I'm actually turned on by women who are not depending on me to satisfy their sexual desires. I'm turned on by a woman who masturbates. I love to watch. It tells me that she's self sufficient and knows how to satisfy herself when I'm not around or when I'm not in the mood. I disagree that the absence of sex is no different than friendship. What about kissing? That can take place without sex. I don't know any friends who kiss or cuddle up on the couch. I guess every guy's different then. Every relationship works differently too, I guess. I think you're not really understanding what I'm trying to say here...my point for all of this was directed at the OP and her problems, and the fact that she never mentioned any type of other sexual activities (oral etc) which got me a bit concerned. If they are still engaging in other ways to be sexual with each other, then I would respect that totally...and wtf? Kissing was never brought up regarding sex. It was simply a point I brought up and by that I meant that if they're not having sex, then are they atleast KISSING like couples usually do? Pressure was never brought into this. I would never PRESSURE my bf to have sex with me if he didn't want to, and yes, there are times when he doesn't want to and I get over it. Pressure is not the concern here. Any decent girl or guy wouldn't pressure you into anything you don't want to do. The way I see it, and this is just my point of view, I wouldn't be happy knowing that my guy masturbates when I'm not around. I know it's natural and sure, he probably does it from time to time, but if he's doing it to replace sex with ME, I would see MYSELF as the problem. Same as if I were to masturbate instead of enjoying a fufilling sex life with him. He would probably start to have a question mark or 2 pop up in his head. If your happy getting youself off and your girlfriend getting herself off, in replacement to enjoying those moments TOGETHER...really, IMO, what's the f**king point? And in regards to my 3rd paragraph about pressure, and decent guy or girl IMO, would wait and share their physical needs with the one they love. My bf has told me on numerous occasions that he has had the need to masturbate when I'm not around, but he has told me he has wiated for me and share it with me. And by golly, he sure was horny! Anyway, sex is important to some, and irrelevant to others when it all comes down to it...and what you choose is your choice.
rina_r Posted August 10, 2006 Posted August 10, 2006 I dated a guy like that. We had sex prolly once a month (we were in our 20s), and he never cared to satisfy me. But he would sit watching porn all evebings. When i moved in with him, i found out he had many emotional issues (started in childhood- he could never forgive his mother for divorce, etc. and since then treated her rather disrespectful and all other women too). Other girlfriends before me left him. So did i.No regrets.
Quinch Posted August 10, 2006 Posted August 10, 2006 I have to say I'm with lovestruck on this one. You have sex for 2 months and then nothing for almost 2 years!!! What is he? The Pope??? Something is seriously wrong here and fear of pregnancy shouldn't stop kissing, fooling around or even mutual masturbation. You need to sit down and talk with him and ask why he isn't doing any of these things and if he doesn't have a damn good reason then move on. If you really don't want to do that then think about going to a sex therapist.
rina_r Posted August 10, 2006 Posted August 10, 2006 If you really don't want to do that then think about going to a sex therapist. But usually such guys say that they dont need one, that they are OK!!
ash8752 Posted August 10, 2006 Posted August 10, 2006 I am with Lovestruck on this...2 years without sex. DAMN!!!!! My bf and i have sex at least every other day and on the days we dont he tries and tries and makes comments. We are in love physically, emotionally etc. Very healthy relationship when it comes to everything (except my self esteem issue) but anyway. That is a huge problem. John, if sex is not the way for you then thats fine but i dont know how people do it!!!!!! But to the OP...that is not your only problem. He is controlling you! "stop asking and maybe we will", how about you say "I have needs and sex is one of them." Lack of it can hurt you in many ways, including feeling wanted which is important. Also, he tells you how you dont pay the bills but holds it against you. COuld you help with the bills? I have a feeling he just tells you not to and then that way he can hold it against you. Your bf doesnt sound like much of a man to me....GO FIND ONE! good luck
GuestDude X Posted August 11, 2006 Posted August 11, 2006 How old is his child. I witnessed my wife give birth to my son and yeah afterwards maybe I had some guilty feelings about my lust and desire for her. I went 15 months without a peep. I stoked it twice a day, and that was enough, I thought, holmes you are the big gun! Better put you down before someone gets hurt and FZ>X dies. You also mentioned a little something like child support he could be stressed, and yeah you will be linked to her as long as they are parents , welcome to the family. Who was she living with and why do they separate. She could've moved in with a crack head for all we know. Imagine your own baby having to live in ascrewed up environment. Factory moved to damn China cant get any good money to insulate from the filth and slime and filth and do whats right. Who the frick would f{_}ck after that. Hopefully other arousing areas are alive.... If you want, a peaceful transition could be at hand for all parties, but now we discuss consensus decision making ...very sloppy, but good.
Lostgurl Posted August 11, 2006 Posted August 11, 2006 What if he is in the closet, and being with a woman as a front so everyone will think that he is straight? What kind of porn does he watch? is it bisexual, transexual, or regular with a bit of midget mixed in? Or is it just striaght ol porn?
Lostgurl Posted August 11, 2006 Posted August 11, 2006 Sorry the above post was wrong of me. It really coulldn't help you with your situation at all, just put more woes on your shoulder. Its was B%$chy of me. Please ignore it. I am in a state of my own and am in no position to give any advice, therefore the idiotic post above!
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