GuySimple Posted August 8, 2006 Posted August 8, 2006 For those of you who have been separated/divorced what were your biggest fears on your ex wife dating? Mine are that she will find some very good looking guy who is well built and outgoing. Basically I am worried about my whole arrogance and competitive nature. I don't know if it is the same for women, that the ex husband will find a really cute woman who is a real people person. I'm guessing that everyone would want their ex to find a homely/average person who is bald (the guy) and very out of shape. I am just starting to run into some single guys whom I would be uncomfortable with my ex being with. Not because they would be mean to her but just because. Does this make sense?
stoopid_guy Posted August 8, 2006 Posted August 8, 2006 Wouldn't matter to me. My sister wound up married to a former marine who was ten years younger though. She was 36, he was 26, in excellent condition, and just a really nice guy. I'm sure it didn't make her ex happy.
Gunny376 Posted August 8, 2006 Posted August 8, 2006 If she married the most handsomest, richest, buff guy there is. She could get with a Chippendale stripper for all I care ~ although I’m sure her current husband (No.#3) wouldn’t be a happy camper, but I could care even less about him. She’s not with me, and she’s not bobbing for my apple ~ so why should I care who’s apple she’s bobbing for? Whoever it is, he and she’s not helping me solve my problems, providing the answer’s to my questions, paying my bills, helping me achieve what I want and need to achieve in life, obtain my goals. Forget her! My attitude toward women is if one of them don't want to be with me ~ its her lost, not mine. I've got a lot to offer the right woman that has something to offer me, and its going to have to be more than a car load of youngin's by some other man, a drawer full of bills and a part time job at the 7/11 ~ and yes something more than just sex. News flash for you there Slick. The older you get ~ the better you get at your 'game'. The older you get ~ their are more good women than there are good men. A lot of people do a lot of stupid things ~ a lot which gets them killed, and a lot of those stupid people are young men.
dgiirl Posted August 8, 2006 Posted August 8, 2006 I use to be obsessed with wondering how the other woman looked. I pictured this beautiful woman and i was really really insecure. However, those thoughts just hurt me, and I really do NOT want to know who he's dating. There's no good that can come from it, unless it's a money hungry bitch, maybe that would bring me some satisfaction, for a little while lol. But honestly, the less I know, the better i am off. When you find yourself dwelling on this, refocus your thoughts to better things!
Trimmer Posted August 8, 2006 Posted August 8, 2006 ...she’s not bobbing for my apple ~ so why should I care who’s apple she’s bobbing for? Oh, I love the metaphor... And beyond my appreciation of the vivid crafting of his imagery, I do agree with Gunny's point. Part of my letting her go is realizing that she's got some issues - ones that she owns herself. I'm working on mine - and I'm going to be a better person for it. Maybe she's working on hers, maybe she doesn't see any need for it; I don't know. But either way, if she doesn't work them out, then she may well repeat the patterns and cycles of her past history (which now includes me) and that would be too bad, because deep down, I don't wish her any ill will, and although I'm pretty hurt and pissed at her sometimes, in the end, I would rather see her happy and stable than messed up. What she did is a reflection on what and who we were together. What she does next is all her own, and is no reflection on me.
Trimmer Posted August 8, 2006 Posted August 8, 2006 GS - having said all that - realize that it's just my own experience in my own situation. I'm not ragging on you for feeling the way you do. It does make sense, and I can understand how you would feel that way. One big thing that plays into my feelings is the fact that she is still the mother of my kids, and it has become an important focus of mine for us to continue to be good parents, supportive and with a good mesh and minimal conflict in our now-separate roles. So to that end, and with the realization that it ultimately helps our children, my STBXW's stability is a worthwhile goal for me to hope for. I don't know how I'd feel if we didn't have kids together. I would probably not really care - might have moved away, etc... But the need to live close and continue to work together has been built into our situation from the beginning, so everything from feelings about her going forward to my own recovery and healing, is colored with that, right from the start.
Mz. Pixie Posted August 8, 2006 Posted August 8, 2006 Well I'm not a guy but can I comment?? I don't actually care who my ex is married to- ie, what she looks like. The only nagging hurt I have is that she'll develop a better relationship with my kids than I want her to have. She can be good to them, and love them, but I want to be mom and not have her infringe in that relationship. Another good thing is that I've known her for years. She's shorter than me, heavier than me, and not as cute. I am more attractive and slimmer than my husband's ex wife too. Not to sound vain, I'm just being truthful. One thing that kills me. If I'm the ex- I'm always going to be better turned out and looking nicer than the new wife. That's just a girl thing I think or so I thought. So, I always make sure I look GOOD when I see my ex and his new wife. I guess my husband's ex doesn't feel the same way. She shows up- hair unbrushed, no makeup, sloppy sweats. My friend and I joke all the time that she's not following "the rules":lmao:
alphamale Posted August 8, 2006 Posted August 8, 2006 Does this make sense? No, actually it doesn't. Most people will try to get the best new mate that they can regardless of their ex.
DieselPWR Posted August 8, 2006 Posted August 8, 2006 At first I struggled with the idea of my stbXW even with another guy; I had this fantasy of her coming back, saying she's sorry, and wanted to give it a second shot. After that bubble burst, I still don't like the idea that she may have left me for some other guy, but I am coming to the terms that she is her own person, and I can't worry about what or who she's doing. Not me, that's all I know, and all I care. If she gets a younger, sexier guy, so be it, but as Trimmer said about issues; my W has alot of them that will turn around and bite her in the butt. She has mental issues she needs to deal with to make ANY realationship work. I put up with alot of crap to make her happy. I don't know too many guys that would put up with that. Bottom line, I want her to be happy. If she is as Gunny says "Bobbing someone else's apple", and it makes her happy, so be it. The longer I think about her with someone else, the less it bothers me. If she's happy and content with what she's done, then whatever. I am gonna get back out there when the healing process is farther along, cause I don't see a future with her, and I want to continue living for me.
Author GuySimple Posted August 9, 2006 Author Posted August 9, 2006 I hear what everyone is saying. It is not about moving on, letting go etc etc (at least I don't think so). It is about the whole alpha male thing. The male ego, face it we all have them in some way shape or form. The last thing that we want is to be upstaged by some other guy in the eyes of someone whom we, at least some point, tried to impress. Pix's comment is a good one. I find myself looking good around my ex. Not to win her back but just because I am self conscious about not looking like the down and out ex husband. I also want my kids to see someone who is confident etc., just in case she dates some superstar who is great with kids.
Gunny376 Posted August 9, 2006 Posted August 9, 2006 I hear what everyone is saying. It is not about moving on, letting go etc etc (at least I don't think so). It is about the whole alpha male thing. The male ego, face it we all have them in some way shape or form. The last thing that we want is to be upstaged by some other guy in the eyes of someone whom we, at least some point, tried to impress. Pix's comment is a good one. I find myself looking good around my ex. Not to win her back but just because I am self conscious about not looking like the down and out ex husband. I also want my kids to see someone who is confident etc., just in case she dates some superstar who is great with kids. And it makes sense, but a true AM wouldn't be so much concerned with who the XW is with, so much as he would be concern on working on his "inner game" to where this wasn't an issue. Alpha's don't worry about other guys, because the know they're on top of they're game, and they've got their inner game honed to a razor sharp edge ~ and they also know that there truly aren't that many true AM. Most guys are Beta's, or "Want-To-Be ~ But Know How To Be" Alphas, or jerks who think they're Alpha's, but aren't they're just Jerks. These kind of guys are more than likely what she's going to end up going through a slew of. If your end game isn't to find a replacement wife ~ then it doesn't matter just date and go out and enjoy the dating game. Regardless, you've got to move tons of rock and dirt to find an ounce of gold or a handful of diamonds. Alphas know this, and they also know that you've got to date a lot to find one that's worth marrying.
Recommended Posts